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PoisonedApple 24-08-2010 06:23 PM

*hugs everyone*
Kat - hope you can focus a bit better later on but don't worry about it for now. :)
Mark - Glad you didn't harm. Good luck with all of your appointments and activities. Might even get to enjoy some of it :)
Laura- Try to have a good time at class
How is everyone?

D agreed I should apply for the job in CA. I finished most of my resume on their website but I haven't taken a typing test in about 2.5 years... need to take another and enter my score. I know I type faster than I used to and I used to type at 39 WPM but taking a new test makes me so anxious I screw it up all over the place and last one I tried online I got 33WPM *face/palm* Might try to go down to the temp agency I took the last one at... Margo lets me sit there and retry till I'm satisfied (as long as its business hours). The job center has typing tests too. We'll see.

MammaMia 24-08-2010 06:41 PM

Laura, I agree, any kind of dream can mess with your head. Sorry you had strange dreams *cuddles*
Mark, but you keep doing it :/ Just makes me feel pretty worthless :S

Doikers 24-08-2010 06:59 PM

*Hugs Helen if Okay* I SO didn't intend to make you feel worthless , I like you and okay, I messed up but I am truely sorry , Give me another chance , I'd HATE to have to lose you as a friend :S

Scarletdreamer 24-08-2010 07:19 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Hels, I'm pretty sure that Mark didn't do it on purpose, he's not that kind of guy. But I can see both sides, how you'd feel worthless too, even though - as I've told you before - you are most definitely NOT worthless. *gentle hugs* We're all going through rough bits now and with a muddled head when you're feeling ill (mentally or physically) it's hard to keep track of all of the posts here and all of the people supporting each other. I hope that made sense!!

*hides in the warren & cries softly*

MammaMia 24-08-2010 07:27 PM

Sorry :'(

Doikers 24-08-2010 07:31 PM

*Hugs April*

*Hugs Helen*

Scarletdreamer 24-08-2010 07:45 PM

No sorries, Hels, sweetie. It wasn't your fault. And Mark, no feeling bad on your part either. We all miss posts/support. I hope my post didn't sound accusatory, Hels, really didn't mean for it to come across like that. :( *group hug?*

How're you both doing, though? besides the nervousness on your part, Mark, about tomorrow (I would be nervous too - you're gonna be the busy bee this time ^_^).

Updated my r/v. It's really long though. :(

Brain's not working right. Hmm, I wonder why? >_< Anorexic mindset fully in place at the moment. I'm thoroughly crap at the moment. :( Jarrod's gonna be upset with me when he gets home. And I'm gonna feel even more like crap then.

Took a nap earlier but it wasn't for very long. And I just can't get into WoW right now, or books... writing is my only escape. It's as if I have to write my way out of the hole I've fallen into. Yes, fallen. I didn't choose to (re)lapse... even though I may be "choosing" to stay here... I really don't know why anyone would do that though.

I really don't want to have to go IP. I really really don't. And res, at the place I'll be going to see my nutritionist, is helluva expensive, and we can't afford it... wonder if they could/would manage to get me in somehow anyway?? I honestly don't know. And I feel like a ****ing failure to be back in this place.


Doikers 24-08-2010 08:10 PM

Speaking as someone who only has an outside knowledge of ED's I'd say that you aren't a failure April , you can't help all these feelings that have come back it's not something you control , like you said, you didn't choose to re/lapse so please stop beating yourself up about it . <3 you Little Sister

MammaMia 24-08-2010 08:19 PM

*group hug*

Please try fight the anorexic mindset April *cuddles tight*

Doikers 24-08-2010 08:38 PM

*Group Hug*

Scarletdreamer 24-08-2010 08:44 PM

I'll... I don't know. I don't even "feel" like fighting it, if that is a feeling at all. Or if I can feel right now, I don't even know if I can. :( I don't want to try. I want to be tiny. But logically I know that that won't happen this way, because my body's too ****ed up to do that for me. Damn it, body, I hate you... :crying:

I'm so scared about seeing the nutritionist. :'( It's positively cruel to make me wait that long... or at least, so it feels. Hah.

