thankyou *hugs*

A crash room sounds great. A few weeks ago when I found out about the fumigation I smashed a saucer on the floor so hard that I had to pick a piece of ceramic out of my hair! This is a brand of dishes that is supposed to be indestructable.

My husband says that he will finish the bagging tonight. I will let him.

Not only do I have five new romance novels, junk food for the brain, I also found a reproduction of the 1987 Sears Roebuck & Co Catalog. I love this kind of history. Dress Goods!:hop: Sewing machines. Horse drawn carriages and, omg surveyors insturments i want. Obviously I'm feeling better.

Hmmm, I'm drunk... And I think I have an ulcer... And I don't care. I'm going to eat my mac 'n' cheese and then go upstairs, cut myself to pieces and then go to sleep.

Ally Dear, If you really think you have an ulcer, your mom Blondiebear sasy to get rid of the alcohol and get to the doc. And when you drink your gatorade in the morning, don't drink any red gatorade.

I had mac n cheese too.

Bless my husband, he has been bagging stuff. Bless the catalog, for an hour or two I didn't have to think. Surveyors tools...I want a set! In 1897 prices please? Oh yeah, and some jet earrings! So few people these days know what jet is and what it symbolizes. No, I'm not goth, i'm into the history and language of clothing. Last I checked, goths don't have a wardrobe full of souvenier T-shirts.

Never mind, I've lost the urge (as well as most of the effects of the alcohol).
Damn:crying:I f**king hate these meds:crying:I hate them because they f**king work (how sick is that), I hate them because they make me f**king flat and colorless... I just f**king hate them:crying:

I suck:crying:

*snuggles her RYL mother* Mother-Susan, I am sorry you're having such a hard time of it. I love you.

ally, that's the reason i refuse to go on meds - i dont like how they make everything seem flat and colourless. but the important thing is, they DO help, cos they take the nasty urges away, and that's a good thing hun, and eventually you'll be able to come off them and not have the urges and everything will be proper again.

susan, i really want to slam doors too. really, really hard, so i can take out all my sadness on the doors and not myself. but i cant, cos they're not my doors, and i'd get fined. looks like its self-destruction then.

emma, jeremy? how are you? callie, i havent seen you around lately?

i'm sorry you are feelng so bad katey. do you need to go to hospital? sounds like these crises lines are useless.

alexx, how was the blood test?

Hey chloe

How r u doing there? i'm trying to keep well over here. But i do lurk around here especially during times when i can't sleep. Anyway, u tc there *Squishes chloe*

How is every1 else doing? *hugs every1 who have been chucked in the psych ward and leaves some chocolate milk on the table*

*pops head in, looks about, farts and runs off*

Juts popped in to say Hi to everyone and wonder how you are all doing today. I'm struggling but I am trying to distract myself by sorting out my belongings - I've got so much stuff and just don't know what to do with it all - not sure if it's helping me or just makinf me more dispondent about everything. Why do I bother?

*lights a candle to burn off penguin farts*

I'm just dropping in to check and see how everyone is. As he promised, my husband did finish taking care of things last night.

I am feeling better. Exhausted but better.

I do need to go shower. I have no idea about what time the exterminator will be here. My current night shirt is very well worn, plus I have to pack clothing for the motel stay.

MATTHEW!!! *tackles Matthew, hugs him and then hits him with a pillow for farting in our 'sanctuary'*
I haven't seen you in forever! Of course that could have something to do with the fact that I rarely venture out of the psych ward *shrug*

*hugs Cloe* Thanks for trying anyway. *sigh* but they don't take the urges away, the thoughts... They still haunt me, they're just muted, blunted. And they make my hands shake so much my therapist noticed it :-( I know once I get to the dose I'll stay at and am there for a while it'll get better... But it's a pain in the a** right now. As for coming off them, the guy that originally prescribed them made that sound like it was rather unlikely. Been depressed too long. That, on top of the fact that each major depressive episode makes you exponentially more likely to have another (and I've had a good handful)... Doesn't leave me with much hope...
But I'm whining, sorry.

