Thanks you two =)

Mark, you're really cute. :) Love the smile. And I don't think you look icky/overweight/ugly at all!! *hugs*

Hels, your haircut is so pretty. It suits you very well, just as Mark said... I love the pics. :D Thanks for uploading them!!

I'm distracted now by my LiveJournal, am updating it... :)

Thanks April <3

Helen - your hair looks great! I really like it!

*hugs lindsay* im sorry about ur job, but like crimson said, maybe they will hire you back when you are more well

*hugs crimson* Im sry that you feel tired/icky.

Mark - yay i like when i can see what people look like, putting names to faces is nice. And I agree that its a nice picture of you.

*hugs april* sorry your so tired today.

Thanx April , that really made my day :)

Thanks Laura.

*big group cuddle*

Everyone's really posting fast tonight, can't keep up!!!

Awh, am glad I made your day, Mark. :D (as long as you were being serious, anyway!!) I meant what I typed, too. :)

Yeh people are posting fast... heh. My brain is so muzzy right now!! that it's hard for me to keep up too.

Thanks Laura *hugs* How are you doing now? any better?

♥

Yep I was being serious :)

Awh good. :) *hugs*

Another picture of me, once again from Easter weekend... this time showing my silly side. ;)


In the pic you can see the bleached bits from where my husband and I dyed our hair blue for our first anniversary last October (2009)... lol... the roots are my hair's natural color. :)

*cuddles april* no... not really. Ive been shaking slightly for hours. Trying to keep distracted, but nothing is working. I think if i SI I'll feel better, but im always trying not to.. I want to quit fighting tho.

Dyeing your hair blue! hehe what colour are you going for next anniversary ?

Love the pic April.
Hope you don't have to SI Laura.

& I'm in floods of tears :/ Great.

I'm really tired . I only got up 10 hours ago (that was a struggle) and I am seriously thinking of just falling back into bed. I feel like I'm being lazy , depression I guess . My mood has been all over the place recently I can be ok and then really low in a matter of moments.

Asleep is the safest place you can be....

*pops in to check up on everyone, leaves hugs enough for all*
Helen, your hair looks awesome =you look awesome :) Hope your weekend goes well, just enjoy the moment 'k?

Lindsay that's bad news about the job hun, probably for the best right now but you need to look after yourself ok? *hugs Lindsay and tells her she's great at what she does*

I'm on a blackberry and having all sorts of operational issues so sorry I can't respond to all, and I can't open all the photos, but sounds like you're a gorgeous bunch!

I'm off to scatter my Uncle's ashes soon, so will be back in the ward later without a doubt.

Stay safe fellow ward mates.

*grabs a takeaway latte and wanders off*

*cuddles everyone* I can get internet bwtween 6am and 11pm so will be able to get on here a bit
you all look lovely and handsome in your photos.

*cuddles everyone* sorry its not more.

I gave in. I have stuff to do tonight so I had to. Numb is better than barely functioning. And nobody will even be able to tell that i am numb b/c i am good with masks.

*cuddles everyone*

Thanks JK & Oliver for the compliments.

Mood's sinking slowly. But doesn't necessarily mean I'm headed back to being low. Got to try keep positive :/

*gently cuddles Laura* I'm so sorry you gave in, hon, but I understand the need/urge to... and the desire to feel numb can be so attractive at times... I don't blame you one bit. :( I wish I could SI... I've been bothering the scratch on my hand so it's going to be a massive scar (for a scratch anyway), but oh well. Had to do it today. I'm worried it's becoming a compulsion... :-/

*cuddles Hels* I'm sorry that you're not feeling too great, but maybe you could boost yourself up a bit by treating yourself? I dunno, take a hot bubble bath or a bath with salts, or read a book you really enjoy, or have a hot drink then toddle off to bed. :) Sorry if those are rubbish ideas, it's difficult for me to come up with the best ones. :(

*cuddles Mark* You're right, asleep IS the safest place you can be (or so I would hope)... just hopefully no nightmares. I've been having nightmares for the past few nights and it's just been awful... :( I hate them so much and wish that they would go away. :( I hope that you feel better tomorrow... and remember, you - the none of you in this ward - are as awful/icky/ugly/fat/etc. as you think you are!! ♥

*hugs JK* I hope that your day goes well. I'm headed off to take a hot bath in a bit... accidentally wore flipflops and capris today when it was in the 40s ('F). BRRRRR. I froze, lol. Well, not really that bad, wasn't outside a lot, but it was pretty chilly for flipflops. I also managed somehow last weekend to pull my Achille's tendon on my right leg especially, so it kills to walk a distance. :( But anyway, enough whinging on my part... how are you doing?

Sending prayers and good wishes out to you all... ♥

Oop Oliver, didn't mean to forget you!!! *cuddles* Glad you have internet connection and can get support here... is there a GLBT group online you can talk with as well? because I know that we all aren't the best support for that (specifically)... just a thought. :) And man, it's quieted down in here since earlier... it was crazy (awesome) how many people were on. :D So how's the performance thingy going?

