*Group Hugs*

Hi QueenMedic , I'm Mark :)

Hi Mark, I am Ash (or Ashley)

*group hugs*

Cuddles all, then goes into a corner and hides under a blanket. Sorry guys.

Sorry for double posting feeling unsafe and triggered. Just want to hide. Sorry for being a pain.

*Hugs Jill Tons*

I've just had a letter from the Houseing Benefit people , I've been picked out by the new government scheme to be checked on for my benefits , I'm stressed now , It makes me feel like I'm cheating the system even though I know I'm not and they say in the letter that they can take away my Housing Beneifts !! I need them for rent :S Triggered , stressed , Headache , Don't need this........

*hugs all ward mates*

*waves at Ash* Hi, I'm Kahlia. Welcome to the ward. We're a pretty friendly bunch of people and it can move incredibly fast around here. I hope you can find whatever you need whether that be someone to listen to you or some cyber hugs from all around the world. :-)

I'm jumping online to quickly let you all know that my computer is basically out of commission. It's going to take a AU$900 rebuild to "fix" the problem because the component which requires replacing means that the three biggest integral parts of the computer (motherboard, CPU and RAM) all need to be replaced. Of course I now have to come up with the money so my housemate has allowed me to share his computer until the parts can be ordered and fitted.

The upshot of this is that I won't have as much access to the computer as I would like to or am used to and that will cause me some serious grief, but it is better that destroying the "old" components. You can rest assured I will be thinking of all of you and wondering how things are going for you all.

*finds and pats Puppy SinClair and leaves hugs, stuffed animals and safe love and care packages on the table for everyone to find*

Oh NO! Kahlia , Eep , I'm sorry about your computer , I will be thinking of you even though you can't get online as much *Hugs* It's nice of your Flat Mate to share though :)

Can't do this, stressed, and very triggered, damn it I need to want to hurt. My head is such a mess today, can't keep it straight.

*hugs everyone*

hope you sleeped good april <3

good luck with the housing benefits thingy mark- im sure if they know you need it for rent and whatnot you'll be fine, and you;re not cheating the system

*hugs shadowed [god my memory needs to stop f*cking me about... i cant remember your name =\]* you CAN do this, here if wanna talk :)

kahlia, sucks bout your comptuer =[

*curls up in corner* ergh, had breakfast. full =[ dont liiike =\

*hugs Ash* Heyyy. I'm Felicia.
*Hugs Mark* I'm sorry you're triggered.
*hugs Kahlia* That sucks about your computer. I hope you can get it fixed soon
*hugs Jill*
*Hugs Heather*

I hate school. My professor likes my thesis for my Chaucer paper. Hates the way I supported it. So... I have to rewrite six pages. plus my other work, plus Banned Book week.

*hugs everyone*

My brother was over visiting this weekend so I have been kept distracted. I'm scared of what's going to happen now he's gone.

*Hugs Jill* Talk to us if you feel triggered , it might help :)

*Hugs Felicia* I'm sorry you dislike school , Do you like some parts of it ? you could focus on them ?

Erm I ended up hurting, my nuckles are killing me. Really want to do worse, sod it.

*hugs everyone*
I spoke to my cpn i lied and told him that everything was fine but it isnt the devil is stronger he wants me to die am scared am going to do something bad

Jill, please try not to hurt yourself more. We are here for you.

RYUU, can you speak to your CPN again and be honest with him?

Good morning/afternoon/evening, whatever it is where you are. :) And sorry, no indivs again at the moment... :( But welcome, Ashley, I'm April. Nice to see another new face around here. As Kahlia said, we're a friendly, chatty, supportive group of people... but the ward can move quite quickly at times so don't worry if you can't really keep up all that well, especially at first. :)

Totally made a mess of today by not getting up until 8:45am... that's SUPER SUPER LATE for me and now I feel like I've wrecked the day. I am officially stupid.

I have to leave to go to my nutritionist's in a bit. **** that. I really really do NOT want to go. She says that I "don't emote well" - i.e., show emotions, I guess? bleh, it's just that I feel like I have to wear a mask around her 'cause I don't know her very well at all!!! - and I really don't want to go!!!!! *whinges* Heh. I know, I know, I should just SHADDUP and be thankful that I can see a nutritionist etc. But... well, okay fine, I'll shut up. :'( About that anyway.

Ugh. I can't believe I'm still tired!!! after almost exactly 12 hours of sleep. :-S Really need to start setting my alarm for 6:30ish. :( Can't be letting myself sleep so damn much.

*hides in the warren again after glomping Lia, Ryuu, and Jill* <3

*snuggles april* :) im just gonna answer this on fb cuz im lazy but yus. <3 love youuuu

He'll be out of the office now got an appointment with him on Friday
Will be honest with him

*Huggles Heather*

*Glomps April*

*Bear tackles Lindsay*

*Snuggles Ryuu* I agree that you should try and speak the truth to your cpn , you could write it down and hand them the paper , I've done that , it can help .

*hugs everyone tight*

Sorry that most of us are struggling right now.

Hi Ash! I'm Laura.

There have been too many pages for me to try to do individuals, but I have read all of them. I just keep getting more and more busy. Sorry everyone, Im really not trying to ignore. <3

Anyway, I went to the weekly meeting for my web editor position and it was confusing as heck. Everyone else knew what was going on and nobody really explained anything to me.. which i did not appreciate at all. I guess its going to be more of a figure it out as I go position. Also, had a pretty good weekend with my parents. Its good to see them in short spurts... its when im around family for a long time that things start to get dicey heh. Other than that, I think i am pretty much living for work right now. Nobody at the newspaper realizes how that job is keeping me alive but it is. Everyone remember, one reason... no matter how trivial it may seem... one reason to live is enough.

*hides*

I hate my mother.

*quickily comes out of her hiding place, jumps on lia and gives her a big bear hug, then runs back in again so noone see's her.*

*Hugs Nicole* Why do you hide?

*Hugs Lia* Whats the matter Lia?

I just thought all that has ended.

*Hugs Nicole and Mark*

You alright Nicole?

*hugs mark and lia*
i'm just really triggerd at the moment, group work scares the crap outta me and i've been having to work on our group project all day with 4 other girls which has been really hard and i'm just fed up now and wanna SH :(

Please try not to Nicole. I know how strong urges can be, but you'll feel so much better in the long run if you resist. Think of how you feel in the morning after you've managed to resist cutting. Strong, like you've won.

I feel terrible today, I'm still kinda fed up of my degree, I mean I can do it, it just seems dull and uninteresting, and I know thats because my brain chemistry is being chewed up by my meds, but I'm scared that I'll fail. Really triggered too, but I refuse to give in. The praise from my counsellor and fiance after not doing so for a week is warming and gives me hope, I just don't know what to do with myself. I realised I want to do something else with my life but now I can't for another 2 years due to my degree and I know I'm not doing great at it and I'm just confused. Sorry.

*Hugs Sarah* Sorry it's not more :S

*feels invisible* not even a hello after not posting for 2 days? :-(

I know i sound really whiny when i say that b/c i know we are all struggling but... *shrug*

nevermind.

*Hugs Laura* Sorry :S I really didn't mean to make you feel invisible , you're not invisible to us here I promise . I'm triggered and not happy that I've been chosen to be examined about my benefits , and pretty scared about that . But still sorry .

That was me being melodramatic. I was upset that I have to do so much revision and it felt like school's beating my ass. But it's midterm week, it's supposed to feel like that. Actually, if I'm completely honest, school keeps me sane... I mean, come on, all I do is lose myself in a story, discuss it, then write about it. It's pretty much heaven.

