*Hugs Kitty* S'up?

*Waves* Hi everyone..

*Hugs Kitty* Sorry you aren't too great :( whats up?
I'm ok thanks :)

-hugs lia and nicole- Feeling really stressed out and nauseous.

-waves to asanunu- hi

Whats up?

Aw bless. Bless them, maybe they are on a growth spurt, scary stuff isn't it?! My nephew is 15 & ekeps having them. He's taller than me now :( He never used to be until last year, maybe 2009. Boo!

Liaaaaa HIIII!

Hi Kitty. Sorry you're feeling so stressed & nauseous *cuddles*

*waves* Hi :) I don't know if we've met before. I'm Helen :)

hey guysss <3

I dont think we have o.o I'm rhayven.

Heya! I'm Felicia! :)

*hugs the rest of the ward*

Heeey Heather :D

Nice to meet you :)

*hugs Felicia*

Not much, asanunu. I' Kitty.

-cuddles helen- Thanks.

Heather, you changed your user name. :)

-hugs felicia- how you be?

Hey Rhayven :) I'm Lia

*Hugs Helen, Felicia and Heather*

*Hugs Felicia and rest of the ward*

yup i did.
2004-now=me bored with username :P

*snuggles felicia* =]

*cuddles* You're welcome.

*hugs Lia* How you doing?

*hugs* How are yo Asa?

Like a pheonix Heather :)

I'm alright thanks Helen,I hope you are too.

Think I'm off to bed now though. Night ward :)

*Night time hugs Lia'
Eugh, I don't know what to do :(

hehe yay you got it =D
night lia <3

Moody. Having mood swings, but am fairly OK for the time being.

I'm good thank you. Sleep well *hugs*

What's up darling? *hugs*

*hugs* Glad you're ok. Sorry you're moody :(

*Hugs Helen* Just really triggerd and wishing I had my blades back :(

Meh. Chocolate is helping. As is muh kitty ^^

You can beat the urges sweetie. What's triggered you? *hugs Nicole*

Yay for chocolate & your kitty :)

-hugs nicole and offers a protective teddy-

*Hugs Helen and Kitty*
I don't know :( *Takes teddy* thanks kitty :(

-sits next to nicole- Welcome. Hope it helps..

:) Thanyou...

-sighs- Why cant I have friends in real life? I always scare everyone away. I deserve to be punished..

*snuggles Nicole and Kitty*

You don't deserve to be punished hun, and i'm sure you have friends, although I wish I didn't have friends, I always end up hurting them :(
I wan't to cut guys, I mean really want to cut. Why bother?

Nicole, why bother what honey? Please stay safe, you can through these urges. You don't always hurt your friends Nicole. You haven't hurt me and I'm sure you haven't hurt any of the other wardies. I'm sure you have friends in your real life as it were that haven't been hurt. Besides, everyone hurts one another at times. Sadly it's a part of life. We just have to try not to.

Kitty, you don't deserve to be punished sweetie x

*Hugs Helen* why bother trying to fight this? I like my self harm, it makes me feel safe-why am I trying to give that up? And I haven't hurt you yet, but I will eventually :(

I don't have friends. I have people that pretend to be my friends because they like the fact that I am such a generous person and they like to use me. I thought I had friends in my coven, but it's just a show. They are friends on facebook but ever since I moved away they hardly ever talk to me anymore. When I try to talk to them, they either don't answer or are "only on for a few minutes". I text them but they never text back. They never come to see me.

I'm sorry you are so triggered, Nicole. I am in the same boat. I wish I could help. I'm just a waste of time and space. I should die. My problem is, I am probably pregnant. I can't let the baby die. I might hate myself but I would never kill anyone, not even an unborn baby. I want to cut so bad. I just don't know what to do anymore. Sorry..

*hugs Nicole* You deserve to be from the pain, guilt and everything that comes with self harm. You deserve to be free & happy sweetheart. You may feel it keeps you safe but it doesn't because you're hurting yourself. I'm not being horrible but it's not a healthy coping method, nor does it keep you safe. It might help you stop yourself from doing further harm. You're trying to give it up because you don't want to hurt yourself anymore and want to be free from this & happy. You won't hurt me Nicole.

