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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

MammaMia 28-10-2008 11:24 PM

Oh I was debating whether to see a friend who's having respite care at the moment (I think it's to do with her being suidical and for her severe ADHD and stuff). So I decided to go knowing it'll most likely drain me emotionally as I'm low anyway. Then I was debating what day to go. Decided to go tomorrow, but to text her tomorrow to make sure it's ok (cus I dont want to go all the way to be turned away) or maybe I'll call them. Just really scared you know? =\

MammaMia 28-10-2008 11:24 PM

*cuddles* It's not bad to say that at all. It's understandable hunnie. xx

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dramatic (Post 1181325)
Is it bad to say that i want to be in hospital right now, despite hating them?

Just to feel safe.
If only.

Oh well.
I'll be going there soon enough in a body bag. So might as well make the most of it out of it =]

What's up Helen?

*hugs Kahlia*


Kahlia1981 28-10-2008 11:58 PM

*hugs Helen and Laura*

Detour. Derail 28-10-2008 11:58 PM

hmmmm :/

MammaMia 29-10-2008 12:04 AM

*cuddles Kahlia & Alex*

Fed up.
Just **** off please?
(This is someone I know online, nothing to do with anyone in here :))

MammaMia 29-10-2008 12:06 AM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEX!!!

Detour. Derail 29-10-2008 12:11 AM

wayheyyyy :P
thankyou :]
*hands helen party poppers and drink*

MammaMia 29-10-2008 12:24 AM

WOOOO
ALCOHOL?
=D

Detour. Derail 29-10-2008 12:29 AM

champagne!! :P

Pomegranate 29-10-2008 12:53 AM

Happy Birthday sweetie!!! Hope you have a fantabulous day!!!!

MammaMia 29-10-2008 01:15 AM

*jumps on emma and clings*

Pomegranate 29-10-2008 01:23 AM

whats up hells hun?

Kahlia1981 29-10-2008 01:26 AM

Happy Birthday Alex. :D I hope you have a great day.

caiden 29-10-2008 01:31 AM

just thought i would pop in to say goodnight. i am off to bed here in my little corner. hugs everyone.
*curls up in a ball and cries self to sleep*

MammaMia 29-10-2008 01:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pomegranate (Post 1181640)
whats up hells hun?

Feeling low :notsure: and was feeling quite implusive earlier but yeah didn't do anything....plus my head really kills and I still feel sick :pinch:

Ileana 29-10-2008 03:37 AM

Ugh.
My neighbor is giving me a new kitty. He was born a couple of days ago, when he's a bit stronger I'll take him home. Still haven't picked out a name. I haven't been able to sleep well enough. I feel shitty.

Dramatic 29-10-2008 08:17 AM

It's 8.15am.
From 7.53am i've been trying to phone my doctors, only to be directed to some crappy emergency doctors, i don't WANT them for **** sake.

So i phone at 8.05am and i wait for 10 minutes, with a stupid woman with a horrid voice saying on the other end "Our receptionists are busy at the moment, as soon as we're free we will answer your call", with some ridiculous opera music playing, then a "Thankyou for holding, your call is very important to us" blablabla SHUT UP.

So i sat here, rocking back and fourth after spending an hour in dissociation, i'm completely disorientated with my arms in a state. Praying they'll let me have a phone consultation with him.

The receptionist says he has none, and i won't beable to talk to him, what do i want another doctor to phone me.
No i do NOT want another ****ing doctor, if i wanted another i wouldn't have specified for MY doctor.
So i burst into tears, litrali, for the first time in weeks, and i cry "I need help, i suffer with severe depression, i'm not doing well, and i need to speak to him because i've been seeing him for a year and i don't trust anyone else", that is the first time in my LIFE i have admitted that to a stranger - THAT is how ****ing desperate i am.

So she says "Right you're on the system he'll phone you later this morning as he's not getting in until 11.30am" - well, why couldn't you ****ing do that in the first place??????? It would have stopped this huge panic attack i'm now suffering from DAMN YOU to hell.

Ignorant people.
It seems all i have to say is i'm suicidal and they feel all "sympathetic" and get me in on the system.
Jesus christ.

It shouldn't need to be like that. Damnit. Damn people.

I've not slept.
I'm so exhausted. Tired. So tired. But can't sleep.

Does anyone know if there's something he can give me just for today/tonight?? To calm me down/knock me out? I'm not talking about something like temazepam or crappy diazepam, i NEED something STRONG to work.
Please tell me there's something out there for this? PLEASE?
Just to get me through today until i see Denise (CPN) tomorrow..just..just until then, then..i can tell her how awful i am.

God.
Can't do this.

Kahlia1981 29-10-2008 08:18 AM

Ieana - lack of sleep sucks majorly. *hugs*

I really want to cut, but I don't have the energy. Sounds like just about everything in my life at the moment .... no matter what I want to do there just ain't enough energy in the system to allow it.

