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MammaMia 28-02-2009 04:03 AM

*sends snuggles to all*

Am so bloody hyper, just what I *really* need when I need to be up at 6.30-6.45am and it's already 3am :( Been talking to my boyfriend for nearly 8 hours staight which makes me happy. But I know he's not had the best of evenings and that makes me sad too espically as it was due to a topic that affects up both deeply, it affects him because he lost someone to it and is scared a little to dicuss it with me because he doesnt want to lose me to it aswell, and affects me because I've done it and struggling not to right now...(od)

Damnation. 28-02-2009 06:23 AM

Can't. Stop. Feeling. Triggered.

Nothing works.

No distraction.

Giving in doesn't help. LKDHKSDJFKGFHXGKUHSKGJHS

Kahlia1981 28-02-2009 06:49 AM

Firstly *hugs to all* and thanks to everyone for the support I received when I was IP.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to be fairly selfish right now and only comment on myself, however, I do want everyone to know that I have read your messages.

I'm not going to go into any great detail about why I went IP or anything like that in here, I'll do that in my thread when I'm good and ready, but both the lack of treatment that I received in there and certain situations that have occurred since have not made for an overly good time. I was basically told when I finally got to see the doctor that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me and that I did not need any medication at all and was told that he was happy to keep me overnight but was intending to discharge me in the morning .... I then (after calming myself down a bit) used my rights as a voluntary patient to discharge myself and of course am now dealing with a whole lot of .... not so pleasant circumstances. The end of result of which is that I am no longer in contact with my parental units in any way shape or form, and have lost access to my private psychiatrist. My GP is attempting to "step up to the plate" and has prescribed a medication which meant that last night I slept for something like 10 hours ... the longest I have slept in several months, perhaps even years.

Anyway, so that I don't bore or stress anyone .... the medication has calmed me down a little so that I am able to (for the time being) cope with my other symptoms, and my GP is going to see what the next step should be and will be keeping a close eye on me.

Seriously though, I want to thank all of you for your kind wishes, thoughts and support while I was IP.

*hugs everyone who is able to accept hugs*

Damnation. 28-02-2009 06:52 AM

Sorry, I didn't have the concentration to read all of that, but I read some, and it's good to have you back, Kahlia <3

Kahlia1981 28-02-2009 07:10 AM

:) Dayna, it is good to be back. Don't stress at all about not reading it all .... you can always find it again if you need to. lol *hugs you*

Damnation. 28-02-2009 07:10 AM

...I don't know who I am any more. I don't feel like me, like Däyna. I'm just a shadow of my former self.

I'm sitting here with blood all over my hands, my leg bloodied up, scratched, stained, cut, my ankle 'bandaged'. I have a tissue that's so bloody that there is literally no white left, and I have another, less messed tissue in my pocket.

THIS ISN'T ME.

I still want to cut and cut and cut and cut. AND THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD HELP, IF HE ****ING CARED, IS IGNORING ME. ****ING ****.

Kahliayoupostcutmeomg!

Yeah, I'll try and read it tomorrow. I won't have the concentration tonight *hugs back*

Kahlia1981 28-02-2009 10:02 AM

Dayna : My sincerest apologies. Don't stress over it darl. I just hope that you can find someone to help you ... even if that is just a non-judgemental listening ear. *snuggles you*

wildly insane 28-02-2009 10:59 AM

*hugs Kahlia* Good luck with everything am so glad your GP is doing her best and am so sorry to hear about your parental units, I hope things get better soon.

*hugs Dayna* hope you are okay, is Dayna Dayna again? sorry words fail *hugs*

shadowedsoul 28-02-2009 12:27 PM

thanks wildly insane for the hug. hugs you back. hmm....iam doing reallly badly right now, it just seam to be one blow after another. was in a really stuiped mood last night, really wanted to just end it. had enough, cant keep going pretending everthing is allright when it isnt, meh

MammaMia 28-02-2009 08:32 PM

*squishes Kahlia* I'm glad your GP is helping you lots

*squishes all* Hope everyone's doing okay.

Omg today....just wow. I went to choir rehersal and actually really enjoyed it. Then got a lift into town which helped save time and then went my nans. Really enjoyed it. Got to see my baby cousin Grace again and as always she melted my heart and made me grin like an idoit. I swear she's an advanced child already!! She looked like she wanted to read this book my nan has had for years, all her children have read it and annd their children and now Grace & Freya (my other baby cousin) are gonna be next hehe!!!!! I told Grace today I'll be telling her in the future to be good (or something along the those lines) and she grinned at me haha. Better stay strong hey? She might need me sometime in that future ;)

Eclectica 28-02-2009 09:16 PM

Pleaqse pass please pass please pass PLEASE JUST ****ING PASS. We are so sick of feeling so damned angry. No release for it. SH ain't working **** anymore. Nothing can rid of this ****ing shitty **** anger rage hate. I HATE HIM. Bad day.

Eclectica 01-03-2009 12:13 AM

I'm so ****ing desparate for medication to clear this damned anger, yet not to kill my splits off.

This anger needs to go. NEEDS to go. I'm ranting for no reason at people. I hate people so much I want to HARM them.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : triggering
I want to scream, to SH. I want to punch, kick, bite, scratch, cut, OD, hold my breath, get drunk, beat myself up, all sorts of ****.


BUT NOTHING ****ING WELL WORKS. No matter how bad.

I want rid of this anger and hatred. Please.

Mary Anne 01-03-2009 01:25 AM

*holds Kat tight* hope it passes soon

*hugs Helen* really glad you had a good time

*hugs Dayna*

*hugs Kahlia* happy to have you back but sad you did not get the help you needed, you are not being selfish, you need to look after yourself more than anything.

*hugs shadowedsoul, Wildy Insane, englishgirl123, Nicole, Jade, Voice, Ravyn and anyone else who is around*

I had a reassuring day, the only child I have had contact with during my life was he-devil's son and I just could not get along with him, and I thought that all children must hate me but I spent the day with a friend and her 4 children who range from 3 weeks to 10 years old and I got on so well with them, played with them, talked to them and even held the baby (first time ever!), maybe I am not so horrible after all. Eating was good last week too :)
Still unhappy on my own but Fraggle is happy not to share me.

Kahlia1981 01-03-2009 10:01 AM

*offers hugs to all*

It has been a long and trying day and I'm emotionally and physically tired right now so I am unable to comment on too much. Just want to wish everyone a good day or night (depending on your time zone). Peace to all.

Damnation. 02-03-2009 03:33 AM

So. Very. Very. Triggered.

Again ;-;. This is happening on a daily basis now. The very strong urges. Starts off small, and gets worse and worse. xdfjkdhgjkhsgouhwrioye5iouyerioju75eio

MammaMia 02-03-2009 03:47 AM

*squishes*

9 months xD

Damnation. 02-03-2009 03:48 AM

*Squishes back* Congratulations! <3

Kahlia1981 02-03-2009 05:14 AM

Helen ~ Yay!! Congratulations. *hugs you tightly*

Dayna ~ *big squishes and holds you safe and tight*

Damnation. 02-03-2009 05:15 AM

*Hugs Kahlia tightly back*

Kahlia1981 02-03-2009 05:22 AM

*holds Dayna and removes any dangerous items from within reach*


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