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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Absynnthe 09-02-2010 02:43 PM

*closes eyes tight* Thankyou. I know it's just a dream, but I'm ****ing shaking still, and I can't stop hearing him begging.

Gonna put it in my rant/vent thread.

Scarletdreamer 09-02-2010 03:30 PM

Putting it in your r/v thread is a good idea... & you're welcome, love. Wish I could do more to help than just cyber cuddles!! :(

Got some uni work done & also put a cd from my mum (Anonymous 4) on my iPod, so I'm happy about both of those things. My head aches though, probably because I'm still stuffed up - stupid cold - and I just want to sleep. :(

I think life really needs to be perfect for EVERYONE. :'(

Absynnthe 09-02-2010 03:32 PM

<3333 *Gentle cuddles*

Why don't you have a nap? *head tilt*

I wish life was easier.

MammaMia 09-02-2010 03:38 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Things are looking up, hence the excitedness in my last post. But at same time, getting worse? :S

Scarletdreamer 09-02-2010 03:41 PM

Franz, I could take a nap but I need to be heading to uni shortly as I've classes today & that would mess me up bigtime. So tired though... hope I don't fall asleep IN class!! :-X That would be bad. Oh, & read your r/v thread... definitely a scary dream!!! *snuggles next to with a fleece blanket*

Helen, glad things are looking up... but what's getting worse about it all? *cuddles*

Don't want to go to uni!!! *resists the urge to have a temper tantrum* Heh... really don't want to go I guess. :( Wish I enjoyed it, but I don't. Not at all.

But I am having coffee out with a friend today... so that ought to be something I look forward to, right? :-/

Just wrote in my r/v thread... :-X

*hides in the darkest corner & takes a catnap*

MammaMia 09-02-2010 04:03 PM

Well the situation that's really upset me past couple of days is much better :) Another situation or two is getting worse. I didn't make that clear, sorry :(

Scarletdreamer 09-02-2010 05:03 PM

It's okay, Hels. *holds you gently* Care to talk about it, through PM or posting or whatever?

I'm at uni now... gggurgh. I parked in my favorite parking lot but a lot further away from where my classes are than I prefer. Then just as I was walking down the lot towards the buildings, a car pulled out of a space that I would've loved to have. Perfect, lol. I didn't have a chance to nab it either so I have an extra-long walk tonight. Oh well... *sigh*

Am so hungry but don't think it's real hunger. I think it's me wanting to binge. Stupid brain.

*sigh*

At least I am going out to have coffee with Cara... we can have a nice chat & something warm to drink, although I promised my husband I'd get summat inexpensive as we are low on funds. Grrrr. Oh well, white hot choc doesn't cost too much.

*hides*

SoMuchMore 09-02-2010 05:12 PM

*hugs franz* nightmares are awful. Hope you are feeling better.

*hugs helen* glad that things are looking up. Its okay that u dont explain much.

*hugs april* have fun having coffee with your friend. Sorry that your so tired and hate uni. I hate uni too sometimes... Especially on tuesdays.. like today. I wish i had a snow day.. everywhere around me is closed but my university doesnt close for anything.

I really do feel like i should be stronger than i feel right now. I am freaking out about everything.. not like loudly or anything.. just in my head. But still, its not like anything horribly tragic is happening.. its just a bunch of little things and i just idk. I dont want to hold on much longer. I want to feel different, better i guess/normal? whatever that is. I wish somebody could explain what normal feels like. I guess i cant understand it like other ppl can't understand what goes on in my head. Ranting sorry.. ill be quiet now.

nologola 09-02-2010 05:36 PM

Hi all.

I'm doing much better on the flu front today, got a bit more energy which is nice. Had a really long conversation with my boyfriend last night where he basically said that he understands he hasn't been supportive in the past and he's going to make an effort to try and understand where I'm coming from a bit more. I was really happy at first but now I kinda feel like I don't have to try so hard not to cut because he won't be so angry with me if I do... I'm such a bitch. He's doing everything he can to help me and I'm just turning around and being selfish. I still haven't cut which is good I suppose, but the urges are even stronger now. It makes no sense what so ever. I am so angry with myself.

