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MammaMia 14-04-2010 02:26 PM

You're not one of life's ****s ups Mark. I promise you that. *cuddles*

Scarletdreamer 14-04-2010 02:27 PM

*holds Hels and rocks* Things will be okay... they will work out in the end. I don't know how and I can't tell you when, but you will get through this. Things can't be this bad always. I'm so sorry to hear about your best friend... :( that must be awfully scary to you... I can imagine and it is a terrifying thing to even imagine, much less live with. *more cuddles*

I'm sorry that you had a bad night... :( I wish I could help you more... you're so important to so many people, I wish I could help you feel better and more self confident and capable and HAPPIER. You DO matter... which is why I/we keep encouraging you to talk about what's on your mind... you can't be a superhero all the time. :) ♥

*sighs* I can't face today, I can't... I just want to curl up in bed and cry. I have so much ****ing work to do... :'( and I don't know if I can get it all done. I HATE UNI!!!

Oh, and planning your 21st sounds like a lot of fun. Mine was really quiet, just Jarrod (hubby) and my parents. I can't even really remember it as it was nearly a year ago and NO, not because I got drunk. ;) I don't drink, never have, hopefully never will. But anyway... my 22nd is coming up, haven't had a party in ages but probably won't for this one either. Blah. Oh and I'm going to see if I can have a graduation party whenever I graduate (lol)... that would be so nice as my sister had one and I want one too. Heh. Compare snare going on there... :-X

Anyway. I'd best get back to work... writing up a journal/reflection for Women & Spirituality, then need to get to work on my lab that's due today for Health Psych, then need to work on my practice talk for Senior Sem... ARGH!!!!!! :crying:

Scarletdreamer 14-04-2010 02:28 PM

*cuddles Mark* You're not a **** up, love. You've just had a really rough time of it. Things will get better... they will... just gotta give it time. I know it feels like you've given it enough time to get better, but keep on fighting, don't give up. *more cuddles* Please don't do anything "stupid" either...

Doikers 14-04-2010 02:31 PM

*Hugs Helen* Thanx :) , I'm sorry to hear about your friend , I hope she gets better soon .

Scarletdreamer 14-04-2010 02:40 PM

ARGH, my brain is so fried!!!! I can't do this... I can't...


Doikers 14-04-2010 02:43 PM

*Hugs April* Just Breathe . You can do this , You can :)

MammaMia 14-04-2010 02:43 PM

*cuddles April* I hope you're right, that things will be okay in the end. I suposse things can be this bad always. It is awfully scary. She keeps ending up in hospital (as you may have noticed from my posts these last few months), just so scary sometimes :( I KNEW she needed to go hospital last night & seems I was right :/ *cuddles*

You do help so much April. Trust me. I don't know why I'm so important to so many people. Really do. But hey. Better to just accept it, keeps people happy :P I wish I could feel better & stuff, think it's going to take a long time & help to get there. Who knows. I suposse I can't be a superhero all the time, but I think I still try. Bonkers. I'm just have to be helping or trying, or I don't feel right. I just care more about my family & friends than myself. I know, I should put myself first & all that. But I can't & rarely do.

*cuddles* I hate those kinda days. It sucks. Believe in yourself that you will get work done, should help? *snuggles* Would help if I stopped taking up your time ;) I felt like that a lot when I was doing uni though. No wonder I failed & got kicked out hey?

It is fun planning my 21st, can't organise too much of it yet obviously. Still fun though :) Don't blame you having a quiet one. I've always told myself that I'd have a big deal of a 21st. If I make it, it'll be a massive massive deal for me. SO might aswell make some noise about it lol. Drinking can be SO bad. I should know. I have to be very careful when I drink. I've been known to do worser self harm under the influence of alcohol & do dangerous things *whistles* I'm an angel really..

Definitely have a party for your graduation if you can. You deserve it!!! Seriously =)

Hope you manage your work ok *snuggles*

OMG I'm so hungry :| You wouldn't think I had breakfast a few hours ago for once :/ Better go feed myself then *rolls eyes*

frenchhorn 14-04-2010 02:46 PM

*cuddles April* you can do this, you can trust me, just breathe.

*cuddles everyone* I'm feeling a little better today, think yesterday I just got really depressed suddenly because they guy I was seeing said he didn't want a releationship atm due to medical stuff and I liked him a lot and he was someone who liked me for me and knew I was trans and that is something that I don't get much.

*hugs puppy sinclair and then retreats to a corner*

Doikers 14-04-2010 02:49 PM

April , I promise I won't do anything "Stupid" today, please don't worry too much . I think I'm going to have to S.I. though . I'm going for a walk just to get away from my tools.

