Yup that's fine. Are you Mark? Can I call you that? Any way, I survived. Still wanna hurt myself. Watching FMA brotherhood. Brother has netflix.
Kahlia, doctors can't help much if you're not honest, it's actually important to let them know about the pain. Yeah I'm a hypocrite in that regard. But it's true.
I hate crying at work. I was angry, and I cry when I'm angry. Then it turned into panic cos I was at work.
I spent most of the day prior to work and at work in a bit of a fugue of wanting to hurt myself. Then they were all difficult, and one in particular started on me. That's what did me in. I'm now in that post freak out stage where nothing touches me. The numbness makes me want to hurt myself. Whilst it's constant it's easy to control. Distraction and being supervised (dad's in the room, he knows I had a bad day but not that I'm unstable).
Coffee anyone?

I was fully honest with my GP today and he changed my pain medication to something stronger but we didn't have our safety net cards on us and the only pharmacy where we don't need the cards to get our scripts for free apparently sold the one bottle they get per month earlier that day. They can't get more until tomorrow afternoon so my husband will be dropping in there with the script after taking his daughter to spend time with her grandparents. It's just a trial but I really hope it helps. My husband knows how much pain I am in and why I don't want to go to the hospital right now.

Coffee sounds great by the way.

Coffee coffee coffee.
I have a slight (understatement) coffee addiction.
Also it took me 2episodes to realise there was another page.
I hope the new med helps. Speaking of which, I forgot mine.
I'm attempting bed. But not sleep.
Wish the weather would make up itS mind. I was hoping it would cool off soon.
I got some vague positives,
1- no more daylight savings!!!! I hate them. Hate them hatethemHATETHEM...
2- new roster with other wing also has weekends! YAY for weekend penalties.
3- coffee exists

Got any Tea , Annie? :P Yes , it is perfectly fine for you to call me Mark :)

Daylight savings was 2-3 weeks ago here . . . . The World is odd.

I have "raspberry zing" which is lovely tea like stuff with hibiscus instead of tea leaves. I'm a bit freaked out by regular tea. I have a speil about why it freaks me out too. But I'm sure I can find some, any preference? English breakfast, lady or Earl Grey?
NSW is stupid. QLD doesn't do daylight savings. Daylight savings makes no sense.

English Breakfast Please :) Can I ask why it freaks you out?

Tannin is used to make leather. Tannin is that drying after-taste you get from tea. I freak out over what it may do to my insides.
I deal with constant paranoia from over thinking things.... This is a small example.
Logically, I figure you cant tan your insides, seeing as the gastrointestinal tract is constantly renewing itself. But that doesn't stop me freaking out over it. I know it's irrational, especially as other things have tannin. Hence I label it paranoia.
My eyes are watering. I should attempt the sleep. Right sort of numB.
Not dangerous to self.
Night guys

Good Night Annie :)

So done with today. Too overwhelmed at the moment and hubby won't be home for who knows how long. 2 kids won't stop screaming (one screams then the other does it for fun it feels like) and the 3rd kid won't stop shouting "I don't know!" when asked a question about a book he supposedly read for school. I can't do the homework for you kid, sorry. Then there's my son's anxiety med fiasco. I'll save that for another post :/

*crawls into her fort to hide from it all*

I hope you get decent rest Annie.
And I hope everyone else is doing alright too. *offers hugs to all*

It's sort of weird to me how important RYL has been as far as affect on my life because I haven't been active on here in a long time.

But I met my (now ex)partner here, who introduced me to my best friend, who I love very much.

It just makes me think of the intricate webs that form between people through time and space and how if I never turned out the way I did and never ended up here both the worst and best parts of my life would never exist.

And then, inevitably, I get anxious about the opportunities I've missed and the possible paths my life didn't go down. I start to feel like it's too late to be everything I want to be. It's like going from the top to the bottom with a loud crash. I wish I could enjoy the adventure.

I have been enjoying coffee flavoured ice cream this week though, so that's something.

I'm sorry things are overwhelming right now Kathryn_Anna. That sounds unbelievably frustrating. Offering you hugs. Let us know if we can help somehow?

Annie: I'm so thankful QLD got rid of daylight savings because it really didn't work. Here's something for you. *gives huge mugs of coffee and a coffee maker* Feel free to share as you see fit. ;-)

Mark: The world really is odd.. And for you *gives a mug of English Breakfast tea*

Kat: Sorry that things have been overwhelming and that you are having problems family difficulties. I am really hoping that the problems with your son's medications are resolved quickly.

Drew: RYL really does have an important role in a lot of our lives and we don't realise it until something causes us to think of it. Just like you I get stuck/caught in the what-ifs, and thinking about opportunities missed, different life paths and the choices I made that I could have not made. But you still have time in this life to make choices of what you want to be or do. Also, what you've been through has made you who you are today.

My head's really not in a good place right now. My pain level is really high and I am badly wishing that I could just get up and start walking again. I've been able to self-propel around the unit including in and out of the unit onto the patio which is not easy. To get out I have to go backwards across the rails of the doors and, immediately, down a slope so you have to get your hands from the wheels to the brakes very quickly. Going in means going backwards up a slope, over the rails and not hitting the coffee table. Fun.

*grabs her bear, a blanket and a pillow and disappears into a corner to cry*

I hope you guy and gals are doing well :)

TY for the tea Kahlia :)

Today is not going to be a good one , I got up late as I am low , which means I won't be able to sleep well , so I get to mull that over all sodding day whilst feeling crap.

*hugs for Mark and Kahlia*
I'm in a weird space. Rather numB. Low-ish, but feel like nothing can touch me.
Last time I was like this, Aphazriel, one of the hallucinations, encouraged me to cut to come back to a feeling being. I'm on anti- psychotics so only quiet voices usually. But no visuals.
I could do an awful lot of damage to myself like this. But without the encouragement I probably won't. There's a want to, but I lack enough motivation, if that makes sense. I'm not sure I want to feel.
I miss my hallucinations. Is that weird?

I don't know what to say Annie , but I don't think that it's weird *Offer Safe Hugs* ( Sorry if I got your name wrong )

I don't think you're weird.

Today I find out if I got into residence for college so that's kind of worrying/exciting. I'm a little worried that if I do get in I'll end up living with someone significantly younger than me and I envision that being a problem as far as maturity level and quiet studying goes.. But at least we'd only be sharing communal areas and not bedrooms. I guess this is what I get for putting college off by half a decade after high school :p

I'm sure I wont be the only one though. It'll be good for me to move away from where I am now regardless.

I woke up with a migraine that has since gotten better but I called into work because of it and I feel guilty.

I hope everyone is ok. Sending peace and more snowflakes again, as it's been snowing for a few days straight..

Just wanted to wish you all a nice a weekend as it can be :)

I am really struggling with being in a wheelchair when I could walk perfectly fine only nine weeks ago. I know my appointment with the spinal surgeon is only next Friday but that might have to be delayed because my husband is worried he will go psychotic. If I trusted the local public ward that might be an easy situation which just cost me an appointment but I don't and, without private health insurance, we can't put him in the one private ward we have, so it'll all be up to me. Really don't need this now.

*disappears into her pillow fort to cry*

*Squishes Kahlia* *Offers Hot Chocolate with mini Marshmellows*

Thanks big brother. *takes hot chocolate, says thank you, and sits down next to Mark enjoying the hot chocolate with mini marshmallows*

I've finally transferred from the wheelchair to the bed and my legs and ankles are thankful but the leg pain, plus the shoulder pain, plus the back pain is more than I can handle.