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*cuddles Alexx*
*cuddles Ally* *cuddles Heather* |
*leaves hugs for everyone*
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*sits and cries*
I'm so ****ing angry and I don't even know why anymore. Cut earlier and now I'm angry about that as well. |
alexx, i'd miss seeing you around. what's up hun?
ally, i know it's hard, boy do i know. i'm on....about 12 days of no cutting, and every day it gets worse, but i dunno honey, you've just got to keep going, and i bet the sense of satisfaction, achievement and self worth is wonderful. |
Y'all know that I'm at several months no SI and it is still tough to fight it! Sometimes I just want to not hurt!
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*hugs susan* hah i know how that goes.
just wish i actually WAS a few months si free >< |
Dont give up!
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I'm not giving up. I'm just trying to live with the feelings and figure out when my worrying is good and when it is selfish.
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Hugs all.
God, I was once at 22 months nearly, was so fcking hard, not suprised I slipped back into cutting a lot again. Since then the longest I've gone without (plus slips) is nearly 3 months. So yeah next tuesday means I made it, even if I have slipped twice. I still want it. I really like it >.< |
Now I'm so upset I could, well, I don't know. I'm not triggered to SI because there is no point. It is just some small things. Relationships with another. Heat rash. Laundry and dishes that I don't seem to get around to doing. Tomorrow I get to make a pattern for a sewing client with more ambition than sense. I wish I could take the cotton out of her ears and put it in her mouth, which is an aa saying.
At least I got some exercise. *hugs everyone* |
Ugh my stomach is not happy with me :s and I feel **** besides
*huddles in her corner and trys to disappear into the wall* :crying: |
*snuggles*
grr i was in the middle of talking to my roommates and now my aim wont work... stupid technology |
*huddles in corner and tries to become invisible*
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Does anyone else lie excessivly? I lie to everyone in my real life. There is one person who I swore the truth to but I can only tell the truth to them in privet so I end up lying to them in public or on the phone. I am just a sick person.
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Hi all. *leaves hugs for anyone who wants them*
I'm still going through rapid cycling hell. Spoke to the doc today and see him tomorrow. He isn't really sure how to deal with it either. He said that rapid cycling is notoriously hard to treat. Great. Just what I wanted to hear. I keep trying to make it just one day without SI .... but I don't seem to be able to do it. This really makes me feel worse, because I made it for three years SI free before I fell back into it, and now the longest I can seem to go for is one week. I just don't know anymore. I'm so terrified of hurting my close friends now that I just want to run away. Someone stop the world or show me the way to it's egress ..... I need to get out of here. *rocks backwards and forwards while crying* |
One load of dishes done. There are so many that I'll have to do a second load. Laundry going too. Yes, I am that bad at and about housework. It does become a bit of a health hazard at times, the dishes mostly.
Oh yeah, I need to nag my husband about making reservations for Saturday and Sunday since here in the US this is a holiday weekend. It went from nudge to nag on Friday. *hugs Marc* *cuddles Kahlia* |
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*hugs all*
Amanda, have spoken to your RYL mama, she misses you but should be home again in 7 weeks or so!!! x |
*sigh*
It starts again. Cut last night. Cut this morning. *hides* |
Thanks for the cuddles blondiebear.
I made it through the night without doing anything stupid. Now I just have to get through one day - just one - without any form of SH. After an hour in the shower this morning I put on both my black-and-white RYL bracelet (to carry you all with me), and my trying-to-stop bracelet to remind me of what I'm trying to do. I know that I can do this. I don't need to cut. I can be strong ..... Please, if anyone has any thoughts of success and strength, can they send some my way ?? *randomly starts distributing care bears around the ward* |
Me and the middle of the afternoon. I hate this time of day. I'm feeling lost and isolated and I can't think of anything that would help, so I've been working anyway. Got a set of patterns done that will pay for three souvenir T-shirts. I just finished mopping and our whole place gets it because we have laminate floors. There are more chores to do and a shirt to work on.
*sits in her usual place, sad, and crochets while she watches the door* |
Kahlia, i am sending vibes of strength to you.
Alexx, you do help, and even if you didn't, we'd still want you here. A lot of the time we are all too preoccupied to be of much help, but it doesn't mean we don't care. Hey susan and auburn. Argh. I am such a mess. |
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*cuddles everyone* Please stay safe y'all xxx |
*huggles everyone who needs huggling* i'm here if anyone wants to talk.
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Hi Sophie!
*continues to watch the door while doing hand-work* |
hey hun *cuddles*
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Hiiiiiiiiii Soph :)
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*cuddles sophie back*
I'm watching the door till y'all hear otherwise. Sorry. I miss my bro so much my heart aches with it. |
*cuddles you both*
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Note to self: do not cut badly enough you have to be cleaned up by a nurse if you haven't eaten anything all day. not a good combination.
STUPID STUPID STUPID more ****ing scars. |
*snuggles*
<3 |
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smuggle? im being stolen? ;)
thank god lol *curls up* |
LOL sorry, I meant snuggle :)
*looks after you all :)* |
i knew what you meant :P
*yawn* im off to sleep, bbl x hope you're ok <3 |
*hugs Helen* Thank you.
*hugs Sophie* *sends Chloe a kiss to make better, ok sent* *hugs Heather, sleep well* The client was fine with her patterns, may want me to do up some prototypes when I get back. Yay! |
thank you helen and susan and heather.
i am falling apart. |
Hi everyone. I'm two days away from a week free, that's a big deal for me. Usually I self harm every day.
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*hugs Zowie*
I'm proud of you hun |
Well done sweetheart!
*sashays back out of pysch ward* |
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*hugs everyone*
Is it strange that I love being at work? |
I don't think it's strange :)
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Hi all. *cuddles anyone who wants cuddles*
I made one whole day SI free !!!!!!! :laugh: Do have some not so great news though. I'm going back to having electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) three days a week for at least the next two weeks. :crying: I really don't want to, but I'm still rapid cycling. It's now been four days straight and I can make the change from serious depression to full blown mania in less than five minutes. Am also still having psychotic symptoms. Pdoc doesn't really know what to do so is just trying this before having a go at changing medication. I've had a really crap day. Does anyone mind if I just go and sit outside in the smoking area for a bit?? I've had to come to terms with the fact that this semester of uni is basically now written off. It just makes me feel like such a failure. *offers soft cuddly toys to everyone and then goes out to the smoking area to try and calm herself down* Kahlia |
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*hugs Kahlia* Mind if I join you in the smoking area for a bit? |
*Joins people in the smoking area*
So I just got my A level results. D in Psychology, which is terrible and E in Sociology which is good considering I missed two exams. I'm re-taking Sociology A2 this year along with Engligh language AS and Performing Arts AS. Hopefully it'll be enough UCAS points to get me into Winchester uni. x |
I failed my psychology AS and redid it while i did two other A2s and got a C in it (its kinda cheating when i went over the same stuff twice!)
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It is so weird for me to see my name with Heather's because my little sister is Heather.:-p
Since it is morning, i'm feeling better. We'll see how things go though. The afternoons really are the worst for me. *hugs everyone* sorry i feel better but my memory and keeping track of things is still not good. |
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