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~*forever_broken*~ 09-04-2008 07:13 PM

*hugs Alexx, Callie,Carole, Cloe, Emma, and anyone else in need of/wanting a hug*

Alexx sweetie, why don't you take a bit of a break from your essay? That might make it easier to finish later *snuggles*

Carole, *huggles* it's been my experience that it is usually not 'just one drink'... please hang in there hon, drinking cause you feel you need it is never a good thing.

Emma, I am sorry you're having such an inconsistent day. It sounds like it's really wearing you... I am impressed that you are able to get on here and be so supportive *hugs* kudos to you luv.

Callie... I won't bother you as you want to be left alone... but I love you.

Me... Well, I'm waiting till I can pick up my meds, frusterated cause I can't find a listing for the place I want to get my tounge pierced at that has their business hours (which also aren't anywhere on the shop that I could see), tired, and feel rather lousy when it comes right down to it... I keep seeing myself with my blade at my wrists :Crying:... I know I won't do it... but I kind of wish I COULD :notsure: ... *sigh* SO not cool :-(

Detour. Derail 09-04-2008 07:54 PM

*hugs Ally tight* hold on sweety...you're always giving me and everyone else such great advice...you can do this.
Maybe you could ask someone who works at the shop what their business hours are?

How is everyone else?
*offers hot chocolate, cookies and cuddles around to everyone*


So I figured...if I cant MAKE myself feel better....I'll put on some sad songs and go haunt my ranting thread....
you know the scary thing?
I'm always trying to convince everyone I'm ok...but I actually like admitting to myself that I'm down...
I get this funny kind of...pulling/twisting sensation in my stomach and throat...

*curls up in her corner*

Pomegranate 09-04-2008 09:36 PM

arrrgghhh damn pc just deleted my ****ing post! try again:

Ally, hope you manage to get your piercing sorted. Please try and ignore the images and thoughts. Keep fighting x

Alexx, aren't you allowed a 10% leway or something on essays? 200 words is not that much, maybe they won't mind too much? Don't be too hard on yourself, congrats on doing it anyway! I get the comfort almost from admitting you are down, it's weird but I guess it is because it is the familiar. *hugs and puts cuddly lamb next to alexx*

Pomegranate 09-04-2008 09:38 PM

I guess I am just trying to distract myself by replying so apologies if the replies are incoherant and a bit ****. I do actually care about you guys even if I'm not always the most helpful person on here.

Detour. Derail 09-04-2008 10:24 PM

*picks up the cuddly lamb and cuddles it*
Thankies Emma

effervescence 10-04-2008 12:17 AM


Originally Posted by Lifeisabitch (Post 684606)
I just...urrghhh I was having a good couple of days but my 'time of the month' always seems to make moods and whole supposed BPD worse.

have u heard of PMDD? premenstrual dysphoric disorder? this website is good - http://www.pmdd.factsforhealth.org/

u may possible have a form of it.....or maybe not! :) something to think about and maybe discuss with ur dr if u think it applies to u. just an idea cos i dunno how serious ur moods get :)

effervescence 10-04-2008 12:22 AM

alexx how is the essay going? can u use 200 words to talk about how the earth used to be ie. when we had ice ages and how maybe warming up a lot isn't that bad when comparing to the whole earth being iced up? (this isnt my personal opinion but u cld just say it to fill up time) lol.

do a powerpoint on dinosaurs!! and possible effects of increased radiation due to glabl warming on them. like, i dunno, i actually have no idea. but dinosaurs are cool. sorry im such a nutter.

effervescence 10-04-2008 12:25 AM

callie people ask how you are cos they/we care about you. i know it can be tiring sometimes tho (like everytime my counsellor asks it and im like arghhh i dont CARE). but yes. *hugs*

Jetforce 10-04-2008 01:47 AM

ty for the cookies emma :-)

*gives helen some hugs and support* tc of urself there ;-)

For the rest of u, and u know who u r :P tc there and have a good day there :-)

Sugar and Spice 10-04-2008 01:54 AM

*hugs all round*

i wish i was with him now (my bf) i just want to feel hisn strong arms around me, keeping me safe...i want to feel loved and wirthy of being loved. not like some dirty whore just there so they can get their rocks off. i know hes not likr that which is probs why im

always so scared of him rejecting me :(

chocostashchick 10-04-2008 04:38 AM

Carole you are not dirty and you are more than worthy of his love

Alexx hun how is that paper coming?

