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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

xxjuliexx 25-05-2010 08:50 AM

*curls up*

Doikers 25-05-2010 10:15 AM

Helen :) Way to go on 3 months free ! *throws confettti too* * Hugs*

*Hugs Emma*

*Hugs Kahlia* I'm sorry your mother upset you , please try not to do anything "Stupid" as a knee jerk reaction :S

*Hugs Taz*

*Hugs Julie* It good that you eat , well done:)

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs all my other wardmates*

Doikers 25-05-2010 10:56 AM

Do I 1) Go and lie on my bed and wait for the urges to pass
2)Go for a walk and try and walk away the urges
3) Give in to the Urges ?

Hmmm. I have NO energy, none , I want to cut , I really do , my arms are covered but I know what they look like . I don't feel I have the energy for A walk, not yet , I have an appointment later and could go out for it early and walk by the canal first , I'l go and lay down , just for a bit hmmm hope the urge leaves .

xxjuliexx 25-05-2010 11:07 AM

*hugs mark*

dont cut hun ur stronger then it

*curls up* i dont feel sick i dont feel sick i dont feel sick i dont feel sick:sad:

Doikers 25-05-2010 11:14 AM

*Hugs Julie*
I am gonna go to bed for about 20 minutes , hope it passes:S

Also.....
Hayley woud like to say that her laptop seems to have broken a bit and she can't get it to stay on which is why she hasen't been online today :S

xxjuliexx 25-05-2010 11:17 AM

ok night hunny
i might head to sleep hopefully

Scarletdreamer 25-05-2010 11:18 AM

Mark *tackle hugs* Try and distract yourself, maybe a bit of WoW after lying down for a bit? and whilst lying down, maybe listen to some music to keep your mind OFF fantasies of SI? Just a thought... wish I could help you more. :( *curls up next to and offers to hold both of your hands again* :)

Scarletdreamer 25-05-2010 11:21 AM

Julie, sleep well, love. *cuddles*

Kahlia, I'm sorry your mum upset you - but you "shouldn't" be dead by now, you have a life to live and I'm betting that you're gonna be doing great things in it once you get more stable. Hopefully that didn't offend. :-S Just please don't do anything "stupid," we love you too much here. *cuddles*

Heather, how are you, hon? *squishes*

Laura, what's going on? It feels like there's something you aren't telling us, even though that's okay if you don't want to bare your soul here or anything... that's fine. I was just curious, 'cause maybe we can help somehow? *cuddles gently* I'm here for you, and my PM box is open if you need. ♥

Anyone want non-allergic kitty snuggles? (I fixed 'em just special for Laura so she wouldn't have to leave the ward!! :D) 'cause I have a snuggly kitty in my lap right now. :)

*cuddles everyone I've missed*

xxjuliexx 25-05-2010 11:26 AM

*rock* i dont feel sicki dont feel sicki dont feel sicki dont feel sicki dont feel sicki dont feel sicki dont feel sicki dont feel sicki dont feel sick

one_step_closer 25-05-2010 11:34 AM

*hugs everyone*

shadowedsoul 25-05-2010 11:54 AM

*Sneaks back in and rocks back and forth* it wasn't you
it wasn't you it wasn't you. Damn it can't beleve how much
of a hold you have on me.hate the fact I panick when
people touch me. hate the nightmares waking up in a panic
because I think you are here. Then my body shakes
and I can't stop it. sorry guys shuting up.

jonikd 25-05-2010 12:26 PM

note to self - don't leave it 24hours to come back in here and expect to be able to keep up with everything!

Hugs April, hun you are a beautiful, selfless woman, you have so much going on for you, yet you are here supporting every single one of us here in the ward. I take my hat off to you, and hug you tight- so proud and thankful that we have you here. I pray that you are feeling better, and that you've managed to hook up with your friend, *hugs again*

Hugs Helen, I'm worried about you hun,nothing I can do or say, but just wanted you to know that.

Laura, sweetie, let us know what's happening for you, I for one like to know and I care *cuddles*

Kahlia, your 21 month celebration has been the highlight for me over the last couple of days. You give me strength, so I thank you. I really hope your Mother's comments haven't dampened what should be a very happy, special celebration for you *hugs tight*

Julie, sweetie, go to bed! *tucks in and hugs goodnight*

To everyone else who has posted since my last visit to the ward, be gentle with yourselves and try be as nice to yourself as you are to others here, we could all do with taking our own advice *leaves a pretty big box of assorted hugs,cuddles & squishes*

I am struggling but surviving, coming off one drug and moving to another was never going to be a picnic :D

Kia Kaha
[Maori language phrase for 'be strong']

one_step_closer 25-05-2010 12:28 PM

What's happening?

