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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Kahlia1981 09-09-2009 12:23 PM

*hugs Helen* I was terrified of the bike which I only got as an exercise machine when I still had a car. Due to the lack of a car it was my biggest mode of exercise and transport. Then on the day I moved in here I broke my wrist in a bicycle accident.

I know what you mean about missing your friend ... I miss Nicole and we can't even contact her until the 21st of this month. She is in an organisation that rehabilitates girls with all sorts of problems. And we have to get clearance before we are allowed to speak with her. Just incase we were her drug dealers or whatever....

Have fun on your holiday by the way Helen.

Country Girl 10-09-2009 12:53 AM

*SCREAM*
*collapse in the corner*
I want to say f*ck it all

Kahlia1981 10-09-2009 12:59 AM

*hugs Rach* Do you want to talk about it hun?

MammaMia 10-09-2009 01:26 AM

I leave for the airport in about 2 & half hours, haven't slept yet, oppppsie :P Love you all guys, stay safe xxxx

zowie 10-09-2009 01:51 AM

I drink whenever I get the chance.
I've been saving the bottle of nice wine my friend bought me as an early bday present, and I've drank the whole bottle tonight just because I couldn't afford anything else.
I feel like such a failure.

Steel Maiden 10-09-2009 10:11 AM

Hugs to all.

The Mindreaders follow me on the street and it freaks me out.

I've been bitten all over by some sort of insect, so my skin is burning and I can't stop scratching myself all over.

The Voices are bad again so revising is not an option right now. How will I do an Open University course if the Voices won't shut up when I try to sit down to do something?

Kahlia1981 10-09-2009 11:31 AM

*hugs Helen* ~ I know you won't get this until you come back but I hope you enjoy(ed) your holiday.
*hugs Arwen*
*hugs Steel Maiden* ~ Sorry wasn't sure of your name.

My body is aching from the bike ride I took today. My legs got a workout - which was good, but my shoulder got bumped around a little which was not so good. I know that I am fitter than I was so all this exercise and so forth is doing me some good. I have to go up the hospital tomorrow afternoon to see my physiotherapist. I think she'll be happy with the progress I've made. But, I have to look happy - like nothing on Earth is wrong - because she has sent me down to A&E before for a psych review.

I had a phone call today from the psychologist I'm going to be seeing in two weeks. She sounded nice but my instinctive distrust of all mental health professionals and the medical fraternity is insisting that I don't tell her much because she can't be trusted. It's kind of a catch 22. If I talk then I'm placing myself and my emotions in a vulnerable state, if I don't talk then I'm sabotaging the sessions, and since I only get 6 sessions with her ....

Meh.

zowie 10-09-2009 02:24 PM

*Hugs Oly and Kahlia*
xxx

realflifefaerie 10-09-2009 05:50 PM

*hugs everyone*

Sorry I've not done individual replies.

Country Girl 11-09-2009 12:13 AM

I finally am able to get a counselor i think i am going to like, and my insurance probably won't cover it, but I can't get a hold of my insurance company because they are closed by the time i get off work!!!!
I think that I must not deserve the help...because if i did it would be easier that this!!! I feel so worthless....

wildly insane 11-09-2009 12:18 AM

*hugs everybody*

I'm off to Liverpool tomorrow, moving, new job, new everything, I think I'm in a state of simmering panic.

Anyway I just wanted to check in and calm down and also say hi to everyone again and of course unlimited hugs and cookies.

*hugs Arwen* I know what you mean hun, but don't beat yourself up about it, alcohol is a difficult demon to control

*hugs Oly* I hope the voices leave you alone, I hope you can do the OU course, you have so much talent

*hugs secrets* hope you're okay

*hugs Kahlia* I hate bikes, let me walk any day, hope everything with the psych and the physio goes ok.

*hugs helen* have fun hun

*hugs everyone else*

Kahlia1981 11-09-2009 01:00 PM

*hugs everyone*

Hannah ~ I'm enjoying the freedom that riding a bike gives me although I'm terrified of breaking my wrist or popping my shoulder out while I'm riding. Going down slopes is the worst.

