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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

shadowedseraph 18-06-2009 10:23 AM

*hugs to all on the ward*

*hugs zowie* thank you, not cutting is a major thing at the moment.

Got to see the crisis team psyche today, worried cos i dont know what he's going to say

Biba 18-06-2009 11:13 AM

.........

zowie 18-06-2009 02:38 PM

I just took my dad for lunch, it was lovely. I'm now very full of food and not feeling guilty :)

zowie 18-06-2009 04:26 PM

okay, now I'm feeling guilty. Why did I have to eat so much? Fatty.

*LONG RANT*
Also, my youngest sister is an absolute nightmare. Yesterday afternoon she asked to go out and play in the street and our dad said no because she needed a bath. To which she went mental, called us both loads of names, screamed, slammed doors and finally said 'im going anyway' and just walked out.
She came back about ten minutes later and appologised, and dad said 'im still punishing you'. So yet again, she goes off on one, and says 'the only reason i came back was because I couldn't find my friends, and the only reason I appologised is because I don't want to be punished!'
After a lot of shouting and swearing she calmed down, got in the bath and went to bed.
She just got home from school (dad's not here atm so I'm in charge). First thing she does is head for the cuboard (even though one of her punishements is no snacks or puddings) so I have to stop her. She starts moaning and telling me to ring dad and ask him if she's allowed a snack. I said no, because I knew what his answer would be.
Then her friend knocks on the door and she asks to go out. I can't remember if he grounded her or not so I ask her to honestly tell me. She says 'I don't remember' Which basically means he did. She screams at me for saying no and then says 'oh yeah, I'm not grounded'. So to be sure, I phone dad, and he's left his phone at home. Then it turns out (from her letting slip) he DID ground her but said if she was nice he mmight lift it after a while. So I say 'well, there's your answer, you need his permission'.
Then she says in an arrogant tone 'well I'm going anyway, I don't care.' Which is exactly what got her grounded in the first place. So I raise my voice and tell her exactly that, and that she will be in enormous trouble if she does.
She then storms into the hallway where her friend is waiting and screams 'you think you're my mother. I wish you'd stop acting like you're my mother!'
That's what really upset me. If mum were here she would have sorted her right out. She wouldn't be such a brat. Dad's too liberal. I mean, so liberal it got us on TV! He just lets her get away with everything. She's ten for christ's sake!
She's now upstairs with her friend, and I know I should send him away seeing as she's grounded, but I can't stand her bringing mum into the argument.

Okay rant over.
I completely understand if no one read that, it's very long.
Sigh.

MammaMia 18-06-2009 05:02 PM

*cuddles all*

Arwen, wow, I don't know what to say to help but I read it all, sounds like hell to deal with :(

zowie 18-06-2009 05:39 PM

Aww thank you for reading my pointless rant :)
Yeah, it's horrible. She's blaming it on me that she's not allowed to do anything even though it's her own fault and dad's decision.

Anway, things have calmed down now. x

[Fog] 18-06-2009 09:09 PM

*Leaves hugs for all* Sorry it can't be more. Head's killing, I collapsed twice today. Therapy went ok though and was so nice seeing my boyfriend. I feel so fat. Love to all xx

~Kaytee~ 19-06-2009 04:09 AM

Oh god arwen.. I was reading your rant and man, I swear I thought of my family! Thats exactly how my sister (a few years older) would react too. It's so sad and horrible coz I know that if our mum was here then she wouldnt be llike this.. or at least as bad. I know she's like this coz well one she's teenager but 2 coz she has no mum. It's so hard. I have no advice sorry :( *hugs* Don't fell guilty about eating though. Although I can't talk hm.

shadowedseraph 19-06-2009 11:28 AM

*hugs zowie* your little sister sounds like a terror, well done for sticking up to her though it must have been hard.

*hugs banana* sorry to hear about your headache sweetheart and your collapsing, do you need to see someone about it?

