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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Kahlia1981 21-03-2010 07:41 AM

*hugs everyone*

I have to write a letter but I'm tired and I just plain don't want to ... meh. :(

Doikers 21-03-2010 12:10 PM

I'm still totally triggered , I hate this , I look at my scars and I hate them but I just NEED to add more . I think I may have said that already I just haven't progressed any in the last few days .Maybe it would be better if I weren't around , coulden't feel THIS anymore . I'm not very suicidal I just can't take this much more , I can't even figure out what triggered me... I hate myself so much , IDIOT!
Sorry everyone is feeling so rough .
*Hugs all *

Scarletdreamer 21-03-2010 01:39 PM

I've been struggling with this **** since I was 14. And I'm nearly 22 now. It goes on, and on, and on... but there IS hope. For those of you who haven't listened to or heard of it, I'mma repost "Stand in the Rain."

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlXlUgHUc60[/ame]

It's by Superchick and is one of my most favorite songs ever. :) I don't think that any of the images or anything ought be triggering in this video... if they are please ask me to remove the video and find a better one & I will. ♥

I'm sorry to hear that so many of you are feeling awful. :( I am still in a bad place, am going to update my r/v thread as I need to get out some of this STUFF that's in my head somewhere where it oughtn't bother people too much. :(

*cuddles everyone*

nicole94 21-03-2010 07:26 PM

thanks guys. feeling a bit better today. except my sister has been having a go at me :( doing the whole 'stop being selfish, all these ODs and cuts are just attention seeking!' thing, i hate her :( but im generally feeling more positive. *hugs everyone* how're you all feeling now?

Doikers 21-03-2010 07:35 PM

*Hugs Nicole*
I'm glad you are feeling more positive
*Hugs April* I'm sorry you are feeling so low , I don't really have the words , I'm crap at being all understanding and supportive but I'm trying. Thanks for re-posting the Superchick song , I've listened to it twice today , whats abum is it on? I may just have to get a copy of my own :)

Scarletdreamer 21-03-2010 08:32 PM

Glad you're feeling a bit better, Nicole. *hugs*

Mark, don't worry about giving/showing support - you do by responding to my posts anyway. :) And you're also in a bad place yourself, so it's really difficult to give support when you're there. The song is on the albums "Beauty from Pain 1.0" and also "Rock What You Got." :) I love Superchick... they have some lovely songs. How you feeling now? *cuddles*

*squishes everyone else* How's everyone doing this afternoon??

I just posted a thread on this board... if you could take a look at it and post if you can/want... that would REALLY be appreciated. :o

MammaMia 21-03-2010 09:06 PM

I'm shaking, so angry & upset. Hugs please??? :'( :'(

Will reply to individual posts above mine later.

Scarletdreamer 21-03-2010 10:56 PM

*cuddles Hels* What's up, sweetheart? care to talk about it? My PM box is always open... *holds you gently and rocks you*

Am so ****ing anxious right now... am trying to distract and typing out stuff really helps but it feels like I am not going to get anything done at uni, and I really want to die but refuse to go into hospital because that would ruin all chances I have at finishing up the term - only 6 weeks left!! - etc., etc., etc...

:crying:

I am hurting so so so much right now...

Kahlia1981 21-03-2010 11:06 PM

*hugs Hels*
*hugs April*
*hugs Mark*
*hugs Nicole*
*hugs anyone I've missed*
*hugs anyone who walks in*
*hugs everyone else*

I've got a 2 hour appointment with a psychologist today. I'm going to ask if I can have a smoke break in the middle. 2 hours is just so damn long to concentrate for. My father said to me "long sessions: unusual, but if you can find enough stuff to talk about for 2 hours..." I felt like saying to him "actually he just keeps asking me questions that I don't know the answer to so I respond with variants on the theme of "I don't know", "I don't remember" and "je ne sais pas". Meh. But at least it is someone in Qld Health who is on my side. Because no-one working for the hospital is on my side, that's for sure and certain.

*walks around and hugs everyone, pats puppy SinClair, takes puppy SinClair out for a short walk around the smoking shelter and praises him for doing his business outside, leaves a plate of Kit-Kats on the table and disappears into a dark corner to await further instructions from the leader of the "Vetinari for PM campaign"*

shadowedsoul 21-03-2010 11:30 PM

oh crap this day keeps grtting better and better. why the hell do i bother. curls up in corner sucks thumb cuddles doggy. the one thing im my life that wont let me down, sorry for being babyish, just feeling meh right now.

MammaMia 21-03-2010 11:44 PM

*cuddles Kahlia & April back*

Good Luck with today Kahlia :)
April, hope you feel less anxious soon.