*hides in a corner and curls up*

FlyingNy 24-08-2010 08:48 PM

Hey guys.

Got results. They were OK. I got three A*'s in English Literature, English Language and sociology. The rest were alright, mainly A/B with a couple of C's and one D. That was RE, but I knew that would be a fail since I wrote about the wrong thing in the exam. Lol.

Sorry I'm not up to individuals. I just...no, I don't even have an excuse. I just feel...I don't know that either. Heavy, tired. Ya know.


Scarletdreamer 24-08-2010 08:50 PM

Congrats, Lia, on the good scores. ^_^ (At least, they sound good to me, but I totally have no clue with your school system/grading stuff... lol.) *hugs*

Oh and I also completely forgot to join in the group hug earlier so *group hug* and *extra cuddles all around* :)

Scarletdreamer 24-08-2010 08:51 PM

Hope Nicole is okay... I know you guys were worried about her earlier... she hasn't been on, has she? Nicooollleeeeeee, where are youuuu?


Sorry. Brain's in a funky place at the moment. :(

MammaMia 24-08-2010 08:56 PM

April, I'm really worried about Nicole still =[

Lia, those are awesome, congratulations :D

Doikers 24-08-2010 09:18 PM

*Hugs Lia* Well done !! , it sounds to me like you did really well in your exams 3 A*'s and a bunch of A,B,C's is GOOD :)

PoisonedApple 24-08-2010 09:38 PM

Grats Lia! those scores are awesome. :)

FlyingNy 24-08-2010 09:40 PM

Thanks guys :)

They were OK, I did better in my mocks, but still. I can live with those. I'm pleased about English at any rate.

Feeling a little better now. Hope everyone else is.

Love you guys.

The One Who 24-08-2010 10:02 PM

*peeks in* I'm hoping to spend a bit more time around these parts, thought here would be a good place to start.

I hope everyone is doing okay *leaves hugs for everyone who would like them*

MammaMia 24-08-2010 10:15 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Welcome Claire, good to see you round here :]

shadowedsoul 24-08-2010 10:26 PM

Hugs everbody. My heads a bit messed up right now, stuiped thoughts and other things. Really want to do something, and just knowing I can't is really annoying. Just wish it was that easy, that I could just do it then problem solved. But it's not. Curls up and crys softly

Scarletdreamer 24-08-2010 10:59 PM

*cuddles Jill & everyone else* :)

Ughh... :(

*hides in a hole*

Oh, and *welcomes Claire & offers hugs* :) I'm April.

shadowedsoul 24-08-2010 11:22 PM

Thanks April. Really want to do somthing stuiped. Only thing stopping me is my younger brother, it would kill him if it ended up not working. Man that's messed up=( curls up into ball

taz35 24-08-2010 11:26 PM

*hugs everyone*

I'm spreading magic feel-better dust all throughout the ward :) Everybody gets some.

And on that note, I'm not feeling any better, but trying to fight through it. Have counseling for an hour and then my psychiatric evaluation afterwards =/ Kind of freaking out about it, debating about whether to tell them I finally worked out a plan last night...

*tackles Jill and April* I spy you both!

Kahlia1981 24-08-2010 11:45 PM

*huggles everybody*

Sends extra supportive *hugs* to ALL who are struggling.
Counting down the minutes until I come back with an important announcement ... *acts mysteriously*

Kahlia1981 25-08-2010 12:02 AM

Time's up!

I've made my 2 year SI free milestone !!!!!! :sohappy:

MammaMia 25-08-2010 12:07 AM


I've made 6 months free!!!!!


*hugs everyone*

Scarletdreamer 25-08-2010 12:26 AM

WOOT WOOT!!!!!! *throws confetti for Hels & Kahlia*

And tomorrow, I'll have met my 2 month free mark!!! ^_^

Congrats to all of us, I say. XD Especially you two ladies, though. *ginormous hugs*

MammaMia 25-08-2010 12:53 AM

Congratulations for you too darling. Tomorrow being Wednesday? :D It is here already!!! :P

*jumps about the ward in celebration* LOL

(Still worried about Nicole!!)

