*hugs all*

*Hugs Laura* How are you ?

-hugs everyone-

*Hugs Tim*

*hugs Tim*
*hugs Mark*
how are you ??

I've been at the Circus for about 2 weeks. The first week was bad. I had a bad dissociation while I was in the room with 30 others, the next day I was in a really bad state (throwing things, screaming, crying, hyperventilating) then on dec. 31st I was so stressed that I got physically sick and had to throw up (I didn't tell anyone though, because I felt fine after).
The second week was very cool though. I'm participating at a youth circus-theater project and we are 12 participants only. The general athmosphere and the instructor were relaxed and I had a great time. First I thought that I couldn't participate, because the first week was so bad, but then I decided that I'll try and see how it goes.
I'm back at home now, writing applications to schools for physical therapy (dunno what it's callen in England, but here in Germany we have schools for physiotherapy where you do all the training etc.)

*Hugs Laura* Glad you enjoyed yourself , I have had at times the possibly worst day of my life :/

Heya :waving:

*hugs mark*

*Hugs Laura* im pleased you had a good time :)

*Hugs Ian* How are you ?

*Hug mark* Not my usual self to be honest. How are you doing Mark?

Awful Ian If I'm Honest *Hugs*

*hugs Mark* if it was the worst day ever, then things can only improve, right?
*hugs Ian* don't know what to say.
I hope things are getting better for both of you.

I didn't have a good day today. Did some straining exercises in therapy today.

Thank you Mark and Laura :) im better now.

*Hugs Mark* I'm sorry your feeling awful :-( do you want to talk about it?

*Hugs Laura* I'm sorry you didnt have a good day, im here if you want to talk.

im not well. my life feels like its falling apart and there is NOTHING i can do to change it.
I want to disapear. vanish, and no one to miss me or be sad or even remember me at all.

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Ian*

*Hugs hiding me if okay?*

*hugs Ian* how are you today?
*hugs hiding* how are things now? I'm here if you want to talk or pm...
*hugs Mark* how are you today?

I am getting tired of this... being quite emotionally vulnerable and emotionally unstable. I hate myself cause I know I should be back on meds, but I am fighting everyone every step o the way. I have had enough of the frightening hospital dreams. I just have had enough of everything. I mean yesterday it snowed and I was like hooray and all happy - today I am fighting a battle with the Voices. I hate this and myself. Make it stop

ty laura .*hugs back*

i guess things are ok so far.. idk really.. mom is at hospital today getting her first dose of the stronger chemo =/ and her blood clot in her neck is still there and ..it really worries me..
so far husband still has his job..
worried about that alot too.
slept horrible last night.. was awake along time and then kept waking up all night long.. so have a headache and feel crappy and cramps arent helping.. just..idk.. i guess im ok for now tho..
cried to hubby about everything last night esp his job.. didnt help telling him made me feel worse cuz he suffers with depression too and well i dont wanna make his worse cuzi NEED him to work. =(

idk sorry.. prolly saying too much.. but well you asked how i am today and well honestly im not sure..
ty for asking tho and ty for caring.

sorry I havn't been around for ages but I was getting triggered by coming on RYL, so stayed clear for a while.

how is everyone?

*hugs hidingme*

OLIVER!!! *hugs*

Hey Matt *hugs* how are you doing?