Still waiting on a hospital bed. Not even sure that I care right at the moment. Meh.

*hugs everyonee*

Kahlia1981 29-10-2008 09:00 AM

*walks in to say ....

I cooked dinner tonight. I fried four sausages (for me and my friend) and made a greek salad.

... and then collapsed into bed because I'm fricking exhausted*

MammaMia 29-10-2008 09:07 AM

*cuddles everyone including Laura lots*

Have had about four hours sleep, feel really tired but awake which is good for me considering. Just got to muster up all the strength I can to get through today, absloutely caking myself about seeing my friend. No idea why. Just nerves I suposse......

Kahlia1981 29-10-2008 09:14 AM

Helen - good luck *hugs*

MammaMia 29-10-2008 10:13 AM

Thanks darling, much appericated. :)

*cuddles*

Jetforce 29-10-2008 10:44 AM

*drops by with some alcohol hehe*

Hope everybody is well :-) *squishes ppl*

xxx

zowie 29-10-2008 11:01 AM

Arrrgghhh I have a stalker! He keeps messaging me on myspace and coming round my house to give me things.
He actually baked me a cake!
He came round last night and asked if I wanna go for a drink today so I said I'd think about it. Phoned my friend and asked if she'd come with me, and then I can tell him to leave me alone. She said yes, so I phoned him and said I would and then my friend cancelled.
So I'm all alone with this creepy guy and I have to tell him to leave me alone.
ARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

shadowedseraph 29-10-2008 11:04 AM

*hugs zowie* just be tactful and tell him to f* off

Casper_Fading 29-10-2008 11:14 AM

get another friend to cal you so you can leave! :-D

zowie 29-10-2008 01:57 PM

I think I'm just going to go meet him and tell him nothing will ever happen between us. He's sweet enough but very very annoying.
My dad says going to meet him for a drink is leading him on, but I'm doing it to let him down. I'm not getting his hopes up am I?

Slip 29-10-2008 02:37 PM

*crawls in with a doona* I'm not coming out til this ****ing awful day is over!!

Auburn Shadow 29-10-2008 07:04 PM

*hugs everyone*

Dont have words right now. Today's been pretty horrible. Woke up feeling bad, and it's just gotten worse throughout the day. Wanna cut... but I can't cause I gotta go out tomorrow night. *sigh*

Kahlia1981 29-10-2008 09:12 PM

*leaves hugs for everyone*

MammaMia 29-10-2008 09:16 PM

*leaves hugs*
Got through today.
It helped a bit.
Just feeling so low and my legs are really bad tonight :(
I wanna cry, cut, cry, cut >.<

Ileana 29-10-2008 09:39 PM

:( I need to study and I don't want to.
I'm sooooo distracted :(

1ofmany 29-10-2008 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ileana (Post 1183293)
:( I need to study and I don't want to.
I'm sooooo distracted :(

I hear you...I have no idea but it has excelled for me this year...i cant focus on any of my work and am going to fail because of it. I think the dark part of me has planned this out so I can get it all over with.

I am rather confused as to weather i want to or not. I so hope that i will get hit by a bus or something out of my control will end it just so its less impacting on people.

Pomegranate 29-10-2008 09:50 PM

*joins the 'I can't study club'*

I have two seminars tomorrow and have been trying to do the reading for 4 hours but keep getting distracted :(

Pomegranate 29-10-2008 09:57 PM

Today should have been my Grandpa's birthday but he passed away nearly 6 months ago. On 5th November it will be six months. He was the one person, along with my Grandma I really trust, who helped me no matter what I needed and understood. He knew when I needed a hug and when I needed to be left alone. I didn't visit the weekend before he died and now I'm never going to see him again. I'm struggling today :crying:



And to top it off today is also 6 months since my exboyfriend cheated on me with my friend and for some reason this has been really bothering me for the last few weeks and all I have heard today is about their anniversary celebrations via facebook and mutual friends. I just don't need it.

:crying: :crying:

sorry to whine x

1ofmany 29-10-2008 09:57 PM

I just want to be gone.

Pomegranate 29-10-2008 09:58 PM

*hugs Iofmany* I don't have words right now but I'm sorry x

Kahlia1981 29-10-2008 10:00 PM

*leaves hugs*

Dramatic 29-10-2008 10:22 PM

He didn't call back.
I told everyone he wouldn't.
Everyone told me he would, that he wants to help me.
Lies, all lies.
Another desperate night ahead.
That's the last time i ask for help.

Pomegranate 29-10-2008 10:42 PM

who are you talking about Laura hun? Your doctor? *hugs*

Dramatic 29-10-2008 10:53 PM

Yes, my GP.
My "wonderful" GP who heard me this morning in a good amount of distress, begging for help.
My lovely GP who said he'd phone the on call psychiatrist to see what he's to do,
and never got back to me.