Emma you aren't alone and you are so so supportive honey you are really great

Alyssa i am sorry that you can't find the listing. did you try googling it? i know what you mean about SEEING yourself doing something i hate that i'm sorry sweetie

Chloe how are you doing hun?

hi Jeremy

Helen hope you are well

argh i can't stop eating PB&J sandwiches i hate the munchies
why did i smoke that? i am such a ****up today

MammaMia 10-04-2008 11:54 AM

Wheeeeeeeee tuesday needs to hurry up, so I can have my net back and hide in the denial tent properly :)

If you wanna know how I'm doing, then read my thread, cus I cba to paste it again.

Arrrrgh I'm so stressed, anxious, suidicial. I was thinking about going to A&E tomorrow as my mum will be London and a friend said she'd come. But from what she told me, her nan is ill and she might have to go visit tomorrow. It's okay, I don't wanna go, I'll just carry out my awful awful awful plan and just HOPEFULLY it might do some damage and kill me this time, or something.....

Hope I can hold on another night =\

Jetforce 10-04-2008 11:58 AM

*hugs helen*

i'm sure u can hang in there for one more nite ;-) just keep urself busy with something which will occupy ur time

tc xxx

MammaMia 10-04-2008 12:14 PM

I don't think I can....oh well least I'll be distracted >.<

*leaves marshmellows and tons of hugs for everyone*

Detour. Derail 10-04-2008 01:49 PM

God I feel like an idiot.....
I came into college this morning...INTENDING to stare into space and find another 200 words...only....I didnt email the stupid bloody document properly...so..like a fool I just sat there...staring at my empty inbox, holding back tears and WILLING it to appear....but it didnt...
It really got me down...stupid I know but hey :/

Thanks for the ideas Chloe :]
I think I could work that into it then do a brief conclusion....
or just write a fricking LONG conclusion and email it to him later...
I'm supposed to be looking for him now...to give him my research...but I really cant move....
the library has filled up...lots....so I'm sitting here in the corner (god I love the librarians :p) pretending to be invisible.
I felt really crap so I've put sooooo much time into my appearance...
my hair looks good (so I'm told) but I still feel a mess....
and I'm having another fat day :/ (third day in a row) christ I feel about 20 weeks preganant but its odd coz none of my clothes fitted properly this morning...they are all too big :/
Yay for panicking ><
I have...10 minutes to compose myself and get to lesson...it isnt gonna happen...
Helen sweety, hold on in there ok? You know my number so feel free to text/call me...although I really think it would be best if you went to A&E, especially if you're feeling suicidal...*big hugs*

Ally, Callie, Chloe, Carole, Emma, Jeremy, how are you all doing today?

*hugs for you all*

Detour. Derail 10-04-2008 01:56 PM

I..should...probably go...*takes deep breath*

..................in a minute....

I've just gone from REALLY hot....to REALLY cold :pinch:

Detour. Derail 10-04-2008 05:07 PM

Alexx VS global warming essay...
Round 3
*ding ding*
annnnnd the essay is beating the crap out of Alexx....
she's down....

she's very very VERY down....


Detour. Derail 10-04-2008 05:28 PM

105 words down...95 to go...
there are so many things i'd RATHER be doing...

I just wanna curl up...

~*forever_broken*~ 10-04-2008 06:19 PM

Got my tongue pierced... and it's only a bit swollen lol :eyeroll:
Picked up my Wellbutrin yesterday, started it this morning... and felt utterly pathetic because I am now taking TWO medications :crying: who sucks? That's right, I do.

*hugs* Helen hunni, hang in there luv. Just a few more days (though I am sure it feels like an eternity).

Alexx *snuggles* the match will end and you'll win over the essay, I've got confidence.

Carole *huggles*, you are SO not dirty, and TOTALLY deserving of love, his and that of others. *snuggles you* much love from here sweetie.

How's everyone else doing today? Callie? Emma? Jeremy? Chloe?

*hugs for everyone that needs them or wants them... also a tea tray filled with anything you might want*

I think I'm gonna sit in my corner and just be...

Detour. Derail 10-04-2008 07:18 PM

*hugs you tight but turns away at the tea tray*
I dont want to fill myself up again...
The following content has been hidden - Reason : May trigger ED
Ive only just emptied my stomach...