Scarletdreamer 25-05-2010 01:17 PM

What do you mean, Lindsay? *cuddles*

JK, good to hear from you again!! :D Thanks for the support and kind words - they mean more than I can say. You are such a sweet and lovely person... please try and take care of yourself the best you can, wish I could help more. *cuddles* Hope you sleep well... *tucks you up into your ward bed and gives you one last hug before you drift off into dreamland* :)

I'm working from home today... got 10 out of 35 surveys done, so am taking a brief break to check in on here. :)

I spy a Mark!! :) Did the lie-down help at all, love? or are you still triggered? :(

I'm really exhausted and my eyes are watering... gahh... and my bestie texted me last night after I was asleep asking me if I was awake still. I texted her back this morning because I turn my cell off when I go to bed, so I didn't get the text til I turned on my phone this morning. No response yet. :(

*hides in the warren* :'(

Doikers 25-05-2010 01:19 PM

Whats happening with what Lindsay?

Oops I OVERnapped , went to bed about 11.20am and didn't get up until my Dad rang my phone , which was in my pocket, at 12.40pm . Still , napping seems to have helped a bit ,I just hope I can sleep tonight :S

*Hugs JK* It can be really hard to switch meds I hope you don't get to bad withdrawel/switching side effects .

MammaMia 25-05-2010 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2315637)
*cuddles Hels* Three months is amazing!!!! :D *throws confetti and does the happy dance for you too* :) Hehe. I view any amount of time gone without self harm as a milestone, based especially on the frequency of the SH before stopping/trying to stop.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kahlia1981 (Post 2315690)
Helen: *big hugs* Congrats on your 3 months!! *throws confetti*

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fallinstar0317 (Post 2315694)
*throws confetti for helen and kahlia* Congrats you two!

Quote:

Originally Posted by taz35 (Post 2315715)
*throws even more confetti* As if I forgot to congratulate you both on your accomplishments :crazy: CONGRATSSSSS <3 :-D

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doikers (Post 2316001)
Helen :) Way to go on 3 months free ! *throws confettti too* * Hugs*

Thanks everyone for the congratulations <3

Quote:

Originally Posted by jonikd (Post 2316205)
Hugs Helen, I'm worried about you hun,nothing I can do or say, but just wanted you to know that.

*hugs back* Why you worried about me sweet?? Also, med changes are never easy, you'll get through it, I believe in you *extra squishes*

Emma, I'm sorry you've been struggling with flashbacks, I saw your thread though *cuddles tight*

Mark, thanks for letting us know about Hayley =) Hope the urges have passed.

April, hope you're feeling better.

Julie, yay for you eating :)

Taz *jumps on*

Laura, hope you're doing okay

Kahlia, don't let your mum get to you & congratulations :P

*hugs everyone else* Sorry.

Scarletdreamer 25-05-2010 02:08 PM

Hm I forgot that WoW is down today for maintenance until 2pm my time, grrr. Was going to go on it for a bit, taking a break from entering surveys. :( Boo hiss. Don't feel good AT ALL... :'(

How are you, Kat? *spies you and cuddles*

And Mark, I spy you too!! :D *cuddles*

Hels, sweetie, how are you doing today? *squishes*

one_step_closer 25-05-2010 02:14 PM

Sorry, I was asking shadowedsoul what was up.

katnovia 25-05-2010 02:14 PM

No energry, at all. Would love to do individuals, but so tired. will do this page, though, sorry it's not more.

*cuddles mark* napping is good, sometimes I find a nap helps me sleep better because i'm not overtired, but then it depends on what thoughts i have before bed. Well done on holding out over those urges. *squishes*

*cuddles hels* congrats, and well done on such a great individual reply post, i can't possiblely (spelling?) compete!

*hunts april down in the warren, gives her a huge cuddle* I'm sorry you're not having a good time hunny. wish I could help.

---------------
TRIGGER WARNING: SI/Sexual Abuse

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Triggers:SI/Sexualabuse/Sexual assualt etc.. oh and very long.

well, I spoke to nick the curate today, was expecting it to be quite frankly awful, however, he was really really really good. I'm so impressed. I told him about what's going on with rosie, amy, sarah, 'miel, and shadow, and he was really switched on and in touch even though he'd not really heard of D.I.D before. I actually felt comfortable telling him about frank abusing me as a child, and admitting the s harming. Though I didn't tell him I had moments before he came.... :S

He wants to talk to the girls, and help them, to minister to them. That could be interesting. Rosie probably would, but amy's not too keen on trusting men. Sarah, well I think she'd probably get angry at him just for being male, and I think, she might be a bit to hard to handle right now.

