*cuddles you both so much*

Wish I could believe I'm going to get through this :(

*cuddles Laura* I'm sorry for all of the b.s. with your ex... and the stuff with your one best friend... that is really awful. :( I wish I could do something to help you... but I'm here if you need to talk, my PM inbox is ALWAYS open... to all of you. :) And keep posting here... support, even online, is invaluable. I'm glad that you have someone IRL that you can talk with, even if it's infrequently. *cuddles more*

*holds Hels, rocking back and forth with her* You'll be okay, love... please try to believe that. I know, hypocritical of me, but... :-X Maybe I should just shut up, I don't know. Is there anything you can do that will distract you right now, so you don't SI or anything? ♥

Supper's being gotten ready... don't want to eat... but I know I have to... and my brain is totally fried, can't think anymore... am still on page 5 of my paper... it's going to be total **** when I turn it in. :(

*hides in shame* :crying:

Oh, and I updated my r/v thread... again...

I am such an epic fail.

:crying:

Don't shut up. Please don't shut up? :'( You're not an epic failure sweetheart. I promise you. It's good that you're healthily expressing emotions/thoughts/whatever =) I update my rant thread all the time. Quite pathetic. I haven't cut in over a month. Threw all my blades out. Wish I had some. I want to cut to be quite honest. Could find another way of cutting, but managed not to so far :)

*cuddles up next to Helen with a fun book and a fleece blanket and her stuffed ape* I just feel so... stupid. I don't know. I'm not really expressing emotions, not IRL anyway, I don't know. I'm just sat here with a tense back and a sad look on my face, wanting to cut so badly, but not doing anything to make me feel any better. :( The paper isn't going to write itself and I've been struggling with it so much... I NEED to cut... and I didn't throw out my tools... :crying:

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.............

Don't be sorry sweetie. Try not to cut. You're putting so much pressure on yourself & it's not needed. *cuddles you*

*cuddles back* But I feel like it IS needed... or else I won't fulfill my potential, whatever the **** that means... :crying: I feel so awful. And I can't cut because Jarrod's home, but I can SI in other ways... and probably will end up doing so... I don't know. I feel so stupid.

I hate myself so much.

I'm sorry.

*hugs all*

I'm sorry you are all struggling right now. You are all in my thoughts. I'm not able to reply to you all individually - partly because of the 2.5 pages of posts that have occurred since I was in here yesterday and also because right now I just don't have the words to say.

My sister picked me up and took me over to my parents place yesterday to coincide with my parents arrival ... well not quite coincide. I stayed with the parentals and helped them unpack (the van) and organise some stuff, and made them coffee et cetera just to help out. We had dinner at my sisters place. Then my brother drove me home as he had to drop the kids off to their mother. It was a very crazy and, above all, very loud night.

It raised a lot of emotions that I don't really know how to deal with at the moment. I'm definitely feeling a little fragile. *sigh* And right before we leave to go on holiday. Oh well ... hopefully things will improve shortly .. after all (group chant!!!) it can't rain all the time.

*hugs everyone then gets into the packing and cleaning and so forth*

Oh sweetheart. Please try to take care of yourself. Please :( I know you hate yourself. But I don't hate you. I love you. I care so much about you. You're a really good friend of mine *cuddles tight*

*cuddles Kahlia lots*

*cuddles Helen back* I'm so sorry for being such a burden tonight... :( How are you feeling? any better?

*cuddles Kahlia* I'm sorry that it was loud and that you're feeling fragile... I understand, though, I think. Somewhat, anyway. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day - or today, can never get that straight!! Take some time for yourself and just relax, watch a favorite DVD or listen to your favorite music and take a hot bath.

Just want to give up...


Me today...

Just when I was feeling pretty... I had to feel like **** again due to some other photos. :(

Sorry if the pic seemed self-absorbed...

:crying:

Sorry, so sorry, for everything...

LOVE that photo a beautiful stunning lady <3 Will post a picture of myself maybe...

You're not a burden sweet and no I don't feel better. Least I'm not crying whilst being on webcam I suposse??

No need to apologise for anything darling =(

& the tears are falling again.
**** this.
**** eating disorders.
:'( :'(

I agree, **** EDs!!! They are awful. :(

*holds Helen* Yeh, post a pic of you!! I want to see what my close friend looks like. :D I get everyone all mixed up in the picture area, as there are so many people I don't know... so sorry if I've seen a pic of you before and have forgotten. :) I am sure that you are gorgeous. And I'm not gorgeous, definitely not :( but thank you for the compliment. *cuddles up next to*

Just took a bath by candlelight - hubby's idea. It was lovely although I was too stressed out by my paper to enjoy it (still stuck on page five, not gonna make any more progress tonight I think...). :(

*hides again in shame*

*cuddles upto*

You are welcome for the compliment. But it's so true. Definately **** ed's. It's causing/ed a huge row between me & one of my best friends. I'm not angry at her as such...*sighs*

Bath sounds lovely, I can't take baths, I do naughty things in them. Wow that sounded dirty LOL. I prefer showers, need to have one really.

I will take a picture, although I look like ***** =) Don't think I've shown you any pictures of me :p Would copy & paste one that was taken last weekend, but I look awful and/or fat in all of them..:(

I'll take a better picture tomorrow, but for now...=P

*wraps arms around and gives a gentle squeeze* I think you just think you are fat in the pictures... I'm sure you're not really. Not as bad as you think you are. No one ever is. I think I'm horrendously fat... but I know that I'm not, although am a bit overweight. :-X But anyway, EDs are awful, have caused rows between me and my husband before.

Lol, it did sound dirty, what you said about baths. :P I prefer showers too but late at night (well, okay, it's only 7:45pm here) the apartment complex's water goes nuts and very unpredictable with showers as so many people are turning the water off and on. So I take baths if it's lateish. :) I smell yummy too.

Do take a picture :D I want to see... and I bet you don't look like ****, although maybe a bit haggard from being so low for so long. I know that I don't look that great...

*cuddles all*

Awh, you do look haggard - but NOT an ugly bitch, love. You're pretty. :) *hugs gently* And not fat either.

I think it's time for bed for me. My contacts are gluey and I'm exhausted. :(

*gives a huge squeeze* Thank yo darling. I am fat, but nobody really agrees with me hmm. You're not fat at all darling. You're nice & curvy <3 Curves are very sexy. ED's are a bitch for causing rows :(

Bless you, sounds random ;) I seriously didn't mean what I said about baths in a dirty way. For once. I promise. It's just I tend to attempt suicide everytime I take one. Bad Hells =(

You were right, I do look haggard, not that I really know what that means. Tired? You do look great sweetie.

I am ugly&&fat. People have been calling me ugly for over 10 years, so must be true :'( Somedays I feel pretty, but used to get shot down for it. So don't even bother. But I still seem to be a camera whore ;) Not as much I used to be. *hugs again*

Sleep well beautiful if you go to bed. I'm going to bed soon too, to watch tv, read & sleep. I'm so fed up of being awake now :'(

*cuddles all*