I've been feeling strange these days...I am numb since the beggining of the week and nothing seems real anymore...I woke up one morning and didn't recognize the person looking at me in the mirror...I can't feel anything...not too mention my head was totally empty yesterday...I stayed seated on the couch for hours staring at the off tv set...Now today I my mind was full of thoughts, a lots of them...I can't focus

I saw a dog being hit by car today and didn't get scared or shocked...anything...it felt I was seeing this scene on a TV, or something...There's something really wrong with me

*cuddles everyon*

I feel better than I did earlier, must have been a wobbly moment...

*cuddles April* yeah I have a website like this but for LGBT youth so thats cool, the course is going ok so far, its going to be tough lots of hard music and have a full day of rehearsals today.
*cuddles everyone* I got to go to breakfast now.

Morning everyone :D *cuddles all*

Love how quiet the ward went after my last post. Hope everyone's okay.

I have a migraine and woke up crying from my nightmare & then believed it was Sunday. But managed to finally remind myself that it IS Saturday thank god =)

Sun's out shining & warm yet again!! Shame we have to stay in for a wee while, until these men have gone and then we can go to my Nan's :D Might be going to the park before then with couple of my friends..:P

I didn't get up until 11.15 am , SO LAZY ! I've just got no motivation for anything , feel generally low , and triggered too:(

I really wanted to sleep straight away last night so I was a bit naughty and took 2 Diazepam ( 10mg each ) , it worked but I can't keep doing that I simply am not prescribed enough . I 'm dreading trying to get to sleep tonight.

*Hugs ward mates*

*hugs Mark*

You are NOT lazy at all :) Lie in's are good & you obviously needed it. Don't be so hard on yourself. I know it's easier said than done. *snuggles*

*briefly pops by again to make sure you all ok*

Helen, sorry you had a rough patch, awesome that you've bounced back, that's tough to do!

Mark, sleep is healing, don't beat yourself up ok. If you need to increase meds then maybe talk to your doc huh *hugs*

Laura, so sorry you cut hun, make sure you look after the wound and treat tomorrow as a new day (or today depending on your time zone lol )

April, hope you're doing ok, my day was long and emotional but the ceremony went beautifully on a hill overlooking the sea and the sun shined for my baby uncle :)

Hugs everyone else, I will get better at checking in all the rooms and corners when I get home and back on my laptop.

Off to bed now over here in the southern hemisphere!
xx

*huggles all*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies. Last night I had intended to come on here this morning but I woke up really not feeling 100% today and things have just continued to go downhill.

Good news for the day: my housemate and I undertook an introductory coffee making course that will act as a stepping stone for us to begin working as a barista. We learnt about extracting the coffee and heating the milk and also appropriate hygiene etcetera. It was really interesting. The course went for 3 hours and the instructor (and his assistant) were both really good - very helpful if you had any questions. The worst part for me was that I had to stand for about 2 hours and I was nearly collapsing.

The bad bits of today: We went down to get pizza for dinner and apparently it was burnt. I smelt it and then started to feel sick and just couldn't eat. The almost collapsing at the coffee course. Almost falling down the stairs at our residence because my legs were threatening to give way. And, of course, the waking up and not feeling 100%. Also I've been having really strong urges towards su and si. And today have kept wanting to cry ... I'm getting a bit sick of that.

Anyway, I'm hoping that I'll start to get a bit better and then will be able to keep up a bit better.

*huggles everyone then disappears quickly into the smoking shelter before settling down in a dark corner*

*hugs Kahlia* Sorry you are feeling so low :( That coffee making course does sound interesting :) What is a barista? Am I just being dull?

hey guys. hope you're all enjoying the nice weather :D im loving it. spent the day at millets farm with my cousin and auntie and the little ones :D had a great time. even the fact that it was too hot to wear a jumper didnt spoil my day. because guess what-apart from 2 tiny little cuts-i havent cut in almost 2 WEEKS!!!!!

2 weeks !! Thats really good to hear Nicole , well done :) I'm glad you are having a good day .

thankyou :D hows your day been?

Well the weather here is nice too so I walked about a bit , down by the canal here , saw the ducks and ducklings :)
Been triggered all day though and S.I. won . Again . * sigh * I just don't feel it will ever stop . Not ever . Sorry to whine .

aaawh. you're not whining. thats what these boards are for, supporting eachother. im sorry you felt the need to SI :( *hugs* it will stop eventually. glad it was sunny there too :D its nice to have some sun. we get rain most of the time!!

*cuddles everyone*

Hope you're feeling better, at least physically Kahlia. Course sounds fun though :)

Mark, I'm sorry SI won this battle, but think about all the battles YOU'VE won against it & you will be free one day *snuggles* Glad you got out though, that's good.

Nicole, congratulations on the two weeks free darling & glad you got out today with family :)

Today's been bit annoying. It's been lovely here, woke up early so was impressed with that & eventually went to my Nan's. Saw my aunt, uncle & my brother :) Plus my Nan, obviously!!

