*cuddles helen* thanks hun. it just upsets me because everyone has best friends, and i dont :( i have noone. and im exactly the same hun. i consider everyone on here my friends.

*cuddles* No, you may not have any. But you will have them one day & you'll be glad you had to wait. I promise. Over the years, I've considered many people my best friends, but all except one has walked away. We're close friends. I'm SO glad I had to wait & everything. Because they are seriously amazing. Yes they cause me huge amounts of worry sometimes, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm rambling and probably seem to be rubbing it in, but it will be worth the wait. I can promise you that honey. Also you may feel like you have nobody. But you've always got me.*cuddles*

*cuddles helen* thankyou hun, and no it didnt seem like you were rubbing it in, just trying to make me see that someone will come along eventually, and thanks for being here :D

Always be here for you darling. Goes for rest of the warders really :) I know I can't always help but I'll try my best :) *cuddles*

*cuddles* thanks. and i'm always here for all you lot. even if i dont have very good advice, and i tend to whinge quite a bit :/

*cuddles all*
why do I want to cry and scream at the world, not sure how much longer I can hold on.

*retreats into corner*

*cuddles Nicole* I totally can relate... I mean, I have one best friend, but she's been doing a lot of stuff with another girl lately, and it's been hurting me... vented about that in my r/v thread... I don't know, I think Hels said it all. :) Best friends are worth the wait. *more cuddles* Anyway, sorry, my head's all muzzy so I can't think too clearly at the moment. :(

I have so much to do in the next 3 weeks... my senior sem paper to revise and a talk to give (practicing tomorrow in front of 3 classmates and haven't practiced at all yet!!), soc paper to write, poems to write for my final project for Women & Spirituality (worth 20% of final grade so AM NERVOUS!!!!!!!!), etc., etc., etc... so ****ing overwhelmed. :'(

*is lonely even though her husband is nearby* :'(

You don't whinge, you talk, which is good :)

Oliver, cuddles, would talking help any?? Might help a cry?

*cuddles April lots* You're not lonely babe. I promise. Not surprised you're feeling overwhelmed.

Oliver, please don't do anything "stupid" ... you'll make it through, all the bad stuff will pass, you'll be okay in the end. You know the cliché, "If everything's not okay, then it's not the end." Well, I believe that. Try to yourself. Please. For us, if not for you. *holds gently* You're so valuable to so many people, you're worth so much more than you can see...

:'(

*cuddles april and oliver*

*cuddles Hels* How're you doing this evening?? ♥

Yeh, there is a lot going on... and then the joys of finals first week of May. >_< Oh well. I'll make it through... dunno how safely... but that doesn't really matter.

:crying:

lol. i do whinge quite a bit, like tonight

I'm not valuable to people, I can't do this. I really want to harm and freaking out because havn't got my 'tool' so trying to find anything which would do, cant do this just cant not anymore.

Nicole, you don't. *cuddles*.

April, you'll get through it, we'll encourage you through the next few weeks :) Safely. Don't worry about me. I don't matter :) xx

Oliver, you are valuable to people.

thanks helen *cuddles*
oliver-you definatley are valuable to people *hugs*
april-you can get through it, we're all behind you hun *squishes*

i'm not, I'm just a useless freak, that all I am and great my internet is going to go off in about 25mins.

*hides rocking in corner*

*comes over to corner and puts arm around oliver* well you're valuable to me.

You're not a useless freak, or I definitely am ;)

It's no problem Nicole *cuddles*

*curls up and hides*

:D *finds helen, unravels her and cuddles* you ok hun?

*cuddles Nicole* Not really. Just trying to be strong for everyone, try help everyone else..

do you wanna talk? i'm perfectly fine and calmed down now, you can PM me if you want *hugs*

*cuddles all* my internet will go in a min so I am off, not sure how I will get through but will try for you all.

My best friend's boyfriend is wanting to take her to hospital, she's just really exhausted and stuff. Naturally she doesn't want to go for couple reasons. Wish she'd go, just get to checked out, hopefully she IS okay. But if she needs treatment then I'd rather she had it. Just wish I could help her more than I already do.

