*hugs all in here*

This day is getting worse and the weekend is going to be no better :(

*Hugs Lindsay* I hope you feel better today :)

*Hugs Kelly* I hope your kids aren't too much of a handful this weekend.

*Hugs Matt*Whats up ?

*Group Hugs*

*here* feeling all shaky and doubty feeling all bad. took a bike ride to the store bought some food. had almost a nervous blackout cause i felt the road shake and kinda came out of focus. then i felt that i was moving like this is it. get home feel like **** still shaking. cant even think about sleep cause there is something telling me it will all be bad somehow. cant stay awake. feel like i should wanna go in the closet and hide for some time til it goes away.
*puts sleep depravation and lemon cookies on table* *sits in corner staring blankly at the wall*

Monk, I hope you are feeling better now *Hugs*

*Group Hugs*

*hugs all*

I am going to just sit here and... do nothing. Cause this whole weekend has been hell. Maybe the quiet room will be a better place for me lol

*Hugs Mandie if okay?* I'm sorry you lapsed but once in 2 years is amazing ! You could focus on the 2 years? It's a lapse not a RElapse . I'm Mark Btw :)

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Matt*

*hugs Matt*
*hugs Mark*

*hugs Mark and Laura*

Doing a lil bit better I guess

*Huggles Laura*

*Huggles Matt*

hugs everyone

Hi everyone, hope you are all doing well ...

*comes in to hide from the world*

*hugs*

I'm losing it. I can't keep going. I'm tired of recovery, this is so f*cking painful right now I need to feel it physically. I want to scream until they are all deaf.

Update: I'm feeling better today, but I'm not sure for how long.

*Hugs Louise*

*Waves too Aamanee and Nomophobia* Hi Welcome to the VPW , I'm Mark :)

*Hugs Laura* I'm glad you're feeling a bit better hun *Glomps*

*hugs Mark* how are you today?

I feel the bad stuff coming to the surface again and don't know what to do.
All I know is that I don't want to be here at home when things are hitting me.

*Hugs Laura* I'm groggy , Just up , I hope you feel better today , How are you?

hey all... i think i finally made it out of my the funk I've been in for the last few weeks. I'm not 100% sure of that and I'm totally not holding my breath, but I'm feeling a lot less down today and more energized which is normally a really good sign for me. I also haven't cut in about 4 days now.

I haven't really been out of the house in a while though (thus the reason you haven't seen me around). I feel kinda like a shut in when hubby's working because I have less ways of escaping the house without the kids in toe. But at least it gives me an excuse to really get the house in order.

Hope you all are doing well :)

Thats great news Kelly :) *Hugs*

How are you all?

*checks in for the whole weekend* I need to know I'm safe because I don't trust myself

Hi Nomophobia , You're in Wales too ! Croeso to the VPW.

Hi Doikers, Diolch! :)

I speak imaginary welsh.

I only know a few words in Welsh Lol

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Nomophobia*

Thanks for the hug :) I only know a few things too!

*checks in*

*hugs Laura*

*hugs nomophobia* how are you?

Not amazing...you?

Triggered. I haven't been triggered as badly since November.

:( want to talk about it?

that wont help. I've been triggered since tuesday. I talked about it more than once and it only got worse every time.
My next appointment with le therapist is tomorrow, but I don't think I can make it that long without harming.

Thanks for the offer though.

I should just get it over with right?
It's like when you are feeling sick and after you throw up you feel better.

We both know its not as simple as getting over it. How about we have a chat somewhere and get to know each other to help take your mind off it? Yes it is...but then being sick isn't addictive..once is always enough but with harming it isn't *hugs*

I know. I'm just not strong enough today. I've been fighting it since Tuesday, that's 5 days? I've been more dissociated than here in the real world since then. I couldn't walk yesterday, because I dissociated my legs. I started to hyperventilate a bit later yesterday, because someone was playing the wrong song and I couldn't harm. There were too many people. I'm wondering how I made it home, cause I had a 1.5h drive and don't remember most of it.

:( I'm glad you made it home, just try to keep going until tomorrow then you can tell your therapist about everything thats been going on x

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Georgia*

I feel so un-motivated, Sunday apart I've been like this for 9 days *Flops* :(

Hi how is everyone?

*waves to Aamanee* How are you ?

I am quite anxious...

Not so good feel like cutting my face at the moment because of voices and thoughts

why are you anxious?

I am tired of everything and I just want to give up... its just been a bad few weeks and I have been hanging on, but I really don't feel like it... sigh.

*checks self in and stares at the wall*

*hugs all*

Sorry for not posting yesterday or updating on Sunday.
I couldn't resist any longer. I harmed on sunday, not badly though.
I had 2 appointments with my therapist. One on Monday, the other today. I didn't tell him though. He wants me to go IP again anyway, if I tell him that I harmed again he'll make me go IP.

*flops down for a rest* hey all... i hope you all are doing OK. It's really hard to keep up with everyone when I'm on so sporadically and believe me there are days I can't get online that I really feel I could benefit from being here.

I'm just starting to surface from a 3 week down-slide. There were a few days that I really thought I was coming out of it just to end up in a pool of tears by the time the day ended. I'm not even 100% sure I'm really at the end of it now, but I hope so. I haven't harmed this entire time, but it's been a huge challenge to keep myself from doing so.

I'm fighting a tough internal battle with myself and I've had a couple of really hard discoveries about myself and my family. For example: lately I've been really struggling with my own anger issues. I sometimes feel this out of control rage inside and it's completely irrational and out of control, despite the fact that I realize I'm not being rational at the time. This is something my dad had when I was younger. We always used to blame it on the medications he was on, but I'm beginning to realize it may have been something more and that maybe all this anger I've had toward him for so long is wasted... because maybe he couldn't control it either and it wasn't just the meds.

I'm rambling and I know it.... truthfully I don't even care if anyone reads this... I think it just helps to get it out there and get it out of my head.

*Hugs Kelly * It great that you didn't injure :) *Hugs*

*Hugs Laura* I understand you not wanting to go IP , Here or ( More Likely ) on FB for you *Huggles*

*Waves to Aamanee* I've had that urge sometimes , it's horrid, I hope you're okay.

*Hugs Matt* You can get through this mate , I know it's hard sometimes , for me too right now most days , but it will get better :)

*comes and sits down in the corner and cries*

*Hugs Georgia* Whats wrong?

Just..everything is really hard right now...and I've just found out that one of my best friends is in hospital again because she bashed her head against a wall. Its just...urgh :'(

*Squishes Georgia* I Hope your Friend is okay .

*hugs Georgia* hope your friend is okay as well

I am Matt btw.

I hope things get better cause they aren't rght now...

*walks in quietly, finds a place in the corner, curls up as tight as she can, and tries to hide*