i cant go back to bed i spent half of yesterday in bed:plain: not good *rubs forehead* i think i need some water

*gives water*
eat something?
<3

i think i need to be in a psych ward - in a safe place. but there isn't one - not in this town. i don't know where else to turn. i'm freaking out at everything - the smallest sound, people walking down the street, sitting on the balcony when the door is open, sitting on the balcony when the door is closed, people making noise in the stairwell.

i am such a freaking failure.

i can't do this anymore.

i'm so sorry. :crying:

you're NOT a failure kahlia, i dunno what to suggest unfortuantely but you're definitely not a failure <3
here if wanna chat x

*cuddles for everyone*

Morning.
You're not a failure Kahlia , not at all.*Hugs*
Sorry for the lack of replies , I JUST got up and haven't had my first coffee yet

*Group Hugs*

I Am away at my parents for my dads birthday from tonight to early next week so may not be online as often , I am dreading it , wearing the happy mask for so long but I mustn't bring the mood down on my dads birthday weekend. *Puts on happy mask*

I am tired despite spending much of yesterday in bed *Sigh* HO HUM

Got all pysched up for my Houseing SW appointment at 10am only at 10am did I notice it was at 11am :S

Ask after my Diaz at the chemist as I was down there yesterday chasing another med they didn't have in stock and it (Diaz) was on the computer so they gave me some and I got it home and opened it and they gave me 28 instead of 20 . first thing to make make me laugh in a while.

And

My poor plant suffered in the weather last night , it's supposed to be tall but has flopped , I hav 3 plants in my "Garden" ( Read plant pot) and 2 are ok but one has flopped right over , any gardeners know what I should do? does it need a cane ?, it's a PHYSOSTEGIA

heather, mark: thank-you.
i hate to disagree, but i really feel like one right now.
i just can't escape this anxiety.

my housemate and i walked the 2.5 km up to the nearest big shopping centre today and it took 3 mg of xanax and i'm still freaking. i'm still freaking now and it's over 3 hours later. i just can't stop the anxiety.

our neighbour came over and i had to walk away from the conversation because it was triggering me in every way - and it was just little "small talk". not even numbers or anything. just .... i don't know.

maybe just because it was getting darker and is now dark - and the neighbour is "the least tolerant person in the city".

i am such a failure . . .

Kahlia, you are NOT a failure. *cuddles tight*

*cuddles everyone else lots*

I can stop feeling like this, right? I don't have to be stuck like this forever, do I? *curls up in a ball*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Jessica*

*hugs Mark* Thank you.

runs In and craps a blanket and curls up under it. Feel very unsafe again, damn it I hate feeling this way. Hate that I really want to die need to get away can do this anymore.

*Holds Jill so she feels safe*

Clings to mark, sorry just feel like ****. can this be over now please?

Sorry for just disappearing yesterday... And I apologize in advance that I may vanish again today. I just fell crappy.
*hugs everyone*

*sits and cries*

hi everyone... let's see if i can do individual replies, sorry if i don't get all of you...

*cuddles laura* venting is just fine, sweetie. i'm sorry about the awkward situation, it must've been awfully unpleasant and i don't blame you for feeling icky about it. :( how are you doing today?? have you kinda-sorta stayed safe?

*cuddles hels* how're you? did the anxiety finally die down some last night after i logged off?

*cuddles kahlia* sweetie, you're not a failure, in no way close to being a failure. try to tell yourself that. you've come so far, you're improving in small ways even if it seems like you're on a downward spiral right now. you may be - but it's an upward trend. if that makes any sense, that is!! :-S i hope that it does...

*cuddles mark* i hope that the weekend etc. goes okay... how's your mum doing? also, yes, keeping the happy face mask on that long can be very tiring... i hope you don't get too stresed & anxious doing that. please try & stay safe... will be thinking of you, big bro. ♥

*cuddles julie* hels is right, love, you don't have to exercise every day. have you been ill? missed seeing you on the ward for a bit...

*cuddles jess* things will get better, i promise. i just don't know when or how but they will. so no, you don't have to stay like this forever. you'll get better, you'll get stronger, you'll be able to face more. how have you been doing lately?

*cuddles jill* i'm sorry you're feeling so ****... i would help if i could. *offers a shoulder to cry on or a pillow to punch, either way* :) hopefully either one of those would help, or both... pm me if you need to, 'kay? i know i'm not the best at responding to messages but i will try. that goes for all of you, btw, including those to whom i haven't responded yet, or who haven't posted in awhile. my pm box is always, always open. :)

*cuddles crimson* i'm sorry you're feeling crappy. is there anything that we can do??

*cuddles hayley* you can come here when you feel "sane" ... hehe, it doesn't just have to be when you feel like you need a safe place. we miss you when you're not here. but if you have to stay away when you're sane, that's okay too. do what's best for you. :) how is wow going? have you played much lately?

*cuddles oliver, nicole, lia, kat, jk, and anyone else she's missed*

geez, i hope that was epic enough. lol. my brain is dead now. :P but i love you guys and really wanted to reply to you all... or most of you, anyway. :( sorry if i missed you.

i'm doing alright. am at my parents' house but will be leaving in a bit to take daniel to the vet's. gahhh. jarrod's not planning on coming so i get to do it all by myself... which i've done before, kind of. at least we have a handy carry-case for him... it has a top that opens, which is really, really nice, much easier than stuffing him in the front door of the case. hah. cats can really be stubborn about going into carry-cases!! i would just take him on his halter and lead but i don't want him crawling all over my car when i'm driving... that would be fun... NOT. heh.

my druid on silvermoon (naturasoul if you want to look her up on wowarmory.com) is now level 50!!! woohoo... only 8 levels until outlands (the 1st expansion for wow)... i am stoked. once my raf (refer a friend) priest hits level 60, she'll be granting levels to some of my other toons so they can get to higher levels... so soon i will have a bunch of level 60s. :D i'm stoked. jarrod's been powerleveling them today, a lot, so that makes me really happy. :P

anyway. ummm... i'm not doing too well but i don't really feel like going into that now... because i'm feeling okay as long as i don't think about certain things. if i think about them, i immediately start feeling really, really low... so yeah. :'(

*hides in her corner*

Not really. Just feeling so... i dunno, I can;t even pinpoint it, just too much. Today every little thing seems to push me right over the edge. For example, my boss complained about my pants today (not even in person, via email) and I started to cry. Not even exaggerating. I feel ridiculous and stupid. And I feel like it isn't even worth it at all to be today.

April , My mum is pretty much imobilised with her leg , gotta wait 4 more weeks until her next hospital appoinment. I'm afraid I might not be able to keep up with your LJ while at my parents , gosh it's hectic here with mums injury and baby and all .
I feel low , Happy mask well and truely on mainly faking it which sucks
BTW that last post on yours was EPIC April
Sorry I feel guilty for feeling low , anyone else get that?