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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Scarletdreamer 30-03-2010 12:06 AM

*huggles Helen* I'm sorry about the more **** hitting the fan... I understand... don't know exactly what's going on with you but I understand the feelings at least.

I'm exhausted... time for bed soon but not yet as we just ate supper & I get panicky if I lie down with a full stomach when I'm like this. I HATE ME... and a friend told me that I DON'T have a plan to kill myself, which made me feel kind of like I'm not really being taken seriously. If that makes sense. I'm sorry, my thoughts are all disjointed tonight... :(

shadowedsoul 30-03-2010 12:10 AM

curls up in corner under a blanket hides form the world.

MammaMia 30-03-2010 12:32 AM

Barlowgirl <3 I love their mirror song :D

*cuddles everyone*

SoMuchMore 30-03-2010 03:58 AM

*hugs kahlia* hope ur tdoc appointment went okay.

*cuddles april* im sry if u feel that ur friends arent taking you seriously. If it helps at all, we take u seriously here, and it only really matters whether u think u need to be taken seriously or not. Just b/c ur friend cant see it doesnt mean its not true (ok i dont mean to sound like u should be not okay.. just that dont let ppl invalidate ur feelings) Anyway, i'm glad u bandaged ur cut.. keep taking good care of it.

*cuddles helen* im sry things took a bad turn today... its hard when it feels like **** is hitting the fan...

*hugs jill*

I would do almost anything to escape from life right now. I dont understand... I keep trying to figure out what to do.. and i cant concentrate.

Scarletdreamer 30-03-2010 10:10 AM

*cuddles LauraStar* I can't concentrate either, and I really want to "escape from life" too... it's all too much right now... even getting up & staying out of bed for a long period of time is difficult. (I don't have any difficulty getting up, but staying up is hard!!) I'm sorry that you feel that way too :( it sucks. Oh, and the stuff with your ex, him saying that he didn't tell you because he was "protecting you" - that's bullshit, pardon my language, but it is. *holds you gently*

It's a certain friend that I feel doesn't take me seriously... I don't know. I mean, I said that I thought I had a suicide plan just because I knew what I was going to do (which technically IS a plan), but she said no, I don't have a plan unless I know exactly when/where/how I'm going to do it and am determined to do it. And she was a psychology major, so she knows what she's talking about. I feel really stupid. :(


Kahlia1981 30-03-2010 10:13 AM

*hugs all*

tdoc appointment today was seriously a waste of time. He spent the entire session writing data into the computer ... asked me a total of 5 questions. Seriously, I might as well have not even have been there ... Meh ...

Not in a good place right now. Really strong urges towards su. Like really, really, really strong. Have promised my housemate I'll tell him before I do something though.

*hugs everyone then slips into a dark corner, sits down, rocks back and forth, starts crying and hopes that she'll just disappear and everyone will forget about her*

Scarletdreamer 30-03-2010 10:23 AM

*holds Kahlia and rocks with her* Hon, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way... and that the tdoc appt was such a waste of time. That really sucks. Is there anything you can do right now to get your mind off of the suicidal urges? *gentle cuddles*

Kahlia1981 30-03-2010 10:46 AM

*cuddles into April* I'm trying everything I can think of. I've taken 1 mg of Xanax so hopefully it'll put me to sleep. I think that's probably the best for me at the moment. My housemate's going to keep a close eye on me for a while. Just so over all this.:crying:

Scarletdreamer 30-03-2010 01:12 PM

Awh... I understand, I am "over all of this" too... but sadly that doesn't make it go away. :( I wish that it did...

I am at my parents' house right now and have to keep my hoodie on so they don't see the bandage on my wrist. :-S I am a little worried about them finding out... no, make that a LOT worried. :( I don't want to worry them or make them think that I need to go into hospital. My NP will probably already think that.

Mmmm old jellybeans... they are sticky but still yummilicious. :) I probably shouldn't be having candy but it was only a few. Heh.

I feel really dumb. :crying:

Doikers 30-03-2010 01:18 PM

*Hugs April ,Kahlia ,Laura and people I'm sure I've missed :(*

I am anxious , off to my parents for the week this afternoon , will be hard to find the space to S.I. , I am fighting the urges right now .
Can I join the group that are over this? I've had way more than enough of my depression.......

Scarletdreamer 30-03-2010 01:25 PM

*curls up next to Mark* Sure, join the group... heh. Not sure it will do any of us much good but at least we can be tired of feeling like **** together... :P

Just updated my r/v thread.

Hope the time with your parents goes well, Mark. Will you be able to get online whilst you're there? If not, we'll miss you :( and if so, yey, maybe you can keep yourself from SI'ing. Please take care of the wounds if you do end up SI'ing though, 'kay? (I know you know this, just reminding you) *cuddles*

I'm so sick of life. Honestly. I just want it to be over.


MammaMia 30-03-2010 01:29 PM

*cuddles everyone and then hides in denial tent*

SoMuchMore 30-03-2010 02:16 PM

*hugs april* oh i know what u mean about the whole getting out of bed thing... It is so much easier to be asleep sometimes. And you are not stupid or dumb at all. Hope that u are doing alright.

*hugs kahlia* im sry ur appt. was sucky. Hang in there. I hope that u fell asleep so that some of those thoughts went away.

*hugs mark* good luck at ur parents. Maybe you wont have to SI. Keep fighting those urges.

*hugs helen*

I know what my ex said about protecting me was bullshit.... but i am still having a hard time dealing with it. I feel like he broke me. Not b/c we arent together but b/c he cheated and lied, and that goes back on every promise he has ever made to me. And another bad thing is that while I am having trouble holding thoughts/emotions in.. they are not reflected in my affect.. which makes me think that ppl are not going to take me seriously b/c i will smile or have no emotion at all while talking about things... except when im talking to my ex... hes the only person that I dont hide with... or... idk, maybe its not hiding, b/c its not like i am doing it on purpose. *sigh* ppl always leave..

Slept very badly... i might go back to bed after my 1st class for awhile before my looong evening of classes... yuck.

MammaMia 30-03-2010 02:27 PM

Such a failure :(

Scarletdreamer 30-03-2010 03:19 PM

*cuddles LauraStar* I'm sorry that you still feel like **** over your ex... it'll take awhile to get used to the thought that he "used" you, I guess... never been in that situation so if my advice is crap please ignore it!! :-/ But I do understand what you're saying. *more cuddles* How are you doing otherwise? When you say that you are having trouble holding thoughts/feelings in, you mean that you ARE holding them in and that's the problem? And yeh, a nap sounds lovely!! Just got up from one myself, actually. :P

*cuddles Helen* You're not a failure, love. What's up??

I best get on with schoolwork... will have to leave for campus in a bit, and I just remembered that I forgot to grab "New Moon" to return to my friend, and I don't want to go back to the apartment with our landlord fixing the ceiling in the kitchen (you open the front door and walk into the kitchen, basically, so yeah). ARGH. Oh well, I'll see her on Thursday too, can return it then.

*hides* :(

MammaMia 30-03-2010 04:38 PM

I feel like a total utter failure.
Really worried about someone, hopefully they'll be ok :/ :(

SoMuchMore 30-03-2010 05:06 PM

*cuddles helen* u are not a failure. I hope that whoever u r worried about is alright, and that u are okay as well.

*hugs april* At least ur ceiling is getting fixed, thats good! And i agree.. naps are great. imma go take on in a few minutes.

And yea, sometimes i have problems with holding things in... but lately, its more that i have been talking a little, which i guess could be seen as a good thing, but when i talk I dont come off like i care... or like I am talking about something that isnt at all serious to me. I guess it's prolly from years of hiding what im feeling... but for example, with the situation with my ex, ppl expect me to be outwardly upset... but its all inward for me except for the shaking.. i always shake when im upset, but nobody really notices b/c i try to keep it under control.
Oh, i dont know, i shouldn't have brought this up maybe.. its not like there is advice for it... it just bugs me i guess that how i sound and act is not always consistent with the words that come out of my mouth.

Doikers 30-03-2010 06:46 PM

*Hugs everyone*
I hope I'll get online while I'm at my parents although it will be more sporadic probably .
I'm so tired of this.........

Sorry I've no useful advice atm , parents house in so crowded 5 adults 1 baby and a dog . I'm not used to it . It's really warm too .....

MammaMia 30-03-2010 07:07 PM

*hugs everyone*

Laura, I've heard from the person, things got worse, but the situation is being sorted now. Hopefully will speak to her when she's home or later tonight.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Don't want to trigger anyone or myself in future...-mentions r word-
I am so ****ing pissed off, I'll regret my facebook status. But I'm so so so so sick of people making jokes about rape, whether it's about the actual thing or fb rape or whatever. SO ****ING SICK OF IT. It's SO hard to see that word, let alone write, well type the evil word. It's so disgusting :'( IT'S OKAY FOR THEM TO ****ING JOKE, THEY HAVE NO ****ING IDEA!!!!!!!! :@

Sorry :|

PoisonedApple 30-03-2010 07:09 PM

*sigh* I made so much progress this weekend at decluttering... and today my house gets even more crowded anyways... another adult and a baby moving in... (That makes 5 adults and 4 children under 8 yo in a 2 bedroom apartment...)
But I know J has no where else to go and I won't put a 3 mo old out on the street. *shakes head* J was staying with her mother in law and when her husband and her fought and decided to split up his mother told her "pack your **** and get out". What kind of person does that to a mother of a newborn? She got clean and sober and got medical for herself and her daughter, got some public assistance and is looking for a job... so it's not like she was being a bad parent or going off and being reckless... *Grrr* I just don't see how anyone could think that's ok to do. I hate humans. /rant

Aside from trying to make too many people fit in too small a place life isn't too bad right now. I got parts of my house clean that I didn't think could come clean at this point. The more clutter I get rid of and parts of the house I get clean the better I feel these days. I don't know if it's that I have something else to focus on or if the extra unused crap in my house was pushing me more into my depression or what but I don't care why if it's helping. And flylady is teaching me to do babysteps instead of jumping in head first and getting burnt out lol. Oh and routines! Aside from got to work at x time I never really used a routine before... still working on this part but going for "progress not perfection". *nods and walks off mumbling to self*

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