Oh whoops, just went back to check and I totally misread a post... :-X lol... Sorry for the mixup, Hels, all my fault. :P (*feels like an idiot*)

Well, for those who want to know, I got this blue sleeveless hoodie that has verses from Song of Solomon on the back and an empire waistline shirt that says "Beloved" on the front of it from c28.com. I can wear them to my internship so I am excited about that, especially as the empire waistline shirt is 3/4 length sleeves so will hide some of my scars. :) Then I got two psychology books (A Guide to Rational Living by Albert Ellis and The Games People Play by Eric Berne, both pretty old books but psych classics according to one of my profs) and a cd (Sirenia's "13th Floor"). So 5 packages total, because I use Amazon's used & new so the last three things didn't come in the same package as I ordered them from different places through Amazon. I have no idea why the stuff from c28.com didn't come in one package though... :-/

So yey. :)

My tummy hurts... just ate supper... want to purge now. :'(

It's not a problem darling. I thought you may have mis-read something. It's easily done. *cuddles tight* Try not to purge and your parcels sound awesommmmme :D

*hugs Helen* What's on your mind? :(

*hugs April* your purchases sound awesome :)

*offers hugs to anyone who needs them*

Lots is on my mind Taz :( It sucks. Am seriously struggling. Am so scared I'll do something just to make this feeling end for a while at least :S :'( *cuddles*

Keep talking to us, Hels, love. *cuddles* And thanks for being so understanding... lol... I hate feeling like an idiot. :( Don't do anything "stupid," we need you to be okay. Because you're awesome and I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you to talk with sometimes. :) Same goes for all of you. You all mean so much to me... *tons of cuddles*

*cuddles Taz* How you doing, sweetie?

Updated r/v. Twice. I feel like ****......... really really REALLY want to purge.... :'( and am anxious but listening to my new cd, which I looooove... hehe. Xandria is the next group I'll be ordering a cd by, they're awesome too, if you like female-fronted Goth rock bands (which I do :D).

Just want to die. Please? :'(

I am trying to keep talking to you guys. But finding it hard & don't want to sound like a broken record you know? :( *cuddles tight* I'm a very understanding person lol. Not always a good thing I guess. But yes. Don't feel like an idiot *snuggles* We all make mistakes & stuffs. I'm trying to stay safe & not do anything 'stupid'. I wish I could be okay :'( I really really do. I'm not awesome. I'm sure you'd cope without me being here. You mean so much to me too. The whole ward does really.

*cuddles Taz* Like April asked how you doing sweetie?

I kinda want to die too April. I know, sounds pathetic. If I can't, then you must certainly can't. We'll get through this.

i'm sorry........................ i'm a pathetic bitch.

:'(

And you ARE awesome, Hels... i'm sure that the whole ward would agree with me. *cuddles tight*

gotta go take a bath... then bed. at least it'll keep me from purging/cutting/doing anything "stupid" ... for a bit at least. :'(

You're not a pathetic bitch. Nothing to apologise for sweetheart. I'm not awesome, but thank you *cuddles tight* Try & enjoy your bath and keep staying safe sweetheart :'(

*super squishy hug for Helen* you don't sound like a broken record to me. We're here to listen and help. you can PM me if you want... I'm horrible at offering advice, but definitely willing to listen :)

*super squishy hug for April* You're not pathetic at all <3 You have SO much to offer, don't sell yourself short. (easier said than done, I know)

I'm alright... having a decent day. Had counseling earlier, somewhat helped, but somewhat messes with my mind too. Hard to explain...
And my mom is beating herself up (figuratively) over my SI, blaming herself... even when I tell her that it's not her fault. She won't believe me when I say I'm okay, because apparently if I was okay, I wouldn't be doing this. =/ I'm just trying to focus on getting some of my chemistry done. Looking forward to being home alone all day tomorrow, not have to worry about meeting any expectations.

*hugs for everyone in the ward*
Oh, you're all awesome. I don't want to say that to only one person and have others feel left out. But you are all wonderful <3 :)

*curls up and looks at my lunch* shouldn't eat it.it doesn't look healthy cheese on toast not healthy *sniffles* sometimes i wish good at purging but i'm not i just can't no matter how hard i try probably seems like a good thing it's not it sucks sorry i'll shut up

*cuddles Taz & Julie*

Try to eat Julie. I know it's hard.

*sits*

*curls up & rocks*

*offers hugs to Julie* I hope you ended up eating at least a little bit Julie.

*sits beside Hels & hugs her tightly* Keep your head up hun <3

*hugs tight*

Thanks honey. I'm going to try sleep now. I'll reply to your latest PM asap <3 xxx

*cuddles those who can accept hugs*
*waves at everyone else*

So sick of all of this. Someone make it stop .... please ....


*disappears back down hole*

*peeks out from hiding* sorry, i havent been posting much... I havent really felt like talking the past few days. I keep reading though, to try to keep caught up with all of you. Again, sorry.. i prolly don't deserve any responses if i cant give them i know... so if you want to ignore, thats okay i understand.
*leaves hugs*

I hope it's Ok if i hang around in here for a little bit. I am not so good being on my own latley.