So freaking angry & upset still. My sister's dog was attacked whilst we (being me, mum, amy & charlie) were walking & were nearly home. So effing angry. That owner couldn't even ****ing control his dog on the lead. It was my sister who got her dog free :'( He's got wounds =(

SoMuchMore 21-03-2010 11:48 PM

I feel so different... i dont know what is going on. Im having a hard time holding it all together again.

*cuddles everyone* sorry everyone is having such a hard time. Sorry i cant reply individually right now..

Kahlia1981 22-03-2010 12:05 AM

*hugs Hels* - Wow. Some dog owners really shouldn't own dogs. The place next door to my parents property had 2 cattle dogs, one of which attacked and killed my brother's family's dog. They were given orders to destroy the dog but instead got rid of the other dog and kept the one that had delivered the bite that had killed Tess. Sorry. *hugs you tightly*

*hugs Laura* - Sorry you are having such a hard time holding it all together. I hope you are okay. *huggles you*

*hugs Jill (shadowedsoul - not sure if I got that right)* - Don't worry. If you're feeling meh, then make use of this safe place. If there is any way we can help you then please let us know. *offers you hugs*

Hels: by the way, thanks. I'm a bit nervous about the appointment. It's a real bugger to get to. I have to catch a bus into the city and then walk around a hill, and the path leading to the part of the building I need to go to is seriously badly designed. Steep slopes with steps that when you are walking down them you basically feel like you are falling towards the street. ... It's built on the site of the old hospital. On the old psych ward to be exact. And keeps giving me a sense of time being not quite right lol.

*hugs everyone then slips back into the dark*

shadowedsoul 22-03-2010 12:14 AM

thank you kahlia for the hugs, yeah you got it right, iam jill. hmm unless you can sort out freinds and make them less insentive. sorry just told a freind something and there reply was to go offline on msn, great. meh =/ being held would be great about now, if okay, cool if not

Kahlia1981 22-03-2010 12:33 AM

*gently cuddles Jill* - Unfortunately friends can do that sometimes. I had a friend in high school (she was also my cousin) who couldn't deal with my SI and decided that she wouldn't speak to me. Not all friends are like that though. It's through these trials you find out who will stick with you until the end. *sits with you, holds you and offers you tissues if required*

MammaMia 22-03-2010 12:34 AM

*hugs Kahlia back*

That's disgusting!! I agree, some people really shouldn't own dogs >_> *cuddles tightly* Glad it wasn't worse for us :( Sorry it was for your brother. Not surprised you're nervous & getting there doesn't sound too fun either.

*hugs Jill & Laura*

Kahlia1981 22-03-2010 12:39 AM

*hugs Hels* - Yeah, I'm glad it wasn't worse as well. Psych visits can be a royal pain in the arse at times.

shadowedsoul 22-03-2010 12:43 AM

*holds on to tightly but gently* needs to feel safe sorry for being clingy. yeah its just makes me angery tho, she said ages ago she will always be there for me. mind you i did tell her somthing that might have been hard to take. but still,

Kahlia1981 22-03-2010 07:51 AM

*continues to gently hold Jill* - It's okay hun.
*hugs everyone*

Well my psychologist has done some tests and is positively convince that I don't have BPD (which the hospital keeps telling me I have). However, he summed it all up with "but I'm just a psychologist not a psychiatrist". I'll have a chat to my pdoc on Monday (29/03) and get him to have a chat with my tdoc and see if I can get some positive resolution regarding my dx.

*sigh* I got completely saturated after my appointment. But at least I'm home, and after a change of clothes, and dry now.

*hugs everyone tightly*

Scarletdreamer 22-03-2010 10:30 AM

I am so ****ing anxious right now... per usual. And it's only 5:30am!! Jarrod's staying home... again... and I feel guilty for making him miss work... again. And using up vacation time for what is basically home care... again. :crying: I feel so stupid!!!! and I can't stop thinking about it, and my stomach hurts, shoulders hurt, back hurts... just want to sleep away the day but I have to be at uni a long time today and I really just don't want to be. :crying:

I'm out of one of my antianxiety meds too and coming closer to running out of another. Hopefully I can get the mail-order script in soon enough... because I honestly cannot do without the Klonopin. I need to have at least 3mg/day of it or else I am super super anxious (hey, not much different from now... except I would imagine that it would be worse) so Jarrod will be picking up a script on Tuesday (tomorrow) hopefully, if he can get in to work without me flipping out. :(

I feel so stupid. Thank God I have a computer and can vent to people other than him and my bestie (who did come over yesterday for a brief time) who understand. Thanks, you guys, for putting up with me...

I'm sorry... *goes and hides in a dark corner* :crying:


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