My birthday
*sniggers*

happy birthday mammamia, hope you have a good one. huggles

*creeps in on kitten paws, finds a pile of pillows and hides*
hi say this place & thought it would be nice to hide for a while.

woo im drunk again :) yayayays. makes everything aaaaall beettteer.

*cuddles everyone*

Happy Birthday Helen! :-)

Hope everyone is alright... Sorry i'm not very active atm.. this is the first time ive signed in in almost 2 weeks. I've been thinking about all of you though.

Happy birthday, Hels!! *cuddles gently* I hope that it's a good day. :) Why are/were you apprehensive about turning 20?

Mark, I'm sorry that you feel so shitty. :( *cuddles* Stay strong... I know you can. Don't do anything "stupid" and keep fighting... easier said than done, oh how I know this!! but you can and will manage it. Maybe listen to this and put male adjectives in where it says "she/her"? [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_smSRfCZRxU[/ame] (I played that song for my therapist & she actually said that that song is now her "theme song" - so maybe it can be yours?) *cuddles & rocks gently*

LauraStar, how are YOU?? Have missed seeing you around. ♥

Sorry didn't reply to all of the posts... oh, and welcome, Gypsie. :) This is usually a pretty supportive place, so come on in & join us!! The denial tent is over there *points* and there's even a mascot for the ward, Puppy SinClair. :)

Have not been doing great... want to purge so ****ing badly, want to die, want to cut sooo much. :crying: I hate my life. I don't know what to do about it either... :(

*hides in the denial tent*

Thanx everyone for being so kind.
April thankyou SO MUCH for the song ,it helped , it's kind of motivational :)
Happy birthday Mammamia I hope you have a nice day :)

*hugs all round*

Thanks to everyone who's wished me a happy birthday, got to go ready (again!) to go to the cinema :D

*sends big squishy cuddles for you all* Try keep safe people

I'm gonna have a SUPER early night , sleep is where I'll be safe , night everyone.
*Mammamia what film did you go to at the cinema?

happy birthday helen :) hope whatever film you go and see is good.

one of my friends who i've known for 3 years just came and told me something massive. we've currently got mental health awareness week at college and they've been asking for peoples personal experiences and she decided she wanted to send one in. and i didn't know. and now i feel **** because what she went through was massive and she got through it and i haven't been through anything like that bad and i feel crap and i don't know how i'm gonna get through it. i just feel a whole lot worse now. i wanna die.
:'( *curls up in the corner*

AND I KEEP USING THE ****ING WORD "I". WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!

*hugs everyone tightly*

It has been the weirdest couple of days. My housemate managed to crash my computer ... and when he did it seems that all my data that was housed in non-original folders was lost. It's going to take me ages to get everything back. :( But on the plus side my new TV Tuner card works perfectly on my windows partition, the 2 TB hard drive is installed and working nicely, and so on and so forth.

Anyway today I had a meeting with a tdoc. I really don't think he's going to work for me, but I'll give him a couple of sessions. There's some negative factors there like when I told him where my father had worked for most of my life he said "oh that must be x" ... and it turned out that he'd worked for the same employer but in another city. That might not sound like much, but I've found in the past that a therapist who knows anyone in my family is going to find barriers created between me and them.

On the good side however, he has put in place some caveats, ie. if I tell him "no" or "I don't want to talk about it" he'll respect that. Which is kind of okay, but I'm still a little iffy. I mean ... I don't know. He kept telling me that I had a problem with anger and stuff that I don't have a problem with.

*sigh* I just don't know ...

*leaves behind loads of cuddles and some cupcakes sprinkles with 100s and 1000s (or sprinkles if you prefer them)*

*Finds the darkest, quietest corner in the smoking room, and breaths deeply*

Since I don't remember if I said this already... Happy birthday Helen!
I like the song April. :) Adding it to my Ipod tonight.
*huggles everyone*
sorry for not replying to everyone but I'm just not up for reading all the new posts.

*Pokes head in*
Can I sleep here tonight ? I'll be quiet and bring my own duvet :)

I seem to be sleeping early a lot lately .....

Sure Mark. I am too. *huggles for all*

*huggles everyone then backs into a dark corner to rock, cry and hopefully disappear*

*Hugs Angelic monster ( sorry I don't know your name or have forgotten )*
*Hugs Kahlia*

*Makes sandwichs for all and leaves them on the top *

I'm just gonna keep popping by today .

*sends cuddles round*

One of my best friends is back in hospital *sighs* Have to go pick up a parcel from the post office, which she sent yesterday, for my birthday...feels kinda wrong to be excited.

*curls up and hides in the denial tent*

I've had an energy bill that was run up by the previous tennant for £1443.10 ! and a letter from the same company asking for my name, date of tenancy etc and threatening "Further action" . I didn't run up this bill , I don't even turn the boiler on until about 4pm as I'm paranoid about the cost .
This has made me REALLY anxious and triggered and I was having an ok day . I guess I'll have to talk to my houseing support worker next Monday.

SO Triggered it's unreal , I'm shaking......

It's the threat of "further action" whatever that means, thats really getting to me.

* hugs Mammamia *

Hello there peeps! And a belated happy birthday to Helen! :)

Sorry not been on past few days, but with Ewan back home after 6weeks, it doesn't seem right to jump online every day for a while, even if inside I was feeling lost without you guys. Just knowing people are there to read my posts and understand without judgement is a huge relief and comfort for me. I hope that it has a similar effect for the rest of you.

I'm completely emotionally drained today, I wrote a super long email to my sisters last night explaining everything that has happened to me and my mental health crap over the past 15years that they've been unaware of. (We're technically half sisters with a large age gap so grew up in different homes and haven't been that close). But I always swore to myself that when my youngest sister was 18 I would tell them the truth as I wanted to rectify our relationships and bond with them. So anyway, last night I got round to it and triggerred myself badly, but I'm pleased to say that Ewan came round to comfort me (though he was drunk and then passed out wearing my dressing gown, lol) so I ended up on the phone to my mum for over an hour - so good that she knows the truth now, otherwise I guess I'd have been speaking to my crisis team. I have started smoking again and have red marker pen all over my legs, BUT it still means I've not messed up my 8month mark, so with the "It can't rain all the time" and "stand in the rain" song, you guys have really helped me today :)

*takes puppy sinclair for a walk in the gardens whilst having a fag or three*