I actually can't do much right.
Missed two interviews this week. I fail.
Maybe I'm not as strong as I thought I am.
Maybe everything won't be alright after all.
Can we just roll onto last week of February please?
Because then I know I will be happy.
:'(

It's ok to miss things sometimes. Its ok to relax sometimes. It's ok to 'fail' sometimes. None of us our perfect and we need to be gentle to ourselves. If i told u all the things ud just listed were true of me, that id missed 2 interviews, that im not strong, that i cant do anything right, what would u say to me? U probably wouldnt be as harsh as ur being to urself. We have a tendancy to treat ourselves very different to others.

try to do some things to make urself happy now. treat urself or somthing?

*cuddles Helen and offers a pedicure*

*cuddles Joc & Helen*

Joc, I haven't destroyed anything (yet) OR hurt myself... so I think I'm doing okay... just been writing it out, I guess, and talking about it some with my husband. It's kind of tough but I will manage. I am stronger than I think, perhaps... I don't know. I don't know how to cope with anger though so it's not really going away... maybe I do need to rip something up and let the anger flow through my hands into that action. I don't know.

I'm sorry that you don't feel too well. :( That sucks. *hugs*

Helen, I agree with what Joc said... if I or she were to say those things, how would you react? We're much harsher on ourselves than we are on others... so try perhaps & give yourself a break? treat yourself to something nice - just take a little bit of "me-time" to get yourself back on track. *gentle hugs* I know you can do it, and that you're not a failure, and that you ARE strong. ♥

Oh, and what's the last week of February? *curious*

Am at uni now... walked here, woohoo, in about 40 minutes - pretty good time considering how cold it is out & how much I was carrying... lol. I brought homework to do during my tutoring hours (starting in about 45 minutes) and then my stuff for classes (health psych & advanced counseling techniques). Blah. My neck hurts from carrying so much... heh. :-X Ooh, just cracked it so it feels better... :P a little anyway.

I don't want to beeee here... :( I hate uni so much... just want to be done!!!!! :ermm:

Too true, we are much harsher on ourselves.
Thank you two *cuddles to you both*
April, last week of Feb, is when I shall be visitng my best friend J
:D

*cuddles Helen* Awh good, I'm glad that you have time to spend with a close friend. :) Hopefully it is a lovely escape-y time for you!!

Are you feeling a bit better now, or still shitty?

♥

It will be.
It really will be.
*cuddles back*
I still feel **** but a little better?

YEY for feeling a little better!! *does a happy dance*

I just finished some uni work that is due later today, whoopsies... heh. But at least I got it done. And I'm enjoying my white hot chocolate... mmmm. Yum. :)

Still am angry at therapist. Wish I could do something about it that would make the anger GO AWAY!!!! :(

Yay for getting work done, that's always a good feeling. Once I had to hand in an assignment by 4pm and started it at 3am and finished it at 1.30pm (I went to bed etc) hehehehe. Needless to say, I actually failed it. :P

Oh white hot chocolate sounds yum, might try it sometime, not really a fan of white chocolate.

Maybe divert the energy of being angry into working or helping others or something???

Lol re: the assignment... that's kind of funny but sad that you failed. :( I hope I get an okay grade on my lab turn-in yesterday as I finished it the morning it was due!! :-/ I didn't know what I was doing - bad April, bad!! :(

White hot choc is yummilicious but I don't know if you'd like it if you don't like white chocolate... :) But I love it & it's cheaper than chai at the place I go so of course I get it!! :P

I just want to go to bed!! :(

I'm sure you'll get a great mark :)
Fair enough to you.
I want to go back to bed too, so know how you feel.
Even if it is nearly 4pm here :P

It's nearly 4pm there?! That's crazy... lol. It's only 11:30am here. :P

I hope I'll get at least a 75% on it... a C+, not ideal but certainly better than nothing!! Hopefully better than that though...

I'm so freaking tired. :( And I have a whole day yet to get through!!! :ermm:

I think once I'm done updating my LJ I'll update my r/v spot... *sigh*

@April I'm sure you'll do really well you seem like a really intelligent and dedicated person which is all you really need.

@MammaMia I'm pretty much falling asleep too I hate how it's getting dark already.

Just sent out a job application those things always bring me down especially the previous experience section it's really hard landing that first proper job especially during a huge recession.

*cuddles april* its such a pain to have to walk so far with so much stuff.. i always walk everywhere and sometimes i get so annoyed. I'm sure that you will do at least okay on ur assignment. Sorry that you are so tired.

