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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Kahlia1981 24-03-2010 06:18 AM

*huggles everybody*

SoMuchMore 24-03-2010 07:26 AM

Im so tired of this....

*hugs everyone*
*runs away*

Scarletdreamer 24-03-2010 11:08 AM

Good morning, everyone... *cuddles for all*

I'm so sick of this. I wake up every morning, anxious, and not wanting Jarrod to go to work. He's already used up 2+ weeks of his 3 weeks of vacation time, either taking care of himself or taking care of me. It sucks, and I feel so awful. I think he would be better off without me. I really do. I'm just a burden, and I'm not getting any better. In fact, I'm getting worse.

I don't know. My appetite is practically gone, although I know I need to eat, and whilst I never had much of an appetite before, at least I didn't want to gag at the thought of eating something. :( I don't have a therapist anymore and I don't know when I'll be able to get back into therapy... I have to do meds through mail-order now or else insurance won't cover them at all, and I'm running out of Klonopin (clonazepam, a benzodiazepine) which I REALLY REALLY REALLY need... damn, I'm such a slacker.

I'm sorry for posting this here. It really should go on my r/v thread... but I don't know how many people read that.

*hides*

Doikers 24-03-2010 11:28 AM

* Hugs April* I know how you feel about Benzo's I woulden't get through the day sometime's without my Diazapam . You are not a slacker you are just in a bad place , You WILL get through this .

*hugs to everyone who left me advice re my Dad I'll have to give it some thought*
*Hugs to the whole group*


I'm feeling really triggered but I haven't given in to the urge yet today and recently I have given in by now its coming up to 10.30am I'll just have to play the 15 minute game, check how I am every 15 minutes and say If I need to cut in 15 mins I will and then after 15 mins say the same thing and start over , it might work .

Does that make sense?

Doikers 24-03-2010 01:03 PM

I feel "High" really really un focused . My mind is racing . it won't stop . I'm all high pitched ( Don't know how else to describe it) . perhaps it's because I haven't harmed today , I REALLY want to , NEED too , I don't like feeling so hyper , I'll take a Diazapam , perhaps that will help bring me down , I can feel my anxiety coming too best take the Diaz before it gets here . Hope this makes sense I am just typing as I'm thinking ......

Scarletdreamer 24-03-2010 01:03 PM

Yep, it makes sense to me, Mark. The 15 minute game & I are good friends... lol. *curls up next to* Thanks for the support... I do feel like a slacker though, I really do... I wish I could change how I felt, that would make life SO much easier. :( Do you have any idea why you're triggered or are you just, well, triggered? *hugs* Keep fighting the urges... you can do it... you've made it through before. You're stronger than you know.

How is everyone doing this morning?? *cuddles*

I am so tired of living. I want to ask for an extension on a take-home exam that is due tomorrow given that over the weekend I was wayyy too anxious to do it... I'm going to try and get it done today but I don't know if that's going to happen. :( That's why I call(ed) myself a slacker... I put off my work until the last minute and then hope that everything will turn out okay. I AM SO STUPID!!!

:crying:

Scarletdreamer 24-03-2010 01:05 PM

What you said makes sense to me, Mark, again. Hope the diazepam helps. That's Xanax, right? or is it Ativan? I keep forgetting which is which in the world of "'pams"... heh. Anyway, I do hope that you can calm down some soon... I hate it when I am manicky. :(

My NP gave me a script for more Klonopin but only a 30 day supply... I don't like that as I will have to order again in about 15 days, which is really dumb and money wasting and I don't know if insurance will like that.