Waste.Of.Space.
Oh well.

Pomegranate 29-10-2008 11:08 PM

Maybe he couldn't get hold of the on call psych? He still should have called you back but maybe he wanted to see if he could sort something out rather than call with no news? I don't know. He was still wrong not to call even if he didn't have anything helpful, I was just trying to look at it from his view maybe?

*squishes*

Detour. Derail 29-10-2008 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pomegranate (Post 1181559)
Happy Birthday sweetie!!! Hope you have a fantabulous day!!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kahlia1981 (Post 1181645)
Happy Birthday Alex. :D I hope you have a great day.

Thankyou :]
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

caiden 30-10-2008 01:28 AM

GGGRRRRRR!!!! sorry, had to scream for a minute. is there a padded room anywhere in here? i think it would be a safer place for me than where i am right now....
sorry for that outburst y'all, just really pissed right now

*returns to corner, to try to stay safe*

Auburn Shadow 30-10-2008 02:32 AM

argh. sorry, guys. seems like I never support or anything while I'm here, and I really will rectify that... when I can...

First time in a long, long time, that I've actually had suicidal thoughts, but they're all there, back with a vengeance tonight. I'm absolutely desperate to cut, but... I really don't want to the night before a mate's party... two days before I go to help my nan move house.... it seems so pointless, but so does the rest of life at the moment, so... anyone give me hugs or something to make something seem worth it?

Kahlia1981 30-10-2008 02:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by psychomess (Post 1183674)
GGGRRRRRR!!!! sorry, had to scream for a minute. is there a padded room anywhere in here? i think it would be a safer place for me than where i am right now....
sorry for that outburst y'all, just really pissed right now

*returns to corner, to try to stay safe*

The padded room has been vacated and cleared all ready for you. *hugs you if you can accept them*

Quote:

Originally Posted by Auburn Shadow (Post 1183714)
First time in a long, long time, that I've actually had suicidal thoughts, but they're all there, back with a vengeance tonight. I'm absolutely desperate to cut, but... I really don't want to the night before a mate's party... two days before I go to help my nan move house.... it seems so pointless, but so does the rest of life at the moment, so... anyone give me hugs or something to make something seem worth it?

*cuddles you* I'm afraid I'm not good with words at the moment. Just don't stress about not always being able to support. We all go through bad times when all we want to do is "shout and scream and smash our dreams". I'm sending you fairy wishes that you'll make it through.

*hugs everyone else then crawls under a bed and cries*

Kahlia1981 30-10-2008 02:48 AM

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Extreme language & possibly triggering
I'm so ****ing fed up with the public hospital here. They still haven't found a bed for me. My friend is cracking the shits with it. He thinks that they aren't going to admit me at all but just let me sit here and suffer until the cows come home or until I die .... whichever the **** comes first. He is getting to the point where he is going to ring the head doctor (who he calls Hotel Allen - then at least the medical negligence could be excused as alcohol induced) and give him the ultimatum to find me a bed in three hours or he'll ****ing have me committed. He also wants to go down to the hospital with a samurai (sp?) sword or some bullets and kill the hotel. That ****ing pathetic excuse for a doctor doesn't even want to talk to my pdoc. My friend is so close to telling the hospital that all the aboriginals and drug addicts need to find new homes instead of living in the psych ward. If you can't tell ... he is absolutely ****ing livid.

I have a little more energy today, which is both good and bad. On the good side I can do things but on the bad side I'm getting closer to putting my suicide plan into action. I know what I want to do .... or if I want to be 100% honest about it, what the voices want me to do ... and I know that it will work. I also feel like I have to cut because that's the only way to stop myself from doing what the voices want me to do ... but the voices want me to do that as well. AAAAGGGGGGHHHHH.

I had an argument with the strongest of my voices before. I lost. It actually got violent. I tried to stab her with a stanley knife and she whacked my hand into a wall and pushed it behind my back. I guess that's the thing when the voices you hear can actually take control of your body. Meh.


G.D. Life sucks.

*hugs everyone*

Auburn Shadow 30-10-2008 02:58 AM

*hugs you tight*

I really wish I had words to help... or anything.

It's 3am here, and I'm not tired. All I can think about is cutting or overdosing. I just want everything to stop happening. Things that happened 5 years ago are coming back to bite me on the bum. The people that have told me to phone them whenever I need, well, they'll be well and truly asleep by now, and I don't want to disturb them, they've got their own lives too, they can't be there whenever I can't sleep. It's all just a stupid mess of me not doing what I should have a long time ago.

Kahlia1981 30-10-2008 04:29 AM

I don't know if anyone else will find this amusing ... but I thought it might bring a smile to someone's face ... and if it does that and helps anyone at all then ...

"But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown." Carl Sagan

Jetforce 30-10-2008 09:37 AM

*drops into the psych ward feeling a bit lonely* :-( sigh


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