*hugs bigbear*

-----

Well i saw the crisis team psyche and she was really nice, much to my surprise! told me she would up my anti depressent and would think about uppiong my anti psychotic if i had any more symptoms! nice and supportive too... hurrah

shadowedsoul 19-06-2009 12:13 PM

argh!!!! i cant handle any of this anymore, people playing mind games. Iam not even sure if she even was really in the first place. even if she has dissapeared and done something stuiped. or if its the same person now. argh!!!! this is too much for me to handle. going to go sleep in a padded room. untill i can get my head toghter. sorry for this confusing and pointless post. =/

zowie 19-06-2009 01:21 PM

*Hugs HannahBanana* I feel fat too :(

Katie - I find it so sad that she was only six when mum died, and that the lack of a mother has made her this way. Thanks for reading my rant, you didn't have to :P

Shadowedseraph - Yay for helpful people! I'm glad you're getting the support you need.

*hugs shadowedsoul* Sorry, don't know what to say.

--------

I truly wish I had a job. I have absolutely no money even though I was paid yesterday. It all went on rent and taking dad for lunch. I really want to go to the pub, just for one drink, so I can say hi to my friends. I haven't seen them in ages. It's my mum's birthday on Sunday and they are all her old friends, I really want to spend some time with them and have a drink for my mum.

realflifefaerie 19-06-2009 01:27 PM

*hugs zowie* try not to worry too much about it. Little sisters are often like that anyway, it is also part of growing up.

*hugs Mammamia* how are you?

*hugs banana* I'm glad therapy went well and you got ot spend time with your boyfriend. Hope your feeling better today.

*hugs Bigbear*

*hugs shadowedseraph* I'm glad that the crisis team psych was nice and you're getting support.

*hugs shadowedsoul* don't be sorry, if you want to talk more I'm around.

I'm feeling really lonely and isolated today. I've managed to eat which is an achievement but I'm back to feeling guilty, I just don't know. *sighs*

zowie 19-06-2009 01:47 PM

*Hugs Secrets* Well done for eating :)

I'm being a right scrounge. Have texted my dad and my friend to see if either of them could lend me enough for a pint. My friend just texted back and said she's got no cash on her, so I don't think she'll even be going for a drink. Maybe I should stop being desperate for a single drink and sleep all day.

shadowedseraph 19-06-2009 03:22 PM

*hugs secrets* well done for eating dont feel guilty

*hugs zowie* sleep is good especially if you are tired sorry i have nothing more supportive to say i suck today

*hugs shadowedsoul* if you want to talk more we are all around

zowie 19-06-2009 04:49 PM

After my last post I had to go pick my sister up from school as she'd bashed her head. At first, when we got home, she was really milking it. And she'd read the letter the school gave her about signs to look out for when someone hits their head, and was pretending that her eye was twitching. Annoying!
So haven't had a nap, she's watching TV and I don't want to go to bed.

youonlyliveonce 19-06-2009 08:46 PM

hugs secrets well done for eating.

today wow had an appointment with my cpn that was ok. he wants to see me again next fri as my OT is going on holiday and he wanted to make sure i was ok. then went to my best friends uni and was in a hyper and met all her friends which was nice. she has sum really nice friends there. however walking back to her uni got a flashback, so now really struggling wow. only had 3 hours sleep in the last 48 hours that is killing me. and got first day back at work 2moz ontop of feeling suicidal great. has been a crazy day

[Fog] 19-06-2009 09:37 PM

Hey guys

*Hugs and loves for all*

*Distributes calorie free chocolates*

Been feeling a little better today but not great. Done great with food and did some walking too so feel a little less fat. Also went with my mum to the Open University library this afternoon and looked at the courses for 3rd year and I'm quite excited about it.

Currently trying to work out what to do for my birthday. My plan so far is spend the morning and early afternoon doing not much with family, then spend the afternoon and evening with my boyfriend doing not much lol. It's pretty tricky... Obviously don't wanna go for a meal, cinemas makes psychosis bad, going out I can't drink or take drugs any more, and generally places in public make me really anxious so kinda limits things! Can't even eat bloody birthday cake :( Urgh.

