I am finding it hard to grasp why o feel so glad and relieved that I am not turning up to any groups activities and not turning up to anything I feel great. Indoors girl .
Yet when I do go I feel awful, mentally it feels like too much despite it fantastic at concert venues of big crowds that I cope with. I can cope with talking to people face to face about a product service my bank for instance. Yet in social situations like meeting group in the library who I have seen a thousand times in the community is impossible at times and I can go to a college and I am going to lecturers seminars that kinda thing but when it comes to social interactions in more laid back or natter itís impossible.
I donít understand why I even struggle in chat rooms even though I have used since I was 13-14yewts old or in kik groups.
I just donít understand why I feel so ***** about it
But I am finding that with meds I am on for the fibromyalgia that itís helping the physical side anxiety now.
I am not scared of the symptoms or having a panic attack
Itís the groups settings that scare the living shits out me.
Since I can't nap in real life right now I think I'll find a safe corner in here and curl up and nap. I'm over it all. Done. Exhausted.
i've been living inside a labyrinth since i was 11. well actually since i was 5. it got dark it got bright but sometimes there was a gust of wind. other times there was water coming down over the edges.i'm just been rotting. have had friends that were neaver really friends aka people that appear and dissapear. lately an old friend of mine have returned and i've been chatting recently with that, but not alot. on the other side of the thick mossy wet dark wall of the side of the labyrinth i'm currently at... i've been starting to talk to a shrink, she's a lady kinda nice. nods and shakes to whatever i must say seems very pertinent to me like i get the feeling she wants to listen. but in that moment of epipanhy alone, i just feel that my heart gets heavier since i've talked to her. i have someone that i've been talking to here where i live since 25th october 2016 cause of things that happened then. i've been talking non stop often every day for 2 or 3 hours until we are cold or can't almost stand up anymore. it has helped and i think it still helps. i've been so back and forwards keep staring in the mirror for periods of time just because i got none...
i have something called incorporated memory loss. and i want to ask you if anyone in here have heard of something like this or is experiencing it. it's a bitch from behind the moon living with it. i can talk to someone as i said for 2 or 3 hours at a time and all i really want is a distraction that wakes me up to that makes me start my life like me and not behind something that feels like a black box that lives inside my head registering everything i say then 10 minutes later makes me forget it because of trauma i had in my childhood since i i was 5 and no one to talk to about.(feel free to ask questions, i dont mind) and also i feel exhausted of just starting this thing with the people here i live to start taking walks to get distracted for when the impulse stuff happens... (grabs a marshmallow from the freezer)
my grandfather is basically the only person who has helped me cause without him i dont think i could have moved on the way i did with what happened in my childhood. he has since passed away from cancer and again i was left alone. it always seems that something wants me to be left alone and that's what i'm getting help for now. atleast from my perspective. i'm maybe going to be comitted soon to get help for various things. and i've been bumped up in sessions with the shrink lady for the trauma thing to once a week. it's a stupid start...........
when after the thing trauma started and what was done was done my grand father took me to see a hypno therapist that helped me get back my focus. and slowly i've realised i'm just all over the place like a puzzle with atleast a million pieces and the only thing i can think of that makes me not lose my mind is getting my life back together. kinda looking for hope in a cold world. there are ppl around me that care i'm aware. i only wish there was a fast cure for this realisation of slow fast forward.
first time i talked to the shrink lady it was very ok. i got to say alot of things. but there is yet much much more left untalked. i want her to know i want everything my thoughts think about to be a conversation that i'm me and not some stupid... idk... anyway.. first time i talked to her was ok. but after that when i walked home with the friend person that followed along side me to her. i only complained that it didnt solve anything.. and when i got home all i could think about was that i wanted to talk more and more and eventually be able to wake up somehow. then it started getting dark and mossy again. btw this is over 2 weeks ago. i missed the last session i had cause i felt all too many thoughts at the same time i was supposed to shower and go to bed early but i couldnt. all i did was think... then after awhile being dark and mossy i started forgetting what we talked about like some sort of auto distraction turn my brain wanted to go one way and my heart, feelings, urges some other ways. (grabs water from the fridge)
it's like my life since i was 5 dont have a history. it's very sad and stupidly lonely. i listen to music and play games sometimes to relieve stress for what i dont want.
*refills the freezer with a new pack of marshmallows and water in the fridge*
edit: my panic button dont work anymore....