*hugs Laura* - Been missing you. Hope you are doing okay.
*hugs Vikki - I think that's your name (lost in dreams)* Hang in here as much as you want.

Had a bad night last night. My DID resurfaced for the first time in a long time. Not quite sure what to do or what I'm going to do to cope. Feeling a bit scared. I don't have any support psychologically for it, and am not able to get any. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow and we'll see what he says ... but I'm not sure how he will react. My last psychiatrist dealt with it and helped me with it, but since then I've had ECT and don't remember anything about it. My GP was really understanding though.

I guess it's good that I have one ally, right?

Sorry, I guess it just caught me by surprise and I'm scared and I don't know what to do and that scares me even more.

I'll stop complaining now. I'm really sorry. :crying:

*becomes invisible and sneaks off into a corner to hide in shame*

*leaves hugs for all* stupid phone it turned my pmimg off on here and i won't be able to fix it till after combat fitness but combat is good

*snuggles everyone*
*curls up in corner*

Quick hi as I couldn't drag myself out of bed this morning so am rushing around to be on time for work again, I don't want to go I hate it.

*hugs Helen* I'm sorry I haven't been around and I know it's never just money but it doesn't help, but you are awesome and kind and always supporting other people and you don't deserve any of this pain and you can get through this.

That goes for everyone, you can all get through this.

*hugs Laura* don't worry about trying to respond and we won't ignore you, we'll just sit by you and hold your hand

*hugs Taz* sorry to hear about your mum, parents are always difficult

*hugs Kahlia* hope today goes okay and you can talk to your psych about the DID

*hugs Nikki* you're welcome here, being alone is not easy

*offers blanket to horseridinbbe*

*hugs Julie* hope combat was good, please try and eat something

*hugs April* hope your day at the internship goes well, it's really fun getting things through the post even when we buy them :)

*hugs Crimson* hope you feel better today

*hugs Hayley* hope you slept well

Checks on all those asleep, hope you wake up feeling better than yesterday

okay gotta dash

Thanks people for allowing me to be in here. It makes me feel better.

*Hugs every one around* I'm going to go over by the wall now and try to sleep if thats OK. Thanks again.

*sits and looks around*

just so u guys no i ate

good job julie :)
*smiles at proudly*
hows you
[you added me on fb right? lol]

*nods*yea that was me :-p

*hugs heather*

sweet =]
how you doin

laura- its only an hour earlier there... why you up? haha

ate heaps dinner...
*hugs my tummy*
but 'm fine
*looks at the floor*

bet you didnt have as much as it feels sweetie <3
*snuggles*

hmm that fine doesnt sound very convincing :P

i had seconds i never have seconds and now....

*looks around* nuffing

here if you wanna chat :)
and tis ok sweetie *nod*

*curls up small* wanna be sick...

*sniffles*

<3 *snuggles with* wish could help

*curls up* no! no! no!
ur no allowed in here ur mean

Hmmm I don't know what triggered me , I've been thinking about "IT" for a few days grrr.

April, I'm glad your first day went well even if you spent a chunk of it sat in on a meeting :) And Some of your stuff sounds cool! the clothes and CD ( I don't know of Sirena though) But those Psych books sound beyond me . heh*Hugs*

Oliver , What did your horn tutor do to upset you , sorry if you already answered that :S *Hugs*

*Hugs everyone else *
*Waves at Owen * How are you ?

i spy a mark and an april

*cries* I wrote a really heartfelt message to all of my wardies, and RYL logged me out and I lost it.

*waves at Owen* It's not good for you, hon, and I'm sure that Julie didn't eat too much - and even if Julie did, I think she eats little enough most of the time that this time wouldn't really matter. Does that make sense? *sets a safe, nonyucky hug on the table in case Owen wants one*

*curls up next to Mark* Yer, I'm glad the first day's over though. ;) I was told by the two girls that work downstairs (program manager and something else) that every hour or two I should come downstairs and talk with them. Said very nicely - they seem very sweet and like they want to get to know me. Hehe. That's good... nice that I don't feel like the bottom of the ladder there even though I really am, lol. And Sirenia is awesome - you should check them out on Youtube. :) I'm listening to them now. How'd you sleep? and please try & stay safe, love. *encouraging cuddles* Don't do anything "stupid," you're awesome too and mean a lot to me - everyone in the ward is and does.

How is everyone doing this morning/evening? *sprinkles safe cuddles around the ward*

I just got up at 6am, it's 6:25am now... gonna play some WoW methinks, really want to get my little druid to level 14 - she's like 61% of the way through level 13, so I think I could manage it today at least. :) Got other quests with other toons of course but haven't done those yet... blah blah de blah.......... sorry, am rambling.

*hides back in her hole in shame* :(

*cuddles Kat* Awh hon, I'm sorry when it does that. :( Are you doing okayish? or not? (it's okay if not)

Grr Kat , I think I echo Owen and April when I say I HATE that.

*Waves to Owen*