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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

CrazyHayley 30-03-2010 08:09 PM

*group huggle!!*

Wow I always seem to be asleep in the corner of the ward/offline when everyone is needing hugs. There have been so many posts in such a short amount of time I can't reply to them all, but a few things have prompted responses in my brain so I'll try and type them out before they disappear!

*poss trig*
Thank you Hels for the info on M.E, I wish I knew how to add things like that online & what not, but thats too much for my brain to cope with atm! I've had M.E since december 1997, quite simply its ruined my life. But I don't think I'd need RYL if it was only that, but it was in June 1998 that I was raped and started SI'ing, June 2000 my first serious su attempt. Only when I went to psychologist last year have I been told that I've been suffering from PTSD all this time. But the thing I struggle with the most is my PMDD (Pre-Menstrual dysphoric disorder) its a mood disorder that is linked to the chemicals and hormones of monthly cycle and basically I have 7-10 'sane' days a cycle, the rest I'm irrational and feel worthless and all my past feelings and issues rise to the surface and I want to SI and SU again.

ooh, and April, I think it was you who said about friends IRL etc. Well my psychologist last year suggested I take time away from RYL, she said that as much as I was supporting other people and getting support, she again wanted me to put my energies into 'real' friendships and didn't want me to have the constant reminders of SH. Well I gave here a break for about 6months or so, tried real life, and here I am again. I much happier here with less urges. So I say, do whatever makes you feel the best - which I know is hard at the mo as you feel so horrid. *special huggles*

Hmm...probably more I wanted to say but I'm currently drawing a blank....

*toddles round psych ward watering pot plants*

MammaMia 30-03-2010 09:40 PM

*cuddles both of you tight*

Sorry it's not more :S

Scarletdreamer 30-03-2010 10:44 PM

NP appt soon... and it looks like my husband won't be able to come with. :crying: I am so scared that she'll send me to hospital...

*hides*

(sorry for lack of individual replies at the mo)

PoisonedApple 30-03-2010 10:55 PM

*cuddles April*
Let us know how it goes.

MammaMia 30-03-2010 10:59 PM

*cuddles April*

Let us know how it goes if you can x

Kahlia1981 30-03-2010 11:40 PM

*huggles everyone*

Thanks for the kind words everyone from last night.
The Xanax got me to sleep, but I really don't feel much better this morning.
My housemate raised the possibility that I might be coming out of the depression - hence the suicidality ... but the thought patterns don't quite seem to fit.
Meh, I don't know.

*hugs everyone then crawls into a deep, dark hole*

MammaMia 31-03-2010 01:35 AM

*cuddles Kahlia then hides in denial tent*

Kahlia1981 31-03-2010 01:46 AM

*sneaks into the denial tent and cuddles Helen, then sneaks back outside and curls up in a corner and starts crying*

MammaMia 31-03-2010 01:50 AM

*slips out and gets Kahlia and cuddles & cries with you*

It'll be okay..

Kahlia1981 31-03-2010 01:56 AM

*cuddles into Helen*
*keeps crying but wishes she could stop*
I hope it'll be okay Hels, I really do ... I just want all the ***** to stop ....

MammaMia 31-03-2010 02:51 AM

I know you do sweetheart. I wish it'd stop for you, for everyone really *holds you tight*

Scarletdreamer 31-03-2010 12:16 PM

*cuddles everyone*

The appt went alright... I was so terribly anxious the entire time it felt like I was going to throw up... couldn't stop moving. My NP had never seen me that way before and I've been going to her for 4 years. It was awful. But I'm not going into hospital (yet anyway :-S) and we're stopping the Depakote because that's what has seemed to make me so anxious lately. *shrug* It was a guess on my part but what isn't in the medical model? (at least, for me)

Ate a small supper last night when we got back - we left at 5:15 for a 6 o'clock appt, got home around 8:15 and in bed by nine!! which is EXTREMELY late for us. So I am tired, Jarrod is tired, and it's going to be a long day for us too. Thankfully he will have caffeine handy and won't have to be driving in the rain/dark (which it was [both] last night). Yuckie.

So I'm glad that I don't have to go to hospital... but I hate that I'm so... I don't know, well, anxious. And wanting to cut, and feeling unsafe, and all of that ****. I just want it to go away!! :( I want myself to disappear... I don't want to live anymore. :crying:

*hides*

Doikers 31-03-2010 12:35 PM

*Hugs ward*
I'm so sorry everyone is feeling so flat and low:( I wish I knew how to make things all better * Sprinkles majickal Faerie dust * maybe that will help , we can hope .
Ugh I have almost NO privacy at my folks , I'm alone this evening until tommorow afternoon , I am almost sure I'll S.I. tonight .
Anxious and Flat , sorry.

Scarletdreamer 31-03-2010 03:33 PM

Awh Mark, I'm sorry that you feel so shitty. :( *curls up next to* Please keep fighting the SI urges... you can fight them, I know that you can... and if you do SI please try and keep it not too serious, 'kay? *hugs tightly* I don't want anything bad to happen to you... I'm worried about you.

