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~*forever_broken*~ 12-04-2008 05:21 AM

Woo-hoo... This is me... Drinking... Four shots down, more to do... Have a fifth of whisky and a bottle of liquor... Probably won't drink it all but it's there if I want it... Problem..? Want to cut REALLY bad... A tad suicidal to be honest :blink:

Helen, sweetie, we're worried... We love you hun. PLEASE take care sweetie.

*snuggles Callie, Carole, Emma, Alexx, Jeremy, and anyone else in need*

Take care all... I'm gonna finish this glass and grab another...

effervescence 12-04-2008 05:52 AM

yay people are waking up again!

B.O.U.C.I.N.G O.F.F T.H.E W.A.L.L.S.

My head hurts. I want to cut. I hate the scars on my arm the most. But I want to cut there. Doing on my leg or anywhere else has no effect anymore.

Jetforce 12-04-2008 05:53 AM

LOL. ally...r u drunk yet hon?

*hugs to helen* i really hope she is ok. I guess staying in the recovery position is the best thing. But yeah, anything that helps to throw things back is good enuf...the best thing is to force ur to throw up by sticking ur fingers down ur throat which activates the gag reflex and yeah throw things back up. xxx for helen...lemme know how she is tomorrow guys somehow..*curses the time differences*

Jetforce 12-04-2008 05:55 AM

*hugs Chloe*

Hang in there hon...xxxx

Right foot green btw lol.

effervescence 12-04-2008 06:16 AM

oh yeah......left hand blue.

but, why do i want to hang on?

~*forever_broken*~ 12-04-2008 06:22 AM

Uni folks know I have a cat... Now I'll probably have to send him home to my mom :crying:
I just want to die...

~*forever_broken*~ 12-04-2008 07:29 AM

No ones here :crying:
That's right
Everyones sleeping :crying:
I'm falling apart...

Jetforce 12-04-2008 09:14 AM

i dunno? lol

Coz it's the decent thing to do?

effervescence 12-04-2008 10:29 AM

decent? how? for who? for what?
jeremy i know you can't be expected to answer these questions for my life so don't feel u need to. i just...it's just how i feel.
ally are you ok?

Pomegranate 12-04-2008 10:56 AM

*rubs sleepy dust from eyes* Morning all

*hugs Ally* How are you doing today hun? I hope you managed to stay safe. Could you have a word with the uni folks and ask them if you can keep the cat?

Sorry about your exam Chloe, you never know though it may not have gone as badly as you think! How are you now?

*hugs for Carole, Callie, Jeremy and anyone who needs them*

*sends special hugs for Alexx* Are you alright hun? Did you sleep well?


Have text Helen this morning but no reply yet. Will have to wait before I call her though cos of family. Will keep you all updated x

effervescence 12-04-2008 11:09 AM

i hope helen is ok.
atm i feel as though everything is pointless. i want to cut, i want to do it on my arm cos nothing else works but i hate the scars on my arm and i cant add more cos ppl will see and...yeah...i cant.
but i dont know how long i can stop myself

Pomegranate 12-04-2008 11:25 AM

I know that feeling all too well hun *hugs* try and resist though. I messed up and now have just *one* new scar on my arm but it is huge and would give away the fact I have been SIing again if I don't keep it covered. I really regret that cut. Please try and stay safe. Things are not pointless although they may seem like it at the moment xx

Pomegranate 12-04-2008 11:27 AM

Helen's counsellor just called me back from last night. She said she doesn't have Helen's address with her but she is going to contact her line manager to see what they can do and whether they can get it. She said it is difficult cos Helen is over 18 so they can't tell her family but she will at least try.

effervescence 12-04-2008 11:45 AM

but they are pointless, though. everything is.

Detour. Derail 12-04-2008 12:22 PM

*crawls out of her corner yawning*
oh noes :pinch:
I should just crawl back in again....
mum and dad want to move house AGAIN (we've only been in this house for just over a year, the house before that-7 months and the house before that was my home and we were there for about 9 years)
I dont want to move....I dont feel settled as it is....moving again would..just push me over the edge :crying:
I know it sounds stupid....but...I like it here....sure..the neighbours are awful...but im close to things that keep me going...like my best mate...
and now they are talking about moving away to somewhere like Bredbury (which is the CLOSEST location theyve picked) which means id have to get two buses just to visit my best mate....the furthest place they've picked is near the trafford centre :blink: THATS LIKE....MILES AWAY!!!!
Its an HOUR on the bus...and that would be just to get to college....plus...the buses arent even that frequent anyway....
I asked her why she wanted to move again....
she said she wanted to "find a nicer area"
I dont see the point...
the whole world is full of ****...
i dont want to do this..
I dont want to do anything...
which explains why im still in bed

Pomegranate 12-04-2008 01:16 PM

*hugs you Alexx* Moving sucks, I'm sorry hun. Can you try to persuade them not to move? Will you be going to uni this year?

