why? why? seriously why the **** did I just bother checking their profiles?

Its just reminded me yet again that I am never going to fit in and be properly at home at uni. I'm just not. All the stress, house hunting, exams, ex, alone. *wishes whole life were just some bad dream*

hugs everyone. Hana will be fine though. Hana needs to hide in a corner and sleep if no-one minds that?

:( Ohhhh Emma!!!! *hugs you tight*
You fit in right here though...and I'm sure you'll fit in at uni...just give it time yeh?

Stress and house hunting and exams and exes are all crap but they dont last forever hun...even if it seems like they'll never end at the time...
Plus...you're never alone....you have all of us in our super-uber-stretchy-denial tent :]
and I wouldnt have it any other way ^_^

Maybe THIS part of life seems like a bad dream...but one day..you'll wake up and it'll all have paid off in the end....it'll just take time and a bit of work that's all but we are here every step of the way :]

Why dont you curl up in the denial tent and try get some rest?
That's where I'm off....
I cant hack these panicky feelings anymore.
I want tomorrow to be over....
or better still...
for it to NEVER come....

Take care everyone...
talk to you tomorrow
*big hugs for everyone that needs it*
xxxxxx

Hana that's perfectly fine :)
would you like a warm drink to help you sleep?
*leaves one just in case*
Sleep well hun
xxxxxxx

hi guys.

emma, i know how you feel. everyone has their little groups of friends and i know they will alll go flatting eith each other next year, and i will be left alone....nowhere to lve, nobody to live with.
whose profiles hun?

alexx well done on finishing the essay!! :)

hi hana. feel free to sleep, hide, rant, whatever you need. hope you're ok.

callie, hearing u and alexx saying imagining being in the denial tent makes me happy that i finally did something right bringing the tent in here *baths self in glory* how are u feeling today?

ally and jeremy, how is everything?

i hav a Big Important Exam tomorrow, and i havent studied :s i reallly really dont want to do it. i wish it was sunday and it was all over.

tuesday seems such a long way away....

*disappears into a dark corner and curls up into a ball*

Chloe yesh you are our speshul Denial Tent Giver and i forever bow down to your wise giving glory. good luck on your Big Important Exam! you will sit down by the campfire and study and we will be very quiet and cheer you on and reward you with smores and campfire tea and lovely treats

yes let's have an Official Denial Tent Campers Hopelessness club! Alexx thanks for making the badges! *waits for hers and starts picking out the perfect spot to wear it on her shirt*

Katey-lou good luck tomorrow and i hope you sleep well
Hana i hope you are okay too hun you can stay in the Denial Tent and there is magical mosquito netting there that keeps out all the unsafeness it's fabulous

hope everybody else is well, Alyssa and Jeremy and Carole and Helen we miss you here hun

*feels weird so sits in corner with Emma and sucks a virtual lolipop too*

*hugs everyone*
*runs laps round denial tent then falls over and pretends not to cry*
*hands over booze to responsible person for safe keeping*
dont think ddrinkin any more would be a good idea. im sooo very tempted with things...
*smokes myself into oblivion*

*passes seamonkey a virtual lolipop and a glass of water*
come sit with us in the Denial Tent honey and get some rest
off to bed!

Tomorrow is gonna be good... Roommates going to be gone for the weekend... I'm gonna come home from work, drink myself into oblivion, and do some bleeding... I can't wait... 22 1/2 hours to go...

*finds a virtual lolipop and joins Emma and Callie in the corner...waiting...*

Yuck. I went to hospital.
I had my STUPID assessment :pinch:
I came to college...
I couldnt stop crying before...
now I just feel...weird :blink:

*hugs alexx, ally, chloe, helen, emma, ileana and any1 i missed*

Errrh, me? i don't feel too great atm...but i'll battle thru it i suppose, nothing too major i can't handle.


But how is everybody else? I'm worried about u ally....look after urself hon xx

Yeah alexx...how did the assessment go? I hope they don't automatically send u to hosp, now that would suck :-(

*hugs for all*
I hope you are all ok and keeping safe.

I wish I wasn't so nosy. It's just made me feel worse. I shouldn't be with him because it hurts him when my mood shifts etc. I don't want to hurt him *cries*

I had to go to the Mental Health unit at hospital...except I got lost so I ended up stopping this nurse and talking at like...a million miles an hour because I was panicking, so the nurse took me to the right place...but I was sure she'd taken me to the WRONG place just to spite me, so I got really aggitated.
Then the assessment woman (Julie) came to see me, took me into the assessment room. I convinvced myself she thought I was just a time waster...and she kept sayig "see...you have aims..plans...like going to uni" but to be honest...I dont think I'm ACTUALLY gonna MAKE it that far...I'll end up failing :pinch:
She said to go home, and call Central Youth to arrange ANOTHER counsellor (so I'll be having two sessions a week with two different counsellors :/) and she's going to call me back on Thursday to see how I'm doing, then I have to have a med review and after that she's gonna talk to the psychiatrist, see what he recommends and if my meds arent working, she's going to see about changing them.
Thing is...my first meds really helped...but they made me SOOOOOOOOO sick.... :( and all the meds since have been useless.
No one is listening to me...the anti-anxiety pills are supposed to work almost straight away...the anti-depressants take 2-3 weeks...but after being on this medication for nearly 3 weeks, I'm still panicking and having panic attacks MOST days....so CLEARLY I need something abit stronger....
but that's clearly not obvious to them.

I'm scared....I feel really unstable...she asked if I had any "plans" and I said no...because at the time I didn't...but then I got on the bus and couldn't stop crying and now the plans are all forming....really really strong plans....*sigh*:-(

I don't want to go to psychology...I want to hide...

Wow.

I'm so suidicial. Yet trying to be postive. It's going to be a VERY VERY VERY hard weekend, but I CAN and WILL get through this. **** aint gonna beat me and kill me and let you lose me!!!! Wooo =]

:) I'm glad that you are trying to be positive Helen. You are right, you can get through this weekend. Try and occupy yourself with friends, even if you don't particularly want to.

*squishes Alexx and Carole and Helen and Jeremy and Chloe and Alyssa and Ileana and everybody else in the whole entire world*
*passes out purple virtual lolipops*

*hugs Callie* Thanks for the virtual lolipop. Purple's my favouritest colour in the whole wide world! :D How are you doing?

Helen I am very proud of you, you are being VERY positive and you're right.. You CAN do this, you CAN hold on.

*hugs Helen, Emma, Callie, Carole, Cloe, Alexx and anyone else that wants one*

About 9 hours till I get to go home and drink myself blind...