I've done the essay....
its no good but its done...
just the presentation now...
luckily dont have to do the speech to go with it...

Im such a mess...

chocostashchick 10-04-2008 08:08 PM

oooh i want my tongue pierced cooooool
go brave Alyssa!
wahoooooo Alexx for finishing the essay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay!!!!!!!!

i'm moving back into the Denial Tent
the real world is scary
i think i kind of forgot that when i came back from Spain the world was still going on and that i actually still had to sort out my life
ew ew ew ew i can't though
i dont have a job and i am running out of money and i dont know what i want to do and i didnt do well enough on the GREs to get into grad school so i cant do psychology without grad school so my BA is useless and i am really afraid that i am too crazy to work anyway i mean what if people find out and i get fired and how do i work and i dont have any plan and i think i have been waiting and pretending these last 6 months and nothing has happened i dont have any job or any plan i am a drain on society and a completely useless person
so i am moving into the Denial Tent and i will be a hermit
that is an acceptable life choice i mean every area needs a resident crazy person living in a tent in the woods i can do that and i won't need a job or money because i will eat berries and leaves like the bears
and i could live on a campground that has showers and running water because some of them have that
this could really work i think
wow i feel so much better

okay i am going shopping and to get a pedicure now :)

*takes some tea for the road*

Detour. Derail 10-04-2008 08:20 PM

*hugs youuu*
orrr..rather than living in the nasty cold....
you could come live with me :P

you could be my personall........HUG GIVER :D
and I'd pay you and everything ^_^
and feed you and...
let you have lots of hot baths and showers...
and it'd be cool :)

~*forever_broken*~ 10-04-2008 10:48 PM

*hugs Callie and Alexx*

Callie, you can come out here... I'm supposed to graduate and since I didn't have my act together to take the GRE I'll have a useless psychology degree as well!! We can be useless together :Gasp:... Sad, isn't it? I've got nothing to do after this, don't know where I'm gonna live (REALLY don't want to go home), or what I'm gonna do :crying:... Oh, this isn't working, just depressing me more/again...

*hugs all*

Pomegranate 10-04-2008 11:19 PM

*hugs everyone*

I'm sorry, I have no words right now. I was about to write that I can't cope, but I realised I can. I just don't want to. I can't do more than cope and I do not want to live my life, just 'getting by', feeling this way and when I'm not, dreading it yet needing it at the same time. I just can't ever see things being any different.

*sigh....goes and buries self in a pile of cushions and hides under duvet*

chocostashchick 10-04-2008 11:21 PM

omgosh my stupid hermit-in-the-woods plan was crap wasnt it
it wont work at all
i think a weird part of me was actually believing that and i just went off shopping and had a pedicure and was like dazed this afternoon and didnt worry about a thing because i was convinced i was going to be a camper in the woods like that guy in that movie that was just out
i think i really believed that
i am so insane

Alyssa i will come live with you and we will be useless together and we will spend our useless time being Alexx's hug-givers
is that a good plan? is that an okay plan? honestly i can't tell when i think something that makes sense and when i dont
i dont make sense anymore my brain makes no sense
how the hell did i get in this situation where i have NOTHING and no plan and am just useless? where did i go wrong?

*squishes Emma* i am so like utterly hopeless right now but i think i am supposed to say that things can change if we want them to and if we try and if not then we can be hopeless forever and you will always not be alone because we are right there with you
i hope that wasn't more depressing
here have a virtual lolipop

can the Denial Tent please be real and can i please live there forever?
*tidies up Denial Tent and goes to campfire to make smores with peanut butter because for some reason i want to eat my entire tub of peanut butter right now i must need protein what is that thing anemia? maybe i'm anemic*

Detour. Derail 10-04-2008 11:22 PM

*squishes Emma and Callie and Ally*

I have nothing more at the moment...but Im sending you all lots of love and nice thoughts.
Itll be ok

Detour. Derail 10-04-2008 11:25 PM

I wish the denial tent was real....
I often sit (or stand) outside or in college with my eyes screwed shut going "im in the denial tent im in the denial tent im in the denial tent"
Im doing it now...and im sat in my room

Hospital appointment tomorrow...
im scareddddddd
hide me?