Hugs to all xxx

realflifefaerie 19-06-2009 10:10 PM

Secrets is not a happy secrets, stupid ex boyfriend who is determined to wreck my happiness.

shadowedsoul 19-06-2009 10:11 PM

okay might have been wrong. but thats even worse. damnit why cant my life be simple.if its not one thing its the other.keep having these panic attacks and there doing my head in.and these really sore pain near my heart. which are freaking me out. sorry in a whiney mood. =/

HopeFades 19-06-2009 11:37 PM

i can so relate 2 wat u have just sed shadowed soul i keep gettin the same pains in my chest and my heart like flutters its really weird, i know its probly related 2 anxiety but it seems 2 happen at the most randomest of times, times wen i dnt even feel like im even stressed like out in a nightclub or shoppin or watchin a film, its rediculous, i wish i cud find a way of getting rid of them

MammaMia 20-06-2009 12:43 AM

I'm in a really bad mood, but trying to cling onto the excited feeling about today. ****'s sake, I'm in SUCH a bad mood, mostly directed at me.

realflifefaerie 20-06-2009 10:07 AM

*hugs zowie* sounds like a typical little sister, did you get a nap?

*hugs hannah* Open University courses sound fun! Well done for managing to eat, birthday's do kinda become just another day as you get older. Makes me sad.

*hugs shadowedsoul* Don't be sorry, panic attacks are yukky, do you have any techniques to help calm you down?

*hugs bex* that sounds unpleasant.

*hugs Mammamia* Try to enjoy today.

I feel so wiped out today, again, I swear there's something wrong at the moment. However benefits are that mood wise I just am fairly go with the flow.

zowie 20-06-2009 10:15 AM

Too tired to reply individually. Sister woke me up >:( I swear she's on a mission to continuously piss me off.
*Goes out into smoking shelter for a morning ciggy*

zowie 20-06-2009 10:20 AM

Oh, and I forgot to say.
Yesterday marked seven months free!!

shadowedseraph 20-06-2009 02:40 PM

*grabs zowie and does the happy dance* well done on seven months free!

*hugs to everyone else on the ward* too tired for individual replies sorry.

------

Why must i constantly feel like c*** *snuggles teddy*

one_step_closer 20-06-2009 03:42 PM

Very well done zowie!

*hugs everyone*

shadowedseraph 20-06-2009 04:07 PM

*curls up in a corner and bangs head into the wall*

zowie 20-06-2009 05:02 PM

Thank you :) x

*Hugs Shadowed* What's up?

x

Damnation. 20-06-2009 07:36 PM

OH GOD NO.

My mum has Facebook. She's just sent me a friend request. I don't know whether to accept it. We haven't spoken since she virtually accused my dad of killing my sister (bullshit), and I haven't seen her irl for three and a half years...

I've bitched about how I hate her. But then she'd sneak into my thoughts, I'd have dreams about returning to her place for a bit, and think - does part of me want contact?

Confused, bewildered, disorientated...I'm staying away from there today

Eclectica 20-06-2009 08:21 PM

Well, accept it if you feel ready, but don't force yourself to make a decision. Maybe just add her and see what happens, can alwyas block her.

Damnation. 20-06-2009 08:23 PM

Yeah, that's what Loz suggested. Nicole on the other hand was like 'OMFG DON'T ACCEPT D<'. I'll think about it more later, I'm hiding out on another account atm

shadowedsoul 20-06-2009 09:44 PM

yeah i that excatly what happens to me, i could be watching tv. and all of a sudden it start up. might be something to do with anxeity. thankd secrects, hmm no i dont have anyway to clam myself down, which make the pain in my chest worse,any things i could try, if i have a panic attack. ?

[Fog] 20-06-2009 09:47 PM

Sorry, too tired for individual replies but sending you all lots of loves and hugs and teddy bears.

My birthday tomorrow and I'm excited and also very anxious. I wish I could be normal and have a meal and a birthday cake and go out with my friends and stuff. I purged twice today, didn't really need to I just needed to vent my anxiety I suppose. I dunno. I'm trying not to dwell on it but I've just been worrying away all day.

