Cuddles everbody. I can't do this, they win, they win. Curls up

Laura: Well I'm still alive, and my R arm is still attached .... How are you hun? *big hugs*

Mark: Yeah, it's a good song, and the lyrics are great. How are you doing? *huggles*

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Kahlia*I don't know how I'm doing , my mind is on the fence , will I have a decent day or will it be crap? OR will it stay hovering in the middle ground all numb ?

I feel I should mark today somehow , it's my 1st anniversary of moving out of my parents today , I should buy a poster to decourate the flat or something, I still don't feel like this is my home , it's a 2 year fixed tenancy so I'm super aware that I shoulden't settle in too much . hmmm what would you guys all do to mark 1 year in your new flat ?

*hides* i give up i give up i give up!

Mark: *hugs back* Sorry to hear you are in the numb middle ground. I hope you manage to have a good day. Perhaps a poster would be good to mark the anniversary. We made our mark on this flat but in truth that was by bringing our computers into it. Once we placed our computer desks in the lounge rooms the whole place sort of felt more "ours". Maybe a photo that you like could go on the fridge or something like that - it doesn't have to be something big, just something that you like to reinforce things you like and do and so forth? Sorry, that probably sounds dense. :-S

*Hugs Nicole* Whats the matter hun?

Kahlia, That doesen't sound dense at all , good ideas :)

*hugs mark* i'm just fed up of feeling low all the time and not being able to concentrate and i've SI'd two days in a row now :(

Bloody Hell! My Housing Support worker just said to me (To make conversation I think) "Do you ever want to get married?, On the other hand you might be on of the people who are never married and never find someone ." DAMN! if there are no issues with the tenancy that I need supporting with **** OFF instead of depressing me with that kind of talk, I'm alone enough as it is and lonely , STUPID STUPID STUPID!

cuddles all, feel very numb right now. curls up. whoa that was stuiped, you okay mark. cuddles

*Hugs Jill* I'm sorry you feel numb :( I had to take A Diazepam and am feeling more calm but man could I go for a drink right about now but I can't have alcohol on Antabuse , it's a horrible experience. Just work a little bit more Diaz .......please.

hugs mark, glad your feeling calmer now, dont do anything silly. just hang on to how chuffed and proud of yourself you were. huggles

I Know Jill , Thankyou *Hugs Jill*

Mark: I'm soryry the Housing Support Worker said that to you. In was completely uncalled for. As hard as it sounds please try not to let it get to you. *hugs you* Remember every single person is an individual and trying to classifly them is just ridiculour. :-<

Jill: Sorry to are feeling numb. I hope you are doing okay. You can hold in there hun, you have a lot of strength inside you even if you can't feel it right now. This may be a stupid idea, but sometimes just find
ing one thing to hold onto can help.

I wish I could sleep but I had a lucid nightmare that warned me aI was going to have a lucid nightmare. I have to admit that it is extremely lucky I don't have a car, because if I did I would have just gotten into it and started driving with no thought whatsoever as to the destination. As it is I'm just extremely freaked out and terrifed. Hopefully a couple of Xanax will calm me down, plus my friends on RYL, especially the VPW.

*Hugs Kahlia* I'm sorry you had a lucid nightmare :( You have your Xanax like I have My Diaz so I relate , *Extra comforting Hug just for Kahlia*

*hugs mark* the poster idea is good for commemorating one year in your flat, or maybe get a picture and nice picture frame? And I agree with Kahlia, the comment about marriage was completely unnecessary. He probably was not trying to upset you but the way he said it was ridiculous. Don't drink because of it... its not worth it at all. You are you, there is no reason to think you need to be anything other that who you are.

*hugs jill* i'm sorry you are feeling numb. Try to do something nice for yourself, you deserve it.

*hugs nicole* Don't give up hun. Its hard but you can make it past urges and feeling low. It is possible. You just have to be patient with yourself.

*cuddles kahlia* i'm sorry about the lucid nightmare. (That is when you know that you are dreaming while dreaming right?) They sound like they could be pretty scary. I hope you were able to calm down some, as i see you posted about a half hour ago. Here if you need to talk.

So i just woke up.. its late.. like 11:20am. Oh well, I wasn't able to sleep until 3:30am so i guess its alright. Anyway, I'm hanging in there. Still thinking about things and evaluating life. I don't really want to go anywhere today, all i want is just to lay back down, but thats not an option.

*cuddes all* My fiance bought me new glasses today, and later in the afternoon my suprise present arrived in the post - a spa day for him and me. So my day is pretty good. All worried about tomorrow though, going to see the surgeon, and the most likely outcome is being admitted to hospital :(

*Hugs Laura* I'm not going to drink , I'm leaning towards the poster idea.

*Hugs Sarah*Good luck with the surgeon tomorrow, it's for your gall bladder right ?

They haven't updated me since mid-September when the hr department sent my resume to the hiring manager. *shrugs* I know nothing else about what they're doing or deciding. I figured I'd be the last they'd interview since I'm out of state and in this economy what company wants to pay for a new employee to move to the area, ya know? But then it's been forever. the listing closed and they started sifting through resumes September 3rd. I want out of the way I'm stuck and it's way too cold up here for my liking. However, I like the summers up here and I have a decent, reliable job right now. Sadly a decent job isn't enough to my husband since he was talking yesterday about giving up on that one and finding a better job up here...
I dunno maybe I'll make a list of pros and cons of staying up here, looking for a job there or for that matter looking for a different job up here.

*hugs and cuddles everyone*

P.S. ~ I got a new coffee maker for my desk since my little one has been broken for over a year now. And some Dunkin Donuts brand coffee in Mocha Mint :) So now my desk has a full supply of coffee, tea and cocoa for the cold mornings when I have no money to go to the coffee place on the corner.

*hugs Mark* Yeah its my gallbladder. Most likely outcome is needing to stay in hospital for at least an MRI :( It hurts so much today :(

*Hugs Crimson* Best of luck with the job situation , It sound mighty complex :( ....... Great idea on the Coffee/Tea/Cocoa front :)

*Hugs Sarah*