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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

FlyingNy 28-08-2010 12:55 AM

Damn been spotted! Not that I was hiding. I'll get up for you Helen, I don't get up early, but I am so used to being tired and not sleeping, I can't see what differecne it's going to make.

Hey, I have a new term. Instead of 'fine' or 'bangtidy' I'm going to 'consist of minute particles' my friend dictionary.comed 'fine' and that's one of the results she got.

What's going on tomorrow Oliver?

Are you feeling any better April? *Hugs*


anarchistl0ve 28-08-2010 12:57 AM

*cuddles back* hanging in there

FlyingNy 28-08-2010 01:00 AM

Glad to hear it Becca :) How have you been today? xx

frenchhorn 28-08-2010 01:06 AM

its manchester pride parade tomorrow, which I am marching in, excited as its my first ever pride, but really anxious cos of loads of people being there.
*cuddles you all* I best get to bed now, may post some photos of pride tomorrow if anyone would like to see, or will make a thread in the photo board. night all

MammaMia 28-08-2010 01:10 AM


Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2464550)
Lol Hels, sure, I'll get up before 7am for you. :P Since I usually wake up/get up at 6am that shouldn't be a problem for me. Sorry, not rubbing it in, or at least, not meaning to. :-/ It's very uncommon to find someone my age that gets up that early... even my parents are surprised. Heehee. XD *cuddles* I hope that you have a good time at your sister's (?right?).

Yay April, thank you :P You're not rubbing it in at all :) I agree it's uncommon but some people just do *cuddles tight* It is my sister's yes :D


Originally Posted by frenchhorn (Post 2464556)
*sits in a corner somewhere safe and cries* sorry i have been a useless ward mate recently.
I'm also anxious and excited for tomorrow

*cuddles Oliver* You're not useless.


Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2464567)
*cuddles Oliver* Don't worry about being "useless" - you weren't being useless anyway - you just had a TON of stuff on your plate that you were coping with, and it's no wonder that you kind of took a break from the ward!! What's tomorrow? whatever it is, I'm glad that you have something to be excited about again. ^_^



Originally Posted by IceQueenHasAHeart (Post 2464568)
Damn been spotted! Not that I was hiding. I'll get up for you Helen, I don't get up early, but I am so used to being tired and not sleeping, I can't see what differecne it's going to make.

Hey, I have a new term. Instead of 'fine' or 'bangtidy' I'm going to 'consist of minute particles' my friend dictionary.comed 'fine' and that's one of the results she got.

Thanks Lia ^_^ Nice new term =P


Originally Posted by frenchhorn (Post 2464590)
its manchester pride parade tomorrow, which I am marching in, excited as its my first ever pride, but really anxious cos of loads of people being there.
*cuddles you all* I best get to bed now, may post some photos of pride tomorrow if anyone would like to see, or will make a thread in the photo board. night all

YAAAAAAAAAAAY, I want piccies!!!!!!! Have fun ^_^ I'll be near you tomorrow anyway ;) Well...sort of.

*cuddles everyone*

FlyingNy 28-08-2010 01:37 AM

Have fun Oliver :)

risenfromperdition 28-08-2010 02:41 AM

oooo, enjoy pride oliver =]

~Kaytee~ 28-08-2010 02:59 AM

*peeks in and sends hugs to everyone*

MammaMia 28-08-2010 03:03 AM

*jumps on Katie* Love you birthday girl ;)

~Kaytee~ 28-08-2010 03:14 AM

*falls over and giggles* love you too gorgeous :)

Have a good time Oliver x

MammaMia 28-08-2010 03:20 AM

Nobody's wishing me a good time =[

*giggles but helps you up*

~Kaytee~ 28-08-2010 03:25 AM

Aww... have a good time sleeping when you do go! *giggles* Hope you have a good time tomorrow ;-)

MammaMia 28-08-2010 03:35 AM

Cheeky :P Thank you honey :D

Detour. Derail 28-08-2010 04:43 AM


Originally Posted by misskitty112 (Post 2463403)
needhelp, *hugs* I'm sorry, you can PM me if you want to. I'm always up for listening :)

Lex, I'm so sorry I didn't see this earlier. I hope you did find some support though, sweetie. If you ever need someone and no one's in here, you can email me (link's in my profile) and it'll get delivered to my phone and I'll read and reply ASAP. *hugs*

Thankyou. I ended up ranting to my mate by text and apologising today...and then i went to sleep...well....cried myself to sleep.

Hope everyone is doing well!!

SoMuchMore 28-08-2010 07:20 AM

I'm so drained and over all of this.

Not saying a word all day is exhausting. I can't sleep either tho. Just another reason I am a pathetic, ugly, failure.

