hey guys, welcome back secrets, sorry don't have anything to write right now, but do hope you're okay. I've been manically high, haven't experienced anything quite like it before, I'm also currently plummetting, my dog is in doggy hospital and I don't even know if he's going to make it until the weekend and I'm not even there, I'm here and I'm not in control
I think I'm slowly committing suicide
I feel betrayed and empty...
I can't believe she would just be like that to me!
I didn't do anything to her!
She missed my show!
She promised she'd be there!
She won't even tell me why!
I tried to express that that hurt me deeply, and she basically turns around,
and SPITS ON ME!
Some best friend.... ],=
*hugs Ashley* I'm so sorry hun, she isn't wirth your pain, but I know that doesn't help
*hugs Dayna* keep fighting hun, lets hope the MH team can help with the void
*hugs Helen* why are you crying? I'm glad you sorted stuff with your friends
*hugs Arwen* how are you?
*hugs Secrets* sorry to hear things are going downhill again
*hugs Hayley* thanks for the huggles, lets hope the progesterone helps
Hiya PengyNoir, how are you? *hugs*
*hugs FallenPrincess and Irene*
*hugs Kahlia* Accomodation takes time so try not to stress about it, good luck changing your course.
*hugs everyone else*
Me. am two weeks free this evening or tomorrow I can't remember which, as all that week was horrible, lets say this evening and I was doing so well, the high yesterday was interesting, I danced really well, but I couldn't get to sleep I ended up starting to fill in a job application at 2am! but now I'm tired and unhappy and I want my doggy to be healthy, jeez I hate mood swings.
*curls up in window sill and watches the sun rise, crying*
I don't want to go to school.
I don't want to have first period with her.
I don't even want to be here right now.
Why don't I have the guts to just kill myself already?!
It's not as if the world isn't overpopulated enough.
Besides I'm sure that many people would be just as ****ing happy if I weren't there...
WOW internet. Back here now. Still in hospital.
*hugs to everyone*
Sorry i can't write anything that long right now things are all fuzzy, however Ill soon be home so hopfully they'll ease a bit
*rubs eyes* hmm, it seems I fell asleep in the smoking shelter last night whislt conversing with the animals, lol. Thanks for the huggles, now my turn!....
*huggles damnation* I'm so glad that the appointment has come through and really hope that they can be of some help to you, please try and hang in there a bit longer.
*Huggles Secrets* I don't believe we've had the pleasure of meeting before, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't huggle...
I love that everyone says that word in here now....huggle huggle huggle.....sorry where was I?....
*huggles Hells and wipes tears away* oh sweetie, I thought that things were gonna feel a bit better for you now you'd sorted out the situation with your friends. Whats up sweetie?
*huggles wildy insane* Congrats on being 2weeks free, its often those first few weeks that I find the hardest, keep going! I'm also sending out healing thoughts for your doggy to get better. Its horrid when a situation is out of your control, try to stay safe and distracted whilst you wait for news.
*huggles Ashley* Thats crap about your 'best friend' missing your performance, as a fellow performer myself....though not in a few years due to health problems....I know how important it is to have support in attendance and also just to share the experience and achievement. She has shown her true colours by not attending...unless there was an exceptional circumstance. Do not waste your energy or pain on her anymore, I would cut her out of your life as it appears that she has done the same to you......hmmm, sorry for using the word 'cut', metaphorically speaking of course.
*huggles steel madien* hello! I've not met you before either. I hope that the hospital that you're in is of help to you.
Hmmm, what to do now?
*sits waiting to pounce on anyone who needs a huggle*
*crunches and slowly comes out of pouncing position*....oh my bones....time for something to munch & a fag break me thinks....
I just ate too much and feel like purging.
oh zowie, try not to purge. Was it really too much or does it just feel that way? I know that my binges now aren't even what you could class as a binge anymore really, but If I eat a 'normal' meal I can feel the need to purge sometimes. *huggles*
Hiya peeps *hugs all round*
Yay SteelMaiden welcome back, how are you *big hugs*
*huggles Hayley back* I'm Hannah :)
*hugs Arwen* sorry to here that hun, hope you don't
*hugs Secrets* don't worry, I just hope things get better
*hugs Ashley* I don't believe that for a minute, you might be surprised at how many people would be absolutely devastated. How did school go?
*hugs Dayna, Kahlia and Helen* how are you doing my dears?
*hugs anyone else popping by*
My dog died. The vets opened him up and found a load of tumours and a chest full of blood and didn't wake him back up. Mum just says she wishes they'd have known before and she'd just have taken him home and put him to sleep in his bed, which I agree with her. I'm okay, animals die, I would have loved to have said goodbye properly though I'd have gone home this evening if he was still around, apparently our other dog doesn't understand.
*leaves some homemade rhubarb crumble for people to help themselves to, there's plenty*
Hey thanks for the hugs Hannah, Hayley & Dayana
I wasn't feeling better, despite the fact I'd sorted things with my two best friends because there's still **** going on on top of other things and it's dragging me down badly. If that makes much sense?
Cry helped though. But I did sobbed myself to sleep, like REALLY majorly hard.
I'm still really poorly and getting worse. Going to try and get a doctors appointment first thing in the morning.
So sorry to hear about your dog Hannah *squishes*
Thanks Hayley and Wildly.
School was crap.
She skipped first block.
Completely ignored me in third.
I tried to make peace with her,
but she just ignored me some more.
She won't even hug me!
I just talked to her on facebook...
she told me why she was mad.
Because I was mad on facebook.
I was hurt and put it in my status
and said I had a suspicion it had to do with her bf
why she missed my show,
and apparently that's worth our friendship.
I'm so ready to just kill myself right now!
Throw myself off a ****ing bridge!
This isn't fair!
Am I not allowed to have feelings!?
Am I not allowed to be hurt?!
Why are my problems always less important than hers?
Why are my NEEDS always less important than hers?
It isn't fair!
It isn't fair!
It isn't fair!
*curls up on floor and cries*
Arwen - it's laxatives that make you poop not purging ... just joking. Neither is a good idea.
Hannah - I'm sorry about your dog
Everyone else - I'm afraid I've only been skimming today because it's been a full on day. So I'm sorry
*offers hugs to everyone*
I'm getting that old familiar feeling where I feel guilty everytime I eat, whether it's a binge or not. Even eating a light lunch made me feel like I'm not even trying to lose this weight.
*hugs wildly insane* thanks for making me feel welcome again. Im sorry about your dog.
*hugs hayley* I dont think we have met, I kinda come and go, times get so busy I have very little time to sleep so Im afriad ryl gets neglected, sorry guys.
*hug Helen* everyone seems to be ill now, I hope you feel better soon.
*hugs Zowie* I know the feeling with food, try eating small amounts and often.
Things are starting to calm, I've come home which is better because it means that I get food in front of me every day rather than not eating for lengths of time however revision has stopped. Cant have everything I suppose.
*leaves homemade curry for all*
Aside from a bit of self induced stomach ache, I think I might be...okay o_o;
*Hugs all* <3
*leaves hugs for all who want them*
I feel like crap. Seeing my niece today was good but it was also bad. I don't want her to end up f*cked up like me. So I get sad. And now I'm on my own my mood has plummeted again. *sigh*
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