Katey-lou 10-04-2008 11:35 PM

can i just dissapear???????? had to see occupational health yesterday so they could say if i was fit to do this uni course, they are a bit (ok very ) anxious about it but he cant exactly say no now that i've started. hes going to write to my community team though and find out whats going on, get an update sort of thing. i made out i was fien n stuff not sure how much he saw thorugh it. but my CPN rang me today and i broke down on the phone 2 her. she wants me to go up and see her tomorrow after uni :( :crying:

chocostashchick 10-04-2008 11:39 PM

i am so glad i am not the only one
like when i was in Spain and when i am driving and all the time if i feel upset or something i just like get in this daze and it is all bearable because i tell myself over and over "it isn't real i'm in the denial tent it isn't real i'm in the denial tent" and i swear it keeps me alive hahahahaha
so tomorrow you will be brave and go to your hosp appt and it will all be okay because you are really in the Denial Tent and i will make you smores

Katey-lou you can come be safe with us here in the Denial Tent don't worry
and i am sorry you are stressed out about that stuff
maybe it is a good idea to not pretend to be okay and let them really know how you are so they can help you? you don't sound good and you don't sound happy and you deserve help and they can help you if they know the truth

Auburn Shadow 10-04-2008 11:44 PM

can I come and sit in the denial tent? seriously want to cut. can't cut. fail medical if cut. urges so so bad. how is everyone?

Detour. Derail 10-04-2008 11:45 PM

*hugs Katey-Lou* I agree with Callie hun, If you're honest, they can help you, and until then, you can stay here with us :)

eek....I'll be brave...I'll be brave....
*shakes her head*

Detour. Derail 10-04-2008 11:47 PM

Hey Hana, hope you're ok...
keep fighting it hun because you're doing really well so far!!
*hugs you*

Katey-lou 10-04-2008 11:48 PM

thankoyu, i know i should, my CN is new havent had her long so she doesnt know me that well. but i can talk 2 her so i am going to. its just so many people dont think i can do this course that i'll drop out n stuff but i really want to do it. i dont want to let things get in the way. i knew starting it wouldnt b e miracle cure or n e thing but i wanted to try and show people 'hey look see i can do it!' except its not working. am not sleeping my eatings out the window(even more than it normally is with the ED) and am having major urges to hurt myself and i'm just stressed i dont want to fight them but i kno i have to wich makes me feel so much worse because nothing is helping it!!!!!!!!!!

Pomegranate 10-04-2008 11:50 PM

Thanks Callie, you're right I guess you are supposed to say that but it's kind of nice that you sort of admitted it is not true too. Nice not to be patronised for once.

Alexx, Callie is right, the denial tent is amazingly elastic...we will sit over in the corner with you the whole time. Make sure you update us as soon as you can afterwards in case we can't hear everything.

Katey- Lou, *hugs* would it be so bad to admit to them that you are struggling and maybe take some time off or something? Hope it goes ok with your CPN tomorrow.


Can I join the hopeless thing Callie mentioned? Can we have a club with badges or something? I don't have the energy to try so it seems resigning myself to hopelessness is the most sensible thing to do right now. *sits and rocks sucking purple virtual lollipop*

Pomegranate 10-04-2008 11:52 PM


Originally Posted by Reason[TO]Believe (Post 687819)
Hey Hana, hope you're ok...
keep fighting it hun because you're doing really well so far!!
*hugs you*

^^^^ what Alexx said x

Good Luck tomorrow Katey Lou *offers more hugs*

Detour. Derail 10-04-2008 11:57 PM

Emma...I always fail stuff so I'll make badges...except...it'll be everyone ELSE who is hopeless and fails...not us :]

and I'll update you tomorrow...god I wish you guys really COULD be there with me :crying: im scared...

I was debating not coming home before....just....getting out of hospital and disappearing...

Katey-lou 11-04-2008 12:09 AM

thankoyu guys. i somehow dont think shed belive me if i told her i wasnt sturggling wen i see her tomorrow. shes really nice though so should be ok. i only properly started last week so it is a bit stressful. i knew it was going to be hard. will see what happens to morrow. thankyou. i should realy go and try and sleep (or at least rest)

Katey-lou 11-04-2008 12:10 AM

*hugs everyone* take care everyone and thankoyu. might try and stay and sleep here in the denial tent

Detour. Derail 11-04-2008 12:11 AM

Ok hun. Try get some rest and you might feel better in the morning :]
Hope it goes well...
make sure you pop back and update us all?
we'll be thinking of you


Katey-lou 11-04-2008 12:18 AM

i will do, have to go to uni first so will be sat thereas best as i can. its really weird because theres 3 member of staff (support worker) from the psych unit thats been near enough my home for the last 2 n a bit years, also doing the course. they ok though spoke to me sed high n stuff its just slightly weird.

rihgt am off xxx take care eevryone xxxx

Pomegranate 11-04-2008 12:35 AM

why? why? seriously why the **** did I just bother checking their profiles?