But before that, I said to a couple of friends that I probably should be able to go out with them for a bit & then head to my Nan's. But my plans changed and K seemed to get really huffy with me about it. Nearly turned into an argument. Then they've been clearly talking about me AGAIN because I said something to H the other day about not having a present for my birthday off K. Don't know how it came up but I said it in a jokey way and how she never forgets Christmas, but does birthdays. She's obviously told K about it because got a text asking why etc :/

Friends eh? Who'd have 'em? =P

*grumbles*

aaaweh *hugs* glad you managed to get out and see some family, well done :D sorry to hear your friends are being like that :( i still havent spoken to mine. lol. when was your birthday hun?

*cuddles everyone*

*cuddles laura* you ok??

Hey everyone.*drags herself out of bed and asks Kahlia real nice for a double shot flat white*
Mark- SI will not always win ok, otherwise we wouldn't all be here in the ward. We must believe we will beat it! I had 15 years SI free, so view my current space a temporary blip!

Thanks for the coffee Kahlia, friends can be weird, especially cos with MH issues we can be a bit sensitive too huh *hugs and understands*

*cuddles Helen* hope things still ok for you, good that you got out and about hun

*high fives Nicole* 2 weeks is awesome, keep going chick, it takes a while to break the habit but when you do you've won. Very proud of ya! X

*hugs Laura* how you today sweet? Hope you looking after yourself ok?

*Hugs hope-is-overrated and any other peeps I've missed and heads off to breakfast*

YAAY *high fives* thankyou, that just made me feel really proud of myself and motivated me to try more :D. i reckon, if i get through tonight and tomorrow, then monday im going back to my cousins until thursday, shes staying at mine thursday night, its my 16th birthday on friday, im going clothes shopping saturday, and i should have my RYL meet sunday :D so i've got enough to keep me going as long as i can get through tonight and tomorrow :D

You should be very proud of yourself, its really not that easy huh! Keep yourself busy for the next couple of days, ok? You can do it, us lot believe in you *hugs to give the strength you need*

Sounds like a plan Nicole ! and like JK said keep yourself busy until Monday , it should be nice weather so you could go outside :)*Hugs*

*Hugs JK* Good Morning. Flat White ! thats what I drink! .

I started playing runescape again , not sure if I'll continue , my head is full of stats now , and quests ! I missed quests .Am I the only runescapee here? you are all WoWers aren't you , you know that's the darkside :P

I'm off to bed so I can get up early then sleep ok tommorow night so I can get up early on Monday for my ENT appointment at the hospital several towns over . (Make Sense?)

thankyou guys :D once my brother has his bath, im gonna get in, spend a coupla hours in there lol, then go to bed :D

*cuddles everyone lots*

Laura, how you doing?
JK, I'm kinda okay.

Ugh my friends are still being nobs :P Worried about the besties. Dreading tomorrow. Nicole, I think it was you whom asked when my birthday was? 7th March =)

yeah it was me lol. cool :D mines friday :D sorry your friends are still playing up :( whats happening tomorrow hun?

Oh exciting :) They'll talk to me tomorrow I'm sure. Six years since I had a miscarriage. One of my closest friends is doing something really sweet for me, for her, on Wednesday :')

aaaw im so sorry hun. hope you're ok now??

No? Not really? Well I'm hanging on my good mood at the moment. But slowly getting upset, because I know Sunday's nearly an hour away.

*cuddles all*

Am not in the best place ever at the moment... am feeling so socially anxious right now, I don't really know how to explain it. My bestie is out doing stuff with her group of friends, and everyone is telling me that I need to make more friends, get out there more, etc... but I can't, I just can't, I'm too scared and too much of a coward. Literally, this is what I do every day:
- get up, do my morning stuff, play WoW for awhile and maybe chat to a friend or two on there if they're on
- go to uni/tutoring, talk to people in class if they talk with me first
- come home, play WoW with Jarrod, chat with friends if they're on
- eat supper
- take shower/bath
- go to bed early (7:30-8pm)
And that's my day. It's going to change a bit with a job, I know that, but still... I don't have a group of friends except a bunch online, and those apparently "don't count," because opening up via text is a lot easier than with words. And I can be in my apartment whilst doing so. I used to have a group I hung out with, my 4-H group, but we've all gone our separate ways. I don't know. I don't party, never have and probably never will. I'm so lame.

:crying:

I don't know... I would be better off dead...

*cuddles everyone* I keep coming in here, reading everything and then not having time to reply because I have a rehearsal or a meal I have to dash to, so I apologise for the lack of individual replies, but I send lots of cuddles to everyone.

I've been busy today, 4 rehearsals, evening one was cancelled and its tough work, especially when you are principal of your section, but the music is good, although very hard.
Bee to the pub tonight with people from course, played darts with a couple of friends, found out I am rubbish at it, but never mind, few conversations going on and that I was expected to join in with that made me feel really uncomfortable, but I am getting by at the moment.

Updated r/v thread...

:crying: