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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

misskitty112 03-01-2011 06:25 PM

*hugs Kitty*
*hugs Mark*
*hugs Helen*
*hugs Lia*

I'm not sure what's the matter, Lia. It's just... everything. I'm tired of hurting, of hurting other people, of struggling to function. I'm sick of it. I don't know.

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 06:30 PM

-hugs mark- The sleeping pills are actually an anti-depressant that causes drowsiness (my MD seemed to think they would be a good idea to go along with my anti-anxiety pills). They are called Trazodone, which is generic for Desyrel or something like that. And for some reason I have not considered using a water bottle at nights. -sighs- Just goes to show how stupid I am. But thanks for the idea, Mark. I'll keep it in mind.

-offers everyone a protective teddy to snuggle with-

Doikers 03-01-2011 06:33 PM

You're not stupid Kitty . :) *Hugs*

*Hugs Felicia*

Kahlia1981 03-01-2011 06:40 PM

*huggles/waves at all*

hewwo. sorry i've been so absent. things are *really* not good here. the depression is *extremely* bad. its affecting my appetite and now my housemate is trying to force food down my throat because he's concerned that i'm not eating. still trying to get my study done at the same time ... it just never rains but it pours. *sigh*

*sends warm wishes to everyone that they start feeling better* - *wishes she could do more*

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 06:41 PM

-shivers- Holy hell it's cold! But I can't turn up the heat my husband won't let me. He gets so mad when I do because it increases our electric bill (we have baseboard heaters so its even worse) and we still have assistance to pay it but we only have like $100 left in our account and if the bill goes over $100 we are screwed. Energy is so expensive in this town it is ridiculous!

-pulls heavy blankets over her and snuggles into them-

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 06:44 PM

-hugs kahlia- Awe, sorry you have been so depressed. I hope things get better for you.

Doikers 03-01-2011 06:50 PM

*Squishes Kahlia* I'm sorry your Depression is getting to you , I really hate that when it happenes to any of us :( *Sends warm wishes back to you* You'll get through this hun , you will .

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 07:00 PM

Sometimes I wonder how mental illness came about. I mean, in the old days, like horse and buggy days and stuff, you never heard of mental illness. I wonder if it was just something that wasn't heard of because they didn't know about it or if something along the road of life caused it. You hear about suicides a lot today but you didn't really hear about it back then. Makes me kind of want to go back in time and see for myself. If it wasn't an issue back then, what caused it for the here and now? It sucks majorly! Sorry just random thought rambling.

SparkleKitten 03-01-2011 07:08 PM

Is mainly because suicide was seen as a lot more shameful and was punishable by death for a huge number of years here in the UK. There was no help available and a lot of people drank and smoked heavily, I think these could all have something to do with it. Plus with our ever increasing lifespan I think possibly mental illness could be easier detected. Not to mention people didn't talk about personal things like that, it just wasn't the done thing. Well thats my take on it hun. *cuddles Wardies*

Had a low day today, enjoyed a nice long walk but then my mood dropped and I've no idea what to do. >:(

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 07:12 PM

I have heard about how suicides used to be punishable by deaths...I thought it was funny. But you make a good point there, Sarah.

-snuggles sarah- Sorry you had a low day today. I lubbles you.

I have to go for my appointment. I have another one in about 3 and a half hours but I will be back after this one for a while until I have to leave for my second one. Love you all. xx

SparkleKitten 03-01-2011 07:15 PM

Lubbles you too my snugglekitty :) hope your appointment goes well. I thought the death penalty thing was a joke at first, then realised just how misunderstood things have been before now. Sure some people have issues with people who have mental health problems but nothing compared to what they have been.

MammaMia 03-01-2011 07:21 PM

*cuddles everybody*

Kitty, that sucks about the heating *sends you warmth* Try snuggle up with blankets and hot water bottles?

Mark, tomorrow sounds like a good time to ask :)

Sarah, low days suck. I think I'm sorta having one =/ Particularly after whining on my LJ. *cuddles*

Kahlia, I'm sorry your depression is so bad. Keep going sweetie, it won't always pour *hugs* xx

SparkleKitten 03-01-2011 07:24 PM

*snuggles Helen* I don't have a reason to be low right now, thats what annoys me more than it being a low day. I had a good day. I'm having a good evening. I don't understand >:(

Doikers 03-01-2011 07:26 PM

*Hugs Sarah*

MammaMia 03-01-2011 07:28 PM

*hugs Sarah* I hate that. It's quite a bitch isn't it?

SparkleKitten 03-01-2011 07:31 PM

*cuddles Mark and Helen* Tis awful. No motivation to do anything either. *Hides in corner*

Doikers 03-01-2011 07:34 PM

Sarah , I often have zero motivation too, Not even to read a book or watch a movie *Sigh* Sorry. I was just trying to empathise but I think it came out wrong :S

SparkleKitten 03-01-2011 07:43 PM

I don't know how it could be read as anything other than empathising Mark :) I wanted to play sims 3 but was put off when I realised new stuff had been released and I didn't have it. Silly things keep putting me off doing something. Like I don't want to listen to music because my earphones have a knot in them. Got to make a doctors appointment tomorrow to finally get a repeat for my meds issued that has the correct dose, I've had to go every 2 weeks because he made me double my dose but the issued meds stayed the same _

Doikers 03-01-2011 07:47 PM

Ugh , I hate it when they mess with my meds , is your Dr going to perscribe you the correct dose?

