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Damnation. 15-03-2009 10:30 PM

*Hugs all*

I think I'm actually doing okay atm o_o;. Was a little depressed earlier, and sort of destressed by singing at the top of my voice, lol. Starting to feel a tad spacey now, though ._.;

Kat: LKFDGHKJDGH YOU'RENOTAWHOREOMG. What makes you say that? D:

Damnation. 15-03-2009 10:52 PM

Void again

Eclectica 15-03-2009 11:36 PM

Because she is a whore.

A whole quiet week. Ended. No longer quiet.

"I should go out more if that's what prevents this."

MammaMia 16-03-2009 12:54 AM

*hugs all*

Guess who might well be crashing again? Thank you very much moods. Hopefully sometime will stop you. Please don't crash >.<

Kahlia1981 16-03-2009 01:09 AM

Thanks for all warm thoughts and wishes everyone. I made it through the night ... not brilliantly. I did not sleep. I skipped two doses of Xanax yesterday because I could not guarantee that I would not take all the tablets remaining in the bottle (some 35 or so tablets). And as a result did not sleep but spent all night thinking of how the heck to fight the urge to do this stupid thing. There does not seem to be a cause. Like, emotionally at present everything is void ... I feel detached from my emotions. I don't want to die and I don't want to OD .... I just feel like I'm going to do it because I have to. It's sort of .... I don't know.

I wanted to tell my house-mate yesterday afternoon about what was going on in my head but couldn't bring myself to do so. Then thought about writing about it in my thread - trying to find an immediate way to deal with it ... but my laptop had refused to charge (it needs a new AC Adapter) and I had access to no internet. So I just lay awake last night and tried to work things out.

I'm a bit scared that I'm going to do it ... just give in and do it ... without ever wanting to or even wanting the consequences that it could possibly bring. I just don't quite know how to fight. I see my GP on Friday and I'm going to have to bring it up with her ... but I still have to get through until then.

I just don't know anymore ...

Anyway enough of my whining. *hugs everyone*

MammaMia 16-03-2009 01:11 AM

*snuggles Kahlia lots if you'll accept them*

Kahlia1981 16-03-2009 01:17 AM

Thanks Helen - *cuddles in tight to you*

MammaMia 16-03-2009 01:23 AM

*cuddles* You're very welcome, want to watch 13 going on 30 with me? I'm so avoiding my assignment & revision...haha!!!

Eclectica 16-03-2009 02:47 AM

Head is in agony physically and it's affecting mentally. Stressing so much over it and was getting extremely angry.. but that passed, and now it's jus stress and affecting my others.

My bf asked when i was next visitnng him. I said i dunno. Cuase i don't. And i can't visit anyone like this. I don't care for anyone or anything. I feel dark and cold, love... everything bad... It ain't right, but I don't care. I like this feeling. Carefree. Careless. Cold. Bitter.

I don't even have a proper sense of humor. I hate happy things and I hate everything and near everybody.

It;s wrong I dont feel anything for any of my friends. I should.

There's a little bit of me left. Just a little bt that still makes me human. And I'm losing it.

And I still don't care. I like it..

Auburn Shadow 16-03-2009 09:37 AM

*hugs everyone*

Woke up triggered, and it isn't about to go away any time soon. I don't need this today what with everything else I've got to do today. I don't need to be worrying about cutting or not cutting or whatever. I don't.

I've got a new bottle of Aleve (painkillers) in my bag, that Jamie gave me, because, well, I'd run out and sometimes I really need them, but the thoughts keep running through my head that I could just take all of them and then none of this crap would matter anymore. He thinks I'm coping a lot better than I actually am, but I'm coping a hell of a lot better most days than I would be normally. I need to not have those pills, but I don't know how to tell him that.

Mary Anne 16-03-2009 01:34 PM

*lunchtime hugs*

Eclectica 16-03-2009 05:12 PM

My head is really gnna make me cry soon.. it still hurts :[ Urgh. It's so weird. I just move it and it's like somethings hit sopmething inside from the movement. So I'm not moving my head.

MammaMia 16-03-2009 06:44 PM

I'm a useless ****.

Tears of Solitude 16-03-2009 10:49 PM

::::::::::::::::::::::: hugs to Helen, Katrica, Dayna, AuburnShadow, Mary Anne, Wildly, Jet Force, Secrets and Everyone else that comes in this evening :::::::::::::::::::

Feeling ashamed of myself, being over weight and suffering from Type 2 Diabetes. I hate myself. I am a horrible person. Also have a defective brain that doesnt work well under any pressure or any usage at all.

MammaMia 16-03-2009 10:55 PM

Oh hun, that's utter crap, you're amazing *snuggles*

Damnation. 16-03-2009 11:41 PM

*Bounces around and glomps all*


MammaMia 17-03-2009 12:05 AM

Little girl kisses her mom
Tells her I love you
holds on to her moms hand
when she tells her she loves her

Little girl doesn't have much
She walks with a smile
She's so full of life

But she cries in the night
Just to try to hold on
No one can hear her
She's all alone

This little girl closes her eyes
All that she wants
Is someone to love
Someone to love

Little girl
She's all grown up
Oh she's getting fevers
She's a big star

Oh little girl

Fights with her mom
Can't believe money
Changed who she loved

And she cries in the night
Just to try to hold on
But no one can hear her
She's all alone

This little girl closes her eyes
All that she wants
Is someone to love
Someone to love
She cries in the night
Just to try to hold on
No one can hear her
She's all alone

This little girl closes her eyes
All that she wants
Is someone to love (someone)
Someone to love (someone)
To love (someone)
Someone [fade out]

In a good mood there Dayna? xxx

zowie 17-03-2009 12:14 AM

I'm tiiiiiired. I suppose I should go to bed.

MammaMia 17-03-2009 12:17 AM

Same. Have to be up at 7am for an exam (well the exam doesn't start til 9.30, but I need to get there) which I shall fail :( What a ****ng failure Hells is :D

zowie 17-03-2009 12:28 AM

You're not a failure darl. Exams are bloody hard, especially early ones.
PLUS, you can't go calling yourself a failure just because you think you're going to fail. x

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