Hels, Kahlia, LauraStar, Crimson, Hayley, how are you guys?? *group huggle*

Just got back from breakfast out with a professor friend/mentor of mine... it was short but I feel awesome (well, part of me does :-S) because I had some books that she might use for a course next year!! :D That makes me so happy. I mean, I am still miserable and shitty and want to die (so so badly) but... at least I helped her some. :)

I am contemplating SI'ing... need to get some schoolwork done prior to that though... ugh. I feel so ****ing STUPID. :crying: And yeh, I know it sounds dumb, putting off SI until schoolwork is over, but it works...

Just a question, and I don't know if any of you will know the answer, but why was this site called "RuinYourLife" for awhile? that's not a very positive or healthy name for a supportive site. :-/

*hides*

MammaMia 31-03-2010 04:19 PM

*cuddles everyone*

April, I'm glad you're not having to go to hospital but I'm sorry you're still so anxious and whatnot. When this place was called RuinYourLife, it wasn't really exactly supportive or promoting recovery in those days really. For self harmers to post & stuff. Or something like that anyway. Not that I was around in those days :p I didn't get here til just after v3 came out =)

I'm struggling, I feel really stressed out and stuff :/ Surprised haven't done anything so far. But I'm strong I guess. I wish it was Thursday so I could see my Dad (and his partner on this occasion) :'( Normally see him Wednesday nights & every other Sunday but his new car isn't allowed to be out on the roads til tomorrow. >.> Wanted to see my friend today, as we usually meet on Wednesdays but haven't recently. She's busy but starts her Easter holidays tomorrow, so get to spend some time with her next week etc =D Wouldn't be very good company right now I expect. Just ready to explode. I need to ****ing cry. I also need to do bad things. Oh well. Struggle away...

Need my best friend. Not necessarily for support, just want her around. Feel better then. She's struggling too though :( Plus she's not been well, so haven't spoken to her online since early hours of Saturday. Have spoken a bit via texts over last few days but they've been less amount of texts too. She was hoping to be online today but as she's got a bad back, I doubt it. We shall see.....

God I whine too ****ing much :/

Doikers 31-03-2010 04:50 PM

*Hugs April* Thanks for worrying about me but the important thing is to look after YOU. I know it's the same advice you gave me but fight that urge and if you have to S.I. keep it safe please . I'm worried about you too. I'm glad you didn't have to go to hospital .

*Hugs Helen* You're not whineing at all mate , thats why we're here to listen and give support , I'm afraid I am lacking in supportive words , I can't find them . Here have an extra hug *HUGS Helen*

MammaMia 31-03-2010 06:44 PM

Thanks Mark :) *big cuddles*

Day feels like it's just getting worse and worse. I wish I was dead =(

PoisonedApple 31-03-2010 06:55 PM

Well I was going to update here but it turned into a rant since I'm frustrated and such so I moved what I wrote to my r/v thread...
How is everyone else?

CrazyHayley 31-03-2010 07:00 PM

*chuckles!*
mark, when you hugged the ward, did the walls grow arms and huggle you back?! ....ok I know that's not what you meant, but that's the picture that I had in my mind! *huggles Mark* lack of privavcy can suck when you've been so used to it - its only temporary though, chin up!

*huggles Helen* you don't whine, and if you do then I don't notice it as whining, so don't you worry bout it. Here is the place where we can air our feelings and not be judged or what not. Hope things start to improve for you soon and that your best mate feels better soon for both your sakes.

*huggles April* I'm so glad that you made it to your NP's appointment by yourself and that you're trying something (or rather cutting it out) to hopefully ease the anxiety. As for not SI'ing til you've done your school work, I don't think that sounds stupid, I think its a good distraction from SI and in some sort of way motivational for you to get your schoolwork done. But think of it like an extended 15minute game, if you can do your school work without SI'ing, then perhaps see if you can make it through another task such as eating dinner, etc?

*huggles Kahlia* don't loose heart, I wish I could tell you why you were feeling the way you are, if its depression lifting or what not, but I've less of an idea than the psychology students. All I can say is that mental health illnesses seem to differ slightly from one person to the next and so what you're feeling is....well, shitty and horrid....but they are feelings and emotions that won't stay around for ever - what's our motto?! * shouts in cheery voice* "IT CAN'T RAIN ALL THE TIME!"

*huggles Crimson* well done on yesterday's decluttering and all that you'd done before that. I love a good ol clear out, good for the mind, body and accomodation. It's just getting the motivation to start, but once started I get the bug!

*huggles Laura* missed out on individual replies on my previous posts when I wasn't up to it, but just cos you've not posted since I was on here, doesn't mean you get out of individual huggles!

*goes round peeking in all the hiding places in the ward for secret inmates in need of individual huggles*

*takes Puppy Sinclair outside to do his...stuff... whislt visiting smoking shelter*

CrazyHayley 31-03-2010 07:04 PM

ooh Crimson, just read your rant. No wonder you needed to have a rant! I'm with you and your hubby on this matter. Stick to your guns and ignore the idiots (polite word can be subsituted with word of your choice!) *extra special huggles*


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