*hugs Lia*
*hugs Nicole* please don't harm
*hugs Sarah* I'm sorry everything is so confusing
*glomps Laura* I've missed you! I'm sorry everything is so busy and your position isn't explained. I'm sure you'll still rock it though. I'm glad you had a nice weekend with your family. And I agree, one reason to live is enough. <3
*hugs Mark* I'm sorry you're so triggered, dear. You can PM me if you'd like.

As I think I've stated, school is beating my ass. I've had to map out an hour by hour chart of how to get my work done. So I work for Banned Books Week at 3, then my chart starts at 4.... yay.
Oh, and I got 5 books at the book sale today The Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons, then three incredibly trashy vampire romances. School needs to calm the eff down so I can read them.

hugs everyone

Thinking about you all

*Sigh* Thankyou for the offer of a PM Felicia, I wish I'd read it before I injured can I PM you another time if I get triggered or need a chat again ? I really don't want to make you busier on top of your school work .
Why has the council picked ME to examine housing benefits ?:( I'm worried.

*Hugs Louise* How are you?

Mark, I promise, PMs don't make me any busier. I would love for you to PM me next time you get triggered... or find me on Facebook, I'm always there. Either one works. =)
It could be just a routine examination type thing. I get examined all the time for my Mental Health benefits and such. I wouldn't be too worried. It'll all work out =)

So I just typed out some individuals and my laptop had a hissy, so here we go, this is helpful, keeps me distracted...

*hugs Louise* Thanks, thats really sweet :)

*Snuggles Felicia* Thanks, I know that having it to focus on and having it to go to keeps me sane but I just feel so hopeless sometimes :(

*cuddles Mark* You'll be okay, you're honest and so you have nothing to worry about. I hope you'll be okay though.

*bear hugs Laura* I'm sorry, I didn't read any previous posts before venting :(

*cuddles Lia* Your advice, though not pointed at me, really helped. Thanks, and I know what you mean about the mother situation. Mine can be truly awful with me.

*cuddles Nicole* I hate group work too, and I have so much of it this year :( it really gets to me.

*snuggles anyone I missed*

x

*hides in a hole after giving Laura some big cuddles*

I just wish... oh poop, never mind. :'(

*Bear Hugs April* What do you wish ?......

*cuddles all*

cries

*Cuddles Helen* How are you this evening ?

*Hugs Louise* Whats happened ? Are you okay?

i'm sorry feeling low, me being stupid

*cuddles Louise, Helen, Mark and April*

I feel terrible :( its just not fair

*Hugs the Ward* I'm going to bed , tired(ish) , I hope I get nice post tomorrow :)
Goodnight Wardies :)

night night mark

* offers cuddles* You're not being stupid. Sorry you're feeling low.

Full of tiredness and excitement!!! *cuddles Mark*

It's never fair feeling terrible :( I felt like **** emotionally yesterday which carried on to this morning but I've brightened up since then. But feel **** physically, joy hey? *cuddles*

Sleep well =) xxxxx

*Hugs everyone.

I'm so glad my words helped you Sarah, that actually made me feel better making you feel better. Lol, does that make sense?

*Hugs Laura* How are you today?

*Hugs Louise* You're not being stupid. We're here to listen if you want us to.

*Hugs Mark* Night night, hope you sleep well.

*HUgs April* What's up?

*Hugs Helen* Hey, hey, you alright?

*Hugs Felicia* Sorry your work's all getting on top of you and everything. Do you necessarily have to redo the whole paper? Couldn't you just change bits, or leave it as it is? After all, it's English, you can't be wrong as long as your argument is good.

I'm pretty fed up tonight, but otherwise alright. My mum hit me and told me I was disgusting (not at the same time). The she had a go at me for using my phone, and just about everything else I did. My sister swore at me and raised a sarcasic eyebrow at my outfit this morning and said 'nice'. Just another day in this family then.

hugs lia.cuddles everbody else.
wow another crap day. erm ended up selfharming on more time, and now my knuckles are kill me, not great. still feel like i want to hurt again.

*Hugs Jill* Sorry you felt low enough to cut. I hope you don't do it again. I care about you. I've never met you, but I care.