I really feel so stupid. Need to go write in my r/v thread I guess... :(

Doikers 24-03-2010 01:17 PM

MANIC!! thats the perfect word to describe the feeling April , thankyou :) been racking my brain for the right word . If you were too anious to do the exam I think it's fair to ask for an extention , anxiety is SO hard to control ( I know from experience ) it's not your fault at all , Good luck with it if you try to do it today or try and get the extention .
Diazapam is Valium , Somedays I just can't function without it so I can certanly empathise with your Klonopin *Super Hugs*

Scarletdreamer 24-03-2010 01:20 PM

Ah Valium, should've known that. :) *cuddles* Yes, manic. (You're welcome!!) Are you bipolar? or just keyed up because you haven't SI'd? (which is awesome :D)

I did just email and ask for an extension... gonna try and get as much done as possible today but have been doing awfully so far today, am at my parents' so I won't cut or try and kill myself (yes, it's that bad)... but I refuse to go into hospital because I'm soo close to the end of the semester. Just 6 more weeks... if I end up in hos now I won't be able to finish off the semester.

**** **** ****. I HATE BEING THIS WAY!!! :crying:

EDIT - oh and just updated r/v thread...

Doikers 24-03-2010 01:31 PM

I'm not Bipolar , I have chronic Depression but sometimes get all manic ( Sounds like bipolar I know but chronic depression is my Diagnosis .) I'm on AD meds and Lithium and anti anxiety meds and anti psycotics and Antabuse so I don't drink( 12 days since I had any alcohol but thats for another post ) I STILL Haven't S.I.ed it's getting harder I hope the Diaz kicks in soon or I may be naughty and take another so soon .
I read your Vent spot April *HUGS* , perhaps it's a good idea to be at your parents , please stay safe .

PrincessSparkle 24-03-2010 01:51 PM

*HUGS*

Scarletdreamer 24-03-2010 02:03 PM

Oh okay, Mark, that makes sense. :) Maybe it's more of a mood disorder NOS but I don't know... who does, heh, the mind is a VERY tricky thing to work with. I have no idea what I was thinking when I decided to become a psych major... lol. Don't get me wrong, I love it, it's just that it's, well, TRICKY. :P

Yer it probably is a good idea for me to be at my parents'. And I got the first part of the exam done, which is a good start... hopefully will be able to finish it up today sometime, although as I said, I did ask for an extension. :-/

Well done, Mark, for not SI'ing yet. Maybe curl up in bed for awhile to let the diaz kick in?? *is still curled up next to* :)

*hugs Sparkle back* How're you doing?

Doikers 24-03-2010 03:05 PM

I utterly caved in , I went for a walk as the urge was getting so strong but I ended up getting wet ( too manic / flat to think I'd need a jacket ) nd the only place left was to go home , outside was too crowded so I just got anxious which just led to me harming along with feeling flat and manic . All these contradictory feeling at once my mind can't take it . At least the anxiety had calmed although I'm still Flat and manic . Too weak willed to tough out a whole day without S.I.
Thats just me, pathetic boy! ruining my body one bit at a time , I really wish the manicness and depression would **** off , it's like my own mind is trying to trip me up no matter what I do , I'm just an insignifican't waste of space ugh. sorry to be so wrapped up in myself in this post . *Pops into bed with another Diaz*

MammaMia 24-03-2010 03:20 PM

So over everything :'(

Doikers 24-03-2010 03:35 PM

25 minutes in bed with another diaz has helped . I am feeling calmer .

April what does NOS mean?

PoisonedApple 24-03-2010 04:53 PM

mark~ nos means not otherwise specified i do believe.
glad you're feeling calmer *hugs*

PoisonedApple 24-03-2010 07:53 PM


Just thought I'd share :)

Doikers 24-03-2010 08:02 PM

Thanks for sharing Crimson :)
I slipped up again today , twice in one day isn't good
It's 7pm , I am going to bed , I'm exhausted and I don't want there to be a 3rd slip up on my part today.
Goodnight everyone , stay safe , catch you tommorow morning :-)

PoisonedApple 24-03-2010 08:16 PM

*Cuddles Mark*
Keep safe and sleep well.

PoisonedApple 24-03-2010 08:56 PM

Is it strange that I post positive and negative both in my r/v thread?
Ah well... If it's strange it's cuz it's my thread and I am strange and proud of it :D


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