Sounds like those people aren't very nice Kitty. Well, you always have us as your friends. I know we're not with you in person but we still care about you.

I know you addressed the second half of your post to Nicole, but you're not a waste of time or space. You shouldn't die. Please try not to cut sweetheart. Your baby might be able to feel that pain and be affected if you cut, and I'm sure you don't want that. I know it's not easy having urges and trying not to act upon them *cuddles*

*Hugs Helen and Kitty*
Kitty-I'm sorry people can be so awful :( Please try to stay safe hun, for your baby if not for yourself. And we are all your friends, I know it's not the same, but it's better that nothing.
Helen-I know, I know that it's bad for me, not a healthy way of dealing with things and everything, but I need it. :(

I didn't mean to address that part just to Nicole. It was meant for everyone, really. Just didn't think to separate it for any confusion. I don't know for sure if I am pregnant yet, but it's highly likely. I have been so nauseous lately and every time I eat, afterwords I feel even more nauseous. And my menstrual cycle was supposed to start on Wednesday. It is now Saturday night and I haven't started yet. I can't afford to go out and get a pregnancy test so I have to wait until this next Thursday at noon to get tested at a clinic. The waiting is killing me. But if I am pregnant, it's so early in the pregnancy that the baby wouldn't know and/or understand what me self harming means. What I would worry about would be the doctor seeing my scars and freaking out again (the doctor in the emergency room did) but I could always explain my way out of that..

And, what if I am pregnant, and the school happens to deny my financial aid? Then I would be pregnant AND homeless because I wouldn't be able to pay my rent. Ugh. I don't know what to do. My husband tells me not to worry, but I can't help it...I have anxiety issues. And this whole waiting thing is killing me!

*Hugs* I'm sorry hun...I don't have many words :(

-hugs nicole- don't be sorry. I'm the one that should be sorry. And I am. I will go now. -hugs again- Sorry again.

*Hugs Kitty* please don't go hun, you shouldn't be sorry.

-hugs again- I'm sorry I can't be of any help. I'm probably making things worse for you. But I know I am not helping. And I feel like **** because of it. That's why I should go...so I don't make things worse anymore. I'm sorry..

*squishes kitty* You're not making things worse hun, you need support too, please stay? You're keeping me company, thats enough for now :)

-squishes nicole back- Ok, you've convinced me. I will stay. I will stay and keep you company. -nods-

Thankyou :) Sometimes it's nice just to have someone there to chat to, even if they can't help :)

Welcome. I don't really know what to say, though. Are you feeling any better? I'm attempting to watch TV as a distraction, but I'm having a hard time concentrating on it. I don't get it, really...I always have such a hard time focusing on distractions.

My doctor said it's not really important to have a diagnosis. But I want to know what's really wrong with me, and if there is anything that can make me better..

I don't know...I suppose the urges aren't as strong now, but i'm still feeling really low. I am also watching telly to try and stay distracted :/ I know the feeling about diagnosis, I am pretty sure I have BPD, but I can't be sure as my old therapist told me there was nothing wrong with me, she told my mum I had BPD and she told my dad I had bipolar disorder :/ but she put me into DBT and BPD is the diagnosis that fits me best, so I am going with that.

-hugs- That's got to be frustrating. Can you get re-diagnosed by a different therapist or a psychologist? See my doctor diagnosed me with chronic post traumatic stress disorder and major depressive disorder. The psychologist I went to see gave me the same diagnoses, but added Schizotypal Personality Disorder to that list. I told my doctor the other day that I don't really agree with the SPD and he said that he agreed with me, and that he thought I had BPD. He said "I would say that you have a lot of symptoms of borderline personality disorder and that would suit you better. But a diagnosis isn't necessarily important." So he didn't actually diagnose me with it. I am currently taking anti-anxiety meds and anti-depressants, but I think I need something more. He likes to argue with me if I ask him about meds though. And if I am for sure pregnant, I won't be able to take my anti-depressants anymore. The doctor said "if you are pregnant, let me know right away because the anti-depressants aren't good for pregnant women to take." I don't know what to do. I would just like someone to tell me flat out what is wrong with me.

:( some people really shouldnt be in that profession! It's pathetic, the way they seem to have no idea what they're talking about, I could tell them more than they already know!