The other thing is i'm not ready for nick to know about everything that has happened. I don't even know if anyone else has been through it. I don't know how to type it, so saying it would be impossible, and I don't want to get into the situation where I clam up, mainly because, bless him, he has a bad stammer/stutter, so conversation can be a bit halted already, without me unable to say a particular word. I dont even know if anyone needs to know he did that ... but a part of me feels it would be better out than in, better faced, because right now it's just a horrible vile secret that eats away at my soul. Yuck, I feel sick now thinking about it.


*waves at lindsay* didn't mean to leave you out, sorry sweetie *extra special huggles*

MammaMia 25-05-2010 02:41 PM

April, not doing too great to be honest. But hey, when am I? *broken record much?*

Kat, thank you sweetheart.

katnovia 25-05-2010 02:49 PM

*cuddles hels* sorry you're not doing too great. Wish I could make you feel better *hands you pretty flowers picked from the ward garden*

katnovia 25-05-2010 03:16 PM

*cries* I dont wanna do this anymore

Scarletdreamer 25-05-2010 03:18 PM

*cuddles Kat and Hels* I wish I could help you both more than I can... I feel so helpless. :( *holds you both and rocks back and forth gently* Will be keeping you in my prayers though, can tell you that much. :) If that's okay, that is.

I can't keep up with life. I just want to give up, give in, quit. :'(

taz35 25-05-2010 03:39 PM

*hugs Mark* I hope you didn't cut, the urge will always pass, you just have to try and fight through it <3 (and yes, I'm being a hypocrite by telling you this...)

*hugs Julie*

*hugs April* What's driving you to think that?

*tackles Helen* You're not a broken record hun, get that out of your mind :) I wish I could help more :(

*hugs Lindsay* How're you doing?

*hugs JK, shadowedsoul, Emma, Kat*

*hugs anyone she may have missed and leaves piles of extra hugs on a table*

MammaMia 25-05-2010 04:09 PM

Thanks Kat, April & Taz. I feel like a broken record, I'm sick of feeling so bad. So ****ing sick of it. So ****ing sick of these thoughts aswell. Making me want to do them just so they'll SHUT THE **** UP!!!

PoisonedApple 25-05-2010 04:53 PM

Quote:

*throws confetti for helen and kahlia* Congrats you two!

*hugs everyone else* Again, im sorry, im not feeling up to doing individual replies, but i am reading and am keeping all of you in my thoughts.
This.

Scarletdreamer 25-05-2010 05:00 PM

Ughhh feel like ****. :'(

But I did call the new therapist and left a message. :-S Actually had to make 2 phone calls... I HATE PHONES!!!! It would be so much easier if everything were through typing. :'( No appt made yet as she wasn't answering her phone at the second office they have, but... at least I tried, right? :-S I'm scared... I don't want to do therapy again but my NP and Jarrod both think that it's wise. :(

*hides in a hole*

Scarletdreamer 25-05-2010 05:09 PM

updated r/v........................ :'(

bitch that i am. sorry, so sorry....

PoisonedApple 25-05-2010 05:41 PM

*cuddles april* not a bitch, hun.

shadowedsoul 25-05-2010 05:43 PM

Sorry one step closer,thought I saw an old ex freind of
mine, it kind of set of some really shitty flashbacks
horrible stuff. Realy wanted to selfharm, Hate that he gone yet I'm left with the ****. Graps some bed covers and hides in a corner.

MammaMia 25-05-2010 06:11 PM

Having such an awful day again.
You wouldn't believe.
Can't tell anyone though..

Doikers 25-05-2010 06:43 PM

*Hugs Helen* Do you think you could tell us?

Doikers 25-05-2010 06:44 PM

*spots a Hayley and Hugs:)* your laptop is working?

CrazyHayley 25-05-2010 06:51 PM

Wow, like JK said, even in the space of 24hours its hard to keep up with the pace of the ward. I have read through everything since I was last in the ward common room though but I'm too brain fogged with my M.E to attempt to do individual replies.

I would like to thank Mark for being my messenger earlier with reagrds to my broken laptop. As you can see it's broken no longer.....*pause*....well it never was broken....I thought it was plugged in but infact my lamp was plugged in, so it hadn't broken, the battery had simply died *blushes* I'm glad I figured that one out before I asked someone round to help me!!!