SparkleKitten 03-01-2011 07:59 PM

Hopefully. I'm fed up of going in every 2 weeks and receptionists moaning about how I only had the last one 2 weeks ago. Is how I ran out, she refused to issue it and had to have an appointment but it clashed with my hospital one when that was moved so I ran out. Kinda funny really

Doikers 03-01-2011 08:05 PM

Well I hope you get it sorted tomorrow hun :)

SparkleKitten 03-01-2011 08:11 PM

Thanks Mark :) Beginning to start feeling better now, I swear this ward works magic.

Doikers 03-01-2011 08:17 PM

This ward is awesome because of all the awesome folks on it :)

SparkleKitten 03-01-2011 08:23 PM

We're all awesome xD

Doikers 03-01-2011 08:31 PM

Exactly , Sorry I'm not super chatty tonight :S

FlyingNy 03-01-2011 08:38 PM

*Hugs Sarah, Mark, Kitty, Helen and Elaine*

One question, what on Earth was the point in punishing sucide by death? Who came up with that? Not only is there very little that can be done about it if the attempt works, but surey killing someone for it won't be much punishment if that's what they were trying to do in the first place... That's basically like saying 'you tried to kill so and so, it failed. Your punishment is to kill so and so.' Weird people.

Doikers 03-01-2011 08:41 PM

*Hugs Lia* I agree it's just plain stupid

*Spots and hugs Solo*

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 08:44 PM

I'm back. -hugs and cuddles ward-

Edit: Helen I am sitting here snuggled up in my sleeping bag lol it looks funny but least the bottom is closed up so my feet have a chance to warm up too.

Doikers 03-01-2011 08:53 PM

Hey Kitty , Welcome back , How was your appointment?

MammaMia 03-01-2011 09:00 PM

Kitty, oh good idea re:sleeping bag

Lia, I was thinking that lol. What an odd world we live in.

Sarah, yay glad you're managing to feel bit better. I hate lack of motivation, it sucks.

Does anyone else have a LJ? I know April does & I've got hers =) I started one up yesterday.

PoisonedApple 03-01-2011 09:01 PM

*hugs everyone*
I hate that my reaction to things I'm too opposed to confronting is to shut off...
On the other hand... MY IN-LAWS MOVED OUT! I know, we all thought they'd be there forever, but nope! They moved out on the 1st!
Now if everything this year was going so well...

How is everyone?
I have an LJ Hels but I haven't used it in probably 2 years now. lol

Doikers 03-01-2011 09:02 PM

I have an LJ Helen , I go through spurts of writing followed by periods of time of nothing though , I'm really bad at it , I can't often think of much to write.

MammaMia 03-01-2011 09:02 PM

Yaaaay for Crimson :D

Doikers 03-01-2011 09:03 PM

Oh thats good news Crimson , about your in laws :) *Hugs*

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 09:06 PM

Thanks Mark. It was alright. Short and sweet. It was an appointment to reapply for energy assistance. Just had to fill out some paperwork and stuff. Now we have to wait a couple of weeks to find out if we are approved for continued assistance and if so we will find out how much we will receive in assistance and when it will be applied to our account. It wasn't too bad. The next appointment is the one I worry about. It's an appointment with my MD. I have been kind of waiting for it but at the same time I'm not looking forward to it because I really do not like the doctor. I have to discuss with him my concerns about believing I have schizophrenia and try to get on meds for that. Also have to see if he can up my dose on my anti-anxiety meds because they seem to be helping a little but would like to try a higher dose. Also need to talk to him about my problem with the sleeping meds. He will probably try to get me to discontinue them but if I don't have anything to take to help me sleep I won't be able to sleep. -sighs- Oh I hate anxiety of going to the doctor!

SparkleKitten 03-01-2011 09:09 PM

Heh I downloaded an ebook on healthy eating patterns and why diets are bad for the system to rationalise why I'm piling on weight whilst being forced onto mums diet.

Nice to hear about the inlaws Crimson

How was the appointment Kitty? Hope it went well

Helen - I don't have a live journal, I'm too scared people will find me :p Might set one up soon though

Mark, I write like you :p my IRL journal is like that, months missing then 2 or 3 posts per day :p

Doikers 03-01-2011 09:14 PM

*Hugs Kitty* I have that same anxiety of going to the Dr I just am currently waiting for an envelope to plop through my door with an appointment ,I am due one.

*Hugs Sarah* It's sounds like a good ebook , could you follow it's advice at all?

SparkleKitten 03-01-2011 09:24 PM

Yeah, it seems to help perfectly and makes wonderful sense. Explains how the diets don't work and how really people need to focus more on what they need not what they think they're supposed to need. Also explains why what mum does makes me ill.