*hugs you Chloe* I'm sorry, I have no words hun

Just spoken to Helen and she sounds rough and is throwing up but yeah, she's concious and talking so thats something, going to call her back in 5 min x

effervescence 12-04-2008 01:18 PM

i am currently having an msn convo with my boyfriend about my cutting. cheerful no?

Jetforce 12-04-2008 01:20 PM

damn...:-Sb sensitive topic...hope it goes well chloe

*hugs chloe*

well, i feel like crap atm..and have urges to die atm...

effervescence 12-04-2008 01:22 PM

poor jeremy
*hugs you*
is it anything in particular?

Jetforce 12-04-2008 01:26 PM

nah, just life in general..it suxs!!

whatever i do is never good enuf for any1 basically...

effervescence 12-04-2008 01:46 PM

it does suck aye.
i know how you feel about never being good enough. but in the end whatever we do in life for ourselves, it only matters that we please ourselves and meet our own aims and goals. and if u get a sense of achievement or satisfaction out of something then it doesnt matter what others think.
i am off to bed as i am flipping shattered. hope you guys get through today ok. jeremy hope you have an ok night. and u cant do anything silly cos u need to keep coming on here to cheer us up :) all the support you give on here IS definitely good enough :)
nighty night all.

Jetforce 12-04-2008 01:47 PM

gnite chloe...sleep well xxx

Detour. Derail 12-04-2008 03:52 PM

I've got one more year at college yet before I go to uni :(
but when I do go...I aim to get as far away as possible!!!!
and there is NOTHING that will change their minds >.<

I was debating running away last night....
or doing something silly...

*hugs Jeremy*
You are MORE than good enough for us :]
you always make me smile hehe :D

Detour. Derail 12-04-2008 04:21 PM

I'm debating....putting some of my poems in the creative corner....
I dont know :/

~*forever_broken*~ 12-04-2008 04:39 PM

*hugs Alexx, Cloe, Jeremy, Callie, Emma, and anyone I missed*

Sorry... I'm SO tired... 8 shots of whisky, 40 cuts and a very broken nights sleep later... At least I'm not crying every time I look at my cat... I'm sorry, I know there are other, bigger worries here but... I'll probably be fined for having him in uni housing, made to send him home to my mom, and there's a possibility they could decide to kick me out of my apartment... And the possibility of finding an apartment during the school year let alone one that will allow pets :crying:... They won't understand... They won't understand that I need him... They won't believe that he has been the reason a few times that I stayed alive... They just. Won't. Understand. :crying:

*sits in her corner, miserable*

Detour. Derail 12-04-2008 04:54 PM

Sweety maybe its worth a go just TRYING to explain to them....
You wont know til you try will you?
I'm sorry I really wish I could help you....
Have you been drinking water? (to stop a hangover)
*hugs you tight*

chocostashchick 12-04-2008 07:43 PM

no no no they cannot take your kitty away from you that is not acceptable!

Alexx i am sorry you have to move maybe i think talking to your parents is a good idea and maybe they can wait till you go to uni?

Chloe and Jem i send you big hugs and i am sorry you both had rough nights
Jeremy you are so more than good enough you are so kind and supportive
and Chloe yes it does matter it always matters and you matter you rock

Emma i hope you are feeling better i know you have been so stressed lately but i hope you know what a good friend you are and how you went like above and beyond and you are just super sweetie you kick ass

Alexx put your poems in creative corner! i bet they are lovely and it would be nice for you to share them

Detour. Derail 12-04-2008 08:26 PM

I've tried talking to them...and I get called selfish....