MammaMia 14-04-2010 03:01 PM

*cuddles Oliver and Mark lots* Please keep safe guys. I don't have much words. But I do care about both of you. We all do.

Scarletdreamer 14-04-2010 03:04 PM

*cuddles Hels* I wish I could help your friend, too... what keeps landing her in hospital if you don't mind me asking? (if you'd rather not say, then just ignore that question) Try to take care of yourself though, and care for yourself as much as you care for other people... because "technically" YOUR health should come first... as odd as that sounds. I know, because my nickname is "Superhero April" (lol) and, like you, I care for other people more than I do for myself. It's hard, to like yourself when all you see is despicableness (is that a word? :P hah)... but we'll get there. :)

Thanks for reassuring me, Mark... :) and keep the SI as unserious as possible too, okay? *hugs* I know that you can do without it... but I understand the pull towards it all too well!! *more hugs*

Oliver, yeh, I can see why that would get you down. *cuddles* I'm sorry about that, but maybe you can get back together once he gets things together again? And you can stay friends, right? Sorry if I'm being dense... :-X I'm glad that you're feeling a bit better today though. :)

I'm trying to write a journal/reflection for Women & Spirituality and my brain just isn't working... at least, for this assignment. And it's due tonight... and this morning is the only time that I have to do it. :'( I also have a tonnn of other stuff to do... and all I want to do is curl up & cry. I feel like ****. Still.

*hides in shame*

MammaMia 14-04-2010 03:23 PM

*cuddles April* Bless you sweetheart. Various things keep her landing in hospital. Health issues relating to her ED usually. But sometimes 'someone' (who should ****ing die) lands her in there. She doesn't always go & I don't blame her. They're ****ing about as we speak actually, not that she thankfully knows it as she's unconscious. Trying to take care of me. Just bolted a huge amount of food down. Still hungry :| Going to wait it out for a while, see if dies or if I do need to eat even more :'( I'm so angry. I need to ****ing calm down before I explode or something :/ *breathes*

Don't hide in shame. You can do this darling. Try doing it little chunks if you can? :) *cuddles*

Scarletdreamer 14-04-2010 04:46 PM

I got both assignments done, now I just have to get my damn talk together for practicing this afternoon. :(

I eat SO ****ING MUCH!!!! I had to do a 3-day food analysis and... well, I'm within the guidelines of what percentages should come from what, but... :-X I eat a lot. It was triggering... is triggering... I HATE FOOD and I HATE CLASSES WHERE THEY TALK ABOUT IT. :crying:


*hides again* :'(

CrazyHayley 14-04-2010 05:41 PM

*group huggle!*

There have been 5pages since I last wondered out to the smoking shelter and got distracted by WoW. Even that managed to make me down last night when I was left for dead in a dungeon - April will know what I mean. I just thought it was a bit rude and felt really unvalued. Oh well I am extra sensitive at the moment, so I'm probably making something out of nothing.

Didn't sleep well last night as my finger had swelled up due to my ring being too tight. I was hoping that over night that it would get better, but silly me, it just got worse, so I had to get up and drag myself down to A&E to get my favourite ring cut off of my finger. Not impressed. So been in a foul mood over something really stupid and my own fault, but can't get myself out of it. I haven't done anything that I'd planned on doing and eaten far too much. Now I'm moaning.....

*hits self over head with saucepan to shut herself up*

Doikers 14-04-2010 06:00 PM

*Hugs Hayley* I'm sorry about your ring , hows your finger now?
I can empathise about being left in a dungeon ( On runescape but hey :) )

Scarletdreamer 14-04-2010 07:00 PM

*cuddles Hayley* Which dungeon? Deadmines? And yeh, it would make me feel unvalued too if no one "rezzed" me or waited for me to run back. (Sorry to the non-WoW players!! lol...) Did you at least get any good loot from the bosses? And it would upset me also, to have my favorite ring have to be cut off. :( Maybe you can get another one? I'm a little worried about my wedding band and engagement ring... my fingers swell because I don't drink enough water, so yeah... :-X

Mark, love, how you doing? *cuddles* Hope you didn't SI, but if you did we still love you!! :) Hehe.

