*huggles everyone*

So tired and stressed and feeling .... ick, bleh, meh ... i don't know. Really want to just disappear. *sigh*

So. Over. All. Of. This.

:crying:

Seriously. I can't be flipping out over SA because it's everywhere. :( Sadly. I wish I could erase it from this world because it never should have started in the first place... damn it all... I can't "just get over it" though because I guess I'm too ****ing sensitive?? I don't know. I just want to leave, get rid of my brain, I don't know, it's just hurting too much right now. I'm hurting too much right now.

Sorry, that was definitely a rant, and probably one that didn't make much sense. I'll be more coherent in the morning (hopefully) when I won't be so ****ing exhausted. Off to bed we go... hopefully to actually sleep in some comfort. It's really warm in here (the den where the comps are) but the rest of the apartment is cooling off some, windows open and fans a'blowing and all of that.

G'night wardies... (I'm always paranoid that when/if I say goodnight, I'm not going to sleep... lol... how silly is that??)

*curls up next to Mark and dozes off*

I dont want to do this anymore.
I nearly passed out at work from not eating.
I cant sleep at night.
My dreams are back.
I just want....I dont know...whats the point in wishing for things that wont come true anymore.

no ones in :(
*sits quietly and cries*

*cuddles up next to Lex and hands her tissues* I wish I had some good advice... but I don't :( So I'm sending lots and lots of virtual hugs instead!

*hugs April tightly* I'm sure you're not the only one who feels that way. I know a lot of times I wish I had never started... seems it would be easier than trying to stop =/

*hugs Kahlia and refuses to let her disappear*

*hugs Crimson*

*hugs Mark* I hate showing my scars to nurses too :( The one who helped the doctor with my wisdom teeth surgery commented on them, made me feel really awkward right as I was being put to sleep... NOT the best of times. Hope your CBT goes all right <3

*hugs everyone else* Sorry... 4 pages to try and reply to. I read all the replies though <3

Sleeping pills are kicking in... here's hoping for a relatively pain free and full night of sleep. I'll check back in the AM. 'Night wardies!

*sniffle* I need hugs right now...thankyou

*hugs Lex* sorry uni's keeping me busy, but I care, and I do read, I just can't always respond in a timely manner. *extra hugs*

its ok...uni is more important sweet!!
ill be ok :/

I cant do this :'(


I just had another panic attack :(

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs April*

*Hugs Lex*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Taz*

It's 6.18 am VERY early for me but I coulden't sleep , I am totally awake hmm. It's too early to put music on as I don't want to wake the neighbours at this hour . My kitchen smells funny since yesterday afternoon , I don't know what to do about it , sort of like very strong glue smell , Ive looked in my cupboard and behind my oven and fridge and generally poked about with my torch hmmm , I even stuck my head all over and sniffed but I can't find the smell . sorry . Any ideas ? hmm . It's not like I would have drop meat behind somewhere as I'm vegetarian so it can't be rotting meat . Again sorry to be gross.

Hmmm I don't know why I woke early but it's probably because I have appointments today and my mind is over-thinking, especially about the CBT one :S Arggg! I really don't want to be pushed out of my comfort zone and I KNOW this will do exactly that . Sorry.

Mark: A glue smell is likely to be a solvent but I'm not really able to help you 'cause there's several factors I don't know. A solvent could be paint in the neighbourhood, especially nearby and if windows are open. (Remember I'm not familiar with your climate). It could also be paint stripper which produces a solvent smell or you or one of your neighbours might have inadvertantly (sp?) spilled some solvents somewhere near an air entry point to your kitchen? I don't know, just some suggestions. Perhaps think back to yesterday afternoon and see if you can remember what was happening - in the neighbourhood, but only your area of it - when the smell started. Might be a bit complicated though.

*gently huggles Alex*

*cuddles Taz*

*Hugs Kahlia*

Thanks for the advice , I'll go and smell outside in a bit , I've had another poke round with my torch this morning , pulled my oven out and everything, Heh , My kitchen window was shut , I've since opened it to help the smell dissapate.

*hugs everyone*

wish i could do more for you guys right now, but i just cant. i'm sorry.

*Hugs Laura* No need to be sorry , You have to look after yourself first and foremost .Am thinking of you :) Sending positive vibes whilst I feel positive (ish).

*hugs mark* glad your feeling positive-ish. thanks for thinking of me. just had a bad night. ill be fine.

*sits in a dark corner & drags duvet over head*

Hi Unicorn tears *waves*

*big yawn* 6:07am and I'm up... of course. Am always up this early or earlier, but I'm always exhausted. Way to go, Mark, for being up early. ;) Although you probably will be tired later too. Ugh. I wish I could take away the nervousness but I'm sure that everything will go fine. And therapy is supposed to push you out of your comfort zone, it's supposed to make your mind stretch, and make you think about things you never would've thought about before. If that makes sense?

*cuddles Lex* Wish I could help, hon... :( Sorry I'm not much use right now.

*cuddles Taz* Hope you got in a good night's sleep!!! :)

*cuddles Kahlia* How're you doing, love??

*cuddles everyone else, and welcomes Unicorn Tears - I'm sorry if you've been here before and I've forgotten you, brain like a sieve, I swear!!* :)

Yes that makes sense April , It's not called therapy she told me it's called motivational interviewing but I guess it's all to the same end . I don't know how you get up so early daily , I've already napped but I'm not sure I actually slept in my , just laid there feeling tired listening to music in the next room , I feel a little less tired though but still . Heh . *Hugs April*

*cuddles Mark* Heh, "motivational interviewing" ... sounds like therapy to me. Lol. Anyway, I hope that it goes well. :) Seems like DBT is used a lot more in the UK than it is over here... here it's CBT CBT CBT... not sure if that's good or not. Meh.

I'm exhausted. (One of the prices I pay for getting up so early. >_<) It's going to be a busy day, with a spinning class (as in, spinning wool!!) with my mum this morning, and then getting my car inspected and having her oil changed this afternoon... guhh... am so damn tired and anxious and I really don't want to eat breakfast even though it's past 8am and I really ought to. :(

Played WoW for awhile, chatted with some friends... it was nice. :) Also, got some texts from another friend (one of the girls I'm "mentoring" at church) and she's not doing so well, so prayers/good thoughts for her would really be appreciated.

*hides in the warren with a plushie & a book*