Kahlia1981 25-08-2010 01:14 AM

Woot!!!!!! Woot!!!!!! Woot!!!!!!
WARD PARTY!!! *throws confetti*

Congratulations Helen - so proud of you!!! And isn't your 1 year OD free soon as well?
April, congratulations to you as well!!!

(Also still worried about Nicole. :-S)

MammaMia 25-08-2010 01:24 AM

I should throw some confetti too!! *throws*

Thank you Kahlia, it sure is, next Tuesday infact :D

SoMuchMore 25-08-2010 01:41 AM

*opens up all my stored confetti and throws it excitedly for Kahlia, April, and Helen* I'm so proud of all of you!!!!!! :-D

MammaMia 25-08-2010 01:45 AM

Thanks Laura =D

Kahlia1981 25-08-2010 02:17 AM

Yay!! Does anyone have a bubble-wand or something?
Let's rock up the tunes and wake the neighbours or something like that. lol.

misskitty112 25-08-2010 03:11 AM

I got a new kitten! And he's so super adorable!
I will post pics and properly read and reply when I'm not so tired.

anarchistl0ve 25-08-2010 04:18 AM

*gets out her celebration bubbles and sets them on the table going back under her blanket in the corner. still not okay wanna SI the only thing stopping me is... http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-..._1729879_n.jpg him nope hes not my hubby

Doikers 25-08-2010 08:34 AM

*Hugs Claire* Welcome to the ward :)

*Congratulations and Hugs to Helen , Kahlia and April!!!* *Throws confetti over each of you* :)

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Taz*

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs anarchistl0ve*

MammaMia 25-08-2010 11:39 AM

WOOO *puts some tunes on*

Thanks Mark :)

I'm still really worried about Nicole, I know a few of us are. I fear something's happened =[ Just hope I'm wrong.

one_step_closer 25-08-2010 12:52 PM


I'm feeling so low right now and don't know what to do with myself. I am supposed to be doing another programme with the Prince's Trust about the environment, it started on Tuesday but I got lost and today I didn't even bother going. It's hard to find the motivation to do anything now that my brother has moved out.

Doikers 25-08-2010 12:57 PM

*Hugs Lindsay*

Scarletdreamer 25-08-2010 01:10 PM

Good morning everyone. *cuddles all*

Am still so proud of you both, Hels & Kahlia. ^_^ *throws some extra confetti*

Lindsay, sweetie, is there any way that we can help??

Laura, how are you doing, hon? feeling any better physically?

I'm worried about Nicole too... :-/

Mark, how are you??

Becca, love, what's been going on to make you this low?

Sorry, I know I didn't get everyone... but I did try. :( And with a head as muddled as mine is right now I think that's pretty good. :-/

Today is my 2 month free mark. Woohoo!! :) I'm happy... especially as a few days ago after a massive row with my parents (well, it felt massive, it's made up now) I felt like cutting so much... but didn't. ^_^

My ED is messing up my head again. Jarrod's disappointed/pissed off/frustrated that he can't fix me and that's annoying me... I don't know... I can't do anything about it. :( He's gonna act the way he's gonna act... and I can't stop him from being that way. He loves me & I know it but he just doesn't get it... :(

And I'm terrified that my new nutritionist is going to want me to go PHP... :-/

*hides in the warren & cries*

MammaMia 25-08-2010 01:31 PM

Unless I'm mistaken April....you, Kahlia & I are all celebrating our achievements on the same day (25th - today!!! GO US!!!! Kahlia, if I'm wrong, feel free to correct me :D

I've also had more good news today :D I've got a group assessment (interview) for the same Christmas job that I had last year. Not long just found out, so that's really pleased me. That's next Friday. The college enrolment sessions are next week aswell, I'm going on the Thursday, so hopefully will get a place. It's all looking up right now :D

****, as I was writing this, I got some bad news about one of my besties :( Oh dear. She's in the right place to be though (hospital).

Scarletdreamer 25-08-2010 01:40 PM

Yep, the 25th is the day on which I'm celebrating!! So woot, we really have good coordination of celebration days!! XD Lol.