Ok, i'll shut up.. sorry. i'm being whiny and stupid.

jonikd 28-08-2010 08:28 AM

Pops in again and leaves hugs for everyone. Just touching base, and still useless but really appreciate the hugs and being jumped on and missed. Like really really xx

SoMuchMore 28-08-2010 08:30 AM

*hugs you again JK*

Kahlia1981 28-08-2010 10:10 AM

*glomps JK* - missed you.

*hugs Laura*

Sorry, just not keeping up at the moment ...

Doikers 28-08-2010 12:04 PM

*Hugs Kaytee*

*Hugs Helen* I hope you got up on time and enjoy yourself :)

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs JK*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs Lex*

*Hugs April*

*Hugs Oliver* Have a nice time :)

*Hugs everyone I have forgotten*

nicole94 28-08-2010 12:55 PM

*hugs everyone and once again kicks herself for missing JK.*
*gives oliver evils but then hugs him to let him know im only messing* wish i was close enough to go to pride! i was supposed to be going to pride in reading on the 4th sept but have fallen out with the mate i was gonna go with so now i cant :(

Doikers 28-08-2010 01:29 PM

This puts a smile on my face :) Feeling rough so I watched it and thought I'd share .

Doikers 28-08-2010 02:03 PM

Oh I almost forgot , I texted Hayley yesterday and got a reply from her this morning , she is back from her holiday and is currently moving into a new flat .She is not online in her new flat yet I think she said, the internet engineer comes out next week :)

Oh and I was reading the birthdays and *Happy Birthday Kaytee!!*

one_step_closer 28-08-2010 03:01 PM

Happy Birthday!

I am so, so triggered to overdose. I am tired of fighting this.

Doikers 28-08-2010 03:09 PM

*Hugs Lindsay* I know its hard to fight it but please try . An Overdose could so easily go wrong :(

one_step_closer 28-08-2010 03:11 PM

I can't fight it any more. I've had enough. And I can't even go for help once i've done it because of my cats.

nicole94 28-08-2010 03:47 PM

*hugs lindsay* please please PLEASE try and stay safe hun. x
and happy birthday kaytee x

misskitty112 28-08-2010 05:07 PM

I weighed myself, gained weight, and cut.

I am so sick of being ugly, fat, worthless, and unlovable.

Doikers 28-08-2010 05:47 PM

Felicia , you are NONE of those things *Hugs ya*

misskitty112 28-08-2010 06:05 PM

Mark, thanks.
I just feel like I am all of those things.

I finished my Creative Writing assignment. I may post it on the creativity board, because it's definitely a potential contender for my huge, have to try to get published assignment at the end of the semester. And I want to make sure it doesn't suck, in case I just think it's good cause I'm proud for confronting my inner demons or something.

Scarletdreamer 28-08-2010 06:56 PM

*cuddles all*

Felicia, hon, you are not fat/ugly/useless/worthless/any of the bad things you tell yourself. I've been there/am there now and I know how much it sucks, but it is "just" a feelings thing. :( I'm sorry that you feel that way though... And I'd like to read your creative writing assignment - am very into writing to get feelings out and I hope that this assignment helped with that, although I'm sure it was very difficult!! It definitely sounded challenging. I don't know if I would've been (easily) able to do it.

Mark, how are you??

Hels, although you're probably off by now, I hope that you have a great time at your sister's. ^_^ Sorry for not wishing that earlier!! :-/

Kaytee, hello & welcome, I'm April. :) Oh and happy birthday!! ^_^

Lindsay, I hope you're managing to stay safe... :( And please go and get help if you need it, cats can be pretty self-reliant if they need to be. :( As close as humans get to their pets, please don't let them stop you from getting the help you may need. I understand the human-pet bond because I have a cat myself, but just make sure their food & water is filled and litterbox okay... and get help.

Umm, I'm really not doing well as we got some pretty high calorie food for a "treat" this morning and I'm gonna let it be my lunch... am having an internal freakout because I don't know how many calories are in my latte or were in the other few bites of food that I had... damn it, I hate eating disorders. I wish... oh, I don't know what I wish. :(

I had a nightmare last night about my appt with the nutritionist. Dreamt that she was my first pdoc (I've gone through about 7 in a year or so before getting in with my NP and sticking with her, since December 2006) but with blond hair. It was a really weird dream because my first pdoc was from India and... well, yeah. Nothing against those from India but imagining an Indian person with blond hair... weird. Especially an adult. Sorry, just a weird picture, because the nutritionist I will be seeing has blond hair. And is, well, not "old" (is there such a thing? :P) but is in her 50s by now I would imagine. Not sure though. But aaanyway...

