Nicole/Hels: I've had that type of fear before. - The other night my anxiety was so high I kept thinking there was another person in the room and so couldn't get to sleep.

*cuddles both of you*

I really don't want to live anymore. I'm so tired of this struggle. Everyday I have to fight ... and I can't help feeling it's a fight I can't possibly win.:-( I'm sorry. Just so over this.

* cuddles Kahlia* You will get through this sweetheart. Keep trying to fight. I know it seems impossible :( But it won't always be this hard & it'll be worth it in the end....

I'm getting REALLY worried about my best friend now :'( Think going to have to text my other best friend & let her know. *rocks and cries*

*hugs helen, nicole, and kahlia*

I SI'd again today... Cant seem to get thru a week anymore. That email is really bothering me. I dont want to be around anymore. I'm such a pathetic person.

*Hugs group*
Wow almost 4 pages since I last logged on , I'm sorry I can't do individual replies .

I hope you guys are all feeling well / better :)

*cuddles everyone*
I'm feeling a little better this morning.

*cuddles everyone*

It's already 10am & I feel dead already. Still no news on my best friend :/ This is just **** man :'(

I spy a Mark *huggles*

Oliver, I'm glad you're feeling a little better this morning.

Laura, you're not a pathetic person sweetheart. Look after your wounds, please? :(

*hugs Kahlia* hope your friend is OK hun. And that you are too x

*hugs the boys*

*hugs Laura, Nicole, Helen tightly*

I've had a ***** day :( New therapist tomorrow, ex cancelled on me tonight..again...more delay on talking about selling the house, my goddaughter's Dad is about to come into her life after 3 1/2 years which may shaft me ,my Mum contacted me..."ooh your father's no good..ooh we never see you..." guilt,guilt, guilt.... Workmate shat on me...So have got hammered, taken too much meds, and SI'ed AGAIN, worse than last night. And now I'm sore and crying and wondering what the F' to do with the wound for work tomorrow.....crap. Loser!

*apologises for raving and puts the kettle on to do something useful*

*wishes someone was here to cuddle tightly*

*calls for puppy sinclair*

*cuddles JK tightly*

No words, just hugs :) xx

*hugs Laura * You are not a pathetic person , you are just going through a hard time , It WILL get better for you
*hugs JK* I'm sorry you have had such an awful day , look after the cut well ok.

*hugs kind people who understand*

Hugs are all I need I reckon, thank you.

Laura, we be OK hun. Soon.

*tucks herself in*

night guys, don't get up to too much mischief in my absence
x

Mischeif! the very thought :P

*hugs everyone*

My head feels like there are a whole bunch of tiny dwarves trying to mine for precious metals.

Good morning, everyone... *big cuddles all 'round* Three pages since I last came in here, wow... was a busy night after I left for my doctor's appt!!

JK, I'm sorry that you had such a **** day. :( That's awful. I hope that you're getting some decent sleep now... *gently squishes* I also hope that the injury wasn't too bad... :-/ Please try & take care of yourself, 'kay? ♥

Kahlia, I'm sorry you're still struggling... it's so hard to hold it all together when it feels like it's all falling apart. I understand that feeling... :( It really, really sucks, to put it lightly. *cuddles* Is there anything that I can do to help??

Hels, I hope your best friend is okay... how are YOU though? because you DO matter. Are you still having palpitations? and is the doctor you mentioned a pdoc or a GP? because seems like no matter what, s/he should pay attention to physical symptoms, and if a pdoc, then refer you to a GP or summat. I don't know. :-/ I would imagine that it's all related to stress, though, as you've been under so much lately!! *holds you and rocks* And I spy you!! :D

I spy you too, Mark!! :D *big cuddles* How are you doing today?? any plans? Have you been listening to Superchick much lately? :D

Laura, hon, I'm so sorry that you SI'd again... please take care of it... I know that you know that, just wanted to make sure... don't want anything bad happening to you, anymore than it already has. :( *holds you and rubs your back*

Nicole, how're you doing today?? :) *hugs*

I'm really tired... got up a bit before 6am so not too early (at least it wasn't 3:30 or 4am!! lol... like it has been in the past >_<)... just want to go back to bed but can't as I've tons of work to finish up before noon-thirty today. :( I am so stressed, so ****ing overwhelmed, dunno how I'm going to cope at all... :'(

I just want to hide... I don't know... I think I need to post in my r/v thread. :crying:

Updated r/v thread...

