sorry guys need to vent.

okay how stuiped do you think iam, did you think I would
belive that for a sec. What after 2 months, yeah right you
only said that because you knew I would end up being
told. What were you expecting me to jump for joy,say
oh okay that's all right then, what you put me through
is all forgiven. The thing is I don't think you have been
and saying sorry means noithing, like my mum says
saying sorry is easy, it's so easy to say sorry, but I don't
think you ment it, I think it's what you want me to hear.
I hate you, you messed me up even more than I was.
sorry long rant

Well say hi to hannah for me amy. I'm going to let jess back on later, but she scared off one of my friends on Msn, so she's in trouble at the moment.

*huggles jill* (hope i have your name right, sieve brain)

I spy wolf. Sorry, do know your name but I forget... anyway, we havn't met. Hi, I'm Kat, and that lot vvv are my alters...all nice enough i guess, except shadow.

So I have spent 1pm - 4pm in bed in an effort to not cut , it worked but I stll feel low , and not just run of the mill "A little blue" I mean full on slipping into a depressive episode and I can't stop it low , sorry

I don't want to be super-depressed again , I can't take it , I CAN'T , What am I going to do? , I 'm just gonna have to smile through the next month as its my parents birthdays so on gos the mask . I Can't take being depressed again :(

*jumps on oliver* Hey!!! We've missed you in here!!! Glad to hear that you're alright. Hope you had a good time at the orchestra course.

*hugs julie* How r u today?

*hugs kat* It's probably good that you are leaving yourself open so that you can learn more about your system. How r u doing today?

*hugs jill* wish i had more words for you. But if venting helps, there is no reason to be sorry about it, we are here to listen and help one another.

*waves to anarchistl0ve and wolf* Hi! I'm laura. Nice to meet you.

*spots heather in the corner* why r u rawr-ing? heh. *hugs*

*hugs kahlia* congrats on finishing stage 1!

*hugs mark* It sounds like you are having a rough time right now. I'm sorry that you feel like you are slipping into a major depressive episode. Its good that you avoided SI-ing though. Can you tell anyone that you feel like you are becoming more depressed so that maybe they can help? Putting on a mask is hard to do :-/ Remember, we are all here if you need us.

First official day of work... anxiety is through the roof. AH! i hate that i have to feel like this.

*Hugs Laura * I hope you have a good first day at work and that your anxiety (GRR) doesen't play to big a part in your day . :)

I don't know who to tell , I am in the place of not trusting my proffessionals , I don't feel comfy talking to most of them :( I'm glad I can talk to you guys though .

did anyone else spend the morning cutting poop-cakes off of their dog's butt?

*hugs all*

I'm really anxious, have my end of year recital tomorrow, stressing slightly, but going to have a relaxing night tonight and try not to think about it.

Best of luck with your end of year Recital Oliver!!! I bet you'll knock them out :-)

It's so early , 8.30 pm but I can't take much more of this , bad thoughts , BAD!! want to harm , so to bed I'll go , Pain Killer first as I have an Headache ( Because being depressed just isn't enough sometimes )

*Leaves bundles of hugs and fairy cakes on the ward table* Night night :)

Thanks for the luck Mark. *hugs you lots* I'm sorry your feeling bad, keep yourself distracted from the bad thoughts, I hope sleep helps.

I spy April!! *glomps*

*crawls in and curls up in a heap in a corner sobbing* Dont want to do it anymore

*Slinks up to Kat and Hugs* whats the matter :(?

As for my big plan of sleeping it all better , well it's not working , thats what happens if you spend all day in bed practically , I just eat a bowl of cereal, , maybe having something in my stomach will help me sleep in a bit , I took a Diaz and all my night meds, not even tired hmm, maybe the bad thoughts need doing , maybe I need to harm , again , to sleep , it's coming up to 10 pm (sort of) , I hope it's not gonna be one of those nights where I just get up and cut just to sleep, I would like to sleep though , I'm rambling so will stop , sorry.

it's all gone so wrong.

he's got the kids, and phil might be there and hazel and..*sobs*i cant even think coherently

*breathes* let me do this in stages...

P&D have a habit of running.

I've just spent an hour on the phone to Police and s and J. and am so frazzled, my heart is racing, my hands are shaking, heck my whole body is quivering. My teeth hurt from being clenched. I'm frightened. I hear a car driving madly and I panic..J is at work right now. and Hazel is really restless, so I spent an hour chasing hazel back to sleep every 5 mins, followed by an hour of digging up stuff i'd really rather forget and without any warning.


sorry, so long :S :( I had to get that out.

hey guys, sorry havent been on in ages, not had the time. hows everyone been? im feeling pretty **** tbh :(

*points up at previous thread* can't. write. again.

*huggles/waves at all*

Sorry in advance for the lack of individual replies.

Kat: From what you have been though the fear reaction and what you are going through now are understandable. I know that doesn't make it go away. You don't want other people to go through what you went through, and that is really showing. My instinct was to offer you hugs, but I remembered that when my memory dredges up stuff from my childhood SA I can't stand to be touched, so I thought I would ask you first. I wish that I could offer you more sweetheart. This sounds like a very scary situation for you. I'm going to send you some *calm and warm wishes* that you will get through the next hour, and then the next hour and so on. Please try and hang in there sweetie.

*hugs kahlia* thanks lovely, cuddles are okay, welcomed and needed. I just wish I could calm down, i'm so...well spiked.