*hugs all who want/need & can accept them*

Wow, I feel like I miss so much . . .

Feeling like crap. :(

*hugs Kahlia lots*

*cuddles Helen* - Thankyou for the hugs. I really need them right now. :crying:

Owen: Are you and Julie okay? Are you sick? Or have you been doing too much?

Owen, look after yourself & Julie.. :)

Kahlia *hugs lots more*

Thanks for the hugs Owen. I'll accept them gladly. Thanks also for the teddy.

Are you sure you're going to be okay? Just let us know if there is anything that we can do, okay?

*cuddles Helen* Thanks hun.

I'm not sleeping Owen.

OMG I have to wait another 8 hours & 20 minutes for this phone call making. Ugh hurry up, I need to know :'(:'(:'(

I spy a Hels!! *cuddles* I'm sorry that you've had fights, they suck horrendously when they do happen. :( And sorry that you've had such a **** day overall... :( wish I could do more to help, but feel free to PM me whenever. I'm a bit slow at responding (sorry :o) but I will respond.

*waves at Owen* Girl stuff isn't that yucky, it's just something that has to happen, but I see how it could be viewed as yucky. Julie isn't doing too much, is she?

*cuddles Kahlia lots & lots* What's up, sweetie? I'm sorry that you feel like you miss so much here... :( is there anything I can do to help you in any way? Remember that we all love you here... :) ♥

*cuddles JK* Don't feel unloved, you're also loved here and IRL I'm sure. :) I'm glad that the SI wounds aren't too bad, just please try not to let them get bad? I'm concerned that you are SI'ing so frequently... *holds you gently*

*cuddles Oliver* Sorry you're so low, love. I wish that I could help you more. I feel so helpless sometimes, even with my training in counseling I still don't feel like I know anything... which is why I will be going on for my PhD... lol. Yeah. I'm rubbish at helping... but I'm here to listen if you need. 'Kay? *more cuddles*

*squishes Laura* You're staying at your uni for the summer? Ah yes, you got that job, right? Hopefully it will go well. :) Do you rent an apartment? Sorry for all of the questions... :-S

*squishes Mark* I'm so glad that I helped you get through!! :D I am proud of you for not SI'ing, that's awesome. *does the happy dance* Lol... it's nice feeling like I've actually done summat of worth in a day. :-S

So I'm trying to help this 15 year old girl that I've never "officially" met, just know her and of her problems through my bestie's little sister, we go to the same church... and just ONE person leaning on me like a therapist's client would is wearing me down. :( She has so much going on in her life right now... and I feel so helpless. Like I can't offer anything to her for help, and like she's expecting me to be a whiz at solving her problems. I don't know. I really do like her, she's sweet and I understand a lot of what she's going through, but it's like... if I can't handle ONE PERSON like that, then how the hell am I going to handle a caseload full? :'( I guess that really hit home, that I have to get better first, because I got triggered just by the stuff she typed to me in an email, and it really wasn't that triggery of stuff. Damnit!! :'( EPIC FAIL once again... :crying: Pathetic.

*hides in shame* :'(

*hugs helen* Try to not think about the phone call.. It'll only make you even more anxious. (I know thats easier said than done)

*hugs kahlia*

*waves to owen* I'm not sleeping either.. its only 6pm lol.. that would be very early for me to be in bed.

Oops.. i missed you while i was typing April - And yea i'm staying here for work and I have an apartment. My uni is about 2 1/2 hours away from my hometown.

You are NOT pathetic or a fail. Its hard to handle trying to help people sometimes. Maybe you'll feel different in a more professional setting? I dont know, sometimes when i had to interview patients for the psych study i was involved in i was able to stay "un-triggered" b/c it was business.

*huggles*

Thanks for the response, Laura. *cuddles* I just... I don't know, I am not stable right now. I'm beginning to see the wisdom in the psych dept. faculty not allowing me to go intern in a psych ward or a counseling center, etc., because it would only make me worse. I really really want to SI and purge right now and am very anxious too... feeling pretty much like a basketcase. :'( I don't know what to do either... typing calms me down some but I don't feel like updating my LJ with the same old crap... and I am not sure that WoW would be a wise idea at the moment because I am so anxious. :'(

I can't help but feel like a failure. I don't know. I just hate myself so ****ing much... :'(

*hides in a dark, deep, lonely hole* :crying:

*huggles all - with the usual addendum*

April - Maybe you can use this to learn how to get the "degree of separation" that you will need for the therapy case-load? It will be easier for you in some respect if you don't know the person, but you are going to have to learn to think of the issues as separate from yourself. I know that isn't easy to do, but if you can't learn to do it, you'll easily find yourself drowning. I don't know the best way to do it - maybe there is someone you can talk to about it? I'm not trying to talk down to you about it here either, just thinking that you will need to make sure that you don't get too emotionally involved so you don't get triggered .... not sure if that makes sense.

A big thanks to all who have offered/given me hugs. And *big hugs* right back at you.

Sorry I'm so crap at supporting right at the moment. I just feel like my entire life has gone down the tubes . . .

:crying:

Owen, by too much I meant exercising too much. Doing too much physical activity for what she's been eating. Just wondering... don't want her to strain her body. :(

Kahlia, thanks for the comments. It didn't feel like you were talking down to me at all... I know - well, some PART of me knows - that I will have to distance myself from people somehow... to be clinical about it... but I don't know how to do that without losing empathy. I don't know. Am I making any sense? This definitely could be a learning experience, yes, but in the meantime, it's a weight on my shoulders. And I don't want to admit that to anyone but those here, because it's... well, not something I'd admit to IRL to (m)any people. :( I'll try talking with my NP about it the next time I see her, or I'll text her, or something. I don't know. :-S

I feel awful. Got on WoW for a bit but was too anxious to do much of anything. :( I feel so stupid. And low. And I just want a hot bath... :'(

I'm so pathetic. And I AM a failure... :crying: