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MammaMia 03-07-2010 12:59 AM

April, Laura, my anxiety did die last night. Well went down a massive lot. It's been away most of the day but it came back a bit this evening.

Wish the suicide thoughts would go away, starting to get scared I'll act on them. Not suicidal as of yet, scared that'll happen. I'm constantly trying to hold things in, I know, not good. But I struggle to open up right now, no idea why....

*offers cuddles to all*

wildly insane 03-07-2010 01:46 AM

huggles for everyone and really hope all the crappiness goes away. I wish I had a magic wand that made everyone feel better.

*hugs hayley* hang in there my lovely your posts always make me feel like a special breeze has wafted through the room. A year, yay, that's awesome :)

*hugs Kahlia* sorry you're feeling so low, keep fighting, keep fighting, you're not a failure in any way shape or form

*hugs Helen* sometimes we can't open up because we're fighting so hard, don't let it worry you, glad the anxiety dies a bit

*hugs Laura* if you ever feel like talking you know you can here, and you're not an idiot, nope you're not

*hugs Crimson* I hope tomorrow you don't feel so bad

*hugs april* I hope you didn't cut hun, stay safe *cuddles*

*hugs Mark* I hope the happy face doesn't drain you too much, remember you can always tell the truth here. You're PHYSOSTEGIA - plants usually flop if they've (a) had too much water (b) had too little water. If you've got it in direct sunlight which apparently they like then it probably needs more water in this weather. Also if it's potted have you been feeding it with plant food like babybio every two weeks, would probably do it good

*hugs Jessica* and how are you?

*hugs Jill* you can do this, yes you can

*hugs Heather* hope you are doing ok

*hugs Julie* don't hide *cuddles*

*hugs Kat* how are you today

*hugs JK* hope you are okay too

*hugs Oliver* sorry I can't offer more, all I will say is that I'm sure that being there for her is helping her more than you will ever know.

*hugs Nicole**hugs Louise**hugs Lia**hugs Lindsay*

and I'm so sorry if I've forgotten you but I send you hugs anyway

I'm okay, tired, need to go to bed.

I ordered some camouflage cream from Amazon but I had to put it on my credit card which I share with my mum because mine is maxed out due to having to pay for my car to be fixed and I needed it to arrive before Wednesday and she's always so nosey, I wonder if I can get away with saying "oh it's just something for the wedding" - 10 days with my family I'm going to feel so unpretty. I really would cut before I go just to keep me going but I can't because it would be too obvious and my sensible head is still loudest. That and I'm supposed to be trying to live with wanting to but not giving in, if that makes sense.

I feel fat and unpretty :(

shadowedsoul 03-07-2010 02:04 AM

thanks laura, mark April Wildy insane, I'm manging to stay safe so far. This is going to sound stupid. Erm I keep having this weird dream,in this dream I do what I want to do to myself. And it works and I can feel myself slip away, and for the first time I feel peacefull, im in no pain everthings okay. Then I wake up and relied it was just a dream and I'm still here. Sorry just had enough, and I can't keep these thoughts at bay I want to act on them, just can't if that makes sence

wildly insane 03-07-2010 02:17 AM

It doesn't sounds stupid at all, but the dream isn't real and the thoughts are lies, and I'm glad you can't act on them because it means you still want to live even if you don't think you do, you are still fighting, you can keep fighting, ignoring those lies you can be at peace and happy and without pain in real life, no other way. Dreams are interesting, you feel peaceful and without pain in your dream, maybe that's you're body's way of giving you a break, to give you strength to carry on fighting? take care, stay safe

wolfos3d 03-07-2010 05:51 AM

*waves* I'm okay I spose. Pretty much lost the will to do anything though. I've spent countless hours just lying on my bed. I haven't SI'd in over a week now. I'm not entirely sure how I made it through last night without it happening. I'm starting to wonder if not doing it is making things worse.

*hugs to everyone* Sorry for not being very supportive.

xxjuliexx 03-07-2010 06:37 AM

-sits rubbing tummy sighs- icky girl stuff:sad:

Doikers 03-07-2010 10:48 AM

*Hugs Hayley * I'm sorry to hear about your friend:(
Congratulations on your one year S.I. free though Hayley:)

Hmm I can't keep individual replies in my head long enough to type them , it took 3 attemps to type that last sentence grr.

Hmmm no privacy here , gtg stay safe everyone.

EDIT:- Oops my Dad just came periously close to catching me on here , and I don't know , this is kinda private between you guys and me , thanks for the plant advice Hannah , I water it tons so maybe thats it . It is hard hiding my internet activity , I can't just say "I'm on a self injury support site" , I don't want to upset people , I'm not sure if they even know I still do it

MammaMia 03-07-2010 01:42 PM

*cuddles all*

Kahlia1981 03-07-2010 01:55 PM

*leaves hugs and cuddles for all who can take and accept them and safe love and care packages for anyone who wants them*

i'm sorry, but that's all i'm good for at the moment

MammaMia 03-07-2010 02:09 PM

We love you Kahlia, it's okay sweetie *cuddles tight*

Kahlia1981 03-07-2010 02:40 PM

thanks Hels. *cuddles in tightly and starts crying* so sick of feeling like this - anxiety/urges/depression

MammaMia 03-07-2010 02:54 PM

I know sweetie, I can't blame you *cuddles tightly and cries with you* It will get better sweetheart.

I'mJustMe 03-07-2010 03:41 PM

Hey guys. I only read the last page of stuff as I haven't been on in a few days.

Jess- Really good that you haven't in over a week, you are stronger than you think and it can feel as if things are worse not doing it, but in the long run, it's going to set you free and make things so much better.

Julie- Same :/

*Hugs Kahlia*- I know. I am too, but you have to keep on fighting it. If you've lived this long, there's got to be something your holding on for. Think of that.

*Hugs to anyone else who wants them.*

wolfos3d 03-07-2010 04:25 PM


Originally Posted by I'mJustMe (Post 2383641)
Jess- Really good that you haven't in over a week, you are stronger than you think and it can feel as if things are worse not doing it, but in the long run, it's going to set you free and make things so much better.

Thanks Lia. I'm currently bribing myself to go a month with the ice skates I want. It's going to be a very hard month but I know it will be worth it in the long run.

*leaves a box of hugs and plush toys*

one_step_closer 03-07-2010 05:45 PM

Hello everyone, I haven't been here for a while. How's things?

I'mJustMe 03-07-2010 05:48 PM

****. What about you?

Doikers 03-07-2010 09:02 PM

oops I let the happy mask slip for one breif moment, said I was tired at 7.30pm and all I got was "you haven't done anything all day ! you need a good long walk" from my Mother. I feel I can't let anyone in , they'll just dimiss me like my mother.

I need to cut cut cut but I can't not here :(

Sorry I sound like a petulant child

*Remind self* , Low inside , Smile outside

nicole94 03-07-2010 09:33 PM


Doikers 03-07-2010 09:42 PM

Hi Nicole :) *Hugs*

MammaMia 03-07-2010 09:47 PM

*sits with Nicole*

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