Its just reminded me yet again that I am never going to fit in and be properly at home at uni. I'm just not. All the stress, house hunting, exams, ex, alone. *wishes whole life were just some bad dream*

Auburn Shadow 11-04-2008 12:44 AM

hugs everyone. Hana will be fine though. Hana needs to hide in a corner and sleep if no-one minds that?

Detour. Derail 11-04-2008 12:48 AM

:( Ohhhh Emma!!!! *hugs you tight*
You fit in right here though...and I'm sure you'll fit in at uni...just give it time yeh?

Stress and house hunting and exams and exes are all crap but they dont last forever hun...even if it seems like they'll never end at the time...
Plus...you're never alone....you have all of us in our super-uber-stretchy-denial tent :]
and I wouldnt have it any other way ^_^

Maybe THIS part of life seems like a bad dream...but one day..you'll wake up and it'll all have paid off in the end....it'll just take time and a bit of work that's all but we are here every step of the way :]

Why dont you curl up in the denial tent and try get some rest?
That's where I'm off....
I cant hack these panicky feelings anymore.
I want tomorrow to be over....
or better still...
for it to NEVER come....

Take care everyone...
talk to you tomorrow
*big hugs for everyone that needs it*

Detour. Derail 11-04-2008 12:49 AM

Hana that's perfectly fine :)
would you like a warm drink to help you sleep?
*leaves one just in case*
Sleep well hun

effervescence 11-04-2008 01:03 AM

hi guys.

emma, i know how you feel. everyone has their little groups of friends and i know they will alll go flatting eith each other next year, and i will be left alone....nowhere to lve, nobody to live with.
whose profiles hun?

alexx well done on finishing the essay!! :)

hi hana. feel free to sleep, hide, rant, whatever you need. hope you're ok.

callie, hearing u and alexx saying imagining being in the denial tent makes me happy that i finally did something right bringing the tent in here *baths self in glory* how are u feeling today?

ally and jeremy, how is everything?

i hav a Big Important Exam tomorrow, and i havent studied :s i reallly really dont want to do it. i wish it was sunday and it was all over.

tuesday seems such a long way away....

*disappears into a dark corner and curls up into a ball*

chocostashchick 11-04-2008 02:02 AM

Chloe yesh you are our speshul Denial Tent Giver and i forever bow down to your wise giving glory. good luck on your Big Important Exam! you will sit down by the campfire and study and we will be very quiet and cheer you on and reward you with smores and campfire tea and lovely treats

yes let's have an Official Denial Tent Campers Hopelessness club! Alexx thanks for making the badges! *waits for hers and starts picking out the perfect spot to wear it on her shirt*

Katey-lou good luck tomorrow and i hope you sleep well
Hana i hope you are okay too hun you can stay in the Denial Tent and there is magical mosquito netting there that keeps out all the unsafeness it's fabulous

hope everybody else is well, Alyssa and Jeremy and Carole and Helen we miss you here hun

*feels weird so sits in corner with Emma and sucks a virtual lolipop too*

Snorkmaiden 11-04-2008 03:58 AM

*hugs everyone*
*runs laps round denial tent then falls over and pretends not to cry*
*hands over booze to responsible person for safe keeping*
dont think ddrinkin any more would be a good idea. im sooo very tempted with things...
*smokes myself into oblivion*

chocostashchick 11-04-2008 04:05 AM

*passes seamonkey a virtual lolipop and a glass of water*
come sit with us in the Denial Tent honey and get some rest
off to bed!

Ileana 11-04-2008 04:30 AM

Just dropping by to say hello to all.

~*forever_broken*~ 11-04-2008 04:55 AM

Tomorrow is gonna be good... Roommates going to be gone for the weekend... I'm gonna come home from work, drink myself into oblivion, and do some bleeding... I can't wait... 22 1/2 hours to go...

*finds a virtual lolipop and joins Emma and Callie in the corner...waiting...*

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