*cuddles oliver* thanks :D
*cuddles JK* thankyou so much. that really made my day, i sometimes feel like everyone on here hates me and is talking about me behind my back (thats probably just me being paranoid :/)

*hugs helen and april*

Trying April.
Really trying.

*hugs you and Nicole*

Was supposed to die two years ago tonight. Am so thankful I failed =D Sometimes I'm not, but tonight I am.

Awh Nicole, I don't think that anyone here hates you. You're a lovely person... and yes, I agree, your positivity is awesome. :) May you very frequently be this positive... *hugs*

Helen, yes, I am SO GLAD that you failed too!!! I remember the days that I tried to kill myself too, 28 November (2005) and 20 January (2006), if I remember correctly... but I didn't succeed either (although the first one landed me in hospital for several days). Am not really glad about that most of the time, but oh well... at least I've gotten a year and a half (as of today!!) with my Jarrod. :) Well, married a year and a half. Been together for about 6 years.

*sighs*

I see my SW tomorrow morning early... not looking forward to that. I don't know, I'm just a failure at therapy, relationships, and LIFE. :(

*hugs helen* i'm glad you're not dead hun. xx
*hugs april* thanks, it makes me feel better to know my positivity is helping other people too. im also glad you're not dead xx

i was supposed to die nearly 3 months ago now, i'm also glad im not dead, although that did land me in hospital for a week.

*hugs nicole, helen and april* I'm very very glad that none of you died, there are lots of dates I remember when I was meant to die and also many dates I dont remember, too many to count.

congratulations on your year and a half and 6 years with jarrod April.

Nicole no one hates you on here and positivity is always good.

*hugs oliver* i know deep down that people dont hate me, but most of the time i feel like everyone hates me. positivity IS good. and it's nice to be feeling positive for a change lol

*hugs Nicole* yeah I know what you mean, I sometimes feel paranoid that people hate me on here, even though deep down I know they probably don't.

*cuddles everyone lots* my internet is about to go so hope you all have a good day/night.

aah. glad to know im not the only one :D thanks lol, same to you

*curls up*

*hugs helen* you ok hun? dont worry, todays nearly over xx

No. :'(

*squishes* you wanna talk? feel free to PM me x

*squishes*

Today may be nearly over. But still won't change anything? Still another day without her :'(

i know darling *hugs* wish i could make it all go away for you, but i cant. do you have anything there to distract you from missing her, a pet or anything??

No. I have Charlie, but he's my sister's dog. He's here 3 days & 2 nights a week usually. Just not quite the same. But he's not here right now. Losing her & all the feelings with that has made me want another child so much much more. I know it'd never replace Katie & I wouldn't want to. She'll always be my first child to me & my beautiful angel. Just want to cry tons & I can't :'( Really hurts. Made it through yesterday though.

Sorry :'( *hugs tight*

Hels, you made it through!! That's summat to be proud of, whether you feel like it is or not. *holds you & rocks gently* I hope that you're staying safe... and I can't say that I understand exactly how you feel, since I have never had the exact problems that you have and am not you (obviously, heh), but sending lots of cuddles and calorie-free chocolate to you... ♥

I'm really not doing well. I have so much heavy on my heart, but I don't know if I can talk about any of it with my SW tomorrow... I don't know... I'm such an epic failure... I'm so scared that I won't ever make it out of this cyclical mudpit that I'm in. :crying: Honestly, it is making me so tired... tired of living, mostly, still want to die so much.

I'm also an epic fail at being a wife.

And I'm envious of my bestie, who just got engaged and has the whole marriage thing ahead of her, new and sparkly just like her ring. The novelty of being married has worn off for me; it feels like I've been married for 10+ years instead of one and a half. I don't know... does that make any sense?

:crying:

*hides in a corner where no nightmares can get her* :(

Thanks April, hope you do talk to your SW tomorrow if you can. Sorry the novelty has worn off a bit. :( You're not an epic fail of a wife. *holds you tight* Nothing to be proud of. I'm glad you don't know what it's like, it's awful. I sorta wish I didn't but never mind. I want to punish myself. I have to. :'( But never mind. Will keep on being safe I'm sure.

Wooopie do, I'm sure my lowness has hit again, just had a wee break. Can't ****ing wait to suffer in it. Woo *rolls eyes and nearly cries*

**** it all.

*huggles everyone tenderly*

I'm sorry everyone is struggling so much. I wish I could do something to make us all feel better.

Helen - you just made me think of something from Robin Williams Live stand-up. He was talking about a drug that could fix everything called "****itall". It made me think of a "magic cure". Wouldn't that be nice?

*huggles everyone again*

*spots some movement near the ward* Hey Kahlia, how you doing hun? Love the "****itall" made me smile :D

Helen, honey, I don't have huge amounts of advice for you on this one, the closest I have is friends who have miscarried and all I could do for them was hug them and cry with them. *hugs and cries with Helen* Time does heal though hun, you are still young and my friends are old *apologises to friends* Anniversaries are always tough, so stay with us sweetie, you are grieving and each day that you do get through will feel a little better 'k? xx

*looks around for April and Laura and wonders how they are now*

*hugs the boys* hope you're going a bit better Mark, and I still haven't caught up with you Oliver!

Deidre hope you're feeling better hun, grief does take time though, so be patient alright.

*cuddles Nicole and sits with her a while* hoping your positivity will come to me through osmosis

*hugs any new wardmates who may happen to pass through*

*sits and plans to stay in the ward for a wee while tonight*

I am sorry so many of us are struggling *Enormous hugs for you all*

There have been days when I was supposed to die too ,4 times at least , it's a little fuzzy , I don't remember the dates though , sometimes I wish I had succeded sometimes I'm glad I didn't .

And
Happy one and a half years wedding anniversary April !! :)