My physio has given me a stack more exercises for my shoulder ... even though the surgeon hasn't cleared me for any. I hope she knows what she is doing although I think she needs to see a pdoc for treatment.

ScarlettAngel 11-09-2009 01:10 PM

am i allowd to crash here for a while? im so lost and have nowhere to go, nowhere! i just need someone to come up, give me a cuddle, tell me they love me AND MEAN IT!!!
im so stupid, i wish i wasnt me :(
i thought i was doing so well... till now.

Kahlia1981 11-09-2009 01:13 PM

*cuddles ScarlettAngel* ~ Of course you can crash here. If you need it we have a denial tent where nothing bad can happen and you can separate yourself from the world a bit, a smoking shelter and multiple corners with people hiding in them. Do you want to talk about what's happening to make you feel the way you feel?

ScarlettAngel 11-09-2009 01:19 PM

im scared and angry, alone and exhausted. i dont know who i am, where i am, what im doing, where im going or why. i dont want to say much coz i dont wanna trigger anyone. i just have no friends, only a bf who is half the problem.
id like to seperate myself from the world, in a healthy and safe way, not the ways i been doing it.
im new to this thread though, and im scared

SoMuchMore 11-09-2009 05:28 PM

*hugs scarlettAngel* Don't be scared about being new to this thread, we are friendly. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now. Feel free to vent away if you need to.

My family is coming down to my university this weekend... I don't really know if i want to see them, I have to change my personality a lot around them, hide a lot of crap... but I still love them. It's my sister's birthday in a few weeks so I am going to decorate my apartment for her, but I don't have any decoration stores around my campus so I think im gonna use halloween decorations as that is all they sell in the drug store here :-P

Kahlia1981 11-09-2009 11:26 PM

*hugs ScarlettAngel* ~ I have to echo Laura's sentiments. Feel free to vent here, what happens here stays here.

*hugs Laura* ~ I hope things go well with your family. I can understand your concerns. I have to change a lot of things about myself around my family - although they are starting to realise that things in my life aren't as simple as they once thought.

I'm trying to work out what to do about my laptop. The last time it got sent away the "repairers" claimed that they couldn't see the problem that I had described, and so sent it back untouched. The problem is that the screen shows a pixellated pattern on the desktop background. There is realistically only three parts of the computer that it can be - the screen, the graphics card and the connector, but they haven't tried replacing all those parts. My housemate thinks it's because they can't get the spare parts and still want to be paid. I have to work out what I'm going to do because my computer is basically useless in its current state. It really frustrates me....

Kahlia1981 13-09-2009 03:59 AM

*hugs everyone*

I hope I haven't scared everyone off with being a post-hog. :(

SoMuchMore 13-09-2009 09:13 AM

*hugs Kahlia* your not a post-hog. How are you?

*hugs everyone else*

Hanging with my sister tonight, its 4am here... we have to get up in 5 hours so we can be ready to meet my parents in the morning... then i get to do work all day woohoo *sarcasm* o well, at least it's been a distraction.

zowie 13-09-2009 03:41 PM

*Cuddles all round*

I've had a nice weekend, but am very very sunburnt!

I sent an email to a friend from a couple of years ago when I lived with my (then) bf in Hampshire. I met her through my auntie, and she's a really lovely woman. We've kept in touch over text, but she asked me to send her an email and let her know how everything's going. I told her about how I'm almost 9 months free of SH and hospital, about the wonderful friends I've made in the last year, and about how I started a college course which I feel optimistic about.
It just made me feel happy reading it back to myself. I would have never believed that I would be in this place and feel good about it :)

It's my 20th birthday in exactly a week. I didn't think I'd make it to 20, or if I did, I thought I'd be an absolute wreck.

Happy times.
:)

realflifefaerie 13-09-2009 05:57 PM

It's been quiet in here over the weekend maybe thats a good sign?

*hugs Kahlia* don't worry about posting, your laptop seems to be taking forever I can't remember if you complained to them?

*hugs zowie* well done for coming so far, sometimes an email to someone else can really highlight it for you.