FlyingNy 03-01-2011 09:31 PM

Sarah, where do you download your stuff from? I got an E-book for Christmas and am having trouble finding a decent site.

SparkleKitten 03-01-2011 09:33 PM

Amazon, I got a kindle app for my android tablet and get them in kindle format.

In other news - so the TV says something and the guy on there instantly knows more than anyone ever according to my mum. How I haven't gone insane and punched her in her stupid fat face I don't know.

FlyingNy 03-01-2011 09:35 PM

I sometimes wonder how I've kept my cool all these years sarah. You're just a better person than she is.

SparkleKitten 03-01-2011 09:38 PM


No seriously, thats not hard, I've never kicked the dogs...

FlyingNy 03-01-2011 09:42 PM

I've often wanted to kick my dog, but I love him really.

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 09:51 PM

Sarah, my mom is similar. She does not kick her dogs, though. She has only been physically violent towards me once. When I was a teen, she was so pissed off at me for one of my grades and my teacher had written something on the report card but it wasn't true. I did not give in and say "Yeah it's true I did wrong" I kept my ground and told her it wasn't true. I told her my side of the story (which was the truth) but she believed the teacher over me. And just because I wouldn't admit that I was wrong she threw a box that she had in her hands full of stuff at me. It hit me and left a bruise. To this day I don't remember the details of that fight other than what I just said. But now I don't even try to stand up for myself anymore because I still have the fear of her because of that incident. Now she is not physically abusive to me but she is verbally abusive. She doesn't even see it, that's how far in denial she really is. She thinks she is just giving me constructive criticism but I know otherwise. It's been going on all my life, and it's not about to change. It's so hard to live with it...even though I don't live with her anymore I hear it every time I talk to her on the phone she goes on about one thing or the other that's wrong with me and every time I go to visit her she constantly talks about stuff that's wrong with me it never ends. -snuggles sarah- Sorry you have to deal with it, too.

PoisonedApple 03-01-2011 09:54 PM

*sighs and sits on the floor*
The following content has been hidden - Reason : my current dilemma/state of being shut down
Ok, so my friend M's brother killed himself on New Years... We've not been friends that long and I never met her brother. Since I work for a part of the state gov't and her brother died in jail after turning himself in for a probation violation her husband wants me to tell him how to get the jail staff disciplined for not having him on a suicide watch and for his death... I don't know what to tell him other than the ombudsman's office (but in my experience that won't help). I think it is the fault of his doctors personally... They put him on several meds that had the side effect of "severe mood swings, paranoia and suicidal thoughts and tendencies" when they have a family history of depression and such and didn't monitor him at all! In the span of a couple days he was freaking out, thought someone was watching him all the time, turned himself in to the jail (to which his family thought "it's the last place he needs to be but at least he's safe") and then less than 8 hours after turning himself in killed himself.
Anyway back to my dilemma... In person I'm horrible at supporting people and this is person number 5 in the last year in her family to die. Aside from acting like nothing happened and everything's fine I dunno what to do or say and everything feels awkward... And I'm uncomfortable with people's emotions in general (probably because I'm uncomfortable with my own but anyhow...) so the instant switch from laughing to crying and I just don't know what to do. I'm her closest friend... really her only friend that still hangs out that isn't in her family... so I can't just avoid it... Any ideas? Advice? Anything?

FlyingNy 03-01-2011 09:57 PM

Just let her know you're there for her Crimson, but let her lead the conversations. If she doesn't want to talk about it, don't make her, but at the same time, don't brush her off if she does. Ask her how she is and don't take 'fine' to be the truth. We all know too well what 'fine' can really mean.

Doikers 03-01-2011 10:07 PM

You could tell her about her Brothers meds a whatnot like you told us and tell her to take that information to the onbudsman ? and like Lia says just be there for her and be a friend . I know this is crap advice on my part but I have no experience with this , sorry.

nicole94 03-01-2011 10:10 PM

*Hugs everyone*
So I did something good today, although it doesn't feel good :(

warning-could be triggering-SA.
(The hide boxes wouldn't work :/

.................................................. .................................................. ............
So my friend Leon text me earlier, i'm gonna write out the texts to make it easier:
Leon-Blow job
Me-What about it?
Leon-You needa give me one
Me-No I don't
Leon-What about a ****?
Leon-Wow you're turning that down aswell? Really?
Leon-So you will never ever want me to **** you? Ever?
Leon-whats wrong with you....
Me-I can't keep sleeping with you or have any sexual contact with you-i'm sorry, but if i'm ever gonna get my life back i've gotta start respecting my body.....
Leon-Ok don't have fun then, All it would be is pleasure but ok....If you wanted woulda done you so hard though ha.
why do I still feel like I shoulda done it? I don't feel good at all, I just feel like i've lost the last person that would ever want me in that way :(

Doikers 03-01-2011 10:15 PM

Nicole Hun *Hugs* You stood up and stood your ground and you should be so very proud of yourself .

nicole94 03-01-2011 10:20 PM

*Hugs Mark* Thankyou :) But I still don't feel good, he was the closest thing I had to a relationship and now I feel like i've lost that :(

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