Thankfully, so far tonight, I haven't heard from a certain evil person in her life. Well he's sort of in it. Very complicated & messy stuff. Unfortunately, I'm very very involved in it. Don't think I quite realise the effect it has on me. Hopefully won't hear anything off him.

Having ****ing palpitations again. :/ ****'s sake. Might have to mention it to my doctor. Not that he seems to really care about my physical problems. :/ Keep having them, plus random breathlessness & panic attacks. Probably all related aha. Probably stress!!!

Worried about my other best friend. She'll get through it though. She's just having some 'downtime' as I like to call it. I just really miss her :( But she came online on Sunday & today. She hopes to be online tomorrow, we shall see. I just hate it when it happens, I feel so helpless but I try & help all the same.

*sighs* Just too much stuff right now. I'm supposed to be seeing my friend H tomorrow. But she's got to spend it with her Mum instead. So another day in by my lonesome. Oh well, Charlie will be here :D Ugh, I have to be up early. Joy :/ I'm still struggling to get a job, it's near impossible :( Something will come up. Am trying to survive on less than £5 until 4th May :| Luckily I have savings that I can dip into. Would rather not, need to save it for my 21st!!

Aha, was talking about my 21st birthday celebrations with my Mum the other day. She was talking about it tonight ^_^ Seems it will happen *squeals* No doubt I'll have to cough up most of the money. But I knew that xD Ugh why does money have to cause SO many problems right now? :( It's bad enough for us at the moment, my Mum is effectively losing her job soon :/ Hopefully can re-apply for the similar one. But if not..I dread to think :(

*hugs helen tightly*
as much as you care for your friends hun, sometimes you have to let them do what they want. if your friend doesnt want to go to the hospital, you've gotta respect that, no matter how hard it is.
what do you mean about your doctor not caring about your physical problems hun?
and your other friend will get through it, we all will eventually.
as for finding a job, isnt there any temporary jobs you can get for now, e.g. in tescos or somewhere similar?
and that sounds nice, having a party for your 21st, i never get partys lol.

*hugs Nicole tightly*

I know, I have to let them do what they want. I can't help it, I'm stubborn & stuffs. As is my best friend, well both of them are LOL. I know I can't force her to go to hospital & have to let her do what she wants..

Just feel like my doctor doesn't care about my physical health. The last time I saw him, well two days before that, I'd spoken about some health problems that weren't my mental side of things & they got ignored :( Despite one of them being about my way-too-regular fainting *touchswood*

We all will eventually get through it indeed.

I've gone for temporary jobs & not got those either :( :/ It's tough out there, godamm recession isn't helping whatsoever!!!!!!!

I'm sure it'll be fun. Got to do this year first :P My 21st isn't til next March :)

hmmm. thats a tough one :( gah. if you cant get a temporary job-what hope have i got?? :/ lol.
aah, well, at least you've got a long time to plan lol. i wanted a big 16th, but its a bit late now as its friday! lol

Indeed, only planning now, well starting to because places get booked so quick & stuff. The rest of it can wait. I wrote my guest list in February though LOL. Just been updating it!!! =D

You do have hope of getting a job, just depends when & where etc :P

lol. sounds like fun :P although to be honest i dont think i would like a big party. i get nervous around too many people lol.

its impossible to find a job while your still at school :/

Indeed it is my dear, keep trying though. Especially when you leave.

I don't ever have parties. I haven't had a party for me since I was young =) Obviously I've had 'big' meals :P Lol, for my 16th, I had mcdonalds at home because I couldn't eat due to my braces still killing me (they'd gone on less than a week before!) but I was supposed to be going out to a special restaurant. For my 17th, I went to the cinema with my Mum :D For my 18th, I had a meal at the special restaurant with some of my family & few friends. Was really fun ^_^ So yes, this 21st should be AMAZING!!! Just hope my best friends can make it, think I'd scream my head off if they did xD

Ahhh I'm rambling :P

lol. sounds like you enjoyed them, which is the main thing. aargh, i have no idea whats going on about the oxford meet, as noones posting on there anymore to say whats happening :/ its supposed to be sunday.....