Iím an oldie. Used to really be around back in 2012. I still really struggle with mental health but nowadays Iím open and have help. The problem is- I have chronic illness. I have several rare diseases, they leave me pretty much bedridden and Iím on a feeding tube for the most part. All because my parents didnít take care of me when I was younger. Everyone told me ďyouíre fine.Ē If I was fine why am I not fine now.
Hi newbies/ returnees. Welcome back or just welcome.
I'm still a mess. I actually took a sick day because I couldn't face the idea of work. Can't see a counselor til late November. No psychiatrist till December. My GP is on holidays until the second week of November.
I'm safe because I have no plan and currently still care enough about not hurting my parents, not from lack of intention. How to explain that to the generic GP? Cos I made an appointment with one. This should be good.
(possible trigger) i tried to commit suicide a week ago. i can't even do that right. i took a bunch of pills but i guess my tolerance for them is stronger than i thought. just made me sleepy. i can't bear to tell my family this. not that anyone except the mother would care. my husband caught me and i felt so bad. honestly i was hurting the one person that has come into my life and helped me and loved me and it is ripping me apart inside as to why i even tried to do that again. i was serious. i wanted to die. i guess your brain doesn't think of the people you hurt when you're *that* low.
I’m falling apart again .... I feel that I’m going to lose everything in one hit...finding life a real struggle need some cuddles, hugs and encouragement that I ain’t gonna fall apart again. Cos I don’t know if I could handle another breakdown, I know that loosing my uni place would kill me inside.... I have been there a momth... I have settled I know my subjects inside and out. It’s just the accreditation of prior learning from the ou that’s thr tricky bit. I’m wondering. If what I have done for the ou is sufficient, if I am good enough, if I am worth a place, if what I have done matches their requirements... I’m there as a temporary student with visitors pass.... i don’t know if next I could by my last week... or the week after.. I need to know what is is going on
trauma therapist in a week. i have to wait more and more wait and the wait again for more wait....
i'm also wondering if i should accept the admission to the ward later. i'm on a watiting list <3
my "therapist" sucks.
Popping in because I feel like I have no real friends that I can talk to. Which in itself makes me quite sad. I have friends, but they're scattered, we're all busy, you can't just message them when something is bothering you or you need to talk something through. It makes me feel very lonely.
*sits in safety of RYL forum*
I thought that since I had been doing well for a good amount of time that maybe things would be better. But nope. Things came crashing down last Thursday and have continued through tonight. First time in a long while I have felt like crying and have already been crying in my room. Been a while with the Voices and everything else too... but they're all back again. Trying really hard to be good and not do bad things, but it's becoming really hard and difficult. Left a message with my psych at 1am... he'll probably call me back at like 8am when I'm still asleep lol. Haven't been this bad in awhile and it sucks.
Wish I had someone to talk to about all of this, but I dont. I'm always the listener in these things amongst what friends in real life that I have... which isn't many... so I'll just sit in the room and hope things get better
I hope everyone is doing well and that's why they aren't here. I'm struggling tho.
Is there anything the rest of the community can help with? Feel free to post anywhere if you need some support.
I know that this thread isn't what it used to be... but I'm going to need it for right now. Just too much going on right now and I'm crying for the first time in a long time... very overwhelmed and trying to help everyone. First time in a long while I have wanted to SH too. I called my psych and left him a message. This ****ing sucks :(
*offers hugs to yoda*
We can sit here and be broken together. I am back for very similar reasons. I hope you are safe, if only from the virus, and knowing that there are others helps you be safe from yourself.
*hugs Eir back* hope that is okay
Back here again... set off by what I'm going to call "alternate universe chapter nightmares" from when I was sleeping. I remember it all quite clearly and it was bad and I can't stop thinking about it.
Plus now for the first time in awhile I have to deal with the Voices and am trying not to just curl up into a ball and rock back and forth. This sucks... I thought I was past this... but I guess not. I could take a walk, but I tend to wander when in this state and get lost lol so I am not sure I want to do that.
Trying to hold things together... I'll write in my journal later about all of this and maybe I'll feel better? I hate the Voices right now... they are wanting me to bad things
Having to set up dual appointments with pysch and psychiatrist because I'm not doing well at the moment... actually pretty bad. It's been a while since it's been this bad... like really bad. I wish I could be better instead of being this way
Popping in to send virtual *hugs* and strength to YodaBearInterrupted and anyone else who needs it.
new here .....hi
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