*Hugs Susan*

*coops enters the room, turns the lights out and huddles up in the corner. Doesn't want to talk. Just holds her head in hands and sobs uncontrollably*

Hmmm. Not sure I know too much about that one Chloe, sorry luv.

*snuggles up to her blondie-mum*
I know Susan... He didn't respond to my last PM yesterday and was worried a bit but then I saw him in the psych ward... I hope they keep him longer then 72 hours... If he's honest about how he has been doing I would bet money they would... *sigh* I wish I lived closer I would have driven there the minute I got that PM...

*settles in her corner to sit there miserably*
Looked at my arm... Decided I didn't like how some cuts were healing and since I was already cutting I just went ahead and opened the others up... I'm a mess :-(
*pulls her knees to her chest, holds her head and puts her head on her knees, feeling like a loser*

*snuggles jess* hope you're feeling better <3
*hugs susan*

bleh my tummy hurtsssss =(

Just waiting is driving me nuts. I asked him what would happen if i showed up at his place and he said he would freak out.

He told me that he hates to be trapped anywhere, so I would almost have expected him to be home by now. Why would they keep him 72 hours, or longer. Can they do it against his will?

I feel awful. Just crawling in my own skin. Part of it is that i'm changing the time of day i'm taking some of my meds. So that will leave me weird for a bit.

I want my brother. Selfish needy me.

I may very well SI today.

If they feel he is a danger to himself or others then yes, they can keep him longer, though usually for involuntary commitment there needs to first be a petition by a family member or mental health professional to a judge, then the court may request an examination of the individual in order to asses psychological status, the ability for self care, the need for treatment and the potential for harm (to self or others) and then the judge considers the information and makes a decision. Legal counsel is involved and the individual being considered for civil commitment can ask for a jury to hear and make a determination... Very involved process... And now I'm feeling like a need that I could tell you this...

I know mum, I'm going nuts myself. I hope that, with my daughter like charms (and believe me, I can charm just about anyone) he wouldn't have freaked out had I shown up but... I don't really think he... I don't know... :crying: *snuggles up to her RYL-mum and worries with her*

And wanting Jeff is not selfish and needy, especially since a good part of that probably has something to Dow with worry and the fact that, if he were here we would know he was ok...

*sigh* I know, I'm running out of things to clean which means I'm running out of distractions and I can't go to bed for at least 8 hours and since I slept a whole hell of a lot longer than usual (it was almost 9 when I got up and I don't usually make it past 5:30 at the latest) I probably won't get to sleep by then... Not to mention the worry (which I blame the sleeping late on... But please try and distract, dear Susan, and not SI... *cuddles*

*sits in a corner... rocking self*
I miss my RYL Daddy... I need my daddy...
*cries* DAAAAADDDDYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!

It is when I feel this lost and hopeless and hellpless that I feel triggered. I feel like awful. I want someone to talk to. I just don't know what to do. I don't know if this is a short wait or a few days wait or another loss. If I knew, I could cope better. But there is no one who knows or can tel me.

I'm worse today cause I have been taking my meds at the wrong times and am sorting that out this weekend.

And the disappointment about this one person not being in town the last week in August.

And now I don't know what to do with the pieces of the jacket i have cut out, cause now i feel like it will be tainted or something with the stuff from this week.

Please? Help? Please?

I wish I could help, I wish I had the words, but right now.... right now I'm lost.

I don't know who I am, I... I can't do this. I... want to cut, want to do worse than cut.... I'm not safe right now. really not safe.

*wraps you all in my arms*
I wish there was more i could do.

*snuggles up to her RYL-mum*
We're all a fine mess now aren't we :crying:

Ally, what do I do? How do I wait not knowing if it is a short one or if it is time to accept another loss? I am so very tired of losses.
I haven't si'd yet, but i so want to punish myself. For caring too much.

It's not somthing you should punish yourself for...think about the good its done and how youve helped people, youve helped me.
Please hang on.
*holds you tight*

I always care too much. I always get too involved. Then I always lose. Maybe I should go to an al-anon or codependents anonymous meeting. Just what I want, that on top of 4 aa meetings each week.
But if i do what my aa sponsor tells me to do...

Oh yeah, please don't mind that i've removed all the relationships from my signature. I've been uncertain about a couple of them, so I saved off the whole list to word and deleted it from my signature.

*sobs on marc's and ally's shoulders*

Mum, you just pray... There's nothing else I can tell you to do. I DESPERATELY wish we had a way to contact him, I do. But now we just have to wait. It may be longer than a 72 hour hold but that doesn't make it a loss... It means he's getting the help he needs and I don't know about you but I'd rather that happen then he get out too soon and I wind up with another of those PMs that you and I got.
He's not lost mum, he's where he needs to be...

And you can never care too much. Sure it feels like you can because with caring for folks comes the possibility of pain, like now... But you can never care too much.

stop blkaming urdself for him going inpatient, it is NORT your fauklt and it was very unfir for him to say it was. YOu didn't make him. You pushed, sure, so did lots of us. Does that makeit our 'fault'. and to say 'fault' implies that it's a bad thing. and it's not. whegther or not he likes it, he needs it. his plans wer to clear cut and he was too ready to follow througha nd he didn't care if he hurt anyone on the way out. that's a bad thing. No one ever likes being in hospital... it's not a place yuou're supposed to like! you're suppose too tolerate it to get better! and hopefullly in there he'll get help.


i'm sorry everyone. i'm taking a break from the ard. i justr can't be here right no.w

I'm just being selfish and I miss him is all. I'm not sorry for what I said or did. I just am worried and miss him. I just want to know. That is one of my old things from childhood. Knowledge is safety.

Now I've called Porcelain Child something I shouldn't have and she is angry with me too.

Any of you in my family, i'm sorry for changing my signature, for taking it down. I just can't face it right now.

*sobs*

*rocks and sobs*
Where's daddy?
I need my daaaddddyyy!!!!

I have to agree with Jess. I'm feeling to lousy to do this right now. The worse I feel the less patient I am.
*hugs* Amanda, if Jeff DOES find some way to get on the net and read what's happening in the ward wailing like that is sure to just make him feel worse. I know he is very good at lifting others up and the fact that he is not here is very noticeable... But carrying on like that won't do you or Jeff any good.

Ally, thank you. Good point. I'm feeling better now anyway. Have taken the evening dose of my meds. so that will help heaps.

I have a client appointment on Monday. So I will work on the jacket then and be productive, and look productive too if there is a partly finished garment on my ironing board. No matter if it is for me, I need clothing too. I get shirts and jackets in menswear. This fabric i don't think will be in any men's department. It is indigo denim, with pink pinstripes! And i found such nice silver buttons to go with it, sorta look like flowers.

Jeff, you are in my prayers! I'm looking forward to talking to you soon beloved brother.

*cuddles amanda and sits with her*