I am pissed off too, because it feels like I can't write about my struggles with my ED in my LJ anymore because Jarrod refuses to read them, and also refuses to talk about them... it ****ing hurts and I've told him that, and he responded, with a sad smile, "That's one reason why I've told you that I need you to be better." :( So I feel really... sad, too, I guess. And pissed off. Hah. :'(

Sorry this got so freaking long... just have no one to talk with IRL right now. My bestie's moving today and didn't ask me to help, haven't had a proper talk with her since last Saturday (as in, a week ago).

*curls up and cries softly*

Doikers 28-08-2010 07:21 PM

*Hugs April* I've no one IRL to talk to tonight either :( I'm sorry you had a weird dream , it sounds very odd :S I read your LJ , I know its not the same as Jarrod though.

I'm spending tomorrow night at my parents , I really don't want to be around people BUT I did ring up and ask as a way to stop , or at least postpone my S.I. , I figure I can't harm at my parents . I'm practically harming daily again :( sorry .

Scarletdreamer 28-08-2010 07:39 PM

Aw Mark, I'm sorry about the SI and I'm sorry (as always) about you not having anyone IRL from whom you can get support. :( I'm glad that you read my LJ (just updated it btw... lol), but you're right, it's not the same. But don't get me wrong, I am glad that you read it. :) It does mean a lot to me that you do. *hugs* I hope that you can stay safe at your parents'... and I also hope that, if it's the best for you, your nurse finds an IP place for you to go for SI. I wish I/we could do more to help you to stop, and also others who still struggle with it. :( I don't have a magic solution although I've managed a bit without it. :-/ I guess I was just ready? I don't know. Although I did have urges when my parents and I fought last week. That was pretty bad. :-X But at least I didn't act on them. Heh. Anyway... keeping fighting. *extra hugs*

*cuddles everyone* <3

Doikers 28-08-2010 08:49 PM

I did muscle tenseing relaxation exercises , I had a (Sleepless) Nap with music on , I went for a walk, I squeezed an ice cube , I went for another walk , I spent time on RYL AND watched self harm supports video on youtube , I phoned my parents .

I did all that to distract my self and still I cut , I can't win :( *sigh*

FlyingNy 28-08-2010 08:58 PM

I need my wardies.

Why is nothing I do ever good enough? Why am I never good enough? Why can't I have just one thing that's mine without someone coming along and tearing it from me? I've had enough. I can't do this.

Doikers 28-08-2010 09:03 PM

*Hugs Lia* Whats happened Lia?

RYUU 28-08-2010 09:03 PM

* hugs everyone *
I am triggered by raw emotions of self hate
I want to die but there is no way of killing myself as my husband keeps all the meds locked away i have tools i could use them but my nephew is here and so i cant do anything too bad that he will notice

risenfromperdition 28-08-2010 09:07 PM

*hugs lia* whats up? :(
*hugs mark*
*leaves rest of hugs near various peoples hidey places*

gahhhh im so freaking bored =[

Scarletdreamer 28-08-2010 09:07 PM

*cuddles Mark & Lia*

Lia, hon, you ARE good enough. Try not to let people tell you that you're not. If they do, they're not worth your time. :( I'm sorry that you feel that way and I wish that I could make you see/understand that you are good enough, that you DO do thing well enough... *hugs gently* I wish I were there IRL for you to talk with... is there anything I/we can do to help support you now?? My PM box is always open - for any of you - if you need to talk. <3

Mark, love, sounds like you tried oh so hard not to SI. I'm sorry that you did anyway - but I think you're getting to a point where you will be able to not SI. You managed 9 days without. I'm sorry I don't have any good suggestions, sounds like you tried a lot of distractions. :( I wish I could be there for you IRL as well to just be someone you can talk with when you feel like SI'ing. I'm also sorry that I wasn't on FB for you to talk with, maybe that would've gotten you through, I don't know. But I know that you will get to a point when SI isn't such a huge thing for you. Over half your life IS a long time, I am not going to say it's not (and no I'm not saying you're old :P 'cause you're definitely not - it'd be long for anyone), but - in my eyes - there is nothing wrong with being a 30 year old SI'er. As long as you're fighting it - and you are - then I don't see anything truly awfully significant about hitting 30 and still SI'ing. :( I mean yes, 15 years is a very long time, but... SI is not all that you are. You are so much more than that. ANYONE who self injures is so much more than that, whether you're 16 or 60 or anywhere in between. *gentle hugs*

Sorry, didn't mean to go into "lecture mode," lol. >_< Hope it didn't offend anyone...

*extra cuddles to all*

Scarletdreamer 28-08-2010 09:10 PM

*cuddles Reaper & Heather too!!* Sorry, my post took long enough I didn't see you two sneak in!!

