*hugs helen* i hope ur counselloring session goes well there!!

*cuddles hannah* Good luck in ur test..i'm sure u'll do great !!! :-)

*Squishes ashley* sorry no words for u atm


*leaves some fries for ppl in the ward* Tc ppl!! xx

Thanks Hanna and Jet.

I stayed home from school again today, I therefore am probably going to the doctor, which I am not pumped for.
I feel craptastic...
I have yet to go upstairs so my mom doesn't know that I'm awake,
but I have to eat soon, so...
bleh.
My head is killing me...

But I finished chapter 8 last night!!!!
I'm posting it in the creative writing section on the board "Harry Potter founders fanfic - I Know You're Going To Hate Me" if anyone is interested in reading it.

*Offers Ashley some cough sweets* Glad to hear you're going to the doctor, it's probably for the best. And I'm sorry to hear about your friend, hopefully it's not hurt you too much *hugs*

*Hugs Katie* What's wrong hun? I'm here if you want to talk.

Good luck Hannah! Let us know how it goes :)

*Hugs Kahlia and Hannah Banana back*

*Hugs Helen* How did counselling go?

Hello Jem :) How are you doing?



I drank Friday night, pretty much all through Saturday and then Monday night. You'd think that would be enough, and yet I'm feeling desperate for a drink.
And a smoke.
I don't have a penny to my name and I'm finding it really hard to get by.

You know that feeling where even giving up seems like too much of a fight? ...


*hugs everybody*
Hope you're all ok...

Counselling was good I guess, as another **** bit is out in the open, its making me very...low and stuff :(

Thanks for all the well wishes guys, I didn't smile during my waltz and messed up the last lockstep and I rushed the quickstep, but I guess I'm too self-critical, I got 91% for both dances, apparently I rushed my quickstep lol it was a beginners medal and I was doing an intermediate level sequence, am happy with the result but really felt I could have done better.

*hugs Ashley* hope you get better soon hun

Thanks Jem, *hugs back* how are you?

*hugs Helen* getting things out will hopefully make things better in the long run.

*hugs strawberry bananas* I understand completely

*hugs Arwen* tis difficult, I've started drinking again, it's the self destruct button, hope you find enough money to get by

*hugs hannah banana* how're you doing?

*hugs Kahlia* too many nerves, have you got the house you wanted yet? Let us know the ct scan results when you get them.

*hugs Katie* scream away

*hugs Kat* hang in there, fight him you can do it

*hugs Gil* how're you?

*hugs anyone else* wondering in, sleep tight, sweet dreams

ooh dayna, you okay?

Ugh... god I HATE myself!
I failed, yet again!
Surprise surprise!

I SIed again tonight....
And I was just past the two month marker...

it's bleeding really badly...
I haven't cut this deep for a long time...

The worst part is...
I don't feel like I even tried to resist.
I just... felt so numb...
and then...

I'm such a failure.

No you're not, I just passed the month and I also feel like I didn't fight enough, but sometimes it doesn't work like that, don't be too hard on yourself.

Maybe you can promise yourself that you can get that far again, a new target to aim for?

*cuddles*

Thanks...
I'm just glad it finally stopped bleeding after two hours of sitting on the phone with my ex (of all people) crying my eyes out.
And that I didn't have to go to the hospital.
I'm so tired, and I feel like I'm going to throw up, and my head is throbbing, and I have to wake up for school in less than 3 hours...
I don't wanna go, but I have to.
I have a math midterm to take, and choir and rehearsal to go to.
It still stings like crazy, but hopefully it will subside before gym...

*sigh*
I'm just trying to not do it again later today and tomorrow, maybe I'll be able to set that goal a little later...

*cuddles ashley* Hope u feel better soon :-) thinking about u xx

I'm not too bad atm :-) just plodding along as usual

*leaves cuddles and squishes and glomps for all on the ward*

Still waiting on CT scan results and stuff .... sometimes waiting is the hardest part.

I did two assessments today for my Cisco Networking stuff and got about 80% for both of them. The perfectionist in me isn't happy but the rest is because it's a pass and in reality that's all that matters.

The guy I love just told me that he "still has feelings for me but now is not the right time as he is too unstable". I don't know how to feel about it ....

Sorry havent been about for a while had so much on!!!! To Much in fact!!!!

*hugs for everyone* sorry its not more just not the right time!!!

*hugs Kahlia* take it as a positive that you know he still has feelings for you. Make sure he know's you are there for him when he is ready, except sometimes it's easier if he didn't feel that way you could begin to get over it, tough one hun. Well done in the tests, that's ace.

*hugs Ashley* one day at a time hun, sometimes, it's better that way. How did your day go? I hope you're not feeling so ill.

*hugs Gil* good luck with everything sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the mo.

I spent the whole of the day wantig to just give up, and I've still got the evening to deal with.

*hugs Widly*

yeah i do have a lot on my plate just now! but i will get it all sorted eventually

I'm having a bit of a moment.
Voices were very bad this morning. Reminding me how lonely I am.
It's their fault I'm lonely - If they had left me alone, I wouldn't have become 'ill' and wouldn't have scared everyone off. At least that's what I think the reason is. Maybe it's just because I'm a horrible person.
God. I want to hurt myself. I ****ing well deserve it as much as I don't deserve friends.

Missed a lot... Hope everyone is doing ok *Big cuddles to all*

I'm doing all right today. Anais came back last night, She's been scared and hiding, turns out She is anorexic.

Makes sense.

Thanks for the support guys...
I'm not sick anymore really,
just have a headache and an empty stomach as I really didn't eat anything worth anything today...
Nearly passed out in gym.
My leg still really hurts...
and I feel super guilty, but I'm trying to take it one day at a time, as you said Wildly.

Arwen I just want to cuddle you and tell you that you don't deserve what the voices tell you you deserve. You don't deserve pain and you do deserve friends. *offers you hugs*

Hannah ~ yeah I'm not going to be able to get over him so it's good that he still has feelings for me. He told me some stuff that's a little complicated and he is unstable . . . but he thanks me for being with him through it and still wants to be around me a lot so it's good. He thanked me the other day for saving his life . . .

*cuddles you back Hannah* - please tell me if I got the name wrong .... I'm hopeless with names.

Update on me: I'm surviving. I think I'm slightly manic as I can barely sit still enough to type this post. I'm about to upgrade my OS (operating system) so am not sure how long it will be before I can get online again. Wish me luck!!

*leaves cuddles for all and leaves whatever everyone likes best including teddy bears and fluffy blankets*

Hurt, cold, tired, and...forgetful, apparently. I just forgot what I was going to add. I've been doing that a lot lately :/