*hugs Jeremy, Mom-Susan, Katey, Katch, Matthew, Cloe and anyone else she may have missed*

Take care all

*retreats to her corner, wraps arms around knees and stares forward, vacantly, attempting to grasp the feelings just beneath the surface or make them go the f**k away*

I made the mistake of sitting down. I am so stinking tired. I just so had to edit this. My husband is still prepping stuff. My Sudafed/psuedoephedrine! That stuff is now a controlled substance and it is a pain to buy it! Bless my husband.

I'm so tired!

My husband is complaining about the suitcase. He said that I almost pack less for a trans-continental trip! Yeah he's right. I want options!

i'm sorry i've not been in to let you kno how i am. its been a horrid day i wasnt good i rang samaritans again this morning and a couple of times last night. just about got throguh the night and then what did i get this morning throguh the post my CRB for uni i might aswell just give up now because theyr going to take one look at it and ask me to leave!!! i knew something would be on it and i did disclose that to the uni about the arrest (even though nothing happend and it was purely for my own safety!) but apparently now i'm a risk to children/young people and vulnerable adults!!!!!!!! are the forgetting the fact that i run two youth clubs, i do rainbows and brownies and do voluntary work with the councils children/young peoples services!!!!!!!! well that made my day just topped it all off theres no point now theres nothing left to fight fpr. i tried the uni and didnt really get anywhere the women that deals with it is horrible!!!!! :crying:

*hugs for everbody*

Alex how was your blood test?

Ally, I know you're proud :D I hope you're feeling better today.

How's everyone else?

I'm verrrrry happy, but fed up. People keep asking about my hand, which is kinda raw today since it bled a bit and the blood stayed there and dried up....and it kills at times :( But jesus it's not people's business really. One neighbour of mine even didnt believe my excuse about the sun making me really itchy (which people do actually have during summer, like I do)....so she turned around and said "that's self harm that is" and then paused and then asked if I had a mental illness....I made a joke about how I'm having that checked next week =\ WHY HELEN? WHY? Then before that (a couple hours before) my friend Zarah who did actually see my bad hand last week but didnt make comment....bumped into me today at the librairy and asked and asked me if it was self harm....which I admitted to and she's like you shoudlnt do it etc you're only causing yourself harm.....why? So I told her a bit and she's like you go talk to people...not harm you *sighs*

I don't want to cover up cus it's toooooooo hot atm! But I then kinda deserve all the questionning then?

ARGH! Can I just hide in a corner somewhere and forget today actually happened at all?

Oh just f**k it all! I am trying to find an apartment that will allow me to have my cat and it is SO not working

I'm now in my husban's office working on a keyboard that is tiny. Oh well. Be patient with typos please. We'll leave in about an hour to check into the motel before Philip has to go to class. He says though that he won't have to do much more then check in.

I'm so tired that I'm almost drooling on the keyboard. And I have puppy tummy, nice full tummy, want to sleep now. Bozo cat is comfortable enough that he has come out of his carrier and is doing figure eights around our legs and eating too. Philip's boss doesn't know that Sage tortoise is here.

Sorry I'm so upset and self centered. I care heaps about all of you.

Ally, why the new apartment?

Hugs and reeses miniature peanut butter cups all around.

Oh. My. Gosh. I feel SO crap!:crying: what happened I thought my meds were working. Cut this morning, ODd this afternoon...
Damn it:crying:

RYL Mom-Susan, I graduate (hopefully) at the beginning of June and since I live in campus apartments I need to find a new one. And a job (I work on campus too).

*curls up in her corner and cries*

hands you tissues

I'm staying in a motel four miles from home and I'm homesick! At least my husband is here. Bozo cat is doing very well. He's spent some time hiding under the bed but he's also come out and explored and had some of his glop in gravy.

Sorry I'm so self centered right now.