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midnightphoenix 07-07-2012 09:49 AM

*gently hugs rising*

How are you all doing? (hugs)

happiness...its all a lie 07-07-2012 11:24 AM

*hugs rising* sorry you dont feel good hun, want to talk?

Thanks laura i have decided im not going to contact him until he bothers with me. Im going to say nothing. Its his choice im fed up of making all the effort all the time so its up to him now.

happiness...its all a lie 07-07-2012 09:15 PM

its quiet in here today *snuggles in the corner hoping someone will come in and keep company* dont like being alone.

midnightphoenix 07-07-2012 10:24 PM

*comes in and curls up in corner sobbing*

I can't do this any more

Louise 07-07-2012 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beautydylan (Post 3288163)
*comes in and curls up in corner sobbing*

I can't do this any more

*hugs* What is making you feel this bad?

midnightphoenix 07-07-2012 10:31 PM

I'm having constant anxiety attacks I can't breathe I think the ex is going to hunt me down and drag Dylan cat away from his owners and hurt him in front of me then kill me

sapphire hearts 07-07-2012 10:54 PM

*hugs dylan* i know anxiety attacks are awful honey, but they're not real. No one's going to hurt you xxx

something in my head is screaming, and i don't remember what i did today. the thoughts don't belong to me, i don't want this *shakes*

RootsbeforeBranches 08-07-2012 01:47 AM

*hugs dylan* anxiety is awful - remember that it will pass and don't forget to breathe.

*Hugs sapphire* feel better hun - on a side note what you wrote reminded me of River Tam from Firefly - has a poetic quality to it (I mean that as a compliment)

I am mixed up tonight... So many things going through my head and not a single sense to them.

sapphire hearts 08-07-2012 10:15 AM

*hugs Roots* it's hard when your thoughts don't make sense. Thanks for the compliment :) feel better sweetie

last night of holiday - have to go back to real life - not sure i can cope. i have to hold it together until i see the ED people, and i don't think i can.

RootsbeforeBranches 08-07-2012 08:13 PM

*throws Sapphire some glue* we'll help you hold it together - good luck!

I'm two months clean today... I should feel happier about it

happiness...its all a lie 08-07-2012 08:27 PM

well done being 2 months that amazing

*sobs in corner* am i really that unloveable and worthless.

Laura2.0 08-07-2012 08:47 PM

*hugs all*

happiness...its all a lie 08-07-2012 08:55 PM

im a dirty disgusting individual :(

RootsbeforeBranches 08-07-2012 09:05 PM

You are loved and valuable happiness. Hang in there

happiness...its all a lie 08-07-2012 09:26 PM

Im not honestly, no one loves me im just a nuisance and a burden to people. Im sorry everyone.

Laura2.0 08-07-2012 09:51 PM

You are certainly not a burden to us.

happiness...its all a lie 08-07-2012 10:08 PM

Thanks laura people at home make me feel like i am just wish i could vanish to a new place and start again.

midnightphoenix 08-07-2012 10:09 PM

Happiness you're not a burden (hugs)

why the flip do I have stomach ache like I'm dreading something

RootsbeforeBranches 08-07-2012 10:36 PM

Dylan - hope your stomach ache goes away!! Happiness you are anything BUT a burden. Stay strong dear!

Going to have a friend come over and distract me for the evening... I have this huge knot of anxiety in my solarplexus and it is making me want to be sick - the worst is I have no clue why it's there!

sapphire hearts 08-07-2012 11:24 PM

*hugs Faye* you are not a burden, or disgusting, or anything you seem to think. You are a fantastic person that we are all so glad to know.

*hugs Roots* anxiety sucks, hope you have fun with your friend!

*hugs dylan* hope you feel better soon hun

RootsbeforeBranches 09-07-2012 04:51 AM

Had a good night with my friend - we made a cake off of pinterest and it was way too sweet to actually eat so we're sending it to people we love tomorrow and making them eat it... evil, I know :)

I start teaching my little kids camps tomorrow - beyond anxious for them and kinda wish I didn't have to go...

happiness...its all a lie 09-07-2012 10:22 AM

Another day to wake up, another day feeling like ****. Another day spent with people who trigger me. What have i done i mean really what have i done?

sapphire hearts 09-07-2012 03:35 PM

*hugs faye* who's triggering you honey? why do you have to be around them?

*curls into ball* think I'm losing my mind. Thoughts that aren't mine are pushing forward, but they're not talking to me. I can't make out what the whispers are saying. There's a rustling in the back of mind, and I can feel something screaming. My head aches.

pandachan 09-07-2012 07:51 PM

i'm so ****ing scared of starting therapy again. my first meeting is next week.. and already my mind is racing with the things that i 'musn't' let her find out about.... :/ how the frack am i ever going to get better if i can never be honest wtith anyone all the way? i'm sick of being this weird effed up broken puzzle-masked lying fake fake fake

happiness...its all a lie 09-07-2012 08:06 PM

My family well my mum and brother they just make me feel so awful and my dad doesnt care. My mum talks to my dad and her friend about me behind my back. I hate it i cant bare it. I hide in my room as much as possible but i cant do that forever. I wish i could.

hun you need to get help, to get you through this. Are you going to see the dr?