*cuddles helen* Try not to focus on anything you feel like you failed. Its not worth the negative energy really (...and i feel like a hypocrite saying that b/c i always am down on myself for "failing" but yeah...) Its good that you have something to look forward to tho in Feb! :-)

*hugs jocelyn* Sorry that you had a bad reaction to your meds and that you are feeling shitty today still. Try to do something relaxing or fun or just nice.. Stay strong.

*hugs brndedhero* whats ur name if u dont mind me asking? Job hunting can really suck. I spent all last summer trying to get one and never got one. So annoying.

Its so frickin cold out... 2 degrees is no fun. I wish i could just stay inside the rest of the day and sleep. I never sleep well on days when i have early morning classes.

@Laura (at least I hope it's Laura) my name is Alan. I have no idea how cold it is out here but I don't really want to find out even though I have a huge craving to eat something really unhealthy.

*sighs*
hey again guys
alan - i've just eaten loads and now i feel massively fat. good times huh? lol
Mamma Mia - i know the feeling...i want to sleep too and it's still only 6pm! haha
Joc - i hope you're feeling better today *hugs*
April - thanks, i think i will keep posting even if it's massively annoying for everyone else..haha. oh wells.
Laura - thank you :)

my day's been ok. i'm looking forward to going out and getting wasted last night...but this guy is still talking to me, still wanting me to go back to his...and i just haven't got the strength to fight it anymore. i want to go back to his. i just....i dunno. i don't care.

Keep going into my past.
Need to make my head go elsewhere.
*CUDDLES EVERYONE*

Took a nap, loads more calm. Still shaking, still knowing we're about to spiral down and have an episode. When triggered it can't stop and boy was the trigger pulled.

But loads of love for all. Loads of hugs as well.

Wow, a lot of postses... yey. :)

Alan, good luck with your job apps. *hug?* What type of jobs are you applying for?

Helen *big cuddles* I'm sorry that you're struggling right now... want to talk about it at all? or PM me (or someone else) if you don't want to post about it here?

LauraStar *cuddles* 2'F is effing cold, I agree!! It's supposed to be -20'F here (windchill) by tonight... my hair's wet right now & we're going shopping in a bit so I am going to have to do something to keep it from freezing, as it dries sooo slowly & we don't have a blowdryer. Haha. It's really odd when my hair does freeze - and it has before, walking back from the gym after a hot shower - rather funny looking, stiff strands of hair that poke out. But probably not good for it at all. Aaanyway... how was your day? ♥

LauraFriend *huggles* I'm glad that your day's been okay... what's the point in getting wasted? Sorry, have never drunk (or gotten drunk) even though I'm old enough to... heh. It seems a self-destructive (in the long-term at least) way of coping with issues rather than facing them. Just a thought. I know you're strong enough to cope... you've just got to find that strength. ♥

Annie *hugs* I'm sorry that you're feeling so bad... is there anything I/we can do to help? and I second what someone said earlier, does your partner know about the SI? Please try & take good care of yourself as best as you can.

I'm really tired & stressed & overwhelmed by school. I have so much stuff to do by next week & I am scared that I won't get it all done. :(

But I has a kitty in my lap who wants snuggles... anyone want kitty snuggles? :D

*hugs for April*

Partner knows about bipolar and cancer and self-harm. He thinks we've stopped, he doesn't know about 'dissociation' while on an episode. We're going to spend weekend with him ... will be hard to hide.

We cheer you on and offer to help ... what's the coursework about? Maybe we could help you with some?

Oohh, kitten snuggles!!

*Hugs for Annie* I hope things work out for you this weekend with your partner, hopefully the more he knows and understands about you the more he can help you so it could work out for the best.

*Hugs for April* I'm applying for pretty much any IT/Computing jobs I can find, but there doesn't seem to be many jobs out there. If you're getting too tired and stressed you really should take a break from all this work if you know you can't get it all done it's probably a better idea to just do the stuff you can do in time well.

*Hugs MammaMia* I'm sorry I can't think of anything useful or reassuring to say, all I can do is offer a second hug *hugs*

*Hugs Laura* Nice to hear your day's been OK but if you don't want to or shouldn't see this guy then maybe you shouldn't, tell him you have to leave to play some epic games of rock paper scissors

So I managed to fall asleep after dinner and wake up a few hours later recently but seems as it's 11pm that means I will be awake until the early hours yet again. curses