I feel really icky today... I don't know why. I'm wearing a cami (here is what one looks like, the same brand etc.) so am feeling rather exposed and vulnerable, too girly. :( I got all of my work done except my talk, which I have to give very shortly... I'm terrified!!... stupid stupid stupid social anxiety. :'(

Had lunch with my bestie but it was a little awkward as the girl she's rooming with next term (she's done at uni after this semester and going to work at a hospital for her last 2 years) joined us without being invited. Didn't really know what to think of that... I like the girl, but... :-/ I wanted some time just with my best friend, you know? It doesn't feel like I get that anymore. But she did apologize for last weekend... which doesn't make things all better but it helped.

I am so sick of life. Just want to curl up in a hole and DIE, **** it all... :crying:

PoisonedApple 14-04-2010 07:02 PM

*cuddles Hayley* Awww... can you get the ring fixed by a jeweler to be a bigger size? Or repair the cut part and wear it on a necklace? How's your finger doing?
*cuddles April* I understand how you feel. Do you feel any better now?
*huggles other wardmates* How is everyone this fine morn? *looks at clock and notes 9 am* Or eve for some of you I'm sure *tucks in some wardmates*...?
I actually went to the gym last night. For the first time in forever lol. I almost didn't go cuz I was tired and whiny but I went anyway. I took my sister in law since her mom flaked on me... I do poorly at gyms alone... Alone I last maybe 20 minutes plus yoga class if I make it to one. With a workout buddy... I was there almost 2 hours last night and would have stayed longer but then we wouldn't have gotten home and gotten to have dinner before bed lol. I am glad I went though I felt more awake and better about myself. And surprisingly I'm not all that sore from it. But I have got to get into better shape. On the elliptical my heart rate was a fairly steady 204... A bit high but at least it was steady and I didn't push it to passing out. :)

SoMuchMore 14-04-2010 07:15 PM

*hugs oliver* yea i can understand how that got you down. I'm glad u r feeling a little better. How is ur hand?

*hugs helen* Im sorry that you had a bad night and about ur friends. It sounds like its scary/draining to have to worry about them winding up in the hospital all the time. As april said, make sure you take care of yourself too.

*cuddles JK* you are not a loser. I'm sorry that you had such a horrible day, it sounds like it was very upsetting and stressful. Take care of ur wound. Hope you are okay.

*hugs mark* Hope you managed not to SI too badly. Sounds like going for a walk is a good idea, sometimes distractions like that are very helpful.

*cuddles april* Good luck on your talk hun. I understand being terrified of it, it sucks. (On the bright side.. u may not remember it lol.. i usually dissociate during speeches b/c im so anxious lol). Im sorry you didnt get any alone time with your bestie. Sometimes thats really annoying, especially if u need to talk about something. Please don't curl up and die, we would miss you very much here :-)

*hugs hayley* I'm sorry about ur finger/ring. That sucks. I would prolly be in a bad mood after all that too. Hope that today has gotten a least a little better for you.

*hugs crimson* glad that you had a good time at the gym!

Oh and for everyone that mentioned it, dont worry, I cleaned the wounds afterwards.
I am a pathetic person though. I try to help people so much and hardly ever open up to anyone, and then when i do people don't stick around for very long, they decide to leave. My ex was the person that stayed with me longest, but even he made the conscience decision to get rid of me... and he did so a long time before he told me about anything. I wish that girl had not emailed me. It makes me hate her even more if thats possible. I dont want to hear excuses or anything like "i just want everyone to be ok." Im sorry everyone.. This is stupid. I shouldnt bother people with any of it.

Doikers 14-04-2010 07:23 PM

* Hugs Laura * you are not pathetic at all . I'm sorry I don't have many words .

I've cut yes , but I have put on ( Basic ) dressings, I'll wash them properly later .

Scarletdreamer 14-04-2010 07:44 PM

Urgh, I am so scared of my talk... :-X I have to give it in less than an hour (probably)... don't want to do it, don't want to!!!!! :crying: And I think that the decaf latte I got wasn't decaf at all which isn't helping matters. :'(

*cuddles Crimson* Glad you got to the gym, that's awesome!! :D I need to go... but I doubt I will. At least I have a workout routine I can do at home that my personal trainer gave me. :) And I also have my bike, so I can ride... there are a LOT of hills around here to give me good exercise. :-X

*cuddles Laura* Well, WE are not going to leave you... so you'll just have to put up with that. ;) Talk about yourself all you want, honestly, because we all do and it's a good way to get support. We care about you, hon, and want to help you as much as you've helped us. :) ♥

*cuddles Mark* I'm sorry that you SI'd... but at least you've taken care of it/them... remember though, you are worth so much more than that. :) What are you going to do the rest of the day to stay distracted?

I spy an Oliver, a Mark, and a Laura!! :D

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