Reaper, sorry you're having to cope with self hatred... I know how that goes, sadly. :( I'm kinda glad that your nephew is there though, maybe he'll keep you from SI'ing for now. I know that sounds kinda mean when you really really want to do it, but it is a way of keeping you safe. I wish I knew what else to say... :( Sorry. Brain's shut down on me now.

Heather, sorry you're bored. Are you into journaling? reading? what kind of music do you like? Maybe "chillax" and do some of those things - journaling or reading or listening to music, and have a cup of tea or hot choc or something... or maybe go for a walk with earphones, as long as it's in a safe neighborhood. I don't know. Sorry if those are stupid suggestions. :-X I can be the queen of denseness sometimes. >_<

Blah. My hands are a little shaky & I don't know why. :(

FlyingNy 28-08-2010 09:18 PM

Thank April, and everyone else who cares, but I'm not. I will never be good enough because I am weak, pathetic and dirty. If you knew me, if you really knew me you would hate me too. You would hate how weak I am in every way imaginable. I hate myself so much. The bottle's in my hands and it would be so easy just to stop all this. Just stop.

I'm sorry Reaper. Sorry you're feeling this way and sorry this is a pointless message because I don't know what to say. Just wanted you to know I see you and I care.

Doikers 28-08-2010 09:21 PM

*Hugs April* Thankyou for your encouragement , I feel SO FAR away from that 9 day stint harm free but I get where you are coming from. It seems that harming is the ONLY option and I really did try very hard to not harm , I think it's a good thing I'm taking myself off to my parents tomorrow , that SHOULD give me one day where I won't /can't harm.
I want to go to bed , heh , thats my solution o it all right now.....

The One Who 28-08-2010 09:29 PM

*hugs everyone* It seems like a lot of us could do with them.

I'm not doing too great right now either :(

Doikers 28-08-2010 09:29 PM

*Hugs Reaper* Please try really hard to fight the urges , Try and distract yourself , Play with your nephew maybe if he is a playing with age (Make Sense?).

*Hugs Lia* What bottle do you have there? Am worried , please try and be safe :)

FlyingNy 28-08-2010 09:33 PM

I don't know. A bottle of all sorts. Pills that is, not the sweets. You're a better person than I'll ever be Mark. You try and resist. I can't even do that. I cut when the urge arises because I am worth nothing more. I hate myself and I hate this life.

What's the matter Claire?

The One Who 28-08-2010 09:36 PM

Lia (have you changed you username, or am I just imagining that?), you are worth a lot, worth a lot more than you think you are, and worth more than the feelings you have right now.

I'm cold, tired, triggered, just feeling like I want to curl up.

Doikers 28-08-2010 09:39 PM

Lia you are worth SO much . It's really hard to try and resist the urges and beleive it or not I have day when I get an urge and cut straight away , sometimes I just don't fight . I am not a better person than you .
Please Lia, put the bottle away somewhere out of sight ( out of sight , out of mind ) .

FlyingNy 28-08-2010 09:39 PM

Yes, I did change my username. You're not imagining things. I was found on here.

Thanks Claire and Mark, but you don't know me. You don't know what I am, how...just how completly...urgh, I don't even know, there aren't words to describe it. Just the most, disgusting, weak, pathetic BITCH ever to be here. Anywhere. I have an image of little girl me in my head. I hate her. I hate her more than I hate myself now.

The One Who 28-08-2010 09:43 PM

We all have things we don't like about ourselves, all of us. That doesn't mean we don't deserve happiness.

taz35 28-08-2010 10:02 PM

*hugs everyone*

Just got back from the amusement park out of town. Went with my friends, which would've been fine... but my best friend's boyfriend ALWAYS needs to make fun of me. I know he's only doing it in a joking way, but he makes comments about how fat/lazy I am every time I see him. He knows about the SI too, which makes me wonder why he tries to mess me up worse... Maybe he's just praying I'll snap and off myself so that he doesn't have to always worry about his girlfriend freaking out about me. Gahh.... it's f*cked up.

Sorry for the lack of individuals... 8 pages since I posted. Hope everybody is hanging in there <33

risenfromperdition 28-08-2010 10:03 PM

*sits next to lia and offers hugs* i know you dont believe me but from what ive seen you're none of that at all <3 promise. wish i could do more to help but try to take care, xoxox. but i agree with claire, doesnt mean you dont deserve happiness even if theres stuff you dont like about yourself. sucks being found on here though :(

*curls up* thanks for the suggestions april :) i cant write anymore, and i brought all my books back to the library :( might go take a walk though... if can get up the motivation ><

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