And *cuddles Oliver* You're not a freak, love, don't tell yourself that or else you'll really start believing it... we care about you here, you're valuable to us. ♥

*hugs everyone*

April, my best friend isn't okay. Things are getting worse. The worse case is death :'( Hopefully it won't lead to that. I'm worried sick :'( I don't know how I am. Have kept my other best friend informed, don't think she's doing so well today. But she said she'd text me later as her daughter was playing with her phone.

Had a really bad night after I stopped posting. Well I was okay until just before I went to bed. My mind just went mad, overdrive, everything was buzzing & rushing. I felt so scared but couldn't work out why. Yet knew I was scared about my best friend, but it didn't feel like that was the only reason. I don't matter, well I suposse I do. I am still having palpitations. Not had any today so far I don't think *knocks wood* But I do feel so ****ing dizzy. Am putting it down to the small amount of sleep I've had as a contributing factor.

The doctor I mentioned is a GP. Yes they should pay attention to physical symptoms but he didn't. I put it down to being 'worried' about my mental state. As I was practically threatening suicide but begging for help (long story). But you'd think, he'd still make another appointment to discuss the physical stuff? :| However, I think a lot of my physical stuff comes from stress/my mental state. I have been under an extreme amount. Almost constantly feel under it. Or near enough. *sighs* Why I need a job, to help me distract myself from thinking about it all 24/7. Plus the fact I need MONEY. Arrgh!! *clings*

*hugs ward mates*
I've had the one appointment I had today with my housing support worker and he is gonna sort out that letter from the debt enforcement people. I feel pretty anxious , and I am pretty triggered too:( I'm one of life's **** ups , I've very few friends IRL , no education to speak of haven't worked in years and years , fat , scarred ( and I want to add more ) , I HATE myself , I've no prospects for a good future , I'm depressed and there is nothing I can do about any of it . Maybe it would be better if I died *sigh* sorry to whine.Man! I'm so self involved:(

You're not one of life's ****s ups Mark. I promise you that. *cuddles*

*holds Hels and rocks* Things will be okay... they will work out in the end. I don't know how and I can't tell you when, but you will get through this. Things can't be this bad always. I'm so sorry to hear about your best friend... :( that must be awfully scary to you... I can imagine and it is a terrifying thing to even imagine, much less live with. *more cuddles*

I'm sorry that you had a bad night... :( I wish I could help you more... you're so important to so many people, I wish I could help you feel better and more self confident and capable and HAPPIER. You DO matter... which is why I/we keep encouraging you to talk about what's on your mind... you can't be a superhero all the time. :) ♥

*sighs* I can't face today, I can't... I just want to curl up in bed and cry. I have so much ****ing work to do... :'( and I don't know if I can get it all done. I HATE UNI!!!

Oh, and planning your 21st sounds like a lot of fun. Mine was really quiet, just Jarrod (hubby) and my parents. I can't even really remember it as it was nearly a year ago and NO, not because I got drunk. ;) I don't drink, never have, hopefully never will. But anyway... my 22nd is coming up, haven't had a party in ages but probably won't for this one either. Blah. Oh and I'm going to see if I can have a graduation party whenever I graduate (lol)... that would be so nice as my sister had one and I want one too. Heh. Compare snare going on there... :-X

Anyway. I'd best get back to work... writing up a journal/reflection for Women & Spirituality, then need to get to work on my lab that's due today for Health Psych, then need to work on my practice talk for Senior Sem... ARGH!!!!!! :crying:

*cuddles Mark* You're not a **** up, love. You've just had a really rough time of it. Things will get better... they will... just gotta give it time. I know it feels like you've given it enough time to get better, but keep on fighting, don't give up. *more cuddles* Please don't do anything "stupid" either...

*Hugs Helen* Thanx :) , I'm sorry to hear about your friend , I hope she gets better soon .