*cuddles everyone who wants cuddling*
*hides in the corner*

*

YodaBearInterrupted 09-02-2010 05:43 PM

I wish I hadn't tied my emotional life to the snow. Gah, so emotional right now. In high school and into college the weather was my "in" to meet new friends and stuff. I know thats weird... but thats what did it. Now my friends have abandoned me but still want my snow/weather forecasts. Thats all I am good for apparently nowadays, nothing else. Just so lost right now. Aimless drifting. Sigh.

I am going to sit in the corner so I can try to hide from everything and everyone cause they don't seem to care

PoisonedApple 09-02-2010 07:33 PM

in answer to all (as i'm not up for writing individually or answering longly...) too much. not too much of any specific thing just too much in general. everything is so little but it all makes for something huge.

frenchhorn 09-02-2010 08:15 PM

*cuddles Franz* nightmares are horrible, but remember it not real.

*cuddles April* Well done for getting some uni work done, sorry you still have a cold, hope it gets better soon, hope you have a good time having coffee with your friend.

*cuddles Laurastar* sorry your having a tough time at the moment, you dont need to be sorry for ranting, its good to get stuff off your chest sometimes.

*cuddles Ayla* glad your feeling better on the flu front, glad your bf is going to be more supportive and well done on not cutting, but I'm sorry there are stong urges there.

*cuddles Yoda bear* (sorry dont know your name) we care about you, sorry your going through a tough time at the moment.

*cuddles Crimson* sorry everything is getting too much

I'm not doing good, just been asleep most of the day, think its to do with my meds dosage being up'd. just feeling so depressed and crap.

Scarletdreamer 09-02-2010 10:37 PM

Ugh, I am so tired... just want to sleep & sleep & sleep. :(

*cuddles LauraStar* I understand what you mean, kind of, not 100% 'cause I'm not you, but I've been there. A lot of small stressful things can build up into a huge big anxiety attack. It sucks horrifically but I'm sure that you can handle it... you are stronger than you know, beautiful. Please hang in there & keep going, despite the fact that it's so difficult at times. I also wish that someone could explain what "normal" feels like... because I can't remember ever feeling anything that qualifies as such. I've always been up & down (as long as I can remember, anyway), and in the past 7 or so years, have been mostly dysthymic. :( But, enough about me... how are you feeling now?

*cuddles Ayla* I understand, also, what you mean when you say that now that your boyfriend says he will try to be more understanding of how you feel, you want to cut more because he won't yell at you. That's how it got with my husband at one point - he practically gave up trying to stop me from cutting. I'll admit it, I was "excited" at first but then realized how much I hurt him every time I cut. So I stopped cutting as best as I can - still get the stubborn urges every month or so, so I still have fresh scars, but it's gotten a lot better. :) Anyway, sorry, ramble!! Glad you're feeling better from the flu too; that's good.

*cuddles Yoda if that's okay?* I don't know you & I don't know your situation (very well anyway) but I care about you. People on this site care about you... I'm sure that people IRL care about you, even if you don't realize it.

*cuddles Crimson* I have had too much too... it's like... come on, lighten up, please... there's too much in my head, in my life. I hate it. Wish that I could just quit life. Ah well. Mustn't do that. :-/ Hope you (and I, and all of us!!) feel better soon...

*cuddles Oliver* What med's been upped? Hopefully it didn't get too much in the way of your uni work. :( I like sleep but it's frustrating when you don't get that sense of accomplishment of getting things done, I don't know. Maybe that's just me, heh. Sorry that you're so depressed & all... anything I can do?

*hides from the world*

Kahlia1981 09-02-2010 11:29 PM

*cuddles everyone* - Sorry for the lack of individual replies ... I'm just not having a good day and really not coping too well. I just feel like locking myself in my room ... well shutting the door and putting something heavy infront of it so it can't be opened from the outside because I can't actually lock my door.

