I'm trying but its such a pain at this season. My nurse never mentions it but I'm not 100% comfortable sitting in the top of the overweight band on the BMI chart *cuddles*

I know how you feel. Except, my husband doesn't even say that. He says "You can work, you'll be fine. Everything will be fine." He doesn't understand. He won't try to get a job. He would rather have me work when I don't even think I can than go out and get a ****ing job himself. He is only getting $339 a month through the state while he "tries to apply for social security" even though he is a lot more capable to work than I am, and that's not even enough to cover our rent completely. And it's getting reduced this next month due to cutbacks, so more money from my financial aid will have to go to pay rent along with our other bills, which means by the end of the semester, we probably won't even be able to afford a roof over our heads, just because he won't go get a job. Not even a part time job. I know he could handle it - hell everyone knows he could handle it. He's just being lazy. And when I was in school full time he would bitch about me not doing a lot around the house to help keep it clean and stuff. But all he does, day in and day out, is play on his damn computer. Because "it's his routine".

I want to leave, now. But I can't. I am already signed up for classes for next semester, and if I don't have classes, I won't get financial aid, and won't have money to live on. I can't handle moving back in with my parents. I love them and all but with my mom being in denial, it makes it so hard to bear even being around her.

I am getting closer and closer to wanting to just follow through with my plans. I'm sick of all of this ****. People tell me "oh it will get better". But, when? My life turned shitty when I was 7 years old. That was 15 years ago. Nothing has gotten better, nor does it show any signs of getting better...

Oh Kitty :( Poor dear. I'm not sure my fiance will let me out of working if I can't cope. He's already nagging I'm not doing well enough in Uni and he needs me there for his parking permit next year and I'm not likely to pass so he keeps telling me I need to put more effort in and push on and do the work and he managed when he had depression. Yeah, his was fixed by a month course of meds to help him sleep. I'm on my 7th month of medication and I'm way worse. Where the hell is my motivation supposed to come from?! >:(

*curls up* Sorry :/

*cuddles* whats wrong Helen?

Yeah...my husband claims to have depression as well. I don't see it. Sure, he has situational depression, but that's really nothing compared to my issues. I mean...I was diagnosed with Chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, and Schizoaffective Disorder. I am constantly fighting off flashbacks and panic attacks. I dissociate. Hell sometimes I can't tell the difference between reality and non-reality. Sometimes things happen and when its said and done I'm like...did that really just happen, or was it just me? I can't tell the difference. And asking other people doesn't help because I still feel like it was not real. Sometimes things that aren't real feel so real. I'm sorry...I will just shut up.

-curls up in her corner with her pillows and fuzzy blankies, and eyes the stuff thats next to her, just staring at it blankly-

Not doing too great Sarah. But it's fine.

*snuggles Helen and Kitty* I don't have much more than that right now :(

-snuggles with helen and sarah in her corner- we can be the 3 loons in the magical corner!

*hugs you both* Sounds good to me Kitty x

-hugs helen back- I've rambled and ranted enough for now. Don't really have anything else to say...if I say more, I will just be repeating it...I repeat it over and over in my head. But you guys can ramble and rant and I can listen, and try to offer advice. I'm not promising anything, but at least I can listen...

*cuddles everyone* sorry i wasn't in earlier, work had mandatory training... 3 hours of my day where i could do no work and got farther behind than i started. *sigh*

Sounds perfect. Rebecca has gone from being more my voice to being a gentle whisper. Last night I swore I felt breath in my ear when hearing the whispering. I think I'm losing it.

-hugs crimson- I'm sorry. That sounds really frustrating. :( I hope you can get caught up soon.

-hugs sarah- I somewhat know how you feel...I hear my brothers talk to me everywhere I go. They are gone, but I hear them. I see them in peoples faces. I have completely lost it... but I understand how you feel :(

*hugs Helen, Kitty, and Sarah*

Sorry, I don't have much tonight...

*curls up in the corner*

-spots felicia and waves to her- hi felicia how are you doing?

*cuddles Crimson* I hope you're okay hun

*snuggles Kitty* poor dear :( mines a completely different person who I know isn't real, but she's lovely with me most of the time so I like her. She's gentle and kind and supportive... I shouldn't let my mind continue with this but its so nice I don't want it to end

Edit - Felicia! *squishes* I hope you're okay dear, we're here for you x

-snuggles felicia- it's a magical corner. I don't know how but it is...its magical I guess because there's no limit to how much room there is in the corner...like a marry poppins bag...and pillows and fuzzy blankies too -offers pillows and fuzzy blankies- whats going on hun?

I'm doing ok... Gotta head home though. Then the store or making pizza... *shrugs* I dunno yet.

I'm going to go snuggle up in bed. Night Ward <3 *cuddles* Keep my spot in the corner warm for me and I'll come and hide back there tomorrow after being out x