Anyway take care all xxxxx

MammaMia 21-06-2009 01:16 AM

Happy Birthday Hannah :)

I'm feeling really ill and tied. Only I can't ****ing sleep woo :D Too tired to even talk about why I'm so upset & low. Fun. yay.

Ileana 21-06-2009 02:52 AM

...now that all the doors have been shut in my face none can tell me I didn't try, no one can say I can't do it now. Now i can finally leave knowing i tried and THEY didn't care.

Ileana 21-06-2009 03:00 AM

...........g

Ileana 21-06-2009 03:38 AM

I have nothing, nothing. I am nothing...so i want to feel nothing.

shadowedsoul 21-06-2009 09:49 AM

hmm i have got no idea what the hell im doing, im really begin to regret doing this thing. okay in the long run it will be great. but right now i feel traped, and confused. im feeling really low again and i want to cut, something i havent thought about in a while. hmm mabye it was me pretending to be happy for 11 days,has started this off again. or maybe im just now relising how much of a comintment, i just put on myself. and was it worth it. im being to think no. it too late now tho. argh!!!! i dont know what im trying to say. hmm might just delet this afterwards. just needed to let out what was running through my mind. might get some peace then. or not. damnit im such a muppet. hits head hard. =[

zowie 21-06-2009 10:06 AM

It would be my mum's birthday today.
I'm staying positive for her, and for my dad - It's also father's day.

~Kaytee~ 21-06-2009 10:19 AM

*hugs arwen* well done on 7 months btw. thinking of you today xx

sorry have beena bit absent. nets been haywire so that sucks. then have my exams tomorrow and next day. barely studied today >_< slowly starting to freak out =[

youonlyliveonce 21-06-2009 02:42 PM

happy birthday banana

shadowedseraph 21-06-2009 03:53 PM

*hugs banana* Happy Birthday

*hugs zowie* i hope you can be strong for your dad but it must be hard *more hugs*

*more hugs for everyone on the ward thats struggling or just feels the need to be here*

I want to hurt myself so badly it feels like an ache, i want to cry but i can't seem to, everything seems to be going wrong. I want to get better. Its not fair *end whine*

zowie 21-06-2009 08:12 PM

I had a nice day at the pub :) x

realflifefaerie 21-06-2009 09:09 PM

happy birthday Hannah.

Am way too tired for individual replies, shall try tomorrow. I'm really struggling today with food and stuff.

*leaves hugs and bread an butter pudding*

~*Rainbow*~ 21-06-2009 10:07 PM

Hye guys sorry i havent been around much!! been working to damm much!!!

trying to save up for my new chosen career in Falconry!!! YAY

me and himself are ok!! we may even be sorting things out tot he extent we will be together again!!! YAY!!!!!

wildly insane 22-06-2009 01:01 AM

Dayna, you could always accept her under a limited profile?

Hey guys, I'm back :) there was way too much for me to read as it's late and I'm tired, but sending you all big massive hugs and hope the next new week brings things a lot easier. I have had a fantastic holiday, and have just had a brilliant weekend visiting friends in manchester who I haven't seen in ages. Am now triggered because I had a good time and because the guy I like has just told me he likes someone else :P bleh

Huggles and squidges

Damnation. 22-06-2009 02:35 AM

I dunno how to do that O.o. I took the risk and accepted her anyway. She sent me a message saying she was surprised but glad that I accepted her (and typed like a n00b, lol >.>)

MammaMia 22-06-2009 03:28 AM

I am so angry woohoo :)

Kahlia1981 22-06-2009 07:32 AM

*hugs all*

My surgery is going ahead but they want me to stay with my cast on for at least another month. D:

*hugs all again*

~Kaytee~ 22-06-2009 11:16 AM

Ooh *hugs kahlia* hope the surgery goes well :)

Welcome back Hannah! *squishes*

And a late happy birthday to hannahbanana :D Hope it went well x


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