My housemate suggested today that I write a book about my dealings with both sides of the MH system over the past 12 years. I asked him to read the post where I discussed my research in my thread and he commented that the writing style was impressive. He was suggesting naming names where required - like the tdoc I was given years ago through the public health system who never got to know the real me, continuously repeated using therapies that weren't working and at the finish lied about how long she had been seeing me for (she added an extra 18 months), or the current Director of Mental Health who continuously mis-diagnosed me (for BPD you must meet 5 of 9 criteria ... I meet 1 - according to the DSM IV).

I don't know how I feel about the idea ... He also was including the years I spent in the private system and how in the private system you are treated as a person, an individual with emotions/feelings/etc and in the public system you are a number : 384555 (that's my UR number).

*shrugs*

Scarletdreamer 10-02-2010 12:20 AM

I think that's an awesome idea, Kahlia. :) Best of luck with getting awareness spread etc... someone needs to do it & hopefully having a goal set will help you with feeling like you're accomplishing something. What's UR stand for? might be a stupid question but atm I can't think of what it would be. *cuddles*

Am doing shitty... stomach is a little upset, I think from all of the fiber I've had recently but I can't help worrying that it's another stomach bug. Prayers/good wishes/etc. would be appreciated that I don't get sick immediately again after being ill with this cold (which is still hanging about :( sucky).

I have a TON of work to do tomorrow before classes start at half past noon... and I have to be on campus around 11:30... so I need - NEED - to do a lot of work tomorrow. I am struggling to keep up in senior sem with all of the busy work etc., and I don't know what to do about that. I can't ask for extensions as I don't really want "special treatment" due to being mentally ill (and physically ill, come to think of it)... I just need to manage my time better. Thing is, the time that I don't spend doing schoolwork is spent on WoW or reading or writing emails to friends, etc., and it's time that I need, in order to stay semi-sane. ARGH!!! So frustrating!!! :crying:

*retreats into the denial tent to hide from reality* :(

frenchhorn 10-02-2010 12:41 AM

*cuddles Kahlia* good luck with all that you are doing on awareness spreading, its a really good thing to do.

*cuddles April* sending good wishes for your stomach feeling better soon and you don't get sick. It sucks having a lot of work to do, I know you said you don't want to ask for extentions, but if your're struggling its not a bad thing and doesn't show weekness, I get a week extension for my essay work at uni if I need it, it just takes the pressure off slightly. We all need time to do other things other than work, so don't be too annoyed that you have that time, its good that you do.

Its my anti-depressants that have been upped, when I first went on them I was getting similar side effects to what I am now, so it probs is just because I am now on a higher dosage, but yeah its annoying when I just end up sleeping all day. Theres nothing you can do, but thanks for the offer.
Was watching a programme earlier called I hate mum, about 2 families where they have a son who is verbally and physically violent to their mum, but they went to therapy and stuff and both showed signs of improvement, even though still a long way to go and one of them was talking more to his mum about like feelings and how he is doing and stuff. I just felt really upset because me and my mum don't really talk about anything like that, we talk about loads, like her job and random everyday things, but never about really important stuff and it really upsets me. I guess we're both to blame, I don't talk to her about my depression, anxiety, gender problems, she doesn't takl to me about her MS, but I wish we would.
sorry I've rambled on for far too long.

Kahlia1981 10-02-2010 12:53 AM

April - I believe UR stands for "universal record" - That's how we are referred to in the public system basically .... Thanks for the cuddles *hugs you back*

Oliver - I'm not sure if I've said hello before, so hi and welcome *waves*. *hugs you back*

On the book idea ... my housemate reckons that the Queensland Government will try and have it banned or destroyed - somehow removed from public viewing - which could be interesting...

I just think people need to be aware of what is actually going on - that the atrocities that occurred in psych history have not just disappeared ... that they just go on more quietly.

PoisonedApple 10-02-2010 01:22 AM

Kahlia~ If they ban it in Aussie could you publish through someone out of country? Raise awareness to the world instead of just your own area?
Just thinking outside the box...

*goes back to hiding in self inflicted solitude*

Kahlia1981 10-02-2010 05:30 AM

A_M: That's a definite possibility ...

SoMuchMore 10-02-2010 07:34 AM

*cuddles everyone*


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