Three of my best friends really need me right now, they all leaning on me, and I'm worried about them, but I'm breaking apart myself. I have an AS exam next week, but there's no way I can pass like this. I'm so worried about my drama practical and everything else and it seems like everything I didn't even know I had is being taken away from me bit by bit. It's not even been a fu*ki*g week of the new year and already I want out.

*Hugs Crimson*

*squishes Lia* Things will get better sweetheart. You've just had a bad week & that's okay. We all have them when we want things to go right. It is tough. Do you think you can cope with your best friends leaning on you? You need to look after number 1 sweetheart.

*squishes Mark* I'm good. Just all emotional. Haven't spoken to my best friend :'( I was asleep when she texted to say she could call :'( :'( Probably won't get to call me til tomorrow now. Been so excited all day dammit :(

*Hugs Helen* I really don't know. One of them is suicidal and the pressure is just building, but I can't do anything else becasue I'm the only one there for them. They matter more.

My head hurts and I'm tired.

Still Helen, at least you'll get to be excited all day tomorrow now as well :)

*cuddles ward* I wish I could offer more :(

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Lia* I'm sorry you are having a shitty week but the next 51 weeks might be fan-bloody-tastic for you:) I hope so:)

*cuddles Lia* Number 1, you, is always the most important. If you don't look after yourself, you can't help anybody. Please be careful. I know I'm being a brat but don't want to be excited all day tomorrow just now, want it now :( But I should look at it the way you said :)

*cuddles Sarah* Hugs are always good :)

*cuddles Mark*

*Curls up*

*Hugs Nicole* how are you hun?

*hugs Nicole* What's wrong?

*Hugs Mark and Helen*
I went back to college today, I couldn't stay all day, I managed most of it, I only left 45 mins early, but I found today really hard. :(
Then on the way home...I threw my blades in the river. I know I should feel good about this, but honestly-I feel like i've lost the last thing that I had left. I wan't them back, but At the same time, I really don't.

Wow Nicole , throwing your blades away was such a brave step! you are amazing . I really beleive it's natural to want them back , you have relied on them for so long , but you WILL find other , more Healthy ways to deal *Squishes*

You have done SO well today Nicole. I know throwing your blades away is a big deal and very hard to so *cuddles* Am so so so proud xx

*Hugs Mark and Helen*
Thankyou guys :) But I really don't think I can manage without them, I want them back :(

You can manage Nicole. Even if it means you simply come in here instead, I believe in you and I know you can cope with out them. We're here for you *massive proud hugs*

You CAN manage. I know it doesn't feel like that right now. But you can. I threw mine away last year and haven't made a single cut since *hugs*

Nicole, you've motivated me. I'm off to chuck my blades down the drain. Back in a mo.

Although, I am in my pjs...never mind. My neighbours are used to me and weird.

*Hugs Helen, Crimson and Lia*
Thankyou everyone. I know I can do this really, but it really does seem impossible right now.
Helen-You have been amazing, well done for going so long :)
Lia-Yay for you :) well done honey.

I did not think this though. I just went out, I thought the drain was right outside my house, but no, it's all the way down the road and I was in my slippers. It's been raining. Hard. My slippers are now completely soaking.

*Hugs Nicole* Trust me, it's so much easier to resist tempation when it's not right there for you to take. You can do this :)

GO LIA!!!!

Nicole, I know it seems impossible but it won't always feel like that. I haven't been amazing but thank you :)