I'm being extra cautious and plopping a *Trigger Warning* on this video


[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JP_SfCJo2zo[/ame]


I hope you like ,
Sorry for being quiet today .
Good news ! My Brother in law got his permanent Visa today :)
I'm still all sporadic as to when I can online so sorry if I come in spits and spots , I'll be back in my flat on Monday ( I hope ) and my own puter and not a shared laptop :);-)

Enjoy your pasta salad Hayley :-)

*curls up and cries*

Wow, a lot of posts...

*cuddles Helen* What's up, love??

*cuddles Mark* Good to see you on, and I'll listen to the song as soon as the music on my hubby's comp is finished. :) How're you doing? how's it going at your parents'?

*cuddles Hayley* I don't think you're supposed to put numbers (i.e., calories) or a listing of food anywhere on the site... site rules, ED trigs and all of that. No condemnation, just want you to know that before the mods get to it. Heh. :) I'm sorry that you didn't get texts back like you wanted... and yeah, it seems like it would be a little thing to do... but we love you here. :) You're a lovely person. *extra cuddles*

*hides in a dark corner with Puppy Sinclair*

Good mood just disappeared and I feel like crying. Just want someone so much right now :'( I know it'll be a really good natter and stuff when they can get online. Hopefully tomorrow :/

Yeah... It's only listed in the rules on the ED forum but it applies everywhere RYL. I found out the hard way on my r/v thread :) Pasta salad sounds nummy though. And even if they don't text it back... (I know this has been said already but still..) we love you here *hugs*

*hugs all*

Man I had a crap night. Got up about 6 times. Took me ages to get to sleep initially as well. Starting to feel as if I should just give in ... or give up. Meh. Just wishing .... Idk. It was all over maybe? My sis is coming around today, luckily this afternoon, but all I want to do is crawl back into bed and not get back up. So...damn...over...this. I know. I'm preaching to the choir. And I'm sorry.

Sorry for my lack of individual replies. Just not feeling able to keep up with everything. I have been reading though, and am thinking of you all.

Oh, and Mark. I love the clip from The Crow. One of my favourite movies of all time.

*hugs everyone then attempts to disappear into a corner*

*cuddles everyone*

I am so tired, going to go to bed really soon, read & try sleep. Hopefully before 4am!! Last night, well this morning, I was up til nearly 7am and woke up not long after 12pm. It's already 12.20am....

*hugs all*

I do not exist. I can not exist. For if I exist the raven of my destruction has missed my soul. Instead, I must belong in the imagination of a being that in itself does not exist.

Discuss .... lol.

I want to be safe, but apparently I need to attempt suicide again to get any f***ing attention. Seriously, is it not enough that I'm hurting myself? Because the suicidal thoughts are gone - for now - they just don't care. I don't feel safe, I feel like that if one more freaking thing goes wrong that I'll forget about how horrible my suicide attempt was and just do something stupid. Ugh, nobody cares, do they?

ebec11, People do care, even though it might not seem it sometimes. I'm sorry you're feeling like you need to do something like that to be seen, but I promise you don't need to take that drastic measure, and it would be great if you could avoid it. Who can you talk to about how unsafe you're feeling at the moment? Be honest and open and tell them how you're feeling, try and stay safe though.

xx

Good morning everyone... *yawn* Am still tired even though I got about 11 hours of sleep last night!!

*cuddles Kahlia* I'm sorry that you slept so crap... :( That sucks. How're you feeling now? I guess it's nighttime where you are... so weird, these time differences!! It takes some getting used to.

*cuddles Helen* I'm sorry that your good mood just disappeared... :( wish I could do something to help but I'm afraid that I can't, not really anyway. Is there? I'm here if you need to talk... ♥

*hugs Ebec* Attempting suicide is NOT the right way to go about getting people to talk with you... I understand how you feel about them not realizing how much in pain you are, if you are SI'ing, but maybe just speak to someone that you know will care and talk to him/her about how you're doing? and be honest? Just a thought... and we're all here to chat with you if you want. Oh, and welcome to RYL. :)

Hi Aimee!! *waves & hugs*

*cuddles everyone that she's missed*

I have to do a "reflection journal post" for today, due at 4pm... I started it and it's already over a page long, NOT double-spaced (typed), and I haven't even gotten to the main part yet!! I must be waffling an awful lot... I hate feeling like I have to do that to get a good grade. I got a 75% (C) on the last one and I didn't even know why. The prof only told me that I needed headings on it to make it more clear. That's it. ARGH!!!! :(

Anyway. I am frustrated right now... just want to curl up somewhere and hide away... :( Hate this life. Want to die. But Jarrod's home today for the day due to it being Good Friday... so I can't really "do anything" ... at least whilst I'm home. :( I keep seeing myself doing something "stupid" on campus though...

Yesterday was a rough day. Won't get into it here except to say that I SI'd in class. >_< I don't know if anyone noticed... no one commented at least.

*hides*

*cuddles everyone*
Anyone up for a nap?
I only got 4 hrs of sleep last night but couldn't miss work today...
*yawns and stumbles off to find a warm corner to nap in*

Mmm nap sounds good.

I spy a Crimson!! :D

I don't think I'll go to tutoring today... I hate that I am such a ****ing slacker but I... don't know. I just don't want to go, and my husband is home for the day, and I don't have any appts. Oh, how I ****ing HATE MYSELF!!!

Oh well.

I need to go hide somewhere for awhile... :crying:

Im about this * * close to a panic attack right now.. I have to call some people out of state for a story that im doing in my science reporting class in a few minutes and i have so much anxiety... I feel like i am crawling out of my skin... I hate phone calls.

*cuddles everyone* sry i will do individual replies later..

*hides.. with my phone.. b/c there is no way i can get out of this*

I'm back and I would like to hug everyone. I'd like to extend a big group hug because I'm really not okay on my own here. Please help me.
S
XxXxX

*cuddles LauraStar* I'm sorry you're so anxious. :( I understand though... phone calls are so difficult.

*cuddles Sefka* What's up??

I'm so tired... :( and anxious too... although thankfully I'm not shaking anymore. That's a relief. It was awful trying to play WoW with shaky hands because I was so anxious. :(

I have to call my old therapist soon because she sent me a bill for the sessions that SHE SAID were pro bono. We can't really afford to pay a lot... so yeah. I don't know. I just wish that someone would take over my body and do all of the things that need to be done, and do them WELL.

:crying:

*rocks back and forth* Please shut up :'(

*holds Helen gently and rocks with her* Who do you want to shut up? (I hope not me!! :-S) What's going on?

*cuddles april* Maybe the bill from your old therapist was just a mistake.. I hope so anyway. And i agree anxiety sucks.

*hugs sefka* Whats wrong hun?

*gently cuddles helen*

Phone call went ok-ish... I just hate them. The only good thing about concentrating on the phone call is that i wasnt concentrating on the rest of my life.. *sigh* back to reality i suppose

I'm tired to April... I think we should curl up and go to sleep petting Puppy Sinclair :)

*huggles, LauraStar, Sefka and Helen*
What's up?