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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

YodaBearInterrupted 18-10-2012 05:14 PM

The start of my day was bad anyway... but it keeps getting worse... I can't bend over backwards enough... I am like thisclose to doing something I shouldn't... but I really want to... actually the worst I have been in a few months. Damn it I hate myself right now a lot and it sucks

Yes, I know sapphire (I forgot your name again XD). But I am so wired to help that I will literally drive myself off the cliff to help others at the risk of myself

YodaBearInterrupted 19-10-2012 12:28 AM

Gah... really about to lose it. I really hate this and myself right now. I don't really have a safe place to direct all my emotions so I am worried I might just do something bad to make it all go away. Doesn't help when my own father decides to be an ass and leave the house for the night to go to W PA where my younger brother is in college and doesn't tell me but sends me a text message telling me to do stuff and fake thanks bull ****ing ****...

Its whatev

sapphire hearts 19-10-2012 12:39 PM

Lol, no worries, it's Katie *offers cuddles* I'm the same to be honest, so I don't have any constructive advice as to how to put yourself before others. Sorry things have been so crap at the moment hun. Come hide in the fort :) we have teddies and pillows and rainbows.

So I'm pretty sure my arm's infected... d'oh! So stupid...

YodaBearInterrupted 19-10-2012 02:42 PM

I will have my invisible ninja penguins guard the fort and protect us :) I like pillows and ranbows :D

Have you gotten your arm checked Katie? You should get to the doctors if it could be/is infected *huggles*

sapphire hearts 20-10-2012 12:11 AM

Invisible ninja penguins are awesome :) Love. There is anything you want in the magic fort xx

If it's not better in a day I'll get it checked. trying to ignore the impulse to cut worse.

I need to be ok, because they're watching, but I need to offer up the blood or more bad things will happen.

YodaBearInterrupted 20-10-2012 04:48 AM

*huggles Katie* Get it checked soon... you dont want it to become too infected. I hope you are doing better and are able to ignore that impulse or I will send the invisible ninja penguins after you :P

sapphire hearts 20-10-2012 02:02 PM

The infection's going down so I think it'll be alright, but I might get the stitches taken out by a doctor instead of doing it myself so someone can check it. The impulse is buried for now - hate to waste the ninja penguins' time when they have such important work to do :p
Hope you're doing ok honey *cuddles Matt*

hellokittymad 20-10-2012 03:24 PM

just goign to sit here and cry, so, safe in here to cry *hides under blankies* I want to put my pyjama's back on so I feel comfy but mum will get mad

sapphire hearts 22-10-2012 12:06 AM

*hugs everyone*

i hate myself. and i deserve to. i know there has never been anyone as despicable as me on this planet. I'm sorry, to the person i PM'd. was so stupid.

im sorry im sorry im sorry

Kittyenna 22-10-2012 10:01 AM

Cant cope anymore :( want it to stop. Am so stupid, just get in the way for everyone. The urges are getting hard to fight. Can't do it anymore *hides*

risenfromperdition 22-10-2012 10:49 PM

katie not bad.
katie nice nice.

*curls up neer katie*
me dus b sleepi. :(

sapphire hearts 24-10-2012 12:41 AM

*cuddles heather* thanx huni
hope u ok
love u :)
so scared now
he coming for me

Kittyenna 27-10-2012 12:38 PM

*curls up* too much can't cope anymore, too many eyes watching

hellokittymad 27-10-2012 12:41 PM

*sits in box* bad

risenfromperdition 28-10-2012 12:54 AM

yous no bad. yous gud.

sapphire hearts 29-10-2012 01:32 AM

I'm at home for a week while the flat's being renovated - don't think I'll make it. Home 30 minutes before brother stormed in and caused an argument with our dad, who then barked at me. I don't think I'll make it - I've been home four hours and I already want to cut myself.

YodaBearInterrupted 02-11-2012 04:16 PM

*hugs all in here*

Sucks right now... I am in a bad place :(

sapphire hearts 02-11-2012 11:44 PM

*hugs Matt* you wanna talk about it sweetie? x

YodaBearInterrupted 03-11-2012 08:58 AM

Its just a conglomerate of things Katie - as i write this at nearly 4 AM XD. I am overwhelmed with emotional and mental pain... i am bending over backwards to help people with stuff and i admit i tell them I expect nothing back in return... and i dont anyway. its not like i am going to anyway since i am just so nice and giving like that. its like you see the cliff ahead and know you should stop and put on the brakes, but you dont and keep on going straight ahead... i have escaped SH but its in the rear view mirror gaining strength and catching up to me quickly... i am being taken advantage of and run over at work by fellow coworkers and no matter what i do i cant please everyone -- i am with the office staff and the politics each side plays is ridiculous -- and i try to play the role of Switzerland -- but its to no avail. My grandparents dont listen to my ideas for how to better run the school (its a private therapeutic day school for ED/LD kids from DC who come to our school for special ed and have IEPs and such)... i basically have no one outside my RYL family ( i consider all of you on here my family lol) to talk to about this stuff because in the past I have been shut down, not listened to, or almost forced to be eval'd because i was in a really really bad place last year... sorry for the rambling... kind of crying as i write this... 26 and crying... yeah what a great guy i am.

sapphire hearts 03-11-2012 12:42 PM

*hugs tight* there's no shame in crying hun - everyone does it, even if they don't admit it. You are a great guy sweetie :)

I'm sorry things have been so rough lately. I'm being a hypocrite, but is there any way you could tell people gently that you have to spend more time taking care of yourself and less time doing things for other people? You are never going to be able to please everyone darling, and expecting yourself to is just setting yourself up for failure. You're expecting yourself to be perfect - maybe so you can blame yourself some more when you fail? I don't know. But it's not healthy for you.

Do you see a counsellor or anyone IRL that you could talk to? I'm always here if you want to PM me or chat, but I know that online support can only go so far at times. RYL feels like family to me too; I guess a lot of us feel like that because our actual families aren't supportive.

Love and massive hugs sweetie - I know it's bad now but you can get through this. I'm always here hun :) xxx

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