*goes around ward giving all her wardies appropriate tlc*

*toddles out to smoking shelter*

Doikers 25-05-2010 06:59 PM

OH Hayley ! The old Laptop / Lamp switcharoo ! First thing to make me smile today , and I'm glad your back online :)

CrazyHayley 25-05-2010 07:07 PM

*huggles Mark* Well I'm glad it made you smile - I felt like such a wally! I've done something stupid like that before...well slightly worse...my fridge-freezer stopped working, and I checked the plug in the wall was in properly and switched on, so I called out someone to look at it...yes the plug was switched on but the plug was the extension lead that I forgot was needed and the fridge-freezer plug had come loose from the extension lead...£40 call out charge for me being a dipstick! Think I made the guys day! Oh well, I'm clever with some things, not blessed in the technology and plugs area though!!

I spy Laura and Crimson! *huggles*

Think I'm going to spend some time on WoW for a bit.

*toddles into corner to become her gnome!*

PoisonedApple 25-05-2010 07:09 PM

*curls up and cries* too much... it's all too much. what does everyone want from me? i'm doing 2 people worth of jobs and its still not enough. everyone has some complaint about something i'm not doing good enough. then i go home and have to make dinner, have g do school and try to fit in my own essays (they're almost done i just don't have time to finish them) then eat and try to fit some exercise in there somewhere and lets not forget a bath and any housework that needs done.
to top it off i've been so sneezy lately that my throat is flemmy and raw (from sniffling till i can get to a tissue and the rush of air from sneezing respectively) to the point that i'm losing my voice and have to keep clearing my throat and coughing and drinking tea and eating cough drops just so i can speak at all.

Doikers 25-05-2010 07:15 PM

*Hugs Crimson* , You sound rushed off your feet! * Hands Crimson a box with an hours worth of time to just relax in*

PoisonedApple 25-05-2010 07:17 PM

I want a rl denial tent for my office

SoMuchMore 25-05-2010 07:36 PM

*cuddles crimson* Oh hun, it sounds like you've got a ton going on. You are doing amazing handling everything. I really admire you for being able to handle all of the stress it seems that you have *creates a relaxing bubble around crimson so she can have a break*

*hugs hayley* i'm glad your computer is not actually broken. Thats funny about the lamp/laptop switch

*cuddles JK* sorry to hear that you are struggling hun. Switching drugs is really hard sometimes.

*hugs april* Good job on managing to call! You are not a bitch.

*hugs helen* I hope you are alright. I know you said you cant tell anyone about your day but if it helps at all you can always talk here, or my PM box is always open

*hugs taz, lindsay, mark, jill, kat, emma and everyone i might have missed

I will try to let u guys know whats going on with me.. Not right now, b/c im only here for a few minutes and i wanted to get at least a few replies in.. but i'll try to explain later maybe... i just suck at talking sometimes.

shadowedsoul 25-05-2010 07:36 PM

argh is this day ever going to end. Not in the mood now
was in a really stuiped mood earlyer on. Having a man
bashing day. Was funny took my mind off stuff. Now i
got noithing to keep my mind from thinking things. Just want
to curl up in thhe stockroom at work and hide.

Scarletdreamer 25-05-2010 07:37 PM

*spies a Crimson and a Laura*
*cuddles both of them*

Crimson, sweet, sounds like you've been through a crapload of busyness!! I'll donate a few hours of my time to help you... *hands a box with a few hours stored up in it* Maybe that'll help some? (I wish) I'm sorry that you feel underappreciated (at least, I can only imagine that you do)... but we appreciate you here. Am pretty sure that everyone would agree with me!!

Hels *cuddles* So sorry you're having a bad day, and don't worry about sounding like a "broken record" as you put it, I'm sure that we all sound like that at times and it's okay. :) Just let out your feelings whenever you can - in a healthy manner - and keep on fighting... you are doing such a marvelous job!!