I hope it goes ahead darling *cuddles* Sounds fun. If I had any money, I'd come :]

lol. bless. could you get to oxford some other time? as im sure this wont be the last one lol. (well, i hope it wont be lol) as i cant really get anywhere else (my mum is MAJORLY over-protective :/)

I'm sure I could, just need monies ;) Which I sadly have a severe lack of currently!!! But once I've sorted out my contract problems (don't ask :P) that'll free my money up a bit more.

UGH I DO NOT WANT TO GET UP EARLY TOMORROW =(

I forgot to say, I've heard from my best friend's boyfriend. It's not good :|

*hugs all*

Some days it is so hard to breathe that it is hardly worth the effort ...

oh dear :( lol. i dont have to get up early :P i can sleep as long as i want. and where the hell is my mum :/ it would be nice to meet you lol. my mum is INSISTING that she takes me to the meet and meets everyone first :/ damn her. treating me like a child

I know what you mean Kahlia. Keep going sweetheart, it won't always be like this. *cuddles tight*

Nicole, lucky you ^_^ I'm sure your Mum's okay wherever she is. Bless her, my parents were like that when I was going to attend a meet on another forum. But it didn't happen. Shows they care ^_^ But I know you're probably bit embarrassed & stuffs? :) *cuddles* I'm sure we'll meet sometime ^_^

*hugs kahlia* it'll pass hun.
lol. its not my mum im worried about-shes at her boyfriends, but i'm scared home alone lol. and yeah it is embarrasing lol. its like-'im 16, stop babying me!' lol

*cuddles* If it helps, I hate being alone late at night. Not always, but particularly when I'm in a state or can hear things but don't recognise them :/ Once I was that scared, I stayed up til 4am before it felt anywhere near ok to sleep. LOL :/ :(

Nicole/Hels: I've had that type of fear before. - The other night my anxiety was so high I kept thinking there was another person in the room and so couldn't get to sleep.

*cuddles both of you*

I really don't want to live anymore. I'm so tired of this struggle. Everyday I have to fight ... and I can't help feeling it's a fight I can't possibly win.:-( I'm sorry. Just so over this.

* cuddles Kahlia* You will get through this sweetheart. Keep trying to fight. I know it seems impossible :( But it won't always be this hard & it'll be worth it in the end....

I'm getting REALLY worried about my best friend now :'( Think going to have to text my other best friend & let her know. *rocks and cries*

*hugs helen, nicole, and kahlia*

I SI'd again today... Cant seem to get thru a week anymore. That email is really bothering me. I dont want to be around anymore. I'm such a pathetic person.

*Hugs group*
Wow almost 4 pages since I last logged on , I'm sorry I can't do individual replies .

I hope you guys are all feeling well / better :)

*cuddles everyone*
I'm feeling a little better this morning.

*cuddles everyone*

It's already 10am & I feel dead already. Still no news on my best friend :/ This is just **** man :'(

I spy a Mark *huggles*

Oliver, I'm glad you're feeling a little better this morning.

Laura, you're not a pathetic person sweetheart. Look after your wounds, please? :(

*hugs Kahlia* hope your friend is OK hun. And that you are too x

*hugs the boys*

*hugs Laura, Nicole, Helen tightly*

I've had a ***** day :( New therapist tomorrow, ex cancelled on me tonight..again...more delay on talking about selling the house, my goddaughter's Dad is about to come into her life after 3 1/2 years which may shaft me ,my Mum contacted me..."ooh your father's no good..ooh we never see you..." guilt,guilt, guilt.... Workmate shat on me...So have got hammered, taken too much meds, and SI'ed AGAIN, worse than last night. And now I'm sore and crying and wondering what the F' to do with the wound for work tomorrow.....crap. Loser!

*apologises for raving and puts the kettle on to do something useful*

*wishes someone was here to cuddle tightly*

*calls for puppy sinclair*

*cuddles JK tightly*

No words, just hugs :) xx

*hugs Laura * You are not a pathetic person , you are just going through a hard time , It WILL get better for you
*hugs JK* I'm sorry you have had such an awful day , look after the cut well ok.

*hugs kind people who understand*

Hugs are all I need I reckon, thank you.

Laura, we be OK hun. Soon.

*tucks herself in*

night guys, don't get up to too much mischief in my absence
x