*leaves hugs for everyone else*

I'm still all over the place, maybe I should just lie down and take it.

Kahlia1981 14-09-2009 10:38 AM

*hugs everyone*

My laptop is playing nicely now .... which just makes it more likely to be a fault with the connector - either that it's loose or faulty. But anyway, it means that I'm able to use my laptop again without the pixellation problems on the screen. Thank you to whoever made it fix itself lol.

Tomorrow I have to go up to the hospital for an appointment with the fracture clinic followed by an appointment with the orthopaedic surgeon. Well there will probably be space between the two appointments but it basically means that I waste a day. But I suppose it's worth it because my wrist will get checked again and then my shoulder will get checked. I expect to be sent for physio...

I still haven't heard anything about my referral to the hospital for a pdoc...

zowie 14-09-2009 12:53 PM

I want my mummy :'(

shadowedseraph 14-09-2009 02:39 PM

*hugs zowie* whats wrong sweetheart?

zowie 14-09-2009 04:34 PM

I just miss her so much. It's my birthday soon, and it's so hard to believe that she'll never be there for any of them. Every special occasion feels hard I guess. It's been four years, maybe I shouldn't be getting so upset; but I'm always so aware of how she's not here, and I think I'll always be hurt by that.

midnite 14-09-2009 08:21 PM

signing in, maybe i'll just stay here and hide from my probs

realflifefaerie 14-09-2009 09:10 PM

quickly runs in and leaves hugs

~Kaytee~ 14-09-2009 11:17 PM

Hi everyone... sorry I haven't be around..
I'm here now.. I think.. not doing too good but oh well :)
I'm off to uni soon so I'll come back later x

Kahlia1981 14-09-2009 11:51 PM

*hugs everyone*

Outcast Angel 14-09-2009 11:57 PM

Ok if I curl up in the corner please?

SoMuchMore 15-09-2009 04:31 AM

*hugs everyone* sorry no individual replies right now but i want you all to know i have read...

I feel there is something ironic and a bit scary about the fact that I have to go get briefed at a psychiatric unit tomorrow about how to handle those with psychiatric disorders. I'm super nervous... esp since the head of psychiatry at the hospital will be talking to all of us who are working for the study individually, i feel like i'm getting screened or something...

Kahlia1981 15-09-2009 06:13 AM

*hugs everyone*

I had another event with the crisis team today... They got my GP's letter asking for treatment by a pdoc and have decided that all I need is longterm counselling. I mean full marks for effort but also full marks for pissing me off. And they want the counselling to be done privately, once again showing that they are trying to get rid of me. Well I'm sorry crisis team I don't go away that easily and I will be a thorn in your side for a long time to come...

youonlyliveonce 15-09-2009 10:55 AM

hi sorry havent been around im inpatient at the mo and not got ne access to internet sorry. big hugs everyone xx

Kahlia1981 15-09-2009 12:46 PM

*hugs everyone*

I'm just going to go and sit and cry in a corner until I fall asleep and/or disappear....

ScarlettAngel 15-09-2009 01:05 PM

can i have a cuddle please? sorry i feel stupid for asking, but i need something.
i had my 20th bday 2 weeks ago, i didnt think id make it this far either zowie, in fact, last year the ICU nurses and doctors said that i wouldnt. but i did. and im scared. its like all of a sudden i have so much to live up to. im doing better now so people dont even notice me, im even gradually LOSING friends through my recovery. that doesnt make sense. even i had a slip up, no one even noticed.

i feel so alone again, i cant deal with this. i stopped my meds and stopped seeing psychs and stuff coz they werent helping. and i WONT go back!!! but i am still scared. im scared of recovery, of reality and of living the life everyone else expects me to live :(

zowie 15-09-2009 04:21 PM

*Cuddles ScarlettAngel*
I lost a lot of friends because I wasn't recovering. Now I'm in a good place they seem to have become too withdrawn to care. Is that what's happening, or are they actually drifting away because of your recovery? If that's the case, they aren't good friends at all - Yes, they may have been there for you when you were unwell, but what sort of friend loses interest when you start to get better?
I was scared too sweetie, and to be honest, I still am a little. But the fear passes when you start to realise how much nicer life can be without mental illness looming over you. I know how it feels, that MH has been part of you and mostly defined who you were and the way your life went. But it doesn't have to be that way. It takes time but once you can start to let go of the negative thoughts and feelings, and the hold that the illness has over you, you can start to enjoy life and see things in a better perspective.
*Cuddles again*
Take care hun
xxx

Steel Maiden 15-09-2009 04:40 PM

*hugs everyone*

Thank you for the kind words.

