i havent cut in 2 to 3 years and 2 days ago i got trigger by a cardboard box paper cutting my arm how lame is hat i didnt cut tho coz i was at work

I got triggered by a cat scratching my arm... And all the scars going purple where it was so cold today.
And same, I was at work too...
A book I'm reading is triggering me too, it's called "Today I'm Alice" and it's about someone who's got Multiple Personality Disorder... But the voices are saying bad things to her and of course Ayka's reading it too and she's getting all riled up and whatnot.

I'm so ****ing anxious... :'(

Am going to a youth group thing tonight with Jarrod, my bestie, and her fiancé. I'm worried about that... I don't know why, probably because I'm shy around people I would guess? and there will be a lot of teens there that I don't know. I know a few of them but still, not a lot... grrrr. And we're being driven there by a girl that makes me uncomfortable, she's only 17 or 18 but dresses "foxily" and has ever since she was 15 or so. I don't know if that makes any sense and I know it sounds judgmental, it's just that she's so much prettier than I am... and I know I'm married and she's not, but she has freedom I don't, and... ****, I'm sounding like a selfish, jealous bitch again. :crying: I'm sorry.........

And I'm warm again - anxiety makes me warm - and I just want to hide in a hole and never come out. :'( I hate being this way. I HATE IT!!!! And I guess another reason I'm scared of going to the thing tonight is the food... :-S I don't want to have to eat in front of people I don't know, especially since we just finished lunch at a friend's house (today's a busy day for social engagements... and I just want to go to bed!!). GAHHH!!! *screams inside her head*

Sorry for the long ramble and no individual replies, am just doing crap right now. :( Also really really want to cut................ :'(

*hugs Scarletdreamer*

There's so much in my head that I'm trying to deal with but I can't do it all at once...

I feel like a freak...

Why am I the odd one out all the time?

I feel the same way, sometimes, Kathryn. :( The odd one out, the one always cast aside... :( It's not a fun place to be. At all. *cuddles* I'm sorry that the book you're reading is triggering you, maybe best to not read any more of it for a bit? It does sound interesting though... I'll have to check it out sometime.

Oh, and you can call me April. :) Easier to type out.

Kathryn ur not the odd one out here hunny

Cool.
It is really fascinating though, thought it might help with my alters... Skye seems to be enjoying it.
I feel the odd one out though... My life has just been so screwed up.
Most of the time I keep forgetting that I tried to kill myself when I was 9... I didn't even know it was possible for someone that young to try but I remember doing it...
*sits in corner and sighs*

*Curls up into a ball in the corner * damn it I hurt, my head
and my whole body, hmm tommorow going to be fun
when I can't move in the morning. Damn I'm such
a muppet.

*hugs Jill* I'm just plain tired, and worn out, sick to death of hubby's shift patterns, and hating not being able to answer people honestly when they ask, "oh, he's a big guy, what does he do?" I hate hiding our lives. it sucks not knowing who's a criminal out there and who's not. I hate not knowing if some weird guy is going to come up to us when we're out and go "Oi, you *****, that's the guy who arrested me, ***" wow, that was an uncalled for rant, sorry about that, it just kind of came out.


*hugs taz* she should be, I just don't know what's going on. I dont think she's teething. I'm just afraid that they'll look at my mental health, and decide that a madwoman who runs around her front garden with a knife to slash the tyres on her hubbys car, isn't fit to be a mother.


*cuddles kathyrn* Stay strong sweetheart. I had urges today too, but it's going to be week for me tuesday, so i'm keeping that in mind, oh and I'm doing the butterfly project, which is really helping. maybe you can give it a try. You're not the odd one out, but i know how it can feel that way, i do all the time. It's a hard place to be where you and I are, and I want you to know that you are not alone. at all.


*hugs julie* its not lame, i know how you feel. I technically stopped 4 years ago, but i've slipped time and time again. I don't think it ever truely goes away, not while we are still unstable.

*cuddles april* Stay strong lovely. I'm sorry you're feeling anxious. Cup of camomile tea maybe? I wish i had better words to offer you, but cuddles and prayers I have.

*spies kahlia, and mobs her with a huge cuddle*

EDIT: *cuddles shadowedsoul* (name crisis again) how? and why? are you alright hun? *cradles you*

*huggles/waves at everyone*

So cold ...

Thanks for the cuddles Kat. How are you today/tonight?

I'm not too bad, trying not to think of things that are going to trigger a bad night. Also praying Hazel stays asleep better tonight because I just want her to get better, and I could do with some decent sleep. Hubby sleeps during the day on nightshifts, but I have hazel day and night and no sleep is a nightmare. literally, because i get woken during them and can remember every one..:S

*runs in, hides and cries* It'llbeokay.

*uses magic helen-finding device and gives her a great big squishy cuddle* you are right, it probably will be, however, would you like to tell us what will be alright? *hands you special tear-absorbing hankie*

Thanks for the cuddle & hankie back :'( Are you okay Rosie? The noises will stop soon. Nobody's silly, I promise. Can you accept hugs?

*hugs April, Kathryn, Julie, Rosie, Kat, Helen, Mark, Kahlia, Jill*

Sorry, not up to replying much more than that right now. Probably gonna go grab a short nap... or try to.

thanks katnovia. Yeah I'm okay sortoff just in pain
my own stuiped fault, not doing somthing sombody
asked. Instead i try and argue. Stuiped little girl, hits
head with hand. *clings to katnovia and cries*Sorry
iam sorry

*yawns and sits* i want to go back to bed

doooo it :P

gah bbq tomorrow =\ scary icky lotsa cals =[
bright side... i actually felt ok with outfit today til dad say was too tight and should be walking 4 miles a day and =[ but no one else say is too tight... just ugh.
i cant fcking DO this =[

got to see 'my' kids today tho :) they're moving soon :(