Apparentlly...I'm not allowed to have a bad day either...
Ive been in a bad mood and really struggling today...
and all my mum could do was scream at me, call me **** and tell me that if I dont like it to get out coz she doesnt want me here....

thanksafreakinbunch >.<

*sigh* :-(

I might put a few on...see what people think... :/

Pomegranate 12-04-2008 08:52 PM

Supposed to be going out with my friend and someone else tonight.
I don't feel like it. I want my family to disappear so I can get stupidly drunk and cover myself with cuts. But no.
Instead I am dressed, I will go down stairs, get some comment about what I am wearing and then told for the fourth time today that I should lose some weight.
Go out, pretend to be hyper happy at this place and dance my arse off and get back at about 4am to be woken up by my sister at 8.

The only way this is going to work is if I get stupidly drunk. hmmmm. yep seems like the only proper solution to me. Damn :(

Pomegranate 12-04-2008 08:53 PM

oh and smoke like a bitch...that too. yes, drink and smoke.

Detour. Derail 12-04-2008 09:05 PM

*Hugs Emma tightly*
It'll be ok hun :(

Maybe you could take a corner of the Denial Tents super-stretchiness with you?
And ignore all the comments!!
Parents are silly anyway...
and what they say ISNT ACTUALLY 100% true
so when they say "you should lose some weight" really...it means "you're looking good so it's ok :]"

Take Care hun

Detour. Derail 12-04-2008 09:06 PM

Oh. Sorry I didnt reply before!!
I ran out of free texts and had no credit either!!

Detour. Derail 12-04-2008 09:07 PM

AND....(god im forgetful tonight)
I started my poetry thread....
all though...I'm nervous...it probably wont even get read though...

Pomegranate 12-04-2008 09:53 PM

Alexx hun, I will read it even if nobody else does. I am still waiting for an update on the vampire story too :)

Hmmm....not quite sure how you translate...'you should lose some weight' to 'you look good' but ok lol. Thanks anyway. Been very restrained so far and just had a glass of wine. Friend is picking me up any minute.

*picks up corner of denial tent and attachs it to self so can never leave regardless of what happens tonight*

Detour. Derail 12-04-2008 10:09 PM

Hahaha :P
I can translate anything ^_^

oh yeh :P
I will add more for when you get back and arent too hungover ;]

Pomegranate 12-04-2008 10:19 PM

hmmm he is like half an hour late of his 'I am running late time' he gave me when he was originally late at 9 :(

Detour. Derail 12-04-2008 10:23 PM

:(*hugs* Im sure he's on his way hun

~*forever_broken*~ 12-04-2008 10:28 PM

*hugs Alexx*
Sweetie, I'm sorry, it sounds like your parents aren't very understanding *snuggles*

*snuggles Emma*
Sweetie it'll be OK, you've got the denial tent and alcohol... Just please be safe luv *huge hugs*

I feel awful. I know I'm being ridiculous but this cat thing has really got me down. He keeps me going. He cuddles me and he harasses me and... I need him :crying:
Ugh, and forty little cuts on one arm... Hurts, stings... Feels like I got in a fight with a rose bush and lost... Forty... :crying: I'm SUCH an idiot :crying:

Detour. Derail 12-04-2008 10:43 PM

*hugs Ally*
Hun have you tried explaining the situation to the Uni people?
owwies :( *makes your arm better*
you arent an idiot...you're just having a hard time at the moment, but you'll get through it...
it'll be ok darling

~*forever_broken*~ 12-04-2008 10:57 PM

lol I'm the other twin ;-)
No, I haven't had an opportunity to talk to the Uni folks... They've scheduled a meeting for Friday afternoon... But they won't listen. This Uni sucks... They don't really give a s*it about their students... They won't care. They're just concerned about the fact that I broke a rule :crying: g*d damn :crying:

Detour. Derail 12-04-2008 11:22 PM

ha...Im sorry....I have no idea what I've done with my brain...but it isnt in my head :blink: I have no idea why I typed that....but I swore I typed Ally.... *goes back to edit it then sits in the corner with a dunce hat on*

*Growls at Uni folk .* Im sorry hun....I really dont know what to say...