Mark *cuddles* Thanks for all the support you've given me, has been so much appreciated. :)

Just got in touch with that therapist... I'm scared - no TERRIFIED - that she's going to make me contract to not self harm or she won't see me. I can't do that. I can't. And if she does I knew ahead of time that this theraputic relationship wouldn't work out!! :-S because I honestly don't think I can stop SH'ing. I think I need to go to res for that, I'm not saying I can't stop without it, it's just that I think I need intensive care and res would be that. :-S But I did make an appt - 9 June at 4pm - so I'll have to leave my internship early, ugh. Oh well. I am just scared!! :'(

Sorry for being such a ****ing coward. Even Jarrod thinks I'm a coward (at times). :'(

*hides in the warren*

Scarletdreamer 25-05-2010 07:40 PM

Oh! I forgot Hayley... whoops. :o

Good to see you back... and lol, that did get me to smile about the laptop/lamp switch. Glad you have your comp back though... how is WoW going? did you start a little toon with Mark's? or are you just helping him on your mage? *cuddles* I've missed the WoW-talk that we have once in awhile... :) ...hopefully we don't annoy the non-WoW-players in the thread. Heh. :-S

*hides again*

taz35 25-05-2010 08:09 PM

*hugs Hels* My PM box is always open hun. I know how you feel with the thoughts. Try not to give in though, you’re so much stronger than that <3

*hugs shadowedsoul* Sorry, I missed your name somewhere =/ Flashbacks do suck though, sorry to hear they’re bothering you :(

*hugs Mark* How’s your day going?

*pounces on Hayley* Welcome back :D I actually lol’ed at your lamp/laptop cord mishap... I’m sure we’ve all done it (myself, more than once ><)

*hugs Crimson* Classic case of not enough time in the day to get everything done :( Sorry to hear that, I know how much it sucks. Wish I could give you better advice =/ I echo April’s thoughts though, we appreciate having you here :)

*hugs Laura* No worries, pop back whenever you get a chance. Hope you’re doing okay <3

*hugs April* You’re not a coward hun <3 I don’t think the psych would make you sign a contract like that, it sounds really harsh =/ But then again, I’ve yet to see a psych so I wouldn’t know. It sounds like you’re making progress though, just keep pushing along :) You’re stronger than you think.

Had a complete breakdown at counseling today... updating my r/v thread right now with more details.

*hugs anyone I might have missed*

Doikers 25-05-2010 08:50 PM

*Hugs Taz* How's My Day? Hmmm well I JUST about got out of bed this morning , then came to check on the ward , was feeling really triggered so went for a 20 minute nap and woke to my phone going off in my pocket over an hour and a half later lol , but the triggering urges have subsided thanx to the Mega-nap I just hope I can sleep well tonight. Still feel a bit triggered so am heading for an early night in a bit , was trying to play WoW but just coulden't get into it , I feel numb , thats my meds making me so. Sorry for the winding reply , I'm a bit self involved I know :S

edit: I'll just pop over and read your R/V thread

Scarletdreamer 25-05-2010 09:15 PM

ugh really don't feel good... :'( i hope i can make it in to work tomorrow because i have meetings i should be attending... if i can't i don't know what i'll do. :(

feel so stupid. i don't know.

and i am a coward. everyone thinks so. (okay, maybe not everyone, but a lot of lot of people do, i think...) but thanks for the reassurances, taz... *cuddles* i'll pop over and read your r/v in a bit.

laura, love, i'm here to listen to you if/when you want to talk. ♥ *cuddles*

gonna go update my r/v... i think... :(

Doikers 25-05-2010 09:23 PM

Do you guys find having a R/V thread usefull ? I'm thinking about getting one , as a sort of outlet for how I feeling , just so I can Rant uncenserd ( spelling?) but just wonder if anyone else finds them beneficial

Kitkat :) 25-05-2010 09:27 PM

I think its been about a month since I last SI'd.
Still haven't been to the nurse, my stomach hasn't been troubling me today but in some ways I still don't wanna go.
I had an exam this morning... But I almost had a panic attack, which is never really any fun.
*sits in warren*

Scarletdreamer 25-05-2010 09:30 PM

Mark, my r/v thread is very helpful to me. :) It's allowed me to get out feelings/thoughts that I don't put anywhere else, and people can follow what's going on in your head (if you want them to) without you having to type it out in here. Or it can just be a place for you... I tell people here when I update mine because I do want them to read it but you wouldn't have to. I just do so they can read it if they want, and then I can get some feedback. Sometimes, anyway.

Damnit I'm sick of being sick!!!! :crying:

EDIT: lol, updated r/v....... totally forgot to put that in the post first time 'round. And Taz... *cuddles tight* Keep us updated etc... I'm glad that you were honest with your therapist. That's really good. Proud of you. :)

PoisonedApple 25-05-2010 09:33 PM

Sometimes it is Mark. If I think I have too much to say for here I type it there, or when I'm angry and can't say what I need to to that person (see my r/v thread regarding aids to understand that part further) but there's times it isn't... Sometimes I don't type stuff there because no one but you can comment on your r/v thread... so really it depends what you feel/want/need. But it is worth giving it a shot, right?


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