I'm so glad, Hels, that things are looking up for you (except for your bestie - but at least she's in hospital and getting the help that she needs, right? I know not much comfort but that's the best I can offer :( sorry). I hope that you get that job and also that you get into uni... all of that would be awesome. ^_^ You definitely deserve things to look up for you - we all do. :)

Ugh. I really need to eat SOMETHING for breakfast even if it's small, otherwise Jarrod will be so disappointed later. Stupid stupid me. I told him what I was going to eat and now I'm trying to figure a way around that... :( Stupid eating disorder, stupid stupid April, stupid everything about me.


Doikers 25-08-2010 01:57 PM

Helen , Good luck with your Chrismas job assesment and you college enrollment , Do you know what you are going to enrol for or are you going to sus it out there *Hugs* Sorry to hear about your friend abut she will be taken care of in hospital .

MammaMia 25-08-2010 02:00 PM

We really do have good coordination of celebration days!! XD Lol.

I'm glad things are looking up for me :) But least my bestie is in hospital getting the help she needs indeed. Just hope this time, she doesn't have similar experiences to the last two, but I suppose her Gran will be round lots more and I think the staff involved won't be allowed near her. I hope I get the job and into college too (it's not uni, already did that for a year :P College usually happens before uni, you can't get into uni without it.) Fingers crossed :) It would be awesome & thank you =) It's not been the best of years but even if I only got into the college course, it would mean so much.

Try eat April :( Not stupid at all.

Mark, we must have posted at same time, thank you :) Hopefully the staff will look after her in hospital. They don't always look after her properly. Which is why I often worry bit extra when she goes in. I know what course I want to do, but not sure what level to start at so going to ask when I go in next week =D I will be there for 3/4 years depending where I start, eek!! Going to be an old woman by time I get to leave lol, will be 23/24!!

Detour. Derail 25-08-2010 03:40 PM

Im sorry guys...I have no individual replies today.
Ive just got back from seeing my nana in hospital.
The cancer has grown. And spread.
I saw my nana breakdown and cry for the first time in nearly 20 years.
So I went and got stoned.
im a **** up

Scarletdreamer 25-08-2010 04:03 PM

Hmm, here college = uni, and uni = college so no wonder I got confused!! lol. I do hope that you get into what you want to get into, Hels. Will be keeping you in my thoughts/prayers. :) Have you had any news on your bestie? *hugs* Or the job, for that matter?

Lex, hon, you're not a ****up. You may make screwups but that doesn't mean that you ARE one. If that makes sense? And I'm so sorry that you had to see your nana that way, that had to be really really difficult. :( *gentle hugs if okay?* Is there anything I/we can do to help??

I ate a little bit... but not a lot. I can't. My stomach is unhappy with my right now & I swear it's not psychosomatic, it really is real and I hate feeling ill. :( Stupid ED. Stupid life. Stupid me. And I am stupid, for letting this take me over. I'm barely even fighting. I'm so damn over it all. It's like every day is a new battle, some lost, some won, but barely any feelings of victory if I do "win." I just don't want to fight anymore. :'( I know, I'm a loser, but........ :crying:

No news on the job. I've been told that I should probably call them just to see... but I'm scared. And I am being so ****ing lazy today, hardly doing anything... wanted to talk with someone so texted my sister about half an hour ago and no response. Ugh. So I guess I don't talk with anyone. And it's probably for the best as whomever I would talk with would probably try and convince me to eat but it's too ****ing hard, and I'm not going to fight like that. :( At least, yet... only X lbs to lose until I'm in a happier place.

I really need to go to sleep somewhere. My eyes are heavy and I've got a headache. :(

Sorry for all of the blather about me. >_<

*hides in the warren, curls up, & cries softly*

Detour. Derail 25-08-2010 04:20 PM

I just wanna curl up and cry.
Im sorry, please be patient.
One minute im fine and the next....meltdown

katnovia 25-08-2010 04:23 PM

*curls up in a corner and cries* I don't want to do this

katnovia 25-08-2010 04:25 PM


Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 2461232)
Going to be an old woman by time I get to leave lol, will be 23/24!!

thanks for making me feel old :P *huggles*

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