You can get through this, Felicia. We are all here for you.

*hugs heather* wow i can't believe that your dad says those things... that is ridiculous. I'm sorry. good luck with your finals.

*hugs kitty* I'm sorry you had flashbacks last night. How r u feeling today? I hope a little better.

*hugs amy* you can always talk to us here if you are upset.

*hugs julie* i hope you slept well.

*hugs mark* i'm sorry that it was canceled. Good of them to call though, it seems like your appointments get messed with a lot so at least they gave a heads up this time :-/

*hugs helen* i'm glad that your cold is better but sorry that you are feeling bad today. What is the trip you are taking with college? I hope you can have a decent time despite feeling ill.

*cuddles kahlia* I've missed you! Glad to see you back around. Sorry about the argument with your housemate.

*hugs felicia* i'm glad you gave the tools away. That is huge!! You can make it through this hun. Try not to buy anymore if you can.

*hugs lindsay* how r u doing?

I can't wait until this week is over. Finals will be done, no work for 3 weeks, just generally less stressed... i hope. Until I go back to my hometown anyway. And yea 7 weeks is kind of long for me. I just wish it wasn't the first thing i thought of when I wake up in the morning :-/

*Hugs Lindsay* How are you Lindsay?

*Spots and Hugs Laura* How are you too? Oops we typed together:) I hope you have a good time once this week is over and before then GOOD LUCK with your finals :)

Good luck Laura.

I'm ok. I saw my psychiatrist today and he made me feel a little more hopeful than I usually do.

*Hugs Lindsay* Yey for feeling Hopeful !!:)

*hugs everyone*
I'm so confused.

Whats confusing you Nicole ? *Hugs ya*

*hugs mark*
Everything. I thought i knew everything, I thought i understood all this. Turns out I was wrong. This is all so stupid.

Whats changed Nicole Hun? *Hugs*

*hugs* I had an individual session with julie today, and for the first time. We talked about the reasons behind my self harm. I thought i knew all this, I though i understood my cutting and what caused it. But it turns out little things that i thought were just part of everything, had a big effect on it all. Now my mind can't stop going through all the ba stuff, and I don't know whats real and whats not! :(

Oh Nicole that sounds just frustrating and I don't blame you for being so confused , could you , when you next speak with Julie (Therapist?) ask her about your concerns and try and straighten things out in your head?

Maybe, i can't next time as we are meeting in a coffee shop for our last session before christmas, but maybe the next one after that.

It'll be nice to meet up in a coffee shop though, My Befriender Becky takes us out to the same cafe most weeks which is cool , but we can talk in her office if I have something serious to say as coffee shops can be quite loud and you have too speak UP lol *Hugs Nicole*

I'm sorry...confused...thought she was Julie.....

I'm never sleeping again. -shakes head violently- No. More.

-runs around throwing objects at the walls, including herself-

*Hugs Kitty* Whats happened Kitty? Are you okay?

-screams- NO!

-places her hands on the wall and slams her head into it over and over and over again and mutters-

Cant do anything right. Nightmares. Bad. Me. Bad. No sleep. No more.

-stops for a moment and looks at mark with a blank stare-

I just wanted to help. I just cant do anything right. -shakes head, and goes back to banging it against the wall-

*Hugs Kitty*

*Hugs Kitty* What's going on darling?
*Hugs Nicole*
*Hugs Lindsay* I'm glad you feel hopeful today
*Hugs Mark*

I... miss my tools, a lot. I don't have any money to buy more, and my point was to be safe. be safe.
My stuff for my suicide plan should be arriving soon. I don't even know what I'm gonna do with it... but I'll figure it out.

OH! I got a stuffed penguin from a friend today. It's so cute! And, I did get my pillow pet from my roommate. I named it Enya... haha.

And... I'm not studying. I'm reading a book for like 13 year olds, called Angus, Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging. It's pretty much one of the greatest books I've ever read. No kidding.

I need to study though. Anyone wanna teleport and confiscate my book?

*Teleports To Felicia's , Confiscates her book* You can have it back in an hour :P Please get rid of your suicide plan stuff when it arrives , Give it to your room mate like you did your tools (I'm sorry you miss your tools , I know just having them is a comfort to me) or just shoove it in a bin on campus that is emptied everyday , or go to a river and just hurl it away?

-lets herself fall to the floor after banging her head several times and hugs mark and felicia back, then hugs her knees-

I tried. I cant do anything right. -points back to where she was talking to julie/amy- A prime example. Im stupid. -bangs the back of her head against the wall-

The nightmares wont go away. Im so tired but afraid to go to sleep again. Had nightmares all throughout the night last night. Never want to sleep again. No. Never. And felicia, you can send your suicide plan stuff to me when it arrives. You dont need to include instructions or a note or anything...Im sure I can figure it out when it arrives...

-starts picking at and scratching the skin on her arms while banging her head against the wall-

Just. Want. To. Be. Free...free...free.......