Shattered_N_Scared 09-07-2012 09:31 PM

*hugs all

Miss it here.

RootsbeforeBranches 10-07-2012 01:00 AM

*hugs all*

Today was rough - had some really unruly kids who would not listen at all to me and I ended up being exhausted... Also - never try to explain vandalism to a five year old

Shattered_N_Scared 10-07-2012 01:54 AM

*hugs Roots

I can't even imagine. Trying to explain it to a teenager is bad enough!

RootsbeforeBranches 10-07-2012 01:59 AM

They were just rotten today and it didn't help my self esteem any at all

sapphire hearts 10-07-2012 03:08 PM

saw dr, referred to ED clinic. dont know when will see someone. keep cutting myself during the blank spaces. wish hed killed me. such a ****ing whore.

*hugs everyone* hope you're all ok

happiness...its all a lie 10-07-2012 03:52 PM

Your not a whore hun, keep the cuts clean. Im glad you got th referral.

sorry you guys are having a rough day too *hugs*

why is anything i do never good enough? i try but always fail.

sapphire hearts 10-07-2012 03:57 PM

*hugs Faye* you don't fail honey, and you ARE good enough

How can I cut myself and not remember? I don't SH anymore. I don't even want to. But there they are. What the **** is happening?

*hugs everyone*

Shattered_N_Scared 10-07-2012 08:08 PM

*hugs sapphire*

Sometimes you just go numb and don't remember things.

That's how I am right now. Numb to the world around me. Feeling like I should cry, but I can. Feeling like I should freakout, but just blank.

happiness...its all a lie 10-07-2012 09:30 PM

I wish i had never been born its more obvious now than ever that im not wanted and my family dont care. I cant do this. Please sedate me and let me die.

sapphire hearts 10-07-2012 09:38 PM

*hugs faye* sorry hun, no can do. if your family doesn't appreciate you they are complete idiots. everyone here values you so much, you are a lovely person, and i'm not ever giving up on you.

risenfromperdition 10-07-2012 10:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sapphire hearts (Post 3292084)
*hugs faye* sorry hun, no can do. if your family doesn't appreciate you they are complete idiots. everyone here values you so much, you are a lovely person, and i'm not ever giving up on you.

qft.

happiness...its all a lie 10-07-2012 10:34 PM

thanks, i wish you could though. Its like im in money trouble and need help but if i ask my family ignore me and get angry but my brother who is always in trouble with money if he asks then its not a problem. Im the runt, the black sheep. The one who shouldnt be here.

RootsbeforeBranches 11-07-2012 02:26 AM

Happiness - You should be here - there is a reason you are here and we love you.

I'm having a very hard time not falling into old habits tonight... I just want to give up

sapphire hearts 11-07-2012 04:06 AM

*hugs faye* in a similar situation with my brother - he gets whatever he wants and anything he does wrong is blamed on my problems. you're not alone honey. wish i could help. xxx

happiness...its all a lie 11-07-2012 10:06 AM

thanks hun, im sorry your in the same boat. My friend has said she will lend me the money if she can but wont know until the weekend. If not my car will stay on the drive uninsured and i wont drive it. It sucks having family like that. At last im alone and it feels like heaven. I just want to be gone.

roots- sorry your having a bad day hun, keep fighting its hard but you can do it.

midnightphoenix 11-07-2012 11:10 AM

*hugs sapphire and happiness*

happiness...its all a lie 11-07-2012 11:32 AM

hugs, how are you? xx

midnightphoenix 11-07-2012 11:50 AM

I'm not sure happiness, I don't know what I am any more. I think I'm a cat and I want to run away back to Yorkshire ...

happiness...its all a lie 11-07-2012 12:54 PM

hugs, sorry you dont knwo what you want. Have you got anyone you can talk to about things?

sapphire hearts 11-07-2012 03:13 PM

*hugs midnight* if you're a cat, your typing is excellent :) sorry you're feeling this way. did anything trigger this?

*hugs faye* how you doing honey?

happiness...its all a lie 11-07-2012 03:29 PM

hey *shrugs* not good. Still stressing, things seem a little better with my dad but yeah i dont know. I give up still money is my biggest worry.

hugs. how are you?

sapphire hearts 11-07-2012 05:30 PM

surge of motivation means my room is finally tidy. its fading though, now i'm vegging watching buffy.

sorry things are bad with your dad hun *hugs* he doesn't deserve someone as great as you as a daughter.

midnightphoenix 11-07-2012 07:16 PM

I've just been remembering the past a lot, remembering the rescue and it's making me want to run away back to Yorkshire ... Not sure why I feel like I'm a cat ...

sapphire hearts 11-07-2012 07:33 PM

cats are cute and fluffy. no reason not to want to be one i guess :)
sorry the past is difficult to deal with honey, but it's over and you're safe *hugs*

Gem-Louise 11-07-2012 07:58 PM

:( ended up in AandE this morning because i was feeling suicidal and i dont feel any better told the crisis team that i was planning on overdosing today and she wasnt even listening i just feel so low and upset right now just want everything to end :(


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