*EDIT* I really cant type today >.< I keep adding random or wrong words :blink:

~*forever_broken*~ 13-04-2008 12:35 AM

I. Feel. Awful.

*curls up as small as she can in her corner and rocks a wee bit*

Ugh, someone, please, make it stop :crying:

~*forever_broken*~ 13-04-2008 01:35 AM

Where is everyone..? :crying:
Goodness I am SO pathetic :crying:

Detour. Derail 13-04-2008 01:44 AM

Heyy Came back to see how you were doing...
It's horrible when no ones on...
all though i can feel my meds kicking in...im mega drowsy...

you arent pathetic at allll!!!!
*hugs tight*

effervescence 13-04-2008 02:01 AM

hey ally,
i feel so sorry for u about your cat. i had to leave mine at home with my parents and i mis him so much, he was the only one who acually loved me and who i loved. maybe they will let you keep him if you promise to clean you room and stuff fully at the end of the year so you won't be leaving any traces of a cat?

callie i am pointless. everything is for me. i had a convo with my boyfriend about cutting last night, and at the end of it, he said "i hope this helps you" - of course it didn't help me, talking about old scars and the feelings cutting gives me doesn't have any effect on me, its nothing new to me, i live with this every day and have done for 6 years. he still thinks its some minor undesirable thing that happens to happen every once in a while but its an isolated thing which doesnt actually stem from and control my whole life.
he still doesn't get it, and he never will. i have accepted this but in his typical male way he refuses to admit that it's nothing that can't be fixed with one simple solution.

Detour. Derail 13-04-2008 02:07 AM

Chloe Im sorry your boyfriend is being like that and not understanding how it is....but you arent pointless. Maybe his stubborness to believe it cant be fixed with a simple solution is because he doesnt know how to deal with it? (i had a stupid friend who acted like that once because she couldnt absorb what i had said ><)

anyways....i think im talking rubbish...
so ill go to bed...
I'd quite like to OD though....
stupid family ><. stupid life ><. stupid alexx ><.

N'night everyone
*leaves a basket of hugs*

effervescence 13-04-2008 03:03 AM

night night alexx.
p.s. you are not stupid!!!!

but, i am pointless. and too ****ed up to be loveable.

~*forever_broken*~ 13-04-2008 03:39 AM

*snuggles Alexx and Cloe*
Alexx you are not stupid, and Cloe, you are not pointless or f**ked up...

:crying: I, however, am pathetic :crying: my life is not supposed to fall apart because I have to be without my cat for a few months... A cat I survived for 4 years of Uni with out :crying:

I suck... I just... Do...:blink:

chocostashchick 13-04-2008 06:30 AM

Emma i am wishing you luck tonight and hope it goes well and i agree completely with what Alexx said. sometimes even though they really shouldn't be, our parents can be the most critical people of all and end up seeing flaws that really aren't there so take what they say with like a HUGE grain of salt
*checks that the Denial Tent stretchyness is okay and makes sure you are still inside and gives you a snuggle*

Chloe i am sorry your bf isn't being very understanding. maybe in time he will get it? for right now though i think it is wonderful that he is open to talking about it and that he is accepting of it (even though he doesn't totally get it). you are not pointless though. how could the Denial Tent Giver be pointless? how could our friend be pointless? how could somebody who is loved by their bf and by us and by all the other people in your life be unloveable and pointless? they couldnt, that is how. it is the illness telling you these false things and they are not true so please just recite like a mantra "i am the Denial Tent Giver and i am awesome Chloe girl and i rock" 50 times a day

Alexx i am really excited to read your stuff! i am going to bed now but i will totally check it out tomorrow. you are not stupid and your life is not stupid and i hope you are having a good sleep.

awwww my RYL twin so they found out about the kitty for real and are going to make him go? *sniff* that is not right. okay but if he has to go home and you have to stay you will at least see him on weekends? maybe for the time being you could get a fish or are you allowed animals in cages maybe a hamster or gerbil? i had Buffy the Hamster when i was in college she was great. she kind of liked to run away a lot but she always came back. she died of cancer though it was sad, but she was great and very smart while she was alive (she learned the way out of like every cage i had, i had to buy a glass aquarium in the end and keep an encyclopedia on the top to make sure she couldnt get out).
take care of yourself and i hope the meeting is good and at least you are almost done and will be out soon and karma will totally catch up with the mean bastardy uni people in the end. be safe honey and look after the arm. and in the Denial Tent your kitty is always welcome with you so you should just move in there anyway. i brought my kitties with me and they can play with your kitty and be friends.

Jeremy and Carole and Helen have good nights and i hope you all okay

this was a very long post

Sugar and Spice 13-04-2008 09:50 AM

*hugs Alexx, Ally, Callie, Chloe, Emma, Jeremy and anyone else who wants one*
I am so very sorry to hear that everyone is having a really tough time. You are all lovely people and I wish you could see it.

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