My Voices have gone into Kill Mode, might be getting my Haloperidol raised.

realflifefaerie 15-09-2009 04:52 PM

*leaves cuddles for all*
I'm really sorry I haven't being leaving individual replies, I'm too tired at the moment. I'd forgotten how hard it is to look after babies!

Outcast Angel 15-09-2009 11:55 PM

*checking in. Wish I could for real :(

Kahlia1981 16-09-2009 12:04 AM

*hugs everyone then retires to a corner for a cry and hopes she'll disappear*

Country Girl 16-09-2009 12:29 AM

*curling up in my corner to cry*
wish i could crawl in a corner for real....
just want to give up....

Kahlia1981 16-09-2009 01:14 AM

*cuddles Rach* ~ I know how you feel hon

*hugs everyone and curls up in a corner*

zowie 16-09-2009 12:48 PM

I'm in a good mood :)
I hope it lasts.
I think I'ma spend the day reading my book and drinking blackcurrant squash.
Will check back in during the day to see how everyone is.
Love n hugs
xxx

SoMuchMore 16-09-2009 02:14 PM

*hugs Rach*
*hugs Kahlia*
- hope you guys are both alright -
*hugs arwen* I hope your good mood lasts too! Have a fun/relaxing day!

I just want to give up. Tired of waiting for things to turn around. A friend is coming over tonight to talk to me, he feels bad that he didn't listen a few weeks ago when I said I needed to talk to someone. Thing is, I had a major breakdown then... and now I don't know if I even want to talk to him/anyone. It would be so much easier to just let myself fall apart.

frenchhorn 16-09-2009 03:14 PM

I'm so scared, I feel so low, cant keep going.

Country Girl 16-09-2009 05:48 PM

*continues to sit in the corner*
I think they are avoiding me....not that I blame them....but I do just really need to know they care about me....give me a reason to stay alive....it just hurts so much.....

Kahlia1981 16-09-2009 11:29 PM

*hugs Laura* ~ Thanks for caring.
*hugs Imogen* ~ I hope you can fight the low and come out on the other side
*hugs Rach*
*hugs Arwen* ~ I hope your good mood continues
*hugs everyone*

I feel really low. I've had a down mood for a couple of days now with no cause. Nothing has happened that has brought me down, and it's not related to thoughts.... I'm just low and when I get low I start thinking of suicide. I've made it through two nights and now I'm not sure what to do. I think I'll make an appointment with my GP as I don't have a pdoc as the crisis team doesn't think I need medication. I don't know what gave them that idea. I'm in a bad state when I'm not on medication... and they know that. They are just trying to interfere ....

SoMuchMore 17-09-2009 05:10 AM

*hugs everyone*

I'm so stupid, disgusting, irrational, ugly... need I go on?
*tries to disappear*

Kahlia1981 17-09-2009 05:45 AM

*hugs Laura* ~ Don't disappear hon, we love you here.
*hugs everyone*

I went and saw my GP today. He tried to find a cause for my down mood. He agreed with writing a letter to the Townsville Health Service District to complain about the crisis team. He gave me permission to have an extra lithium a day as long as I didn't have too many. He didn't really want to increase my lithium but has told me that if it gets worse to drop in and see him early next week, or to go to the hospital.

wildly insane 17-09-2009 07:55 AM

Hugs everyone feeling low and curled up in corners, keep fighting guys you are worth it and people do care.

*hugs Arwen* yay for a good mood I hope it stays

I am still hectically busy, I moved up last weekend and the next three weekends I'm away. The new job has started positively, I just need to go to bed earlier :P

hugs everyone again


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